Hello, A man with a long-term partner is writing to you. Our relationship is quite good and there is still a spark between us. We both work, but we hear each other at least 2-4 times each time. We live together. We get along well and don't fight often. When we do, we sit and talk, but we already know each other well enough and it is not even necessary in most cases, because we know who is annoyed by what and why. :) Everything looks more than good and it really is. There are practically no such long relationships in my environment, and if there are ... well, they don't seem as good as ours. What is the problem? Sex. It has been almost absent lately. We last did it a month ago. Great, isn't it? As I said, when we have problems, we discuss them. Because she always insists. Over time, I learned to discuss, before, as a representative of the stronger sex, I considered it unnecessary. And I have already made several attempts to initiate the discussion of our problems in bed. For my part, there are some small and some not so small that I told her about, but she usually doesn't tell me anything about them or denies them completely, as if this problem doesn't exist. And in fact it is there when I feel it in me, isn't it? I made hints to her, suggestions for diversification, etc., which in the general case were rejected during the discussion or were rumored enough to reject the number that she understood me. I list some moments that I have touched on, but remain unheard of: 1. I have shared that if he writes me dirty messages during the day, in the evening I will be much more ambitious, so to speak. According to her, this is nonsense and she does not want to write to me. He wants us to do the things we eventually write about. 2. He thinks that erotic lingerie is unnecessary, although he knows that it is important to me. According to her, if she is completely naked, she should turn me on the most. I claim the opposite. 3. I've hinted that she's not well-haired downstairs, but she tells me that I either imagined it or what happened. I don't like it, it should be enough, considering that I take care of my hygiene. 4. For some more special fetishes, which are quite common, by the way, there is no question. We've tried, but it's such a parody that even I like it and I'm no longer interested. But if a person asks her, yes, we did. On the other hand, why it was important to me, according to her, is nothing special and there is no reason to want it. 5. Oral love is 10 to 30 seconds, and it's super important to me 6. When we have sex, sometimes I wonder why I push at all, as if there is some desire on the other side, but I don't feel it. I'm feeling awkward. I ask if everything is OK. Yes, it was okay. It was great. But my sixth sense says otherwise. Etc., etc. I've shared these things, she doesn't seem to complain and she likes everything I do, but the emotion is zero. Honestly, I got tired of trying and went with the flow. I close myself in the bathroom, 5 minutes and I'm ready, without any complications and conditions. Easy sex. However, this can be practiced by any average loser. Until 2-3 years ago it was not so. She offered to diversify on her own, she bought sexy lingerie on her own, my pussy was getting tired of half an hour of oral love. I understand that if she had cooled down in general, I would have decided that the lack of sex is a natural continuation of the failure of a relationship. But we behave great with each other, we seek our attention constantly. However, there is a full hole in the bed, and I am not too old yet. I want ... I just want last but not least, the first 1-2 conversations about this were marked by great sex after them. One is probably in the top 3 I've ever done! All the extras I can think of were great. But why is the effect so short-lived? Next time it's complete boredom again. I'm tired. For 1 month now I don't even hint at sex. When he walks around naked, I pretend to be distracted. She comes alone, ah, oh, but nothing serious. I don't know anymore. My desire evaporates. I care about her a lot, but I perceive her less and less as a sexual object, which is not good. But why is the effect so short-lived? Next time it's complete boredom again. I'm tired. For 1 month now I don't even hint at sex. When he walks around naked, I pretend to be distracted. She comes alone, ah, oh, but nothing serious. I don't know anymore. My desire evaporates. I care about her a lot, but I perceive her less and less as a sexual object, which is not good. But why is the effect so short-lived? Next time it's complete boredom again. I'm tired. For 1 month now I don't even hint at sex. When he walks around naked, I pretend to be distracted. She comes alone, ah, oh, but nothing serious. I don't know anymore. My desire evaporates. I care about her a lot, but I perceive her less and less as a sexual object, which is not good.
Answers 36
Men only demand, and what do you give? Do you make oral love to her to want to be done to you? Why only the woman should arouse you, and you are waiting for everything ready? Not only talk, but action is needed. No wonder you are the tree.
Author, do you make her half an hour of oral love, do you do other things she likes, or do you just lie down and wait? Because if you don't try, she has lost the desire to try for you.
As you described, your libido has obviously decreased and that is why you need so many additional stimuli. She feels it and accordingly her attitude decreases. It's a big mistake to masturbate. This way you will still not be really motivated towards her and you will become more and more unconvincing and more and more undesirable. I think you even watch porn. It has ruined everything between you.
