Hello everyone. My girlfriend and I have been together for almost two years and our relationship is very stable. Each of us puts the other first and we really can't do without each other. We live together, we plan to buy an apartment, we want a child and we work to achieve our goals. My problem, however, is that since we've been together, I've seen her ex write to her on Facebook. She hides her chat with him, answers him until I see him, and then hides him until he writes to her again. This upsets me a lot and I don't know how to react. I never told her anything about it. Only once she had mentioned to me that he had written to her and occupied her with meaningless things, asked her if she was okay, etc. But after a certain period of time / 1-2 months / I see how the chat with him reappears and she he hides it again. I saw this while she herself showed me something on her phone and accidentally opened her chats. Then, before I could (according to her) see the names, she closed it for a second and pretended that nothing had happened. Let me mention that the two have been in a relationship for 6 years and it is normal for them not to stop talking from day to day, but what is there to talk about for so long?
She knows I'm jealous and I'm going to get sick, so she might not tell me anything, but how do I tell her I know? And how can I ask her what they write so much about? I have no doubt in her lpbovta. He shows her in every way. I also know that she has not met this person, because we are always together, we have never slept in separate beds since we were together, her friends are also my friends, I know her colleagues and I take her and take her from work every time. She was recently offered a free trip to Tokyo for a week and she refused, because he wants us to be together ... And things like that. I am only bothered by this problem and I will ask for your advice. Am I filming too much and what should I do in this case? Good day!
Answers 36
But wait a minute, why is he hiding his chat at all !? There is nothing wrong !? Look, I am very happy for people like you, who love each other so much, etc. I wish you all the best happiness and I do not want to say anything bad, do not misunderstand me! You as a man for your personal security and peace of mind, you need to understand what is so there in this chat! If she loves you, I think she should show you that she is not hiding anything! Don't think that you are suffocating her and invading her personal space, on the contrary, my friend ... if there is something better to understand it sooner. I'm telling you good feelings! I'm a woman and I've had girlfriends whose husbands love them and think that it's the same on the other side, but what ... not to go on! I got a little interested in writing, but I wanted to help with something. Good luck and a lot of love;) ? There is nothing wrong !? Look, I am very happy for people like you, who love each other so much, etc. I wish you all the best happiness and I do not want to say anything bad, do not misunderstand me! You as a man for your personal security and peace of mind, you need to understand what is so there in this chat! If she loves you, I think she should show you that she is not hiding anything! Don't think that you are suffocating her and invading her personal space, on the contrary, my friend ... if there is something better to understand it sooner. I'm telling you good feelings! I'm a woman and I've had girlfriends whose husbands love them and think that it's the same on the other side, but what ... not to go on! I got a little interested in writing, but I wanted to help with something. Good luck and a lot of love;) ? There is nothing wrong !? Look, I am very happy for people like you, who love each other so much, etc. I wish you all the best happiness and I do not want to say anything bad, do not misunderstand me! You as a man for your personal security and peace of mind, you need to understand what is so there in this chat! If she loves you, I think she should show you that she is not hiding anything! Don't think that you are suffocating her and invading her personal space, on the contrary, my friend ... if there is something better to understand it sooner. I'm telling you good feelings! I'm a woman and I've had girlfriends whose husbands love them and think that it's the same on the other side, but what ... not to continue! I got a little interested in writing, but I wanted to help with something. Good luck and a lot of love;) I wish you with all my heart only happiness and I do not want to say anything bad, do not misunderstand me! You as a man for your personal security and peace of mind, you need to understand what is so there in this chat! If she loves you, I think she should show you that she is not hiding anything! Don't think that you are suffocating her and invading her personal space, on the contrary, my friend ... if there is something better to understand it sooner. I'm telling you good feelings! I'm a woman and I've had girlfriends whose husbands love them and think that it's the same on the other side, but what ... not to go on! I got a little interested in writing, but I wanted to help with something. Good luck and a lot of love;) I wish you with all my heart only happiness and I do not want to say anything bad, do not misunderstand me! You as a man for your personal security and peace of mind, you need to understand what is so