Problem With My Girlfriend

   Abe man, you are completely selfish .. when I read what you wrote, I wonder why you are wasting the girl's time .. do you know what it means to have a relationship with someone .. what are you with this girl .. to talk about the good time .. or for the birds and the bees .. this girl has a life .. some things happen and happen every day and it is assumed that you are the person who should listen to her and support her .. you don't deserve her .. nor can you you understand her .. what's your problem? if you can't give her the heat she needs, release it because there are others in the queue ..

   You're a little like me, dude. I could hardly stand it when my ex-boyfriend shared what had happened to her at university, how someone had done something to her ... These are gossips where she has to go with her friends to talk to them. I have a dick! Otherwise, specifically in your case - yes, it's a little nasty and shows disinterest, reacting so coldly when her father went to the hospital. In such a situation, even I would pay attention to the girl if I really like her. Well, either you don't like the girl, or you're really a mega psychopath.

   You don't deserve it! Do you love her at all? How old are you? You don't look grown up to me .. How can you not care how she feels and what excites her?

   When you read what you have written, you really enter the "sociopath" column. If you want to keep her, it's best to take an interest in her and the things that excite her. You can't just care about your own ass and expect her to be super happy with that fact. And if you think that someone else would be happy with this type of behavior, you are cruelly mistaken. There is no way to win a woman if you do not respect her, respect her, if you do not take care of her, if you do not listen to her. And how the hell did it occur to you that she would be thrilled that you didn't care how her father was? !! Well, he is her father and she loves him and cares for him! If you don't want to be alone for the rest of your life, change your perspective. In other words, LEARN THAT THE WORLD DOES NOT ROTATE AROUND YOU, YOUR CLAIMS, FEELINGS AND DESIRE

   If absolutely everyone claims to be a sociopath, then it's time to think. There's a saying: if more than two people tell you you're drunk, you're probably really drunk. Come on, leave us alone, we are some kind of molders from the forums, but as soon as your own family tells you the same thing, you draw your own conclusions. You are not a sociopath, you are a SOCIOPOT. At least make sure the girl doesn't suffer from your ego. She is not to blame for your insensitivity. If one day a tragedy happens to you and you almost want to commit suicide, won't you want someone to get into your situation and at least listen to you, understand and support you? Talk to a psychiatrist seriously. You have a problem, but you don't realize it. You also owe it to society. The greatest atrocities were committed by sociopaths. Example: Chikatilo.

   Well, change the subject of the conversation. For sympathy, my dear, you are quite confused in your personal life, but sex always comforts, go more often

   Abe, man! Rejoice she hasn't kicked you yet! Are you serious and call yourself a friend? Or are you with her just for fun in bed? That's all! Otherwise you wouldn't be so stupid and selfish! I imagine how selfish you are when even your own family has to comfort her that you are like that, obviously you are really bad. Think about it! Otherwise you will lose it very soon!

   Look now, it has happened to me that I don't care if a mother of one of my partners bleeds, for example. I understand. But any normal person hides this nepukism when referring to a relative of his partner, and shows some sympathy. I have a friend who is a very big nerd, or rather an egoist with a tendency to egocentrism. But he is clearly aware of his shortcoming, which is why when a friend or the woman next to him tells him how unhappy he is for some reason, he goes to that person, hugs him and in many cases shows his support without words. . He doesn't say he cares. Tell you what, anyone who knows him knows they don't care. But at least at such a moment he is ready to hug you, go to the store to buy you handkerchiefs or pour you a glass of cold water or hot brandy. We know what it is, but still the gesture of attention makes us feel better. So, find yourself a way to show that you are still listening to what you are being told and trying to be a support.

   From the author To number 3 - I'm 28, so I'm probably older than you. I don't "love" her and that's not a word I use because it's just unpleasant. I like the girl, she is collar, she has a sense of style, she is smart, she is also polite and kind. I'm interested in her, when we're out she tells me different things, she's funny. I'm just not interested in things from everyday life and the like. Number 4, no, I don't think she's super happy, but she chose to be with me. She told herself how charming, elegant, humorous I was, and so on. I will try to be interested, but I cannot guarantee anything. I really don't care about her father, her emotions, who was rude to her. I'm not happy that he's in bed, but he doesn't shine on me. My grandparents died in a car accident when I was little - it didn't move me, why should I care about him? To number 5, I can't give the answer, who you want. I am not interested in other people's tragedies and I do not expect anyone else to be mine. As for the psychiatrist, where do you think my brother gets these theories from? I went to a psychiatrist, he told me about a personality disorder, I don't remember what it was. I'm not a psychopath - I've never killed and I have no such intention. I'm just asking how to keep her, I don't want to look again because she's pretty good. Apart from showing interest, what else?

