Hi, I have the following problem. My husband and I have been together for about two years, still childless. I'm 26, he's 28. We get along very well together and we don't have any contradictions, but the fact bothers me a lot. that we just live as retirees. In general, before the week we did not go anywhere, the activities are work, housekeeping, sex and television. Until recently, at least we went for a walk in the city on Saturdays, because we don't have a car. For several months, however, we only go out a maximum of once a month, and on other Saturdays we are at theirs. Recently I even found out that he was going to drive there on his birthday and I just went crazy. For breaks and a word can not be done if it is more than 50 km. I said several times that I wanted to go somewhere, showed him offers, and when nothing happened, I finally went with a colleague from work. Okay, but since I came back I feel even more that I'm just burning with boredom. Do all men become like that over time?
Answers 31
Absolutely NOT all men "become like that over time". Your case is painfully familiar to me because my ex-husband was the same. I'm an open woman to the world and I just couldn't stand it in the end. My second husband is one of the people for whom the popular expression says that they were born "with gypsy ashes in the ass", ie. the other extreme. For us, an evening at home in front of the TV is almost a luxury, because it rarely happens. We are usually at some events - theaters, exhibitions, opera, dinners with friends, concerts. In the summer we move to the villa, which is close to the city, and there I personally do not remember even a single weekend in which we did not meet friends. Evening drinks with the neighbors don't even count. Picnics, trips around the country, trips abroad for entertainment, impulsive departure in the middle of the night to the sea ... all this always happens, when we can afford it between work commitments. But how can I tell you ... I'm 47 years old. Well ... I'm so tired of all this. Sometimes after work I just want to relax in front of the TV with a glass of wine, but I wouldn't! - At home I find a merry company of friends of my husband. Or, as I dream of spending a day in the garden, it turns out that we are from my friend's birthday party in Italy and the plane tickets have already been bought. I think the truth is somewhere in the middle. I need the peace of my home, the comfort of my pajamas and robe. But really, when I was your age, author, I dreamed of non-stop travel and parties. Well, I got them, but now I want peace of mind and a "retirement" regime. I'm getting tired of all this. Sometimes after work I just want to relax in front of the TV with a glass of wine, but I wouldn't! - At home I find a merry company of friends of my husband. Or, as I dream of spending a day in the garden, it turns out that we are from my friend's birthday party in Italy and the plane tickets have already been bought. I think the truth is somewhere in the middle. I need the peace of my home, the comfort of my pajamas and robe. But really, when I was your age, author, I dreamed of non-stop travel and parties. Well, I got them, but now I want peace of mind and a "retirement" regime. I'm getting tired of all this. Sometimes after work I just want to relax in front of the TV with a glass of wine, but I wouldn't! - At home I find a merry company of friends of my husband. Or, as I dream of spending a day in the garden, it turns out that we are from my friend's birthday party in Italy and the plane tickets have already been bought. I think the truth is somewhere in the middle. I need the peace of my home, the comfort of my pajamas and robe. But really, when I was your age, author, I dreamed of non-stop travel and parties. Well, I got them, but now I want peace of mind and a "retirement" regime. It turns out that we are from my friend's birthday party in Italy and the plane tickets have already been bought. I think the truth is somewhere in the middle. I need the peace of my home, the comfort of my pajamas and robe. But really, when I was your age, author, I dreamed of non-stop travel and parties. Well, I got them, but now I want peace of mind and a "retirement" regime. It turns out that we are from my friend's birthday party in Italy and the plane tickets have already been bought. I think the truth is somewhere in the middle. I need the peace of my home, the comfort of my pajamas and robe. But really, when I was your age, author, I dreamed of non-stop travel and parties. Well, I got them, but now I want peace of mind and a "retirement" regime.
And how are you with finances? This is quite important. As I was quite low-income and a 1st-2nd year student, I didn't want to go anywhere with my girlfriend, because one vacation cost me half the budget for the month. Not that I had no desire, I just didn't have any money left.
Unfortunately for all of us at this age the situation is similar, do not think it is something different.
No, I think his parents are manipulating him, they don't want him to let go of his mother's skirt ...
Maybe he doesn't have expenses, it's a financial problem ... Only at 28 and sitting only with theirs ... Doesn't he go anywhere
What do you expect ... to live like a rock star? No way. From now on, life will continue in this direction. You are no longer a teenager and it is time to grow up. Life is not an endless party. It is housekeeping, cooking and work. However, you can try to go out more often - at least to the mall, shop, mountain ... sea in summer.
It sounds financially boring and depressed to me.
The first thing that came to my mind was finances. There is likely to be a problem. If he works for a low salary, even if you have a decent one, he will be complicated by the fact that he himself does not. The second option is really for the parents to manipulate it. I know people aged 35-40 and they go on holiday almost every weekend, be it in Bulgaria or abroad. They have opportunities, even though they have children, but they are teenagers, so they are not a hindrance. I just want to say that men in their 40s have the energy to travel and are curious, so not all men are like your friend. My father also loved to travel when he was young, now he is 57-8 and only sits at home because he has problems with his lower back. I don't believe your friend is sick because he's quite young. I personally would not live such a life.
