Hello! I fell in love with a girl many years ago, but we have a big age difference (I'm about 10 years older than her). There were ways for her to find out about my feelings, but for many years I hid and didn't even want to admit to myself that I felt anything for her. The fact that she was (and still is) too small was the reason I didn't admit it. I had very sincere feelings, and I didn't even know her ... But I had the feeling that I had known her all my life. At one point, about 2 years ago, I found out that she had a boyfriend and it happened unknowingly that I showed my jealousy and my big secret became clear from our mutual acquaintances. Her relative told her that I was jealous and had an interest in her. The girl in question (mine), after parting with her boyfriend, said - "then write to me". I decided not to deal with her, despite my great inclinations, because I was just worried about the age of both of us. In general, I'm not one to get excited about people's opinions, and that's never been a problem (what people will say to each other when they see us together), the real problem was that I wasn't ready and I thought she would behave frivolous and will be childish. She lives in another country. Finally she wrote to me and we started talking. I decided to get to know her and go with the flow (like "I wouldn't have any hopes for us"). I started to get to know her as a person, she got to know me too, and I was right about all the things I had thought about her before we met. It also turned out that age was no problem and I fell in love with her and started wanting her the way a man wants a woman, not like before. It always happened that we couldn't see each other, to not be able to meet and somehow all plans and attempts to make this happen, failed ... And so we have been writing to her for 2 years. We had a lot of arguments during that time (she was dating other guys), I am a calm person, I respect her, I take her seriously and I have plans with this girl, and I try to show understanding and I clearly realized that I also have equal guilt. of hers. She didn't do anything fatal that could be considered infidelity ... And somehow we moved forward together. I had plans to go live in the country in question so that we could be together and be able to start a family in the future, and that was a surprise, but a few days before my flight (1 month ago) she surprisingly told me that she was texting someone else. that the person in question had gone to her, that they were going out. I told her, "Stop this, we'll talk, we'll find a way," but she said, that she would continue to go out with him until he came back from where he was. I told her accordingly, "then I will go out with another," thinking that this would make her realize, but she did not believe that I will do it. The boy went back to where he was from, and I went out with another girl and sent a video. From there, things got even worse, we scream, we get together, then again. I am terribly jealous of her, I suffocate her. We soon had an argument and I decided we should take our time, but that didn't help either. When she behaves nicely, she pulls and behaves badly and vice versa. I can't sleep, I can't eat, I'm angry with her, the next moment I want her to come back and everything is as before. I'm ashamed of her, I think I'll scare her with my voice and I don't call her. She told me we wouldn't get together until you called me. We have talked before, but for many times. I called her, we talked, we were silent and we talked again, but not much. She blocked me from all possible social networks and told me that if I wanted to be together I had to call her. Many of you will say that long-distance relationships are doomed, and most likely they are, but in this case, I want to change things. I have no idea how all this sounds from the sides, funny or absurd, but I ask for advice because I am at a dead end. I would try to normalize things between us and go back to her, but I don't know what to do. I don't want to give up, a lot of people tell me forget her, leave her, but I really think she's the girl for me. She wants to talk on the phone and I don't mind, but I have a lot to say to her that I can't say on the phone yet ... We have to understand each other somehow, and since she blocked me, there is no way this. When I talk to her on the phone, I say the usual phrases like: hello, how are you, what are you doing ... And then I crash. Many people can judge me and say that if we have not had physical contact with her, how can I claim that I love her ... And what nonsense it is not to hear from your girlfriend, but ... I think it's important to love the man-soul. I'm not saying I don't like the body either, but that's another topic. For me, the spiritual is more important than the material. I want to get it back ... The whole situation is very confused, jealousy, pain, even at times hatred. Besides, she thinks I'm lying to her about something. We are not talking at the moment, I wonder if I should write to her or wait for her to call me. Time kills me, and when I look for her and talk to her, she drives me crazy. Thank you in advance and I wish you a good day / night! hello, how are you, what are you doing ... And then I crash. Many people can judge me and say that if we have not had physical contact with her, how can I claim that I love her ... And what nonsense it is not to hear from your girlfriend, but ... I think it's important to love the man-soul. I'm not saying I don't like the body either, but that's another topic. For me, the spiritual is more important than the material. I want to get it back ... The whole situation is very confused, jealousy, pain, even at times hatred. Besides, she thinks I'm lying to her about something. We are not talking at the moment, I wonder if I should write to her or wait for her to call me. Time kills me, and when I look for her and talk to her, she drives me crazy. Thank you in advance and I wish you a good day / night! hello, how are you, what are you doing ... And then I crash. Many people can judge me and say that if we have not had physical contact with her, how can I claim that I love her ... And what nonsense it is not to hear from your girlfriend, but ... I think it's important to love the man-soul. I'm not saying I don't like the body either, but that's another topic. For