I will try to briefly tell you what made me think about this question. Before the kids showed up, everything between us was perfect. I never thought that one day he would tell me that he had no paternal instinct, that 30 minutes a day with the children was enough for him and that he had no desire to play with them. After their appearance, he became irritable, always grumbling and dissatisfied. He started spending 15 hours at work more and more often and when he came home he was tired, ate and went to bed for 5 years. The children look for him, often cry for him and he refuses to get up and play. They are boys and they need him, but he doesn't understand this thing, he would wait for them to grow up, then he would "deal" with them. It's as if I'm tired of watching these scenes every day, of being a father and a mother, a housewife and his business partner. I'm afraid to leave him, I do not know how it will affect the children, whether they will not suffer, looking for him what I will tell them. I'm just scared. On the other hand, I want to be happy, I want to feel loved and respected woman and mother. I want the children to be happy, I'm tired of looking at their sad faces and tears in their eyes just because their father doesn't have time for us. I have no idea if he will ever change and everything will fall into place ... is it worth it to keep waiting. I'm not happy, we're rarely intimate, we don't have friends, we don't go out. I have no idea what to do. On the other hand, He appeared 2 years ago. 17 years older than me. We have never been intimate, I can't afford it at this stage. I just know he's my partner, he's what I need, he knows my whole life is with me and supports me and is ready to accept me with the children and just be happy. I'm afraid to do anything because of the two angels I have. They are everything to me and I am afraid of hurting them if I decide to divorce. I will be happy for someone with a similar destiny to write to me and give advice. I am too confused !!! Thank you all, be alive and healthy!
Answers 15
And to give all your soul and love to their children, they will always look for their father. No matter how much attention and love they receive from another man, she cannot replace their biological father. And as I understand you, they are not small anymore. If you separate, it will stay in their minds. I am a man of 39 and I live with my death cousin. Every night there are shouts, screams, quarrels. Not to mention how much more nonsense is falling on my head except that I'm pushing like an ox to have something to go home with. My child suffered mentally from his mother's madness. I press my head and endure. As crazy as she is, he's looking for her. To go to court, without a lawyer I can take her to a clinic. But everything will affect the child. I grit my teeth and last. May the day come when he stops torturing us. I live for my child! Only children give us meaning in this life. Indulge in pleasant experiences. When you are unhappy, children feel it. If you want, your lover will turn.
Don't get divorced. It won't get any better. Your children are only yours, they will not become their own to anyone - not even the one 17 years older than you. I know what I'm talking about - I'm married to a circulation and I looked after my two children alone, come on, for the first one my grandmothers helped me from time to time, but for the second one - no one. You sound like a responsible mother, you speak with love for your children, let them grow up with their father, maybe he will come to his senses.
Your husband deserves to lose his family if he doesn't love and appreciate you. Choose happiness, no matter how difficult it may be. It is not important who the biological father is, but who is a real person capable of raising children.
Judge if you are happy with this man. Judge, if you get divorced financially, is there anyone to pay you if he turns out to be a mold and does not pay his expenses (not to mention that they are ridiculously small). Make one last attempt (if you wish) to change things! If he doesn't want to change, you can't force him to! There is no point in being unhappy and sacrificing your happiness and that of children with a man who is irresponsible! The children really have a biological father and if he loves them and is responsible he would do everything for them, no matter where you are and who you are with! It is nonsense to be humiliated, neglected (and systematically), and in some cases beaten "for the sake of the children." If you decide to divorce, don't do it because of a specific man, but because you have decided that you don't want and can't live with this one anymore! From there you have a chance to meet love, which you want and deserve. It could be the gentleman you're writing about, maybe someone else. But if you divorce only because of the gentleman and he does not turn out to be what you dreamed of, you may still be disappointed. So consider whether you want to be more with your husband and from this assessment follow your further actions! Again, my father is a father and no one can replace him (if he is responsible), but no one wants to! If he is responsible, he will make commitments about his children! If not, what is the point of being unhappy with you and your children! your father is a father and no one can replace him (if he is responsible), but no one wants to! If he is responsible, he will make commitments about his children! If not, what is the point of being unhappy with you and your children! your father is a father and no one can replace him (if he is responsible), but no one wants to! If he is responsible, he will make commitments about his children! If not, what is the point of being unhappy with you and your children!
Act as you see fit, but I don't think you have much hope for the older one. If you haven't had sex yet, you're interesting to him and you take down stars until he gets it. Men don't promise anything to get sex. You will get fed up and become uninterested in him, the children will also start to irritate him. If you want a divorce because of him, you better not, you'll be disappointed, I think.
