For a child whose story I will share in the following lines. It is too banal, for many of you and uninteresting. But I'm trying to explain this life drama. The child is 5 when, after a three-year period of beatings and screams, the father is expelled (and rightly so) from home. The child (girl) is stressed, paid for by the slightest sound, his fists are still clenched and he is too attached to the mother. He cries often and is afraid that his mother will leave as well. He lives with his grandparents, they feed and clothe him while his mother works in the city and comes home every day after work. Life is calm for a while, but his mother is sad, always depressed, has no interest in the child, is more silent and often cries. The child feels guilty - the father does not visit him, and the mother is visibly unhappy in the presence of the child. Two years later, the girl stays away from her mother - she has resumed her social life and rarely returns home - her friends take her away from home while the child is jealous and cries. The grandmother is the consolation - her warm hands and voice. The girl is already 10.
Meanwhile, the mother has moved out of the home of her own parents, insists on taking her daughter home, but fails to separate him from his grandmother and children's street games with the little ones. friends. The child is aggressive, fears the mother's different moods and eventually separates from her. There are three unsuccessful relationships of the mother, the child understands everything, but the mother thinks that she skillfully hides this. The father calls only for holidays, the contact with the child is a telephone conversation. The child trembles, and changes his voice with each conversation. And so ... another 4 years. The impending puberty occurs - the girl begins to copy her mother, but she is terribly ashamed to show herself to her. She is often underestimated, her mother makes constant remarks about her appearance and allows herself to scream at her, the girl cries a lot and follows a dramatic improvement with her mother. The girl avoids her when they meet on the weekends. Soon the mother went abroad, another 4 years passed - the father was finally absent, and phone calls decreased. The girl is 19 - closed, and without self-confidence. Thanks to her grandfather (and grandmother, of course), who takes care of her, the girl has been quite limited over the years and has managed to maintain decency, given what can happen without parental control. The relationship with the mother is good, but every phone call is a concern for the daughter, hours before there is preparation and prior consideration of the direction of the conversation. They haven't been seen for several years in a row. They explain how everything is fine, but they both know they are hiding a lot from each other. A few more connections follow for the mother. However, after the separation from the mother, the daughter is worried by a lot of partners who obviously want to hurt the ex as much as possible - threats to both, ugly expressions, real harassment. This is devastating to the girl's self-esteem. Insecure, shy, often in nervous breakdowns. Seeking attention consciously. He is ashamed of people and drinks sedatives. She has no opinion of her own and is afraid to make her own decisions. At 22, the little girl is already a woman who has completed her higher education and works in a larger city. Next to her is a man - a foreigner, but living in Bulgaria. She meets her father by chance, he acts as if nothing has happened, and she is shocked and does not want to move away from him, despite the pain. Apparently she just decided to forgive. Both to him and to his mother, for the lost time, for the crying and the difficulties. And no, that's not the end of the story - she's 28 today. She's determined to start a family different from what she had. To create your own home and give love. Shortly before their wedding, which the parents did not want to come so as not to meet (and this is a complete obsolescence for them) and in a conversation with the mother, in which she admits that she feels abandoned and a failed life because of her daughter, the future bride was admitted to a clinic. Emotional instability, dystonia, OCD and many, many sedatives. The parents complain that their lives were ruined, that they had a lot of difficulties, that their youth is gone. Well, what's going on with their daughter? How to lift the spirits of this young woman, how to raise her. I don't want to blame my parents, each of us can find ourselves in a similar situation - I don't want to judge anyone. I can be her mother - she grew up before my eyes, she shared her joys and sorrows shyly, and now I see her on the verge of an emotional breakdown - which they do not even suspect.
Answers 4
If you made this up, I have to tell you that it was written extremely skillfully. You are very good at introducing the situation. Although I am a man, at times my eyes almost cried because I have a neighbor with a similar fate. Of course, there are many such cases, which is, to put it mildly, sad, because no child deserves such a fate. I was moved because I also have a daughter (2 years old) and I am very happy that my mother and I understand each other and we manage to give her a lot of love and attention. May God give us health and life so that we can be by her side and bring her up well and give her a good childhood.
You can't help anyone emotionally or mentally if they don't want to. So you, as a bystander, can't do anything. There is no point in standing with an outstretched hand, in front of a fallen person who does not want help, he would not hold hands, you know. The woman herself must ask for help and go to a psychotherapist for treatment, to shake off the problems of her childhood. Since you don't blame the parents, why is the topic titled Responsibility? The woman's problems are really not created by her parents. The problems have arisen in her mind sown by her grandparents / the people who took care of her /. A person, as a child, perceives things as they are presented to him, the choice of the adult who takes care of the child, how to present the situations to the child, how to comment on them is crucial, how much the child's soul will be hurt. To the woman you are talking about, the situations of a child are presented in the worst light and that is why she still perceives everything as a black shadow. Happiness is innate negativism is learned! She is taught to take things negatively. She can help herself to slap herself two times and look around, that for 10 years she has been the mistress of her life and she is pulling him to misfortune. Why did she have to invite her parents to a wedding, when she hasn't had parents with her for 28 years, will she have them now? The misfortunes of nature / god / chooses who to be with when they happen to us. One chooses with whom to spend the happy moments of one's life, of course he should only invite people with whom he has spent happily. To the woman you are talking about, the situations of a child are presented in the worst light and that is why she still perceives everything as a black shadow. Happiness is innate negativism is learned! She is taught to take things negatively. She can help herself to slap herself two times and see that she has been the mistress of her own life for 10 years and she is pulling him to misfortune. Why did she have to invite her parents to a wedding, when she hasn't had parents with her for 28 years, will she have them now? The misfortunes of nature / god / chooses who to be with when they happen to us. One chooses with whom to spend the happy moments of one's life, of course he should only invite people with whom he has spent happily. To the woman you are talking about, the situations of a child are presented in the worst light and that is why she still perceives everything as a black shadow. Happiness is innate negativism is learned! She is taught to take things negatively. She can help herself to slap herself two times and see that she has been the mistress of her life for 10 years and she is pulling him to misfortune. Why did she have to invite her parents to a wedding, when she hasn't had parents with her for 28 years, will she have them now? The misfortunes of nature / god / chooses who to be with when they happen to us. One chooses with whom to spend the happy moments of one's life, of course he should only invite people with whom he has spent happily. that for 10 years she has been the mistress of her own life and she herself is pulling him to misfortune. Why did she have to invite her parents to a wedding, when she hasn't had parents with her for 28 years, will she have them now? The misfortunes of nature / god / chooses who to be with when they happen to us. One chooses with whom to spend the happy moments of one's life, of course he should only invite people with whom he has spent happily. that for 10 years she has been the mistress of her own life and she herself is pulling him to misfortune. Why did she have to invite her parents to a wedding, when she hasn't had parents with her for 28 years, will she have them now? The misfortunes of nature / god / chooses who to be with when they happen to us. One chooses with whom to spend the happy moments of one's life, of course he should only invite people with whom he has spent happily.
How can you help, but keep in touch with her, be a friend, pay attention, moral support as much as you can. Man himself is the driving factor of his life, if he himself / in this case - she / does not have the will, aspiration and desire to help, no one else can do it for her. It is no coincidence that it is said "help yourself and God help you". Let it not sound cliché, but help can be given only if the person asks for it and in the first place if he himself wants to help himself.
Even if it was made up, it touched me! The best