me, the spiritual is more important than the material. I want to get it back ... The whole situation is very confused, jealousy, pain, even at times hatred. Besides, she thinks I'm lying to her about something. We are not talking at the moment, I wonder if I should write to her or wait for her to call me. Time kills me, and when I look for her and talk to her, she drives me crazy. Thank you in advance and I wish you a good day / night! that if we haven't had physical contact with her, how can I say I love her ... And what nonsense it is not to hear from your girlfriend, but ... I think it's important to love the person -his soul. I'm not saying I don't like the body either, but that's another topic. For me, the spiritual is more important than the material. I want to get it back ... The whole situation is very confused, jealousy, pain, even at times hatred. Besides, she thinks I'm lying to her about something. We are not talking at the moment, I wonder if I should write to her or wait for her to call me. Time kills me, and when I look for her and talk to her, she drives me crazy. Thank you in advance and I wish you a good day / night! that if we haven't had physical contact with her, how can I say I love her ... And what nonsense it is not to hear from your girlfriend, but ... I think it's important to love the person -his soul. I'm not saying I don't like the body either, but that's another topic. For me, the spiritual is more important than the material. I want to get it back ... The whole situation is very confused, jealousy, pain, even at times hatred. Besides, she thinks I'm lying to her about something. We are not talking at the moment, I wonder if I should write to her or wait for her to call me. Time kills me, and when I look for her and talk to her, she drives me crazy. Thank you in advance and I wish you a good day / night! that I don't like the body either, but that's another topic. For me, the spiritual is more important than the material. I want to get it back ... The whole situation is very confused, jealousy, pain, even at times hatred. Besides, she thinks I'm lying to her about something. We are not talking at the moment, I wonder if I should write to her or wait for her to call me. Time kills me, and when I look for her and talk to her, she drives me crazy. Thank you in advance and I wish you a good day / night! that I don't like the body either, but that's another topic. For me, the spiritual is more important than the material. I want to get it back ... The whole situation is very confused, jealousy, pain, even at times hatred. Besides, she thinks I'm lying to her about something. We are not talking at the moment, I wonder if I should write to her or wait for her to call me. Time kills me, and when I look for her and talk to her, she drives me crazy. Thank you in advance and I wish you a good day / night!
Answers 13
Suppose the girl in question is 18 (I hope we are not talking about relationships with minors here). Then you should be 28 / So, what are these teenage stories - writing, blocking, etc .. Gather courage, call her and clarify once and for all. Otherwise you just get depressed and complex, it doesn't lead to anything good.
Bro, what are we doing? Very severe case, brainlessness, softness, with two left hands. Jump to the operating room or? Or we'll call Dr. House
And I used to think that I was very much in love with one person and that was HE, but after we saw each other live, everything died. In the internet connections with all this writing and emoticons we forget to be human. We build images, manners, situations, we paint the person in our heads and in the end it turns out that we have painted him in our own way and this is not this person, it is not his manners, it is not even his character. This is not the spiritual love you think it is. Rather, it is love of something you have carved in your mind, self-winding. You say you have so many things to tell her, but ... I bet you go to bed late at night and you can't sleep because you're talking to her, but it's still in your head. What would he tell her, what would she answer. And so you wind yourself up more and more, you love her more and more. But these are not real conversations, this is not her, what she says would not even come out of her mouth, because it is a scenario of your mind. And that's exactly why when you talk on the phone it's awkward and you can't relax talking to her, her true image is not compatible with the paintings. That's why you tell people that physical contact is important and they are very right. What matters is the posture, the smile, how her eyes light up, how she kisses you, how she laughs, her scent, the way she sleeps. For two years you have not drank coffee together, you have not experienced your first kiss, your relationship is not developing, on the contrary - it has become toxic, suffocating, pulling you back, bothering you. Are you saying that something kept you from seeing each other? If there is a desire, one does the impossible in order to achieve what one desires. Which means that when she was in Bulgaria she didn't want to see you at all, it was because of the age difference, because of what theirs would say, for fear that your image would not be like the one in her head and at. etc., causes many. She may just hold you to feel liked and know that there is someone out there waiting for her. You have two options - you let her go and forget about her, you focus on your own life and finding another girl, or you call her and tell her that you are going to her and it's high time to see each other live. She will probably start saying that she has a job, that she can't right now, but if she hasn't found time in two years, then she will never find it. So take matters into your own hands, be there, so that you can drink at least one coffee together if nothing else. It will be quite expensive coffee ... And the fact that there is another who went to see her and that she spins both of you,
"Girlfriend" calls me ..: D Brother, those children in the nursery can be called boyfriends more than you two. You love your grandfather. Some imaginary notions in the gourd, caused by the lack of real contacts. Find a lullaby that you really love and don't deal with these movies. They both love to get on their nerves before they take off their dirty socks on the carpet. Brother.