   Haha, did you write this as a rhetorical question? !! Stupidly or not, if you are interested in her and you care about her, you will have to be interested (or at least pretend to be so) in what is happening around her. Otherwise, even though I'm a girl, I don't think that the endless stories about how the day went, who said what, who did what, who bought what, who slept with, who broke her nail, who obese, who has lost weight are a suitable topic of conversation and are of some interest. But when it comes to her family, it's important that you can at least listen to her. Besides, if she has shared something like this with you, then she trusts you and thinks that she can count on you - which if you have feelings for her should make you happy.

   Author, fuck the comments above and listen to your uncle. First of all, the next time you don't find them in chalgoteks and bars, from personal experience I tell you that this is a very confusing mistake. For sex yes, but for a relationship hardly. Second: Never, but never let yourself be re-educated. You are what you are and as with any person, these are your pros and cons. Obviously, you are not interested in obscene talk of a general nature, to which your girlfriend has an affinity, which is neither for condemnation nor for climbing. Third: Never let a woman raise scandals with you. The scandals themselves may have nothing to do with what she said, that is, to be a nervous consumer in general. If you allow scandals to be raised against you, it means that they have got on your head. Fourth: Obviously your mother doesn't like her when she says such things about you. Like most mothers, she won't tell you what she thinks of her, because men are kind of autonomous and we do whatever we want. Maybe that's why he's making her leave you, which she thinks is better for you. In general, I don't think you have a problem. Just tell her that in the next scandal or attempt for the re-educated, she can catch the forest.

