Hello! I have a 14-year-old daughter and a 16-year-old son. I had no problems with either until my son reached puberty. Small problems began, such as petty arguments with his classmates, absences, and then he went on to fight with several boys. I don't know if they challenge him or he challenges them, but in any case, fighting is not the answer. My husband and I work constantly, we don't go to parent-teacher meetings and we didn't have to, but we found time to go after the paint case. Things calmed down for a week and then I received a letter from the school that they would subject it to the student council. When we went to school, we found out that a teacher had cried and now she refuses to attend his class. When asked what happened, he said nothing, and then the teacher in question told everything. He was expelled from school for a week, and during that week he was punished for not going out, for not inviting anyone home, without a phone, a computer - all his entertainment. He accepted it without saying anything that surprised me, because he never resigned just like that. I decided he just felt guilty. However, he was just waiting for us to go to work and knowing that we would come home late, he went out and invited friends home. We decided that we should leave him without money, but this is not a problem for him and he continues with the same attitude. The week he was removed passed and he returned to school. The very first day I got a call that he had run into the Bulgarian teacher. He had a problem with this teacher since the 8th grade, but he had never reacted like that. I quit my job and went to school. We were at the director's and we both asked him what had happened, but he didn't answer. I began to raise my voice, and he turned to me with the words "don't call me you." The director told me that he would be consulted again. I told my husband when we got home. He called to him and began to quarrel with him, and he turned most calmly and went out. My husband told him to come back immediately, and he started putting on his shoes. Then his father got angry and pulled him hard and shouted at him that he was tired of ligothia, and he told him "calm down, don't worry". He was told by the council that he had a final warning to turn off, and he didn't care. He continues his awful demeanor, and I think he's too big to fight. and he turned most calmly and went out. My husband told him to come back immediately, and he started putting on his shoes. Then his father got angry and pulled him hard and shouted at him that he was tired of ligothia, and he told him "calm down, don't worry". He was told by the council that he had a final warning to turn off, and he didn't care. He continues his awful demeanor, and I think he's too big to fight. and he turned most calmly and went out. My husband told him to come back immediately, and he started putting on his shoes. Then his father got angry and pulled him hard and shouted at him that he was tired of ligothia, and he told him "calm down, don't worry". He was told by the council that he had a final warning to turn off, and he didn't care. He continues his awful demeanor, and I think he's too big to fight.
Answers 17
Consult a school psychologist or an "external" specialist, because if his negative habits are not corrected during puberty, he will continue on the same "negative" path in the future!
Fighting, quarrels and punishments do not happen. Try talking to him. If you suspect a drug - test it. If he pulls it is possible to take. But this is an extreme case. And yet he is a boy - such behavior is normal during these years ...
A complete oligophrenic, what else can I say.
Your son is crazy, I don't know how you put up with him, but I think she's calmer about your daughter just because she's 14
Well, with a fight you will not achieve anything positive. Although more conservative and backward people will advise you just that. When I was a teenager, I was also not afraid of any punishment. Also many other people former and current teenagers. Punishments work for weak-willed children. And only temporarily. Over the years, whatever has been suppressed comes out in one form or another ...! 00 percent of the teachers with whom he has a conflict are not good enough pedagogues - they do not have an approach to his character and are most likely among the people who do not feel their profession as their vocation. In my opinion, the only sensible and efficient solution is to move it to another school! Also inquire again about the reasons that make these people angry with him. Have an in-depth conversation about what irritates him and why, but don't judge him, and show understanding for his feelings - after all, his temperament is a combination of yours and that of your husband. Explain to him how to react correctly and maturely in situations when he feels angry, by counseling - how and why it will be correct, cultural and in his favor to react, but not through accusation, but through calm conversation. Your son needs to help him develop emotional and social intelligence, not to be judged, punished, let alone beaten ... Like all other children and adolescents.
The solution is work, from the lack of such it leads to drugs. Make your children work, teach them to work. Your child will no longer feel good in this school, let him change him, find a job or help at home, if he has a hobby, support any interests, treat him with understanding.