there in this chat! If she loves you, I think she should show you that she is not hiding anything! Don't think that you are suffocating her and invading her personal space, on the contrary, my friend ... if there is something better to understand it sooner. I'm telling you good feelings! I'm a woman and I've had girlfriends whose husbands love them and think that it's the same on the other side, but what ... not to go on! I got a little interested in writing, but I wanted to help with something. Good luck and a lot of love;) I think it is right to show you that she is not hiding anything! She does not think that you are suffocating her and invading her personal space, on the contrary, my friend ... if there is something better to understand it early. I say! I am a woman and I have had girlfriends whose husbands love them and think that on the other side it is the same, but what ... not to continue! I got a little interested in writing, but I wanted to help with something. Good luck and a lot of love;) I think it is right to show you that she is not hiding anything! She does not think that you are suffocating her and invading her personal space, on the contrary, my friend ... if there is something better to understand it early. I say! I am a woman and I have had girlfriends whose husbands love them and think that on the other side it is the same, but what ... not to continue! I got a little interested in writing, but I wanted to help with something. Good luck and a lot of love;)
To film. Obsessive and suffocating, I personally will not tolerate you. Everyone has the right to have friends and write to each other, personal conversations, etc. The woman is not your property, as long as you are like glued non-stop, and you also want to watch her chats. Stop it, it's a disease
Number 2 are you okay? In my opinion, it is not right to write to your ex if you have been together for 100 years. I understand, if they have children, that's another matter. Okay, let's say they write to each other and it's normal for someone, then why doesn't he show you the chat if he's not hiding anything. I understand that you are the 2nd 3rd month and that you have no right to dig into her life, but you are two. I also wrote to my ex before, but then I was with a person I don't love and I knew that he didn't love me either, he treated me terribly and I kind of found solace in my ex. I don't know, you say that you love her very much, she feels the way you write. I don't want to say anything bad, but I would immediately like to give him an account, because that's not ok behind your back. I know you love her and will close your eyes, but she has to choose whether to build a frenzy with you or continue to deal with the past. A woman tells you that
It is very likely that you are just filming. From writing to writing, there is a difference between being former friends and being friends. How do you treat your exes, pretending you don't know them? You say yourself that you are jealous, he can hide the chat about it, and if there is something rotten, sooner or later it will be revealed.
Of course, it is wrong to write to your ex and hide as a teenager. You yourself feel that something is wrong and it eats you inside. Don't be sure that they love you as you love, so never have one hundred percent trust, because in time you will regret it. There should be nothing secret between two people who truly love each other, there are no personal conversations to hide!
If my wife wrote to her ex, I wouldn't be jealous of her at all. But if he hides the chat from me and we don't talk about it, I will have an occasion. 2 As you are so open, imagine that your friend hides the chat with his ex from you. M? How will you feel?
leave her immediately, if she writes to her ex it means that there are still loopholes for potential situations in which she will easily be able to return to her ex if she doesn't like something between you. A person who maintains old relationships is not committed to his current one. -Probably just uses them typically feminine as the best option for the current time in his life.
Number 2, the disease state is you! In essence: It is bad to write this story, because the trust in the woman next to you has already been undermined. In a good relationship, exchanging the phones of one or the other should not be a question at all. But if one says that his phone is his personal space, consider that the connection is doomed. And if he starts hiding his communication - it's over! This is because trust is based on loyalty. If you are loyal to me, I will trust you and vice versa. She is not loyal to you and you cannot trust her - this is elementary psychology. Talk about it or your relationship is doomed. It is not a joke! It's not me, it's family psychotherapists. If she doesn't realize it and continues like this, you will start developing inappropriate behavior (completely justified) and the relationship will fall apart. Another question is why she does so.
You also say directly that you do not like such things. As her ex is so precious, to go to him. If they really write stories together, you don't have to hide, you may want to show them their chats. There is nothing wrong with this, personal space is often a convenient screen for other, not very pleasant things for the other person. N. 2 let him look after his cats and not get involved in things he obviously does not understand.