Are you crazy? I had a relationship for a few months with a woman from another country, we met on an island, then she came to me and a few months ago I went to her and in the end it turned out that while I was gone I slept with another, she lied to both of us. it's complete rubbish and it was all a lie, not that I was expecting anything and not putting in any serious feelings, but it was still a big lie and I was sick. We got into a fight and we got stuck and that's it. 100% sleeping with someone else and bothering you, realize, because when I read how you write you sink a lot.
As far as I understand, you two are just writing to each other. Once you haven't been on a date, once you haven't kissed, once you haven't had sex. You have nothing to do with this girl. She's obviously using you as a vent, and to caress her ego. You sound so immature and naive that I wondered if you were 10 years younger. On top of everything you are quite obsessive. I shivered as I read you. Once she blocked you, leave her alone.
So, your relationship is so mature and real that apart from writing, you don't know any other method of communication with it ... As far as it goes, people can't ring a phone, but they seem to have loved each other.
I had such a relationship, I fell in love without seeing him, in his words, in his attitude, he longed and I dreamed of seeing him. He came, we saw each other, we met, I went with him to the country where he lives, a month later ... a real hell began, everything I fell in love with disappeared, there were no kind words, no respect, no attitude And I will tell you do not do , this is an illusion in which you live, at one point I was on the street with bags, because he could no longer write to others, ex lied to me, went out and I stayed at home Find another girl, if not looking for attention from you finds from another, she is not there to marry a Bulgarian, she is there with a clear purpose and it is not you, you do not live alone in a foreign country.
It is obvious that you are an intelligent and educated man, aware and looking for something serious. However, you have fallen into the trap of the still unconscious woman, starting to play her whistle, sending her a video while going out with another? You hoped he would make you jealous, the bad thing in this case is that you fall into a vicious circle from which there is no way out. Do not do it. Respect yourself, if she loved you as much as you loved her, she would find a way to see you. Don't look for her, you'll look desperate in her eyes, if you really want Dan you win a woman's interest ... cut off contact with her, don't look for her, don't follow her, don't write to her. I'm telling you from a woman's experience, this method works if she decides to look for you, she speaks coldly, for example, "Hello, I hope you're okay? I'm so sorry you feel that way. " Show her that you can live without her and you will see how she will run. But if you ask me, you don't need such a person - manipulator, in my opinion it is better to write it off completely, at first it will be difficult for you, then you will feel free from this burden. Bluebell
Man, get down on the ground, get up from the computer, ventilate your head and try to think soberly. You haven't seen her, as far as I understand, you can't even have a normal conversation with her on the phone, she blocked you and walked with others, but she was your girl? But you're not her boyfriend, don't you get it? What plans, marriages and families did you not have live during a meeting? You hitch the cart in front of the horse. This is not your relationship, but a fixed idea, an obsession in my opinion. Do you distinguish between the virtual and the real? You are causing yourself pain, restrain your imagination a little, show will and reason. Try to look at the situation from the side, you look indecisive, desperate, weak, without self-esteem, what woman would like such a man?