To 1 and 2 by the author: I did everything she told me and hinted at! According to her, everything is fine and she is very well. I want to say from now on that I will not take a defensive position against such comments. These are unnecessary and useless nerves and I have no desire to justify myself to anyone but my partner if necessary. You approach too superficially, right with the buttons on the door. Why didn't you ask, for example, if there was stress in her work? Yes, there is ... and that's just one of the thousands of possible reasons, but instead, for ease, you made me a tree, even though I said several times that I put in a lot of effort. I have listed some very basic things that remain unheard of by her and I can't explain why. Putting on sexy lingerie doesn't require any effort, but it doesn't! An SMS requires nothing! Go with the razor again! Comment on these things instead of attacking that I wanted the oral love she gave me anyway. It is very easy to start pointing with your finger. There is nothing easier than that, and it is difficult to give really useful advice.
After these claims, I will not want to have sex. By the way, your girlfriend probably doesn't like to tease her either, but she is polite and tactful and doesn't pour shit on your head. It is very repulsive,. the poor thing probably thinks while you are like that about your criticisms and loses enthusiasm that you will still be dissatisfied
Until the first 2 comments: Quite complex answers ... The fact that no one makes you half an hour of oral love does not mean that many men (including me) do not. I don't know why you attack a person like that ... it's definitely obvious that he is trying and ready for anything.
Maybe someone else is watering your lawn. With less pretensions and more distribution than you.
Um, I don't know ... If she finds you physically attractive, she won't need a handshake after 20 years of relationship ... Has anything in your appearance changed during that time? If you make me cum every time you're intimate, things should return to normal. Apparently it doesn't end, that's why she doesn't care if you have sex ...
Dude, you're a given. She decided there was nothing more to push for, you didn't run anywhere to walk. Here, you now come to terms with once a month. There are two ways. The first is very direct and not for everyone. You sit down and tell her: There will be unbridled, perverted sex. I prefer to be with you. However, if you do not want, it will be without you. Of course, you must be ready for an answer such as: You're on the right track! In general, you have to be ready to break up if she doesn't back down, because if you hit back, that will be the end of you. The second is more civilized. It is based on the exchange system of services for resources. You stop all payments, such as vacations, restaurants, clubs, movies - until you get what you want. If she wants you to talk about an important issue, you need to be adamant about talking about the sexual problem first. Remember. For women, sex is a tool. There is such a joke, for sex men need a place, and women a reason. Grandpa Torbalan
The author did not mention anywhere that you are listening to WHAT she wants, you are only interested in your primary needs. If I were in the place of this woman, I would show you the door. And as a woman I will tell you that there is a reason -the little is that you're tired-oh yes, men also write to women at some point, especially when you take on the big bosses
Wow, the author is an egati annoyance, I wonder how anyone let him in for any sex at all !! Only requirements, only conditions. I love a man and I want him - whether he is in erotic lingerie or not. When there are feelings and emotions and a simple touch from the person in question can drive you crazy. But what I'm explaining is that people like the author are consumers who think that if you understand, the whole world revolves around them and you have to make fun of them, and it's not clear what they give in return but claims.
Once there is such a drastic change in sexual habits, the answer is clear - someone else satisfies it better. Whether she has decided that she doesn't want to go out in front of you like a whore and keep the dirtiest ideas to others, or she just doesn't love you - that's another question. You obviously satisfy her emotionally, while someone else takes care of her physical needs.
To H 9. Grandpa Torbalane, your advice may have been good, but for the last century. Nowadays, not only the author's girlfriend, but all women work, we earn no less than men, and we do not wait for someone to pay for our rest and dinner in the restaurant. So, there is no need to exchange sex for resources, as you call them. So, the author will have to work hard to get what he wants in a normal way. But sometimes it just doesn't work.
Maybe you just don't fit in that direction. And if you are an avid fan of porn, most likely, like many people, you have some unrealistic expectations and therefore you remain dissatisfied with your sex life. Or maybe she just doesn't care to fulfill your various fantasies. Either way, everyone is judging their priorities in life, and things can hardly be perfect in every way.