From number 2 - Bray, how many people have problems with trust in their relationship :) Neither I keep track of who my friend is chatting with, nor does he check me. We both know there is no need. Connection with constant doubts, shared passwords, Facebook and checks is toxic to me. If you like it, dare. Come with health
You don't film at all, but how did you find out that your relationship is very stable. The fact that you still sleep in the same bed, that you take her every day from work, that you plan to buy a home is natural for every couple of your age. The fact that you can't do without each other, that you put the other first are thoughts that are probably only in your head - obviously it can be without you, just as obviously it doesn't put you first. Number 1 told you very well, and which of the options is valid for you you can only find out from the mouth of your girlfriend, there is no forum to tell you what's going on in the head of your chosen one. I've played this circus, I know it's not easy to ask your questions, I know that no matter how careful and tactful you are, they will reproach you for digging in your personal space, I know they will try to downplay what is happening, that you may be guilty of possible separation, noooo you have the right to know who is allowed in your personal space without your consent. If you have an honest and worthy person against you, you have nothing to lose from a frank conversation, if the person is greedy and tries to weave in two looms, you still have nothing to lose from a separation. The exes are therefore exes, their place is in the past and you are not the one who has to keep some skeletons in the wardrobe. The basis of a relationship is trust, at the moment it is shaken and it is serious, do you think that for years you can endure the games that are played behind your back? Today you will close your eyes for one chat, tomorrow for two, then for chats with others - you do not trust her, she also doubts what your reaction will be if she shares with whom and especially about what she writes so much about. I never understood what the ex was talking about with the ex, but I'm sure of one thing, if everything in their chats was so harmless, if it was all just "bragging about the new boyfriend", if there really was nothing to hide , all the chats would become my property, even together we would chat with the one who gave up on my girlfriend when she was in his arms and now hangs like a dog around a kebab shop. In short, you are a friend on slippery terrain and if you do not take action now, they will cut your hat a little later. You know, you say you're jealous, and I think you're indecisive, you're afraid of the truth, you don't want to lose the "gold" you've probably been looking for, but you don't realize that this "gold" it is not gold, but rice with a dubious yellow coating. I keep 1% for error, but in the other percentages I am sure that this is not your person - read number 1 again and ask yourself the questions, and according to the answers make a decision, YOUR decision, not the decision of the forum fortune tellers as number 2! This "Obsessive and suffocating ..." you know how many times I've heard it is equivalent to "talk to yourself, don't bother me" - I've had a calm and satisfying life since I've lost all such individuals around me. Now I "obsess and suffocate" at will, that they are still asking me for more. Everything is in your hands, put the cards on the table, otherwise all your life you will wonder who the Jack is in (definitely not in you at the moment)! you know how many times I've heard it, it's the equivalent of "talk to me, don't bother me" - I've had a quiet and satisfying life since I've lost all such individuals around me. Now I "obsess and suffocate" at will, that they are still asking me for more. Everything is in your hands, put the cards on the table, otherwise all your life you will wonder who Valeto is (definitely not in you at the moment)! you know how many times I've heard it, it's the equivalent of "talk to me, don't bother me" - I've had a quiet and satisfying life since I've lost all such individuals around me. Now I "obsess and suffocate" at will, that they are still asking me for more. Everything is in your hands, put the cards on the table, otherwise all your life you will wonder who Valeto is (definitely not in you at the moment)!
I really like how you all jumped to attack me. I look after my cat, his name is Marincho, number 9: 3. Number 8 determined my condition, I will determine his - you have complexes and fears. So do you think a relationship is good and stable only if you are glued together as Siamese twins? You have no right to privacy, personal conversations with friends, everything must be common and shared, otherwise your partner "leaves loopholes". As long as you demand that the person next to you depersonalize and be devoted to death, report to you every chat and inform you about everything, you are doomed to be alone or always unhappy in your relationship. No one can convince me that constant checks and doubts about a relationship are healthy and that this is the "right way". You don't realize that the more you tremble and obsess over the person next to you, lest he accidentally look at someone or say hello, the more you repel him and challenge him to really do something. If someone wants to be with you and only with you, he will do it, there is no guarantee that with all the monitoring and checks they will not cheat on you again, only that you will turn white prematurely from the worries "what is my girlfriend writing ?!" Stay alone as you are so scared and do not harass people.
