Hello, I will try to be as short as possible, as there is a lot to write. I live with my girlfriend, we work, we don't have a child (I'm 22, she's 18). My friend is very jealous of my mother, I saw that she told her acquaintances that she was not happy with me and that she planned to leave me. In my opinion, neither my mother nor my girlfriend are right and I will tell you why, but I also hope for your opinion. My mother is not right because - she is obsessive, she calls me on day 2, she writes to me on Facebook "I love you", she treats me like I'm 10 years old, I talked to her that this thing is annoying and suffocates me and here it is that when I already live with a person next to me it causes me problems there as well. The problem with my girlfriend is that - she wants me to cut off all contact with EVERYONE - friends, relatives = and she is obsessed. I pay attention to her all the time, I kiss her, I caress her, I tell her, that I love her (I even feel like a slipper, sometimes) she does it too, but not as much as me. And what surprised me was that my girlfriend told me that I didn't have time for her, and I felt powerless and asked her, what else do you want me to do for you? I saw that she complained that I had bought fitness supplements, and she did not put on eyelashes so that we had money. Well, I comply and I haven't spent the last money plus that, she herself told me that we buy and spend a lot of money for her, and we don't take anything for me, so I decided to buy it and she made it a problem for me. . I support her that my mother goes too far, but I don't think it's normal to cut off my family, even more so because of her, that they helped me a lot, I'm kind of uncomfortable. I wonder why I remarked to her about something that wanted to buy and I said "
Answers 10
Your problem is that you are a slipper. He went from an obsessive mother to an obsessive friend. They both want to control you and drink your life. Get rid of them both and act like a man, as long as you try to please yourself.
You haven't seen an obsessive mother before, you better leave your girlfriend. It's normal for your mother to call in a day or two. My friend's mother calls him 100 times a day, even before we couldn't have a normal conversation without calling, but I never wanted to cut off contact with them. Although I was very angry at the constant harassment.
Conclusion - dump your girlfriend, how will you take her to a family reunion? And talking to her mother, it's too much for her too.
It is not normal for your mother to call and write to you so often that she behaves like your first mistress. She pretends to do it for good, but she doesn't comply with you - you say you're not OK, and she tells you that she's your mother and so on, ie she doesn't care what you want and how you feel, but to control and create problems between you and your girlfriend. You have already talked to your mother and she obviously does not understand a word, she has no intention of starting to comply with you. It's time to impose your limits - just don't lift her, don't read her messages and don't answer her so that she understands that you are serious and must comply. If she starts with manipulations of guilt and a sense of duty and pretends to be a victim, remember how she does all this to make you comply with her, because she does not want to comply with you and respect your wishes. It is toxic. If you fail to impose your boundaries and calm down, it is really better to break off contact. You are a man and the priority must be you and your wife. Yes, your parents have helped you a lot and in turn you have to help your children otherwise the circle closes. If you let your mother interfere like that, you will never be able to form your own family and be happy. Number 2, just because you tolerate such behavior doesn't mean it's normal. I wouldn't be surprised if you're one of the obsessive aunts who dies to poison their son that way. You are sick, go for treatment. If you let your mother interfere like that, you will never be able to form your own family and be happy. Number 2, just because you tolerate such behavior doesn't mean it's normal. I wouldn't be surprised if you're one of the obsessive aunts who dies to poison their son that way. You are sick, go for treatment. If you let your mother interfere like that, you will never be able to form your own family and be happy. Number 2, just because you tolerate such behavior doesn't mean it's normal. I wouldn't be surprised if you're one of the obsessive aunts who dies to poison their son that way. You are sick, go for treatment.
Well, calling your mother on day 2 doesn't seem like a promise to me. Maybe you already have some complexes and that's why you subconsciously looked for an obsessive girlfriend. I don't know exactly what it means that she abandoned her family because of you, but it is her decision and she has no right to demand the same from you. Everyone needs their parents, even if they're 80. Muttering about who bought what is also a bad trend. Of course, the partners discuss the purchases, but not every detail, and the artificial eyelashes are a pampering and one puts them on whenever and if possible. This girl looks grumpy and obsessive to me, the kind of people who are never happy and make their partner constantly prove themselves to them.
I was a brother there. At one time I thought that the film in which I live and even the best screenwriter could not invent it. It's just that some daughters-in-law and mothers-in-law can tell at a glance that they won't grind flour. If you want me to be honest, don't wait for it to get better. From the standpoint of time, learning from one's own mistakes, there is only one solution: You tell your mother to be more robbed, to treat you like a man, not a child. You say to your friend: Bad, good, this is my mother and she will always be present in my life. And most importantly: Do not stand halfway between the hammer and the anvil. If you want to please both - it will not happen, you will only ruin yourself. Don't let either of you tell you what and how to do and say. Whatever your mother is, as long as she hasn't affected your girlfriend personally, I don't see what the problem is. You're not a "slipper" you're just trying to please both. How does he want you to cut off contact with all your friends and relatives? This sounds very obsessive, the red light should come on here.
