Hello. I have the following problem: in general I am sensitive and I pay attention to the details in a relationship. My girlfriend and I have been married for 8 years and have 2 children. In a scandal, I was critical of one of her ex-boyfriends and she replied that I could not compare with him !? That is, he is much more advanced than me, but it is not known and does not say why she thinks so. My question is would you forgive such an insult and how do you think I should continue the relationship from now on. I feel very bad and something inside me turns. I don't think I love her anymore, but because of the kids I'm trying to patch things up. At times, I can't believe that she said such great simplicity and that she put the fate of her family at stake for the sake of someone ex! Please for opinions. What would you do in such a situation?
Answers 37
In my opinion, your problems and the fact that you don't love her have been around for a long time. and maybe she doesn't love you anymore .. as long as you have attacked, try to emphasize more the good qualities of each other and not the bad ones..exhh this typical Bulgarian pettiness
When people are angry, they most often say things they later regret! I understand that you are sensitive, but this does not mean that an insult from the mother of your children should make you withdraw so much from her. If you have a problem, talk. And don't forget that you still have children.
This is not an insult in the literal sense of the word, but a revelation in a moment of rage. To put it more clearly, she almost told you that he had become much more than you, but since he probably didn't ask for her or because of something else it's too late, she's with you. Don't take things as an insult and don't be fooled, because it doesn't make sense. Sit down, drink 2 brandies and think about whether you want to spend your life with a person who obviously doesn't respect you and will hardly ever do it.
Hey, that you are subtle ... Ah, why did you even talk about your ex, that you criticized him ?! You are 8 years old with this woman and you still have a need, do you compare yourself with your ex? If it wasn't the first time you spoke, maybe the woman was just fed up and that's why she "cut" you. Don't "take offense" so much, but stop digging into the past and things. Be more confident in yourself, in the end she chose to be with you, right ?! Don't make her doubt her choice!
Dude, just as you don't love her anymore, she's cold to you, these are natural processes ... She's probably idealizing this old love of hers right now, especially if at first glance this man has succeeded in life more than you, we are talking about condition, property, career. Of course, these things wouldn't matter so much if she still loved you, but obviously that's not exactly the case ...
I don't think it's a drama to think about parting ... I think that in addition to this insult, you have gathered others that you don't share. Is that correct?
Friend, don't be in a hurry to put it on, an angry man, especially a woman (as far as a woman can be considered a man) can say everything without taking it seriously. So sit down, talk and iron out the misunderstandings, this ex, if he was so much nicer, your girl wouldn't be with you, would she;) There is no point in unnecessary dramas, don't bother.
I would stop talking about the former !!! What stung you there that you caught your ex to criticize? !! Take care of your family and don't deal with complex nonsense, the woman may be fed up, if you are like that in general.
I don't think you should kill her because she may have said it spontaneously
Hello! The only thing I can tell you is that when we are angry we say things we don't think and with them we just want to hurt the other person. She just said it to upset you, but she didn't mean it. Once you get along, just ask her to be sure. Good luck
Have you ever wondered what you provoked her to tell you ?! And some exes after you have been together for 8 years and share 2 children
Ask her how he surpasses you. It could be his attitude towards her, it could make her feel special, it shouldn't offend her ... it could be anything. Ask her what you need to do and what you need to change in yourself so she doesn't think so. But if you don't love her, does it make sense? It is a pity that you have children who will suffer.
People say all sorts of things in their anger, threaten, get hurt, and then regret it. Don't give it away so subtly, after all, her children are from you, not from him, and for so many years she has lived with you, not with him. This proves which of the two she preferred, even if she said those words. It's as if you've never said anything stupid, you're in a rage. In fact, it's not her, it's you who bets your family for stupid jealousy and a male ego.
Look, talk to her. Maybe she just said it because she was angry, you don't know.
You're not well. You don't say the situation, was the comparison negative? But even if it was, you can still get positivism - here, he was better than you in this (no one is perfect), but she chose YOU. Well, feel happy and proud, don't act like a 16-year-old, your father after all. I didn't like it because of that, see if your feelings are gone for these years or you have differences or infidelities, or God knows what, I understand, but for such a reason to say "I don't love her anymore, I'm with her because of the children". .
I personally would not forgive such an insult.