   Don't ask how to keep it, but how to change internally. This is not a criticism in any way, but a recommendation. Either way, the ego is part of your being, it's not a bad thing, but it destroys more than it creates, just point it in a constructive direction. When the ego is at the center of a being, consciousness and emotional life are in spasm. You are overwhelmed with fear and constantly defending yourself. While you are in the selfish stage, you are always short of something big. The basis of your thoughts, feelings and actions is a black hole, empty, which can never be filled enough. This is the hole of fear, a place hidden in the shadows, because you avoid it unconsciously. It is empty and vaguely you realize it, but you do not want to understand the reasons. You feel like a pointless piece that has no purpose. And if you hide your fear on the surface, you indirectly feel it as a shadow. People are terrified of meeting the inner emptiness or of being fully aware of it. They are horrified by her research. The strategy of the ego is to pass the problem to the periphery, instead of entering the center. The ego seeks to solve the problem by directing attention outward. It tries to relieve pain by nourishing with external energies. Here are the favorites: recognition, power, admiration, attention, etc. This is how the ego finds an answer to the deep desire for unity, security and love of the soul. It notes the need for love and security, but seeks to find the answer without encountering inner fear. transforms the need for love into the need for approval and recognition from other people. It turns the need for unity and harmony into a need for superiority and a need to be better than others. Once you start to think that in order to be loved, you have to admire your achievements, you no longer need to look for love within yourself - you are just forced to work hard! In this way, the ego tries to keep the cap on the bottle with fear. The original pursuit of love and happiness is distorted and becomes a desire for recognition. You are constantly looking for an external evaluation that gives you temporary confidence. In fact, your mind is focused on the outside world. You rely on other people's judgments and you are very worried about their opinion of you. They are very important to you because your own self-esteem depends on it. In fact, your sense of self-worth is getting lower and lower, because you give your power to external forces that judge you by your external behavior, not what you really are. By the way, the feeling of deep-seated loneliness and separation does not disappear. On the contrary, it intensifies because you refuse to pay attention to it. What you don't pay attention to becomes your "dark side." Fear, anger, and negativity can "walk" within you and affect you, increasing your reluctance to peek inside. The ego can be very stubborn, suppressing specific states, intuition, and feelings; it is not easily transmitted. What you perceive as evil in your world is always a consequence of clinging to personal power. You do not want to lose control and accept inner fear and darkness. The first step to enlightenment is to give in to what is. Enlightenment means to allow all its aspects to stand under the light of your consciousness. Enlightenment does not mean that you are fully aware of everything in you, but that you have a desire to face each of your shortcomings. Enlightenment is compared to love. And love means accepting yourself as you are. The inner darkness, the feeling of separation in the depths of the soul that you fear so much, is temporary. The selfish stage is only one step in the development and revelation of consciousness. The ego offers ways to solve problems (fear or feelings of loneliness); it diverts attention from "what is inside" to "what can be obtained from the outside world." This is not a real solution to the problem, although it does provide temporary relief. Power and control over those around you can give temporary gratification or "unloading." It is a short-lived feeling that you are loved, that you are admired and respected. For a while, it even drowns out the pain. But this feeling is temporary and again you should try to be even better, more pleasant and useful. Please understand: under the auspices of the ego you can be pleasant and repulsive, give and take, dominate and obey. But everything you give and it seems to you to be selfless - is a subconscious request for attention, love and gratitude from the one to whom you give. By caring and giving constantly, you are simply hiding from yourself this unrecognized desire of yours. Therefore, to understand what ego domination is, you should not think of such tyrants as Hitler and Saddam Hussein. You can recognize the dominance of the ego by the need for control. For example, if you want certain people to behave in a certain way. For this to happen, use certain behaviors. For example, you are compliant, pleasant, and try not to hurt anyone's feelings. Behind such behavior lies the desire for control. "I will not object because I want you to love me." Such a course of action is based on fear. The fear of being dependent on someone, the fear of being rejected and left alone. As long as the ego rules your soul, in order to feel good, you will need the energy of others. It seems to you that you deserve the attention of others or some external authority. You cannot rely on the constant fidelity of those you rely on, whether you are a spouse, a boss, or a parent. That's why you have to work "constantly", always be vigilant to get a "portion of approval". This explains why during the selfish stage, the mind is constantly agitated and nervous. The end of the selfish stage is characterized by the soul beginning to realize that some things are repeated over and over again, like the same cycle of thoughts and actions. The ego loses its power when the soul gets tired and exhausted from the constant struggle for an illusory treasure. Since much less energy is now spent on control and behavior, energy space is freed up, allowing a new, different kind of experience. At first, entering this stage, you may feel great fatigue and inner devastation. What used to be important now seems completely pointless. Also, for no apparent reason, fears come to the surface. This can be fear of death or loss of loved ones. There may be anger from a work or marriage situation. Everything that seemed obvious is now in doubt. Finally comes what tries to prevent selfish consciousness. The bottle stopper erupts and all uncontrollable emotions and fears erupt, entering the mind and sowing the seeds of doubt and embarrassment. So far, you've mostly been on autopilot. Many basic thoughts and feelings are formed automatically; you accepted them without question. This provided the consciousness with unity and stability. However, as consciousness grows and expands, the personality splits. One part tries to keep the old, the other doubts and hurts himself with such uncomfortable feelings as anger, fear and doubt. Therefore, the expansion of consciousness, which happens at the end of the selfish stage, is often perceived as spoiling the pleasure of an uninvited guest, violating the game. The new consciousness questions everything that previously seemed obvious and evokes emotions that you do not know how to deal with. When you begin to doubt the basic thoughts and actions of the selfish consciousness, your other self enters your consciousness. This is your part that seeks the truth, not the power. Living under the dictates of the ego is very depressing. You serve a small, fearful dictator whose goal is to rule and control not so much the environment as you. If the ego dictates "be nice and considerate to win people's sympathy," you will systematically suppress resentment and anger. As soon as you begin to doubt the vitality of this dictatorship, repressed emotions erupt. Feelings are not controlled by repression. The more you suppress them, the more vital they become and gain strength. By exploring what you actually feel, instead of what you think you should feel, you restore spontaneity and honesty - that part of yourself that is called the "inner child." Contact with true feelings and emotions guides you on the path to liberation. And the transformation into a heart-based consciousness begins.