And I wrote to my ex without wanting to be with him again. We were together for 4 years, and in important moments and when I needed help, he was by my side, as I was by his side. I can't just throw away 4 years of my life and pretend it never was. I currently live abroad, and I'm happy for him. We write common things, who is how in work, life. He has a girlfriend, as I have. We just remained good friends because he helped me a lot, and I appreciated that he gave me a hand in a difficult time. Mine is not jealous, because there is nothing - we will never see each other again, nor gather again. I just kept respect for someone who was my support. That doesn't mean I don't love my boyfriend, but I can't hate someone who has done so much for me. We have both accepted that we are not for each other. Your girlfriend may have other motives, these are mine. There are people who prefer to hate and spit all their lives after separation, and others who maintain normal relationships simply because they are not bad and not for each other.
13 and 14, I have the feeling that you both do not understand what we are talking about. 13, who talks about watching, about entering personal space, about limiting contacts - write to whomever you want, meet friends, have fun, but if you start hiding, it's normal to ask yourself why you do it. My current girlfriend does not bother to leave her phone while she is in the bathroom, she tells me where, when and with whom she will meet, and then she tells me how the meeting went, she never hid passwords in e-mails, Skype, Facebook, respectively I've never been curious to go in there and rummage through her chats. 14, your current boyfriend doesn't feel threatened because he obviously knows about your ex-boyfriend and you've managed to convince him that it's over there. The author feels threatened because he feels that something is happening behind his back, his girlfriend is not just chatting, but it also hides - there is a difference, obviously it's not just hello-hello, it's not a request for advice on what curtains to put on or which dentist to go to. It would be insulting for me for my girlfriend to consult with an ex before asking for my opinion, at least with the ex all the possibilities to get an adequate answer to any question outside the intimate sphere are exhausted - the interest in the ex is usually like measuring on the dicks of men, let's see now how far you are with the material by leaving me, did you find a better job, a better woman, do you not regret breaking up with me, etc. All this is totally unfair to the current partner and it is logical for him to defend his personal space, unless you have already become indifferent to him and he is still the one with whom you write, with whom you fuck (even mentally). 14,
15, how did you judge that I don't have a person I really care about? You are all great specialists here, in the end everyone should live according to their understandings, I don't care to argue anymore, it doesn't make sense. I wish you good health.
Tell her that if she doesn't stop chatting with her ex, you break up, but try to think about it.
Number 15, just because someone is my ex, do I have to spit on him my whole life? The particular person has not lived in the country for at least 2 years, has a girlfriend and they live together. I also live with someone. We just parted ways. My friend knows, I don't hide from him. He knows he helped me a lot, I owe him a lot, and we're just good acquaintances. I neither love nor be jealous of him. Whatever it was. We don't write to each other for hours, nor do we take off. Just general talk. I know it's long over. The author is worried because the girl is hiding. She may still have a thrill. But even if it requires them not to write to each other, or to threaten her with separation, it is not right. It will only motivate her to keep doing it, or she will decide that she is a jealous psychopath who wants to control her. Or he will put it in his hands, because the former may not have been a commodity,
I don't think it's okay. Talk about it. Say it bothers you.
18, dear, if you want to read me again - quote me, where and when I said you have to spit on someone all your life. I said only one thing, or at least that's what I wanted to say - the place of the former is in the past, every minute set aside for them is a minute stolen from the present. You are lucky with the current one that he is tolerant, which does not guarantee that he is not irritated by "your common conversations" with the former. I have no intention of teaching you life lessons, but you are walking on thin ice! You may know a lot of things, including "I know it's long over." the former. I say all this from personal experience. At 16 I will say only one thing - when there is really a person next to you, whom he cares about, he will understand me. Jealousy is like any poison, in small doses it is a medicine, in large doses it kills - there is no love without jealousy, the other is indifference. 16, I do not claim to be a specialist, which does not make you a specialist to speak as you did under number 13.