And one more thing - still sit down and talk about you, where you are, what you are doing, the picture of your future. You may have more serious problems to solve. In any case, behave civilly, and have 2 wonderful children, let them feel safe and loved! №15
First think about how angry you were both at the time and what nonsense you were talking about. When an angry person usually does not think what he is saying. Second - who gives you the right to criticize her choice (even if it's her ex). Have you ever thought that after she has been with you for 8 years and has given birth to 2 children, she actually wanted him? She wanted to be with you, have children and be a family. If you are sure that you no longer love each other and do not want to be together, separate. But to separate because of something you said / did in a state of affect.
This is a huge insult. Your wife has used you so far. Are you sure the children are yours? From such a monster, anything can be expected. If you have been together for 8 years, it means that the children are small. In your place and with such an insult, I would immediately like to make a DNA profile of the children. I suppose, in my mind, every woman makes comparisons between her ex-partners, but to say it directly in your eyes is idiocy, so she has so much sense, so I assume that she may have done worse things, logic suggests it. Recently, a case was reported on television in which a young mother tied up a villager claiming that the child belonged to him, and then a DNA test revealed that he was not the father, but had raised him as his for nearly a year. You can expect everything from a simple woman, and yours is exactly like that, once she has done so. I wouldn't live with her anymore,
Well people sometimes talk nonsense when they are angry at every thing that happens. It's normal. You should talk to her and solve the problem. And don't worry about all the connections.
She may be annoyed that you are critical of someone you don't know (maybe?). She may just have respect for her old friend and when she compares you she misses the things he did for her and you don't. Perhaps. I do not know. I don't know if you should ruin your whole family for that, but when you say you don't love her anymore ... maybe that speaks for itself. She may have said it out of anger. Sometimes when women are angry, emotion speaks, not reason. Talk to her, tell her that she hurt you by talking like that and see what she thinks about the issue, how she will behave, etc. Don't rush the final decisions. :)) Good luck !!!
Man, you don't mention anything about the subject of the scandal. You may have insulted her, even more rudely. She may just be taking revenge on you, not that she always thought the other was better than you. Something too "sensitive", it seems to me. Because of such an insult, even love will pass you by. Rather, your love is long gone and you wonder what to hold on to, to take offense at - during a scandal, some unpleasant remarks are always exchanged. If you want, you can share something a little more specific - how it happened, what exactly she told you. Then someone else will be able to understand you more and express an opinion, advice.
Em sori dude! Allowing yourself to criticize someone does not make you invulnerable to criticism. The chick said it simply and clearly, but obviously your affected ego is your problem and she doesn't like it at all!
A man in anger says all sorts of things. Don't take it so deep.
For 8 years together, ours still talks about exes. Besides, you are very offended.
Tell her he may be ahead of you, but he is bigger than you. And it all ends in your favor. :)
№28, if you haven't tried them both, how do you know the details?
If she told you, then she really meant it. Maybe this person has achieved more in the material aspect than you and that makes her angry. Maybe she just wanted to burn you. I don't think a person who loves you would mention it.
Искам да ти кажа, че понякога казвам на мъжа, когото безумно обичам: „Ти знаеш ли колко си прост? ! ”, на което той ми отговаря:”Знам, иначе нямаше да съм с тебе! ” По твоята логика, досега да сме се разделили хиляда пъти. Но не сме – заедно сме от 27 години и имаме две деца. За да обърнеш толкова голямо внимание на нещо, което жена ти е казала в яда си, ти си не само чувствителен. Ти си просто дребнав и комплексиран. Ако не беше така, нямаше да коментираш старите й връзки, от времето преди да роди двете ти деца. Застани сам срещу себе си и виж своите грешки. И да те попитам – защо майката на двете ти деца не е твоя съпруга? ! Може би тя не го заслужава; може би не го иска или ти просто си поредният мъж – мухльо, дето си е направил някакви си негови сметки за имоти или лична свобода и не иска да се обвързва. Нищо, че има две деца. Като е така, сигурно и следващ път ще чуеш, че някой друг е по-добър от теб. Вместо да се чудиш кой път да хващаш, седни и си помисли дали ти винаги си прав. Има шанс да откриеш с изненада, че не си, стига да имаш достатъчно мозък и кураж..
You dramatize too much. Her statement was obviously a moment of rage and anger at certain of your actions. Just think about what caused the statement in question, what exactly you caused her to say. And in no case can such a thing destroy a stable marriage. If everything is ok between you, you will not think about the end of the marriage only after such a quarrel. Think about whether you love this woman and whether you are not looking for an excuse to dump her for exaggerating.