Number 6, when a person becomes an adult, he separates from his parents and forms his own family. Relationships with parents change from adult to child to adult to adult. Instead of calling him twice a day and writing that she loves him, his mother should start respecting his privacy, leaving his free time to his wife, and focusing on her own husband. Each of the two women is right for himself, but it is objectively correct for his mother to accept that he is not small and not her property, to respect his personal boundaries and not to have to control. It may not offend personally, but it prevents the young couple from forming, spending time with each other, and creating tension between them. There is nothing between a hammer and an anvil - every settled man knows that at some point he must choose his wife over his mother, and the mother must accept that she no longer plays a leading role in his life. In this case, she deliberately refuses and does not care at all what her son wants and what makes him happy. This type of mothers are toxic and turn into disgusting old mothers-in-law from jokes. If he continues to tolerate her, he will be left alone with his mother at the age of 50.
Number 6, he has already told his mother how he wants to treat him, and she just tells him "I'm a mother", ie "talk to yourself, don't bother me", "I don't care what you want, the important thing is what I want. And what is done in such cases, number 6? You judge that your mother's behavior towards you is not adequate for your age and harms your relationship, and when she does not understand the limits expressed in words, you begin to impose them with actions - you do not lift, you do not write, you do not answer. If she doesn't understand this, you choose - either for your mother to ruin your relationships and be alone forever, or to cut off contact with her. Such toxic people lie on this very hip that they will "always be a part of your life" no matter how they treat you. I have listened a lot to resigned mothers-in-law in front of their son, and when they are left alone with their daughter-in-law or in front of strangers - stay and listen to regulations.
number 7, did you read this: "The problem with my girlfriend is that - she wants me to cut off all contact with EVERYONE - friends, relatives" this is not normal, whatever you want to say. The girl is immature, only 18, and is trying to figure out how far the obsession and blame will go: "I gave up my family for you, and you have to do it." No, you don't have to, the author doesn't have to be without family and personal life because of some pickle. I don't know what it means to have abandoned her family, I guess she doesn't keep in touch with them. In any case, this is her decision and the author is not obliged to do the same. Money laundering is just as infantile. I don't know how much she earns to keep in mind the author that he bought supplements, but it doesn't sound serious, but like pampering number 5
Author, cut your mother, as they wrote to you above, and your girlfriend and your relationship will change radically. I am a woman and I have experienced something like this. The mother-in-law refused to accept that her son was a mature man and did not need a mother, but a woman. She kept calling him, writing, coming home every day without warning, rummaging around the house, giving unsolicited advice ... I felt terrible and under constant pressure. After work, instead of seeing my husband, we trembled when he would show up and start his nonsense. I told him I didn't deserve this, and if he continued to allow her to do so, we would break up. In the beginning he had some difficulty in opposing her and I felt betrayed - so as not to hurt my mother, who of course did everything "for his good", to allow her to ruin our relationship and harass us.
Many times after her coming and her behavior towards him, I just have the feeling that I stopped loving him. I love him and I tolerate this, and he doesn't love me enough to set boundaries for his mother. That's what I thought then. About sex - not to mention - when you hear some old aunt shouting at your husband "does your belly hurt" and somehow this is no longer your strong and independent husband, but the mother's child. He looked like a sexless baby to me. Even Nasty began to happen to me and I was nervous at the very least. At the same time, his mother charged him with guilt and duty at every attempt to stop her raids on our own home. It was not easy for him. Three years have passed since then - in the end, instead of thinking that he really has no right to interfere with us, manipulate him, send various relatives to fill his head with nonsense, he became endlessly angry like a rabbi, that there would be no result, and we cut off contact with her. It's just that toxic people can't change. They are not moved by the feelings of others and do not want to comply with them. It's hard when it's your own mother. I also hoped for a mother-in-law who would be like a stepmother to me and share the good moments together, but alas - I was convinced that in 99% of cases this is impossible. After my husband protected us, our relationship started - we love each other, we do everything together, we are very happy. Things started professionally - it turned out that the lady in question had undermined his self-esteem and belittled his achievements in order to keep him dependent on himself. I've heard mothers-in-law hate daughters-in-law, but I didn't think such women could crush their own son just to believe that he could not cope without them and accordingly control and hold him to his ass. Today, my husband tells me that he regrets not breaking contact earlier. I hope you learn from my story. No one has to tolerate toxic people, be they their parents. Respect is deserved, not due at birth. Your girlfriend is young and reacts more emotionally, but she is right.