   "No, I don't think she's super happy, but she chose to be with me on her own." they excite other people's problems ... "She told herself how charming, elegant, humorous I was, and so on." Another selfish and narcissistic statement. It doesn't excite you at all, you only care how great you look in other people's eyes ... You just need someone to give you the daily dose of self-confidence and wake you up with the words "How great and wonderful you are!". But everyone around you sees what you really are, and that repulses them. Everyone but her. She is the one who blindly pumps your self-esteem. Your fear is clear that if you lose her, there will be no one to feed your ego and you will be crushed by reality. Because egoists need only one thing - attention. And when they lose it, they feel like nothing. Not only do you not love her, you are not even interested in her, for you she is just a kind of consumable. You crush it to make yourself feel significant. "I'm just asking how to keep her, I don't want to look for her again, because she's pretty good. Besides showing interest, what else?" Another proof that you have absolutely no interest in her ... For you, she's just a beautiful object. (the way you describe it is exactly like listing the characteristics of your computer), which both feeds you as a person and stands well next to the geranium in the living room, so you just want to own it. And you're writing us all this, because you want us to give you the instructions for use to keep it (you used a very precise verb for possession, as if you were tying it to the wardrobe in the bedroom so that it wouldn't run away). Well, I'm sorry, there aren't any, everything comes from the heart, and if yours is empty, then you don't have to deal with it. You don't care about your own family, let alone a stranger. Even in front of us, you brag about your age to show us that you are "something more" than us, and this will again feed your self-confidence. However, at this age to ask such stupid questions really means that you are in a state of illness, as the psychologist told you, but you, of course, do not take it seriously, because such statements only contradict your "greatness", and therefore automatically you reject. The best you can do is to free her from your bondage, but of course you will not listen to us, because without her you would again become the nothingness you have been until now. You're a psychopath, and now you may not kill, but no one knows how you will react when she wants to break up. And that, I assure you, will inevitably happen. Otherwise, rest assured, the artificial interest is detected very quickly, so the method will not work for long. It will only make things worse.

   You're just not ready for a serious relationship. I have always said one thing - I do not judge the countmen, because at least they clearly state what they are, and the girls do not expect anything else from them. Otherwise, it's the same in relationships, it's important to be concerned about the other, but if you don't feel it, there's just no point in pretending to be. Go out and have fun, obviously you are still very young to understand the need to help each other and you still do not understand that man is not a toy. This is not just a nice girl to enjoy and hug, it is not a constructor that a 5-year-old child plays with, which you then scatter on the floor without caring where the pieces are. This is another person with their own worries. Who said connections are easy? No, they are not. But that's why they give you something else that is special and that you are not yet able to understand.

   number 11 I found very interesting one thing from your comment and I will ask you to share an opinion out of personal curiosity .. why did you decide that his mother does not like her after speaking against him in front of her ..I am interested because I have a similar factor in my relationship ...:)thanks :)

   Author: Amy became what happened. Another salivation on her part, this time because I didn't want to come with her and take my dad from Pirogov (I don't remember when this obligation happened to me). Finally, I got tired of drooling and slapped her. He deserved it. Anyway, the familiar movie cliché: he looked at me in disbelief, touched his cheek, cried, and left. I'm really tired of such childhood. All this, for those who wanted to separate, rejoice. Thanks to those who gave advice, especially on 11.

   So far, I think you're just an egocentric, but you're a hopeless sociopath. Tomorrow you will write: Amy became what happened. An unfortunate man behaves like a child. Finally, I got tired of my childhood and put a knife in his throat. He deserved it. Anyway, the familiar cliché from the movies: he looked at me in horror, grabbed me by the throat, bled to death and fell. I'm really tired of such childhood. All this, for those who wanted me to kill someone, rejoice. Thanks to those who gave advice, especially on 11. Horror, you just shocked me. You don't give 5 bucks to anyone. There is only one thing I can't understand - is there so much hatred and fear in you and haven't you seen so much love at least from your parents in early childhood? I have read about Chikatilo's life and your views overlap with his. I'm just shivering from you.