Thank you for the comments! Some of them were really useful to me. I think I'm sorry, but the future will show ...!?
№ 31 hit right in the top ten. Read her opinion twice and think about how much truth there is in it. Then, if you have the will, try to fix your own defects.
I do not understand why most justify it? She was in a state of affect, she was angry. That doesn't excuse her. Apparently he really has that in mind. I understand that, so if she can go back in time between the two, she will choose the former. I personally would not forgive such words. If he had classes above the author, then why didn't she give birth to two children for him? Author, I sympathize with you and wish you success.
So the girl gave birth to two children, and she still praises her exes and you are still tied to nonsense. You're the older one, don't always forgive, let her realize her guilt, if she realizes it. She is the mother of two children, let her grow up a little. People often admit their exes in their arguments and discuss them, but that's our mistake. We don't have 5 lives to waste our time with strangers and exes. Look at you, you children, and don't care at all, she's with you, not with that one ...
For some stupid line to stop loving someone you've been with for eight years? !? !? !! Amazingly deep and strong attachment. The poor woman, and if she reads what is written, it is many times more offensive.
Author, are you still following the topic? Nearly 5 years have passed since the "Insult", how do you do it? What does the future show - forgive? I am not a prophet and I will never become like that, but such words are not forgiven - she said it in a moment of anger, she did not think it, you were guilty of digging into the past and, you were subtle and so on. which aim to justify the mild behavior of many young women. It is also evident in the comments that there is no woman who has condemned the "lost" remark that how could there be, every woman kept a "dirty" secret (I did not say that, but a woman). I don't mind women's dirty secrets, let them have them, let it not be just one, but don't let them get in my eyes - exes are exes, only if they really are in the past, if there are still occasions to be mentioned, so they are not exes, but are just as present as the balamurs who have bound us with marriage and children. I personally do not worry about the future, I worry about the former, it is easier with the former, there is no flirtation with the ex, flirtation, complicated arrangements, there is non-committal sex with the ex, everything is at a "Kamenitza" distance. I hope you have fixed the relationship, but I do not believe, and for those who believe I will recommend reading the story of the bear and the ax, nothing that "a word does not make a hole." I know that "the tongue has no bones, but it breaks bones"! I was shattered by the (lost) line "if not the next", something lost in front of a friend about a scandal I didn't even suspect existed - since then I've been trying to convince myself that women don't say what they think, that a person under the influence of emotion and in a moment of affect does things he would otherwise never do. The truth is different - a missed line, a first signal reaction is much more indicative than thousands of measured words and reactions. Of course, this is my personal opinion and I do not engage anyone with it, nor do I want anyone to believe me. Women, measure your stories in front of your husbands, you are not in an anonymous forum, you are not among friends or in the hairdressing salon! If you want to be loved, learn to love too, don't confuse love with pretensions - there is no man who has become better because he has been oppressed, no one has let him into the beggar's coffers because they have forced him. Of course, this is my personal opinion and I do not engage anyone with it, nor do I want anyone to believe me. Women, measure your stories in front of your husbands, you are not in an anonymous forum, you are not among friends or in the hairdressing salon! If you want to be loved, learn to love too, don't confuse love with pretensions - there is no man who has become better because he has been oppressed, no one has let him into the beggar's coffers because they have forced him. Of course, this is my personal opinion and I do not engage anyone with it, nor do I want anyone to believe me. Women, measure your stories in front of your husbands, you are not in an anonymous forum, you are not among friends or in the hairdressing salon! If you want to be loved, learn to love yourself, do not confuse love with pretensions - there is no man who has become better because they pressed him, no one let him into the beggar's coffers because they forced him.
Hahahahah seriously? How old are you dude? My girlfriend and I have been together for 4 years, and she called me anything when she was angry, and an idiot and a dirty bastard, to get out of her sight, she slapped me, she measured me, she kicked me when she was jealous of me, she has told me many times that it is better not to meet me, should I take offense? No, each person in anger wants to hurt the other, and you have two children ??? If you are offended by nothing ... I have no idea what kind of man you are ?? Even if she curses me and hits me, she is my girl and I love her just the way she is with her temperament, you look more like a woman with these funny complaints! Even women don't! I would take things for fun and kiss her very passionately and ask her if the ex can do that? Then I will surprise her in bed with her fetish and everything is correct! I do not understand you...