In fact, the first thing that came to my mind is that there is stress in her work ... The fact that she does not want to wear sexy lingerie and does not want to shave is proof of total mental exhaustion. Your task is to shower it with love gently, because it can even turn over more and more demands and dissatisfaction. For example, I was very sexual, I always was, but from the stress at work the feeling that I was no longer liked and wanted by my husband, I was filled with such an unpleasant feeling that I do not want to have sex with him anymore and I do not want to shaved, already outside the context of sex it seems unnatural and pathetic to me. I know he masturbates and thinks of me once a month: he acts from the door for his feet. On the contrary, even if I manage to get aroused and even if the sex is good, then I feel emptiness and meaninglessness. With us, things are completely inescapable now, but if there was anything during all this time that could restore me, it was only attention, care, and tenderness. He knows it, but there is no such thing, no.
How many years have you been together? Doesn't it occur to you that she wants your relationship to move forward? He wants a child, he wants a family? Are you doing anything about it? When a relationship does not develop forward, it goes backwards and begins to break down. Think about it. Sex is just an indication that something is wrong with your relationship.
There is another in bed, look for it and you will find it.
The author: I'm glad that there are some useful comments that help me see the situation from a different angle. I answer in order of numbers: To 3: It hasn't actually decreased. These are just things that have always excited me. The moment of self-satisfaction is a knife with 2 blades. I have already said one side of the question - there are no complications and my desire passes. The other, better one, is that I can last much longer with subsequent sex. I don't know if you are a man or a woman, but every man is aware that after 1 month without sex, you can't physically survive without ejaculation. It creates purely physical tension, in addition to emotional. Even if we say that somehow a person lasts such a long period, or even 2 weeks, then the performance will not be good at all and then topics like "It ends in 3 minutes" appear. To 5: Quite a rough opinion, but I sift through the meaning and admit that there is a dose of truth. Accept that we are different people. For example, you don't radiate femininity for me, you're probably a big man, which would repel me. That doesn't mean there aren't men who like you, does it? And that doesn't mean we should like each other. :) The same goes for 11. To 6: Thanks for the support! :) If I were on the sidelines, I would decide that I wrote your own opinion :)) It's not like we haven't seen it in this forum as a phenomenon. :)) To 7 and 12: I understand that this is a mass problem and a common cause, but fortunately we trust each other and we do not make such misery. we are big and reasonable people. Besides, an infidelity would be immediately apparent. And again, yes, I obviously have a lot of requirements, which can be repulsive, as he said 5. To 8: That we have changed physically is clear, after all, our relationship is quite long. But we both look great for our age, we are young. In reality, we are still young, so it is not a great achievement. :) When we have sex she is supposedly happy, then we fall asleep embracing and she often tells me that it was great without asking her. He picks up the subject again in the morning, so I guess I'm not that bad. To 9: Both options are not good for our case. But maybe I'm a given, yes. I will think about it! About 10: Read what I wrote again and think about listening to it. I understand that you have read diagonally, but you are just exposing yourself with your comment because it is factually wrong. that it was great without asking her. He picks up the subject again in the morning, so I guess I'm not that bad. To 9: Both options are not good for our case. But maybe I'm a given, yes. I will think about it! About 10: Read what I wrote again and think about listening to it. I understand that you have read diagonally, but you are just exposing yourself with your comment because it is factually wrong. that it was great without asking her. He picks up the subject again in the morning, so I guess I'm not that bad. To 9: Both options are not good for our case. But maybe I'm a given, yes. I will think about it! About 10: Read what I wrote again and think about listening to it. I understand that you have read diagonally, but you are just exposing yourself with your comment because it is factually wrong.
Again the author: I see that there is some general opinion that I have too many requirements. Since when is personal hygiene an inappropriate requirement, and since when is the desire to diversify in sex something wrong? If we don't diversify, don't we get into the routine?
I'm just shocked by the comments here. I have the feeling that they are all from some angry male hate.
She hears you very well, but the claims you make are not normal - a married woman (or a longtime friend) should not always be ready like in a movie for what you watched and serve it to you. on a baking sheet. There is no such film in life. Stop porn immediately, as well as solitude in the bathroom, if you do not want to lose it in the near future. Don't you think it's not normal for her not to arouse you by walking around naked? This means that you have a problem rather than her.
I am a woman and I do not think at all that the requirements of the author are pretentious and great. On the contrary, if not diversity and fantasy, what will change the routine that is inevitable? A good, interesting, intense relationship is made by both. And think. I'm not saying that every day should be a scene of a porn movie, but let something break the stereotype. Just so it doesn't turn out that someone else is scoring. Then ... If you're tired now, what will happen when the kids show up? !!