Dude, if it's me, I'll take her phone, hit her on the ground, but before that, I'll curse her stupid ex ... how are you people? It is logical that if you stand and do not take measures to make you a monkey ... if he comes to walk more, what should you suffer for. I will beat mine because there were some with whom she slept on her Facebook without being written to. If you are with a woman, you give everything for her, etc., then you set the rules, and she will play whatever you order, if she doesn't go to dig her somewhere and throw her ... don't comply, please!
Bray, reading what aggressive comments there are, it's no wonder that so many murders of jealousy happen in this country. The Bulgarian man still lives in the Middle Ages, when everything was decided primarily. Author, if he doesn't give you the given connection, end it for me and don't bother anymore. The answer is simple and simple. No threats, breaking phones, bans, and beating in the chest like an alpha male. Just tell her you want to break up and that's it. Why do people want to get into unnecessary dramas, when everything can be solved with one bye? Why is this unnecessary masochism?
A man has the dignity to speak directly that this is unacceptable behavior and to choose either chat with the former or live with the current, the middle way no If you are a real man, if not, all your life you will wonder what is happening around you and whine do not listen to women they are another world and planet, they like to be courted by more men, so they maintain their self-confidence, if it is understandable with someone new and unknown, but with a person with whom she was intimate, no!
21, you're going to beat her, huh? I wholeheartedly wish you to be alone forever. I'm sorry about your girlfriend, if you have one at all. From the (non) specialist
I had a similar problem with my friend. I am a woman. I love him, but I have already lost trust. On our third meeting, he mentioned that they were friends with the former, but their relationship had ended quite soon, there are less than 6 months. I shout to myself, I will not fall into jealousy and nonsense, but at times, he mentioned it quite often and it started to hurt me. At times he compared us. Female intuition is a terrible thing, however. On St. Valentine's Day, I found a letter from her in the closet with quite sentimental and kind messages, and that ruined me. I talked to him that this is not pleasant for me and I ask him to stop. Well, he said she was just a weaver and the weave would stay. I said to myself that I was obviously pathologically jealous and did not understand their friendship. However, something inside kept harassing me .. A month ago, I couldn't stand it and opened his phone and chatted with her, it turned out that they wrote to each other quite often, in some places I was even ridiculed. On top of that, there was a flirtation on his part. He asked her if she had dreamed of it by chance and that he was not particularly busy. Well, I'm telling you, my eyes are black, I've packed my bags and bye! Emotional infidelity is worse than physical infidelity. Speak openly, and that there is no point in watching and chasing each other is clear. It is important who respects and loves the other next to them. Sooner or later, however, everything is clear. We are human - we are wrong. But these secret meetings and chats with exes, I personally do not like. I don't do that and I don't want them to do that to me. There is a friendship between exes, but it happens when some time has passed, chats are not frequent and there is no flirtation and ligatures behind the new person's back. If they love to get together so much! A person, first of all, must have finished with the past and only then look for a new relationship. It's not fair somehow. But still talk, there is nothing irreparable in this world.
What if a man writes to his ex? It's the same. An ex wrote to me for a while, even though he has a girlfriend he supposedly adores. And not general stories, but things that are quite intimate, things that we used to write to each other. I didn't like it because he wasn't alone, but he didn't mind. Then he rubbed what he had written and ended, as if he were gone. Don't let your girlfriend see him. I was very disgusted, but the other one was itching for him. So a lot of men write to their exes, but they delete their chats.
The former is already a stranger and this is a thrill for the man. If he manages to get her to have sex again (because according to the other paragraphs they obviously don't understand each other and that's why they broke up), the man will have her as a new conquest. The woman, on the other hand, thinks with her simple mind that he almost feels sorry for her, comparing her to the new one. These are false, miserable and ugly relationships between people who have had enough reasons to separate and no longer think about each other.
from 27. Better to delete their chats and put passwords on their phones. At least, they won't hurt the person next to them. I don't know anymore, but this world is totally degrading. Am I so dumb and conservative - I don't know. We all make mistakes, but you show courage of character and tell yourself everything as it is! The probability of forgiving such a person and trying to understand him is many times more foolish than catching him in lies and making excuses. During our relationship, men wrote to me and took me down and invited me for coffee, but I flatly refused because I loved and cared for my friend. I didn't need to lie to him and betray him. I understand that after a while people get bored, infidelity can happen, but in the very beginning to make a fool of you, I don't understand it - believe me!
