Hello :) My name is H. I have been in a relationship for about 1 year. We have a plan for marriage and cohabitation, because he lives abroad and we can't see each other every day, and such a relationship is difficult. He is loving, very loyal (from the point of view of other women), he knows how to explain himself in love, he loves me very much, he wants to marry me, he wants to share his life with me, he is obsessed with pain in me. Everything, including sex, is more than good between us. But there is one big BUT. He is very selfish, which he does not admit and believes that his desires are almost the desires of everyone else, he lacks tolerance, we lack good communication and common topics of conversation. In short, there are a few things that irritate me and I can't take it anymore. I was able to talk to him for almost 2 months and he cried his eyes and did not give me any promises and love explanations. I have no words to describe these things. It was love to death, it was how he would do everything, how he would dedicate his life to me. But, again, there is a big BUT. I gave him a second chance and he didn't seem to be able to keep his promise of change. He said it has changed, but we have the same problems. Now we will see each other, we will meet and we will be able to communicate fully (as I said he lives abroad). My request is as follows. Please, from the bottom of my heart, do not judge me, if you can help me help. Now that I see him, I want to show him that I will not give up and I want a change in him, I want him to fulfill his promise, because if he doesn't, we will part. Don't say - "tell him", he is convinced that we will not part and I can not explain to him. I am asking you for some female tricks or male opinion, how to show him that I want a change and if I do not get it there will be a separation and a final one. Save my relationship, because if things don't work out, after my return to Bulgaria, I will have to say END. I look forward and thank you in advance for your help and time. I really need to hear your advice and even opinions.
Answers 15
There is no way to change a person or like him with all his shortcomings or not. Judge for yourself what you can and cannot swallow. Even if he tries to look different now, he will soon be the way he is. You can teach him some things but never change his character.
How to teach him some things number 1 .. she is not his mother to re-educate him .. in one relationship everyone should make some effort to the other .. I advise the author not to hurry to get married .. but to get to know him well and even to give each other a chance to live together and to judge ... because then many more things can come out that irritate her ..
We can't save your relationship. It's just between you. I don't know what's the point of marrying someone you have nothing to do with or don't like. I personally would not waste my life ..
I do not want to change anyone's overall character. I wanted advice on how to make him realize the importance of putting in more effort. The things I want to change with a little effort could. My goal will be to make him think about whether he will make an attempt or our relationship will fall apart. Would you give me advice on how to make him think, if I keep cool, could I achieve at least 50% of my goal? My question was about more specific things ... what would make you pay more attention to your partner. I turn off the conversation. Some manner of behavior, avoidance of intimacy and so on. Thank you for your opinions and comments.
I think you're even more selfish. You haven't written about yourself anywhere, do you love it .....? You left him to bite the fish for 2 months and then fuck his mother.
Please ???? First, after I wrote that I have a desire to save the relationship, it is clear that I love him. Second, what two months and what fish? He hasn't sunk into me in those two months. We have been in a relationship for almost 1 year, and he has been in love with me for 4 years and has been harassing me and explaining his love for me all this time (at that time I didn't pay attention to him). I had stopped communicating with him because his behavior irritated me and we quarreled a lot. I told him to change, there are things he needs to change in himself and they are small and fixable. I love him and he loves me, even he loves me too much, but if he doesn't make an effort (they are really needed), then our relationship will fall apart. I am not a person who would compromise with myself, at any cost.
author tell us specifically what irritates you .. list a few things that are annoying to you ..
Thank you for the question. It annoys me that we don't have common topics of conversation and he talks non-stop about himself, which complicates the situation, it annoys me that he is selfish and doesn't think about my desires, I have the feeling that he doesn't care enough for me, he should try to listen to me and be my friend, which will improve our communication. These are some of our problems. There are more, but these are on the agenda. Number one is selfishness and lack of concern.
how old is this person and you?
I'm 22, he's 28
I have the same problem with my friend only I am 28 he is 23 .. selfishness comes from what kind of people he has interacted with and what connections he has had .. my friend had no habits when we got together .. nor to call you hear how you are during the day .. nor make nice gestures to you, etc. there is also a barrier to communication but I have decided to accept it as it is .. we will be silent when we have to .. we will talk when one of us wants .. I can not to change it .. I read tons of books .. he hates books .. etc. and so on
to number 12, Yes, we also have this problem, we like different things, which should not be a problem at first glance, but in some situations it creates unnecessary tension. And yes, you can't change it, and I won't. I hope things work out and we clear up the misunderstandings, otherwise we will split up. But time will tell. Thanks to everyone for the feedback and advice. If anyone has more to add, I would love to hear more opinions and advice.
Miss you just want who is selfish in your relationship I have the same problem with my girlfriend we live separated by 2 years she in Bulgaria I in the Netherlands, were you there for him, were you his support? Did you give him moral support? You sit and wait for him to do everything without you making any effort. In the beginning he did his best, but you pulled while he was chasing you, you became suffocating for him to prove himself to you and to follow your ass and your desires. He thinks about his feelings about it, he's not selfish, you look like a 22-year-old who can't achieve anything on her own, can't do anything and wants someone to run after her ass.
Thanks for the opinion number 14. First, I am not 22 years old, which can not achieve anything, I have a good education, I want to work and make money. But when you have a relationship, you have to be willing to make the necessary compromises for it. When a quality or habit of yours indicates a problem, you need to change it. That's it. I'm not suffocating at all, I'd say about him. He is the one who is dying to marry me, who loves me, just like him who wants to live together and who was the initiator of our relationship. But when he is the one who lives abroad and wants me to go to him, it is quite logical to take care of most of the things to make me feel good. If he wanted to come to Bulgaria, then I would be the one to take care of it. I don't think it's selfish or anything like that. It is logical,
I'm number 14 You emphasize again, he is a man will have to do all this, why not say along with him I will do all this to feel good. Being the head of a family does not mean that he has to take care of everything and bring money, that you are well. Where is your role, will you enjoy watching, for example, how he tries to make you feel good? Think about both of us doing well, not me feeling good. In our reasoning, you are selfish, not him.