Drugs? Check basically his room, clothes incl. socks and secret pockets, belts. Mattresses, pillows, "lick" everything from floor to ceiling. Bring the computer (if you can't) to get your most visited pages removed, preferably the whole story for at least three months back. You do not say how he managed to make his teacher cry, it would be important for us to draw some conclusions about the boy's emotional / mental state. During the "investigation", annoy him with attempts to talk, show love and understanding, not to suspect that you are "scolding" him because he will quickly and easily cover the motives for his behavior. As long as he thinks you're counting on a conversation, he won't hide things to hide ... if there are any. If you have the opportunity, go somewhere in a more isolated place for 2-3 days, a caravan / tent in the mountains or something like that and observe his behavior. Will he get nervous, will he increase aggression or will he be calmer and more balanced. Is it only at school? In the neighborhood, with neighbors, friends, how is he behaving, and with his sister? I understand that he has recently shown disrespect to you, responding insultingly to you. One case of you in a school in front of the other authority, and the other in your father's house in front of you. If there are no external influences, drugs, extreme experience / bitch ... then let him examine his chromosomes. But I don't think that's it, he would have behaved like that from a young age if the problem was there. One case of you in a school in front of the other authority, and the other in your father's house in front of you. If there are no external influences, drugs, extreme experience / bitch ... then let him examine his chromosomes. But I don't think that's it, he would have behaved like that from a young age if the problem was there. One case of you in a school in front of the other authority, and the other in your father's house in front of you. If there are no external influences, drugs, extreme experience / bitch ... then let him examine his chromosomes. But I don't think that's it, he would have behaved like that from a young age if the problem was there.
Hello ma'am. I have no children, but I have observations and I will allow myself to give you my opinion. In my opinion, you have made a lot of mistakes with these punishments - not to go out, not to do this, not to do that, not to have money. You are trying to fix a problem that you do not know what it is, where it comes from. You have no idea why it happened and what led to this aggression. Therefore, there is no way to find a solution to the problem. Shouts and prohibitions will not help - believe me, but I know you do it because you feel powerless. First find out what worries him, but don't expect him to tell you - he won't. If there is a friend of his who is close to you, ask him what is happening - but it is very important that the child does not understand that you are digging into his personal life. If there is a chance that his friend will betray you, look for other options. Anything can happen - he is afraid of ridicule and pretends to be a jerk, someone has used aggression against him and now kills him. Maybe it's because of a girl - unrequited love / infidelity. Conversations with him should be very careful without much pressure. Ask yourself: -Do you feel good in this school? -Do you want us to move you to a new one if you don't like it here? - Do you feel well at home? -Is there something in us as parents that prevents you from communicating normally because we love you? "Don't you think we care if you end up here or elsewhere and get fired?" No, we were just worried because your actions are aggressive and we do not know what is due, but we believe that we have raised a young, educated and dignified man. And really your problem is not the school and what people will say - the problem is much deeper. Take a deep breath because it will not be easy. If it does not change for the better, consult a psychologist. Do schools also have to work with the child after such actions? They are even obliged! Do they do it? Watch it! Do a drug test too - if things don't start to get better the problem is most likely there. Everything will be fine. But you need time and nerves. Success!
And there is a reason for this behavior. Try to understand it. Maybe you're not at home very much and he doesn't feel like an authority figure. He can take drugs
Your son is at an age when he develops as a person, builds his character, his worldview, his value system. Life already presents him with more complex situations, conflicts, problems. He himself must make the right decisions, to react in a timely and adequate manner to what is happening to him and others. In my opinion, parental intervention in a teenager's life is limited to telling him what you think is right and what is wrong. For any punishment is already great. In the specific situation, tell him that he should not overdo the aggression / let's not forget that in some cases it is inevitable! /, It is necessary to show some degree of respect for teachers and refrain from conflicts with them. I advise you, even if they don't rule it out, to change schools. Encourage him to play sports / sports that are not related to injuries! /, for example, swimming - this is how he will expend energy, the excess of which may be the reason for his aggressive behavior, if he still does not have a boyfriend, now is the time - his aggressive behavior may be sexual. Provide him with enough fresh air / at home, more walks in nature :). It may sound ridiculous, but its absence also leads to behavioral problems. Teach him that after periods when he is subjected to nervous stress, anger and aggression, he should relax, have fun, and not accumulate anger, fear and other negative emotions in himself. but its absence also leads to behavioral problems. Teach him that after periods when he is subjected to nervous stress, anger and aggression, he should relax, have fun, and not accumulate anger, fear and other negative emotions in himself. but its absence also leads to behavioral problems. Teach him that after periods when he is subjected to nervous stress, anger and aggression, he should relax, have fun, and not accumulate anger, fear and other negative emotions in himself.