From the author: First of all, thank you to everyone who wrote to me. To 1, 3 and 9. You guessed it, she's 18 now, I'm 27. I mean, I don't have experience in relationships and these things for the simple reason that when I was 18-19 there was a girl, which had meant that she and I should be together at all costs. The girl in question, who is also my ex-girlfriend, had nothing real. Cute, magnetic, smiling, brought up and from a good family. At that time, however, I was not at such a stage in my life to think of girls because I had concentrated all my energy and thoughts on graduating from the Naval Academy in Istanbul. My mother was worried that there was no girl next to me and so on, and she arranged meetings with her friends' daughters, but that's another matter. Anyway, the girl in question, my ex-girlfriend first started threatening me with suicide, and then there were attempts to do so, and I was trapped in a corner and told myself I couldn't let her do anything stupid. In the end, I spent about 4 painful years with this girl and it wasn't really a relationship, but hell. That's why I haven't met or dated anyone and I don't have any experience. Just when it all started with my ex-girlfriend, I had noticed the girl in question I'm in contact with right now. I graduated from Naval academy and all the time I knew and I know that I have a bright future ahead of me, but ... At one point I was terribly tired of the pressure that my ex-girlfriend was putting on me and I had no idea what was next (that the girl, what I like will be written to me and that something will happen to her) I simply explained that I am not the person for her. I explain this, so that no one would think that I was waiting for an opportunity to leave her and I was waiting for someone else to be in my life. Then I was left alone and after about 1 year my current "girlfriend" wrote to me. And since I've been in such a toxic relationship with my ex for a long time, what I do about the current one is that she didn't question me, didn't threaten me, and everything looked more than good at first. That we will have time to get to know each other, that I will go to her. For the same reason, I have no experience with women. Although my ex had put me in a nasty situation, I am not like that and I have not allowed myself to cheat on her. And during these 4 years I have not been in contact with another. I look good, I've trained for 10 years or more, I keep training, if that matters. I read, I get informed, I get excited about what's going on. I have an education, I know five languages perfectly (in my opinion) and generally everything is fine outside of my love life. I have a clear idea of myself, meaning I am not complex because of appearance or financial resources or lack of education, contact with people. It's not a problem that I can't find another girl, this is the easiest, but ... There is a Bulgarian fairy tale that says that people used to be able to be together because they repaired the broken one instead of replacing it. I'm not saying that physical contact is not important, but I have given this girl an awful lot ... I'm trying to get out of the situation with her, not individually. She is stubborn, she does not explain that this is the end, nor does she do anything to normalize our relationship. I'm very tired of all this. To number 9. Do you think this will help? I do not intend to say once again, to give up. If anyone will give up, let it be her. I would do my best to be together, but this time as it should be. I can't figure out her behavior, because she neither lets me go nor behaves normally (meaning such that she behaves cool, cold and responds in one word). At the moment she is blocking me and we are "trying" to talk. I've never allowed myself to play games until now - to pretend to be interested, not to write to her, not to share with her, or to make up nonsense that there is another to make her jealous. Until now, all the cards were on the table. I behaved quite humanly ... I need a way to bring everything she holds to the surface and from there on to know what to do, because at the moment I don't know. It shows nothing. I can't figure out her behavior, because she neither lets me go nor behaves normally (meaning that she behaves cool, cold and responds in one word). At the moment she is blocking me and we are "trying" to talk. I've never allowed myself to play games before - to pretend to be interested, not to write to her, not to share with her, or to make up nonsense that there is another one to make her jealous. Until now, all the cards were on the table. I behaved quite humanly ... I need a way to bring everything she holds to the surface and from there on to know what to do, because at the moment I don't know. It shows nothing. I can't figure out her behavior, because she neither lets me go nor behaves normally (meaning such that she behaves cool, cold and responds in one word). At the moment she is blocking me and we are "trying" to talk. I've never allowed myself to play games before - to pretend to be interested, not to write to her, not to share with her, or to make up nonsense that there is another one to make her jealous. Until now, all the cards were on the table. I behaved quite humanly ... I need a way to bring everything she holds to the surface and from there on to know what to do, because at the moment I don't know. It shows nothing. I've never allowed myself to play games until now - to pretend to be interested, not to write to her, not to share with her, or to make up nonsense that there is another to make her jealous. Until now, all the cards were on the table. I behaved quite humanly ... I need a way to bring everything she holds to the surface and from there to know what to do, because at the moment I don't know. It shows nothing. I've never allowed myself to play games until now - to pretend to be interested, not to write to her, not to share with her, or to make up nonsense that there is another to make her jealous. Until now, all the cards were on the table. I behaved quite humanly ... I need a way to bring everything she holds to the surface and from there on to know what to do, because at the moment I don't know. It shows nothing.
