Hi, I'm glad I found this site because it's anonymous. I hope my story is approved! I am a father and I have a problem with my daughter. She is a nice and well-groomed teenager, but she is not very good at communication. It has been difficult for her to get to know other children since she was a child. I don't know if there are any signs of autism. Only in a few weeks the school starts and she will be in 8th grade, in high school and there will be no acquaintances in her class. She doesn't like to go out with friends much, she doesn't talk much - maybe she's an introvert? She recently complained to me that she would not find friends and would be left alone. I told her that in time she would get closer to someone, but it didn't seem to help her much. Her mother also tried to encourage her, but to no avail. I'm afraid he could become an outsider. I'm afraid she might be ridiculed, harassed for being silent. He used to start school happily, but now ... I don't think so. If you can give me advice on how to proceed. Thanks in advance!
Answers 10
Maybe she's "mature for her age." And I, at her age, had no friends, because in their mouths were only rap, vulgarities and Pokemon (in spite of everything). Maybe you just need to direct her to another environment where she can satisfy her social needs. Clubs for reading, sports, arts, etc.
I was also silent at school and I am still (31 years old), but I have always had one or two girlfriends with whom I moved. Reassure her that there will always be someone close to her character in the whole class.
It is very difficult for parents to do something in such a situation, because there is almost nothing. She has to handle herself. I was (and to some extent still am) the same. There are many reasons why she might not feel good in communication, but I would mainly point you to two - what she thinks about herself / her appearance, or that she does not like the companies in which she was so far. The best thing you can do is not pressure her to become more sociable, but to support her and boost her self-esteem (but rightly so, she needs to be covered). At least in my case, I needed just that, but unfortunately I had to build these vital qualities in a young person. And I'm still struggling. I was personally considered silent and therefore uncharacteristic, but even if that happened to her, believe me - a person always likes it and gives a lesson to these "bullies" at the right time. I hope my comment was at least a little useful :) (Girl, 17)
Every child experiences stress when entering high school. Everything will go away, usually introverted children find more extroverted friends who introduce them to high school life and break them. Explain to her that all she has to do on the first day of school is give her a hand and say the name of everyone she likes. High school is a little different, there are always outsiders, but rarely just one, usually a small group that sticks together and creates a good friendship. You, as parents, cannot interfere constantly, talk to the child and assure him that from a room with 25 people it is very difficult not to like one of them. To give the other children a chance, they will also give it to her. Everything will be new, but this is very good, let's think that it enters a new environment and will not be framed, there will be an opportunity to present one, as it feels. So far she has been in a class for 7 years, everyone has formed an opinion about her and this opinion has weighed on her for a long time, now she can shake off and create a new opinion about herself. Don't worry too much, her life is hers and she will surely manage and find some friends.
The label "Outsider" is offensive. The girl is completely normal, just some people are more closed. As a child up to 7 years old, the only thing I did was stand in front of the computer, I never went out (except as a child), because of my parents and everyone said that I was silent. But in the first grade our people started to let me play alone with the other children and in time it became clear that I am actually a sanguine and a very sociable person, even now they scold me for talking a lot. Everyone, no matter how social, if he stays alone or locked up at home for a while, it is normal to have difficulty communicating afterwards. He just has to go out more and gain self-confidence, because he is definitely missing, and without him nothing happens.
And why don't you talk to your daughter? Why do you write such a topic on this site at all, not to be expected to guess? ...
I'm 17 not so long ago and I remember saying the same things to them. I also could not easily communicate with people. When I entered high school, I had no desire to befriend anyone. But later it all happened. I found friends and now I can say that I am close to my whole class. I think you need to talk to your daughter about how to defend herself in certain situations and how not to let her be crushed, rather than about how to make friends. She will find friends, children are very bad nowadays and try to be able to be independent and not allow her to be bullied. It's not about being rude or anything, but just not getting there, because once it starts, it doesn't stop easily. Everything will be fine and do not underestimate your child so much. Believe in her
Oh, she'll make a lot of new friends in high school, maybe a boyfriend. The new class will be interesting! It is good to find someone to write to - for example from a site where women are looking for acquaintances for their sons and daughters with other children - by writing, the girl will get to know the person on the other side and will feel more confident. And on a rare occasion, when he goes out with friends, it must be really fun to want him again. The girl is probably 14, great for children's games, but can try a new sport, something that brings adrenaline, satisfaction. If he has a dog, he will walk it and meet other dog owners, talk and get to know it. If he has a cat, he will always take her in his arms and go out with her in the yard or on the street. People with animals attract attention, it has been proven. And when he finds company and meets people, he will love communication and make new acquaintances, and when he meets the love of the disciples, even better. Even I would write to her, but the rules say: do not share emails! So I do not know how to contact, but still show her this article, the comments. You will sift through the best in your case and your daughter will find new companions. And, and - if he participates in the Day of Talents / School Concert (end of March - beginning of April) he will have fun, he will show himself talented and capable, he can win a prize. He will make a gift of self-confidence! If you need advice, contact the psychologist at school, he will give you additional advice ... So, I wrote a lot, I hope I helped, please answer. To new topics and I wish you success! So I do not know how to contact, but still show her this article, the comments. You will sift through the best in your case and your daughter will find new companions. And, and - if he participates in the Day of Talents / School Concert (end of March - beginning of April) he will have fun, he will show himself talented and capable, he can win a prize. He will make a gift of self-confidence! If you need advice, contact the psychologist at school, he will give you additional advice ... So, I wrote a lot, I hope I helped, please answer. To new topics and I wish you success! So I do not know how to contact, but still show her this article, the comments. You will sift through the best in your case and your daughter will find new companions. And, and - if he participates in the Day of Talents / School Concert (end of March - beginning of April) he will have fun, he will show himself talented and capable, he can win a prize. He will make a gift of self-confidence! If you need advice, contact the psychologist at school, he will give you additional advice ... So, I wrote a lot, I hope I helped, please answer. To new topics and I wish you success! and - if he participates in the Day of Talents / School Concert (end of March - beginning of April) he will have fun, show himself talented and capable, he can win a prize. He will make a gift of self-confidence! If you need advice, contact the psychologist at school, he will give you additional advice ... So, I wrote a lot, I hope I helped, please answer. To new topics and I wish you success! and - if he participates in the Day of Talents / School Concert (end of March - beginning of April) he will have fun, he will show himself talented and capable, he can win a prize. He will make a gift of self-confidence! If you need advice, contact the psychologist at school, he will give you additional advice ... So, I wrote a lot, I hope I helped, please answer. To new topics and I wish you success!
Thank you all! Especially at number 8, really thank you! I think her shyness comes from her mother's geniuses, but it can break. But as you say, I hope he finds friends or who knows - to meet his student love :)
I don't think you know better than her what she needs. You can share your opinion on the issue once, but not impose it on her. If you do not listen to me and start insisting on your own, interfering, monitoring or imposing, your relationship will end in disaster. And not just your relationship, but probably many other things in your life. I believe and firmly believe that there is a cosmic law of free will. Proud people, those who think they are smarter than others, those who impose their opinions, those who limit and encroach on the free will of others, they suffer the most humiliation from life. Due to the same law, all dictators always end up in disgrace in the ditch. If as a parent you want to avoid a lot of trouble in the future, keep this in mind.