In my opinion, your son has gotten together with bad company and the people there influence him badly. I will support what the above said to check his room for drugs, also ask his classmates when he started behaving so they can give you information that would be useful. He may also have shared something with his sister, sometimes siblings hide from each other in front of their parents. You can take a day off and sometimes keep track of where he goes and what people he gathers with. The best solution at this stage is to completely ignore the hold still does not exist and it
In my opinion, your son has reunited with bad company, which affects him badly, otherwise there is no way a good and well-mannered child can suddenly start showing disrespect to the elderly and get into a fight. I support the above advice when you are not going to search his room for drugs, also ask his classmates if they know something can give you information that will be useful to you. Ask his sister, she may also know something, but she's hiding because she's her brother. You can take a day off and when he goes out to follow him secretly where he goes, you will see with your own eyes what kind of people he gathers with. At this stage, the best way to deal with it is to completely ignore it, behave as if it does not exist, and when there are problems, do not intervene and let it bear the consequences of your actions. He will seek your help himself, when he got stuck and his knife rested on a bone. If there is no result again, you raise your hands from him and as soon as he becomes an adult you collect his luggage and drive him away from home! I had a classmate with a similar problem, they worked abroad and his grandmother took care of him and his older brother. Until the 10th grade there were no problems and Mr. studied well, but in the 11th he got together with some drug dealers from the neighborhood where he lives and started to degrade slowly and safely - he stopped coming to school, some of us tried to reason with him. , the class also even went to look for him at their place to try to get him back on track. Alas, there was no effect at the end of the year, 7 subjects remained under repair and he spent the whole summer in school. In 12th grade it was the same situation for the whole school. year appeared 3 times and the teachers raised their hands from him failed to finish high school and I do not think what it is now he may have come to his senses but I doubt it! His brother was the opposite. I hope you have a happy ending! g. 24
Ma'am, I'm not sure that even if you search, you'll find something or recognize it (Don't take offense - there are people who don't understand, you may know what to look for, but I doubt it). Pharmacies selling tests will be helpful if you deem them necessary. From number 10.
He has always been a child who does not share. I know almost nothing about his personal life. I don't know if he has a girlfriend and if he ever had one. Nothing! Even when we ask him, he answers with "What do you care about?" Or "Since when do you care?". He is not very close with his sister either. He has a friend who is like a brother to him, but if I talk to him he will not tell me anything because of his loyalty to him. As for the drug test, I don't think it will take it well. He will decide that we call him a drug addict. (by the author)
And did you see where you are in the whole situation. Parent meetings are 2 times a year and you did not find the time to go and when everything broke, you found one. You take his computer, you don't give him money. What are these penalties, it is your inability to cope. Do you go without money? How will you feel? Even worse, but there will be no change for the better. Consult a psychologist, but not only your son. The blame is not 100% his. To behave like that there are many deficits? If you didn't have time for parent meetings, did you have time to turn him over, tell him how it was at school, what happens to his friends. His father "pretends" to be an authority figure, but how? Read one or another book on parenting. You will surely learn something.
He gave you the reason why he became one - "Even when we ask him he answers with" What do you care? "or" Since when do you care? "." Why do you wonder why it is like that, since when do you CARE? You later remembered that the children were growing up, and your child was already a man, though still green. Life has grabbed him in its tentacles. Only he can help himself to get rid of this program, no one else. If he does not understand this, the prison will become a field for him to perform. This is the fruit of liberal democracy - it's called freedom! The first seven years are lost, then the programs are introduced, now it is too late. Crooked wood does not heal!
"Since when do you care" hides a large part of the answer you are looking for.