From the author: I want to add that I am clearly aware of the consequences of such a relationship. I completely understand the girl, for her life is now beginning. I have had a driver's license for 9 years, and it is still going to happen to her in my life. University and so on. She is beautiful, sought after, attracts men's attention to herself. She is smart and has potential. I have never "tied" it and I have not forbidden anything at all. I don't mind her going out and having fun, I would go out with her too and despite my age I don't feel morally old, but of course I will stay in position, expecting the same from her. I also understand that her actions are dictated by the fact that I am not really next to her and she is possibly looking for a way to speed things up because she is tired. I see the story with the boy more as a means to get me out of my comfort zone and make me take some serious and radical action, not so much because of the boy himself (that she is madly in love with him or something). But I'm just peaceful, and I've asked her to share only so that we don't actually get to where we are now. She was trying like a child and a lot of negative emotions were accumulating and I really got out of it. I've never screamed or quarreled with her. Whatever happened, we spoke very sincerely and calmly and we looked for a way to compromise and what we needed to stay together. I don't have bad intentions, I don't want to be the man of "terror", to suffocate her, to be jealous of her, to shrug my shoulders and hit the table - not that I can't, but I don't find this a good solution. Nor do I want to manipulate it and play games. Everything has always been sincere, at least in my opinion, and it was all built on conversations, conversations and conversations again. My family knows about her and everyone accepts her extremely well. We are both Muslims, as are our families, of course, and this plays an important role in both the life of a girl and the life of a boy. In other words, the pressure from families can be extremely high. My family realized that something was happening and I took the blame and said that I was guilty, that I was cheating on her and that we were arguing about it. That's why I can't share it with anyone and write here, I don't want to spoil the name in front of these people, and I think that these are problems that need to be solved between the two of us. I have promised to marry her and everyone expects just that from me. So, that apart from the 2nd year we are connected by other things. In this situation I have no alternative to give up and in general this is not the end. I understand that this is not enough for her (chat - good morning, good night) and I do not mind giving my best, but she neither wants to accept my love, nor flatly refuses it, nor makes efforts to normalize the situation and let's get along diplomatically. My question is, "How do I get her to make a decision? How do I get her to explain to me what's going on between us and what she thinks and expects going forward? And what can I do to allow her to love her again and for her to love me?" "Of course, if she tells me in plain text, 'Don't look for me, I don't love you anymore and so on,' and give me an explanation of what exactly happened and is happening, but real things, and not fabrications and stubbornness — then I will have no choice but to let her go on with her life. I just feel like this is over between us and I want it to end well for both of us. I have no idea, I'm confused ... Thank you!
Author, I'm number 9. First of all, I want to tell you that I sympathize a lot with the situation you are in. I see that you care about her, you speak terribly intelligently and you express your thoughts in detail. I can read you for hours. So to your question ... how to make her tell you what she thinks and expects for the future, also what is happening between you. The truth is that she probably doesn't know what she wants and expects from you. In the sense that if she was adamant about something, she would tell you in plain text. And when I look at her, she both wants you and she doesn't want you, she seems to keep you in reserve. The thing is that given the distance you have, you can't be 100% sure what's going on. The only way is to go to her and finally see each other, if you can afford it. If you think you love this girl so much, go see her, at least if you don't, you'll know, that you have tried everything and will be able to move forward calmly. But one thing I will tell you ... and you do not deserve such treatment, do not lose yourself to find the way to it, as I wrote - respect yourself in the first place and have dignity, if you do not have such to yourself, you will not receive respect from her (or from other people). At 27 you are aware enough and you know what you want, I am about your age and I fully understand your position, but my thinking is of a 25 year old, she is 18 and it will be a little difficult to understand you, no matter how much smart. I completely stand by my words, or to go to her, if there is no broken contact, just do not look for her. If you decide it's not worth going, cut off contact again. Be resolute, you can even be direct and tell her that you don't deserve such treatment and that until she changes her attitude she shouldn't look for you at all. But by stopping contact, this is a fail-safe method, so one wonders what is happening to you, but does not do it to make her jealous of you, but also of your mental state. Please reconsider your choice of woman, there are better and more aware women who will appreciate you, do not waste your good years to pursue, especially if she told you in plain text that it's all over.