   Imagine the following. Tomorrow you get sick, it hurts terribly, you suffer, you are in the hospital and you tell your father to take you from the hospital or give you water, for example, that you can't get out of bed out of agony. Then he tells you "enough with your mucous membranes, lower grunt" and puts his strongest punch between your legs to add more pain to the already strong one. And then he tells you: just like in the movies - you look at me in disbelief and hold on to the balls of pain. That's how she felt, understand him and put herself in her place. Oh, yes, I forgot - you can't feel it. Well, I'm glad at least the girl got rid of your presence. Nothing personal, but you have a problem, my friend. But so serious that until we explain it to you tomorrow, you won't even realize it. Not realizing it, you won't even allow it for a second,

   From the author to 19: I'm not a murderer, I have no intention of being, at least I don't feel like going to prison. As he himself said, a person kills out of fear, hatred, need, etc. I have no hatred for anyone, no fear. And put an end to these Hollywood clichés - mom and dad didn't love him, he became a serial killer. I have not had any injuries as a child or anywhere else. Viewed from the side, they love me (not so much anymore, de) as much as all normal parents. However, I have already said - "love" and "sorry", these are two words that I do not tolerate and do not use. I don't feel love, I never have and I never will. I do not feel sorry for anyone. These are empty words for me. He shivered ... cry if you want. But tell me - deep down, don't you want to be like me? At least a little? Don't you care, aren't you really afraid? Do you know how many people have grumbled to me about their relationships, did their relationships with friends and idiocies stress them out? This has been spared me. Tomorrow ours may die, as my grandparents died. Will I be happy? No. Will I be sorry? No. I already have a job, I make my own money, I have an apartment - I am not dependent on them, I no longer need them. I don't feel anything for others, good or bad. The only feeling I can say for sure that I have actually experienced is anger. But I'm working on that, I haven't been as aggressive as before. Once you are dramatized and want to demonize me, use the definition of my ex if you will - "cold and hollow", it's still me anyway. I make my own money, I have an apartment - I'm not dependent on them, I don't need them anymore. I don't feel anything for others, good or bad. The only feeling I can say for sure that I have actually experienced is anger. But I'm working on that, I haven't been as aggressive as before. Once you are dramatized and want to demonize me, use the definition of my ex if you will - "cold and hollow", it's still me anyway. I make my own money, I have an apartment - I am not dependent on them, I no longer need them. I don't feel anything for others, good or bad. The only feeling I can say for sure that I have actually experienced is anger. But I'm working on that, I haven't been as aggressive as before. Once you're dramatized and want to demonize me, use the definition of my ex if you will - "cold and hollow", it's still me anyway.

   Unfortunate! Good thing she's gone! Too bad you still managed to hit her before, nothing! I hope you stay alone forever! Especially in the old days!

   "And he stopped those Hollywood clichés - Mom and Dad didn't love him, he became a serial killer." They're not clichés, they're pure psychology. "Deep down, don't you want to be like me?" Okay, I'll tell you the truth. I don't want to because I was like that and it cost me a lot of therapy while I was cured. That's why I'm shivering - for fear of not going back there. I definitely don't want to go back to the same situation. I'm not demonizing you, you're just not at this level of consciousness to experience any positive emotions. It's not your fault, you have to go one more time. Remember my word, where you go, I come back from there - a day will come when you will be very, very lonely, you will have a different mind and then you will realize what you really were. Don't make sense of it now, because it doesn't make sense. Just remember it and remember it one day. There is a lot of fear in you to know. But it's very deep inside you and you don't realize it. All this incl. and anger are a reflection of this fear. It is possible that the fear is of loneliness - that is why you do not commit, that is why you do not feel emotions, that is why you are not rejected and hurt. Maybe you lost someone, maybe someone close hurt you, I don't know. But make no mistake, there is a lot of fear in you. You think that's how you insure yourself against injury, but you're actually doomed to loneliness and pushing yourself into exactly what you're afraid of. I know you don't understand me now. Don't take it to heart, you will understand it one day. Just remember my words, I don't want anything else. One day you will remember them yourself. But if you remember earlier, it may not be so late to fix it. The very fact that you are sharing here shows that you have a problem that you are probably looking for a solution to. And at the same time you convince us, that you have no problem and you are fine. From patil

   Would you respond to comment number 20? I will be curious to know what you think about it.