And we do not go to restaurants, but we have two small children. Number 1 to ask, do you have children? It's just that your husband is the type of person to sit with them. And mine can only go home. I only go on an excursion, but the children are small ...
It's not normal. Talk to him and explain that you don't like it. My boyfriend and I go somewhere at least every second weekend, and we are abroad at least 4 times a year. If he is a homemaker and does not want to change, you will have to choose whether you want to spend your life this way. And the fact that he wants to spend his birthday with his parents is very strange. However, he is not 15 years old.
Not all families are like that, but you are definitely not the only one with a "retirement life". In the interest of truth, I think everyone has their own way of having fun and no one should interfere with others. The unfortunate thing about your story is that you don't think alike with your husband in this regard. It is enough for him on Saturday to go to theirs, and you want walks, attractions and friends. Talk and find an acceptable compromise. I guess he might be worried about the cost of entertainment, so he avoids going out and traveling. Otherwise, there are cheap options to diversify your daily life, it is enough to be a little more creative. You can play different games, invite friends home, visit, walk, sit down for coffee, train together. Each hobby and favorite activity can be adapted for both. I do not see a problem to travel short distances, because it will take time to get to know a whole new city for you, even if it is 50 km. You can travel by train or bus so that you do not get tired of driving, and it is possible that the cost will be the same or lower. There are entertainments such as cinema, theater, exhibitions. All interesting things that will not cause you financial ruin.
Number 1, blaze you. Author, I completely understand you. I was the same with my ex, but we also had serious problems with his relatives, so that was also a reason for us to separate. I like to travel, to go to exhibitions, concerts ... I am an active person. And he was just the opposite. I know retirees who have more fun than him. He didn't like going out. From work at home and in front of the TV. The only things he liked were watching TV, eating and, rarely, drinking beer with friends. He was locked up at home on Saturday and Sunday. He had no initiative, and he did not approve of the things I offered him. It was never due to lack of money, but due to lack of desire. I still don't like to spend unnecessarily. For him, a walk in the park was a torture, not more than 500 meters from the house. Very rarely did we go anywhere farther, and usually these outings ended with a murmur on his part. What to do, character. What you can do are two things. Either part with him or hold your outings without him. Such people do not change.
Why do you agree to be with his parents every weekend? You say you want personal time for both of you out and point. At the age of 28, he snuggled up to my mom to suck. If he doesn't want to, bye. You are young, do not spend your best years in everyday life with your parents-in-law. Mine is 33 and we travel when given the opportunity. Every weekend we go for a walk somewhere. During the week we are from work at the gym and sometimes we eat out. So don't put up with less. The former wanted us to go to his village every weekend ...
Find another man who likes to go out. There are people who feel comfortable in them and hardly go out except for work or something important. And I wouldn't last if a woman wanted to go out once a month.
Money can also be a problem, although I think everyone can afford to go somewhere if they save, say, a year, or at least a few months. After all, what does a person live for? To sit at home, eat and drink? If you don't walk when you're young, when? You are currently without children, you have no responsibilities, what is bothering you? Your friend's mind! You don't know what you're missing, girl, you don't go somewhere together, you just don't know. You don't know how many young couples go somewhere for 2-3 days and have a good time. You're wasting your youth like that! When the children show up, will you keep them at home again? I broke up with one for a similar reason, he didn't want to move anywhere in the city except to his parents. Regular weekends there, elsewhere did not want. My girlfriends with their on trips, vacations, he -no. To mom and dad. This is not how you live, especially if you are young and in a relationship. You don't live with such a limited person. Life is not just about work, eating, sex and lying at home.
Tell him to let go of his mother's skirt and lead his own life as an adult with a family. Every weekend with mom and dad is not normal. You probably don't have any friends if he wants to celebrate again with relatives. And why not go somewhere together, just the two of you, to celebrate? We do so and we are very happy.
At 40, you won't have sex and you won't go out once a month, if that's the case now. You don't just want to be, no one wants to be with the other, maybe you just don't want to be alone.
It has nothing to do with age and money. It's just yours. He does not want to be released by his parents. Think about whether you will be able to live with this in the future, because now is going out, tomorrow will be raising children or buying a car. And if so, the work can be very difficult. My mother-in-law and I had such a strained relationship, my wife and she took it away. There is only room for two in a family, but sometimes the elderly do not understand it. If their people are aware, they should have "beaten" him so far, and not dragged a 28-year-old man to them. And you know - yours may not be afraid to have children, obviously you are not married. As you wait for your time to come, it will take time to pass. Going out is not about finances - there is a place to go constantly and go out almost without money - mountains, bicycles, malls, guests with friends, parks, beers, outdoor sex ... the last one I never did. This is not up to the age of going out - I'm 39, we have two children, we constantly drag them somewhere, even when they don't want to. But it's not bad to chat - not to move anywhere. You also need to rest. But at 26 you have nothing to rest so much.