Things are like this - when you know that your girlfriend can't find a man better than you, you don't need to pay attention to who and what she is talking to! Otherwise she is free to find the best for herself! If she still decides to be with you, be grateful and don't film yourself! The majority of people are jealous and have low self-esteem and that is why they are afraid of their shadows! If you are from this predominant part, you will live in fear. Number 2 is probably one of the few here who knows the price and that of his friend and lives without frustration and engages his thinking with unnecessary problems! "God, how much sorrow there is in this world, God!" Said Mukanina to himself.
Number 31 means lying to your partner is normal in your opinion, right? I've been a pathological jealous and I know what it is - believe me! Such a person is jealous, even of your friends and family! New stop ringtones, bans and checks! Non stop! When, however, there is a reason, the other person should be aware. Love is not built on lies and double life. Mine yells at me: You're filming, you're imagining nonsense, until I saw him fooling around behind my back!
People who have not overcome their exes should be honest with their current partners. Lies and blind jealousy, I emphasize the blind for no reason, do not lead to anything good.
Friendship between exes exists only in the following cases: 1. Enough time has passed. I both don't feel for each other. 2. They were colleagues and still are. 3. Have a child or a joint business. All other situations are prosgo pathology. Someone caresses his sick ego or just doesn't know what he wants. Those with zealous privacy are as bad as those who are pathologically jealous. Distinguish between the two. You do not need to dig anywhere, sooner or later everything is clear
How petty everyone is, are you all right, someone wrote - a big deal. I'm very above things, I don't care at all if my wife writes to someone, she even writes to a lot of men - I see her, sometimes we even make jokes together with some of her tanned suitors, I'm confident and I have a lot more more important things than watching her. I also told him to do what he wants, just not to understand and to drive well like that. She doesn't confuse me, I write to my colleagues, because I have a lot of women around, she writes to some of them, but every night we get tired of fucking, which is more important. We are not children, it is normal to need some other emotions, especially my wife is quite beautiful and all men take her off, but in the end I am her at night, and those who write to her probably shine, thinking about her. This makes life much easier and carefree, without you suspecting it, follow and similar children's stories. If someone wants us to leave to be with others, let them do it, we'll just break up and that's it, it's not a big pain to die. I tell you this as a 35-year-old who has been through thousands of such nonsense and there is no point in poisoning your nerves, life is short.
Whether someone will code their phone or delete chats does not diminish the fact that they write to their exes. He just hides from being seen by his official girlfriend. Mice that enjoy hurting people. They don't love anyone.
Up to 35. Your case is completely different. You don't hide from each other, you share, you joke, don't you ?! And here the case is radically different, she is hiding from him, he is obviously not happy, which is a red signal. The only way is to talk to her openly. In my case, it turned out that the man was furious with a serious relationship, or did not know what he wanted, it turned out that we are looking for different things in life, he had not overcome his ex or manipulated her, I have no idea and he is best to chat and flirt on the net and run to give necklaces and flowers to "girlfriends", because he has to caress his sick ego. And all this was understood. And I would be a joke! With full right!
35 E * net is not everything in this world - here we are talking about respect for the other person. When you lie and hide, what future do you expect to have? Otherwise you're right, you don't need to dramatize, but you don't have to be a fool in the face, do you? The value system in the world is now totally missing. And this is a pity ...
35, we are not all liberal about open relationships either. Most people are like that. It is not acceptable for me for my friend to write to his ex, what do they have to say to each other? What do people who have loved and slept together have to say to each other? Unless they have children, there is no need for communication. And for my friend to arrange meetings, or to be very frank with colleagues - absurd! What's so great about writing a man with a colleague - about men and clothes? Friendship and good manners are one thing, crossing the line is quite another. It also depends on the minds of colleagues, but many infidelities occur at work. Yes, it is not good to lurk, but complete freedom and carelessness come to me too much.