Author, should it be like the man whose wife put a pillow in front of her face during sex to feel that there may be someone else. The things you ask for aren't too many, but how come she suddenly lost the desire to do them, don't you doubt something? And how come she still 'has the spark' and has no sex. Isn't that exactly the spark of desire. Ask her clearly and don't let her get away with it.
"When she walks around naked, I pretend to be distracted." It's a long relationship, you know her, but you sabotage what she's trying to do. And you keep demanding and demanding ... and the girl obviously just wants you to grab her "impulsively" (in quotes because she gives you the idea quite obviously) to find out what you otherwise demand from her. You pretend to be distracted ... she responds with the same. I hope you get the idea in time.
Well, leave her then, for miles you seem to be a superficial and complex type. There may be things you want that she doesn't like. Oral love, if any, must always be mutual. Apart from the fact that there are games, poses or intimate behavior in general, which is not always pleasing to both of them. Therefore, partners should be sexually adjusted, not one to compromise. By that logic, she might want to bang you with a vibrator from behind (sorry for the expression), here's a variety. But will you accept if you don't like it? And the girl may have problems. I wonder how you can be so selfish, not think about her and that you are not the only one in the relationship. If he really wants a family, have you talked about it? I think it's better to separate, seriously. And that's what a man tells you, not a sullen aunt. Slow down with self-confidence. Julian
Only with penetration - it doesn't end ... It ends with a hand, for sure, and EVERY TIME ...;) No compromise should be made here. I'm a woman I know what I mean. :) Nice, great, but not entirely satisfying if there is no orgasm. "Finish" it with a hand, and WATCH what's going on. To verbally tell you that it was '' oh. k. '' It's normal, even if she's not done, because if you're gifted, her feelings are intense, but! alas, even if you are a sexual Hercules, he may have difficulty cumming without necessarily telling you about it. You know this is a delicate subject. She may have adopted the manner of saving you the truth so as not to upset you. I'm number 8 ... :)
Number 13, you will: D. Here are some statistics when the facts speak and the gods are silent. http://nordic.businessinsider.com/gender-wage-pay-gap-charts-2017-3?r=US&IR=T Т.е. white men receive an average of 35% more than white women. Author, a possible thesis is launched here. That you have excessive requirements. Try to honestly answer the question, what do you give and what do you receive in the relationship. As well as what is required and what you require. Grandpa Torbalan
Grandpa Torbalan, even if men got more, not all women are dumb prospectors. I'd rather live in misery than have someone support me. And I don't see how a female businesswoman or doctor would get less than a male driver, for example? Recover, it's the 21st century.
21, 23, I have already explained about the bathroom, and about walking naked, you just didn't understand me. Naturally, I have an interest, just by putting so much effort into improving things, to no avail, I started playing the role of passive to see what would happen. I emphasize that this is a role. Kind of, I respond to her passivity, not the other way around. That's it. 25, I feel sorry for you. And I don't say that to offend, but simply because I see that you are a ball of nerves. The fact that you explode in such a way, towards a complete stranger, that you are extreme in your assessment and extreme in your advice, does not say anything good for you. Extremes are never a good idea. 22, 26, thank you! :) At 22 for understanding, and at 26 for an interesting and fruitful comment. :) Once I've stopped asking strangers for advice, I've obviously already tried everything that came to my mind.
What zodiac sign are you, author? I know it has nothing to do with the subject, but you sound like a horn to me. You don't hear what people are trying to tell you and you're on yours again. The girl may be depressed, she may have experienced something. Sex is important, but it is not the most important thing in our lives.
From the author: I don't know how it happened, but he hasn't let me get out of bed for a few days. In reality, I didn't even have time to react with most of the advice here, but it won't go unnoticed. Thanks to everyone who took me seriously and helped me with their opinions! Let's consider the topic over.
You left the computer unattended and she saw what you wrote on the site. Accordingly, she was motivated before you followed the advice to dump her. The other option is for her lover to abandon her, respectively redirected to you. I hope this is not just a temporary situation.
Good :) make sure it doesn't turn out now that you can't ...
You are somewhat right, but you are somewhat shattering me with your claims. You want her to adjust to you and you to her? You are not for each other. Let her be happy with someone else. And you have found a woman who will satisfy you sexually. But if the other is not right - well, we can't have everything, right? ;) Ж30
Number 26, I only ended up penetrating. And not once or twice. ;)
36th: You can, referring here, obviously the dissatisfied friend of the author. ;)