Some time ago, like your friend, I didn't go out anywhere with my girlfriend, the problem with me was that my income was not enough for anything. I was depressed by the fact that I couldn't save to take her somewhere. It wasn't long before we talked normally about it and things got better. Find an approach and talk to him, good luck!
Change it, it is a practice for women nowadays. It was good to be a man before you started living together if you didn't realize he was a homemaker. It has seen where things are going. Find a guy who goes out every night and goes on trips regularly.
Yes, the issue of finances is crucial, but it is not fundamental. My boyfriend and I don't have a lot of finances, but we are very impulsive and when something comes to mind we always find a way. If it is going to be on a meadow 5 km from the city, we still find a place to go for the weekend. And when there is a little money for fuel and a vignette ... then the options are endless! We light the old cart and ... enjoy Plovdiv, enjoy the mountains ... sometimes we even go to one place, and we get to another, because on the way we decide that we went there, but if we deviate a little we will get ... and so it is not unusual to go to Plovdiv, but to get to Velingrad. The important thing is that we are together and we have fun, and it doesn't matter where we end up. And for information, we are much older than the author. It's just not a matter of age, but of spirit and desire. Good thing the dog loves to travel too, that we are kindly dragging him all over Bulgaria. He jumps in the car and where we take him.
Number 6, don't do that, woman! You're just depressing me! How is life "housekeeping, cooking and work"? Life is an endless adventure - from the first to the last day, and it is clear that one has to wash one's clothes, make money and make an omelet. But! Just when I was a teenager, I had more restrictions, because with BGN 5, given by mom and dad, you can't afford who knows what. But when you turn 35, you settle into the profession, you meet the right partner for you - the world is open! Marriage is freedom for those who approach it as shared crazy experiences, except as shared engagements. If they are both of the same mind, they would rather open a can of pate on Mount Musala than lock themselves in the panel in front of a bowl of lentils.
There are about 6 young people and it is not normal to lead such a life. Life is not just work, cooking, cleaning. The man is guilty because he is boring and dependent on his parents. Money is no excuse, neither work, nor that he has settled down. It's just boring.
20, how exactly is it understood that someone is a homemaker before you live with him? Plus, the problem is not that he doesn't go out in his spare time, but that when that happens, he just wants to hang out with theirs.
Of course, the situation is not normal, author - come to work during the week and you are tired in the evening, but on Saturdays and Sundays at least for a walk not to go out, is not in order. Even if it is a financial problem - a walk in the park or a picnic in the meadow are not associated with costs. Weekends are really your personal time in which you can spend together and do something - it is not normal for you to spend your free day with their guests every week. How can he not be embarrassed to insist on dragging you there every week? For the celebration of the birthday there, given that you live alone, I have no words - it makes sense only if the problem is really financial and worries about the cost of the holiday or you do not have the conditions to welcome guests. Talk to him,
It's just that your husband is boring and doesn't want to let mom go. If you know how many couples go somewhere in Bulgaria or abroad, what about you? You are young, straight and healthy! Money is saved if desired. Summer is approaching, the holiday season. Will you take him home again? Visiting theirs? Instead of even going for 4-5 days at sea? Realize, your life will continue to be like this if your husband does not change. When you have children, they will want fun, they will want the sea, the cinema, walks in the park. They will want to celebrate birthdays, invite children to your home or to a pastry shop. They will want to see something, a water park, or something else. They will not be satisfied with your current life.
25, young, young, how young to be? Aren't they teenagers? After 25, in my opinion, one should be a little more serious and responsible, and not buzz like a fly in restaurants. Today, especially in Bulgaria, most people under the age of 30 seem to consider themselves teenagers, and then wonder why their lives are not settled. See, travel is a good thing worth the time and money of any age. Of course, if you have the appropriate financial ability to afford it. Author, your boy is bored, but if he was an irresponsible bohemian, would you feel good and safe with him? Not to mention that such are not very true. They love fun and variety in all forms.
Obviously you are not for each other. Don't make each other's lives miserable.
Grasp the levers and start gaining strength every day. You will feel young in no time.
You endure this one, otherwise you ruin your pants and fuck another. I do that and I'm fine. I'm nice to everyone. I please everyone, but I also have a breath of fresh air.
About 30 out of 25 Well, when they are over 25, should they go to bed to die? I'm 27, and I don't think I could be a homemaker. I do not mean someone unbridled, but just a person with plans and interests. Make plans for the summer, or for Christmas, say I want to go here, or take the initiative for something. To feel that he wants more from life than going to work and sitting at home. It's not about expensive vacations, or even 2-3 days somewhere in nature. Don't many people over 25 do it? Come on! As people without children, they do not walk, let alone have children. No one can convince me that all young families stay at home. I worked at sea and how many young couples there were, with and without children, with my grandparents. Several families at once. The author just wants to have some kind of social life, and that's perfectly normal.