Just make sure the new one doesn't lose his goodness after you become his.
If the situation is intolerable and it is better for the children, divorce, but keep in mind that after the divorce you should rely only on yourself. It's not easy, I'm not just talking about the financial part. The children are growing, there are two and the commitments are increasing. Don't rely on this new man and that you will definitely find love in his face. It may not be ruled out, but it is not certain. Children also need their own father, and I don't think another man can replace him completely, no matter how much he respects and accepts them. If you get divorced, do not limit contact with the father. Success!
If you stay, divorce for the sake of the children. I am a woman of 22 and my parents divorced when I was 2 years old and I am very well. The children are now worse off watching them in the same house with him and not playing with him. It would be better if you split up and only occasionally go to him if he wants to at all.
Get a divorce! If your husband hasn't felt like a father in a few years, he'll never feel like one! Do you believe that suddenly when the children become 15 years old he will remember that he is their parent? Absurd! If neither you nor the children are happy in this situation, you better get a divorce. However, I do not advise you to engage with the other man. Yes, it's easy for him to support you in words now, but will he be so enthusiastic when you really live together? Hardly. And the children have enough of a father who is not interested in them, so that you can give them a second one ... better not! She said it herself, you are a mother and as such the happiness of your children must come first! And they need love and care right now, not a new man in their mother's life. For this, get a divorce and dedicate yourself to your children.
I would divorce in a second without thinking! M37
Tell your husband how you feel about his attitude towards the children - as he described it to us and threatened him that you would divorce and let him watch them and to enhance the effect he even dumped him alone for a weekend with children - tell him that you are tired and that they are his sons to look after them in the end. Such men are only frightened by this, he will immediately come to his senses - otherwise you are too comfortable for him, you take everything that is not done to him and cancel it. He's not crazy about eating the pie. Women in this situation make the mistake of threatening the man that they will leave and take their children - it's like scaring a dog with salami, it will worry him much more and the prospect of leaving them will have an educational effect: ) Do not be fooled that another man, even at an old age, will accept your children as a father and you will live together without any problems - the person has no idea what it is like to live with two small foreign children, he will quickly get nervous in real cohabitation and will is there with love. You'd better focus on getting your husband on track.
Were you crazy? !! If you also have a Man, then your problem is nothing! She would wait for things to change and everything to fall into place. It has ALREADY changed and "come to its place" - as it always has been and will be ... God, how much sorrow there is in this world, God ...
Don't count on uncle. He'll have fun, so he'll get lost and he's gone. Rather, invest in your family. His father is a father, but he obviously has a mistress and does not turn him around at home. Try to get it back. Enough grumbling, resentment, take care of yourself. Neglecting sex is an extremely gross mistake. Dare, someone else will not solve your own problems.
I was like your husband ... The information you wrote is small enough to give any advice. I will tell you the following. 1. If your husband grew up in a family that just worked, without a lot of emotions and common pleasures, his reaction is normal. 2. If your husband is in a high management position, the challenge is greater than "family life". He takes the family for granted, an axiom and puts a minimum of effort in this direction. 3. In support of item 2, emotions at work are far more important to him because He finds other emotions difficult to recognize. It's just not taught to them. His family emotion is foreign and ... boring !!! 4. Money. They are an extremely important moment in his notions of a happy family. He thinks that by providing the money for the normal existence of the family, this exhausts his great commitment, and if the other party does not admire him for it, they (you) do not understand it. 5. He will not divorce you because he loves you. He can find a mistress for non-committal sex. (if sex with you is boring, insufficient, by the way ... because in the first place are children and all other everyday life. 6. He is tired, damn very tired not from you, not from the children, but from the emotions in business. 7 My only advice: FIND TIME FOR YOU BOTH WITHOUT CHILDREN, JUST FOR YOU BOTH !!! THIS IS THE MEDICINE !!! .. and it cures me.When my wife takes time for me (sounds cynical, but it is), I did the same .... 20 years have passed in family grief and boredom, I in providing family money, she in the upbringing and love for children. I just took it for granted and I didn't deal with lovers, she didn't give me reason to doubt her integrity. We are OK now. 8. If you invest time, a lot of time and love, warmth in your relationship you will not divorce. And everything will be fine in your relationship. (That's what my wife did, for which she won me over forever. Not that I haven't had a chance to "change" her. As people say ... "Don't ask an old man, ask a patillo.") 9. If you have no desire !? divorce ... but the one you mention may be a good person, but not the father of your children. Patchwork, you enter new "movies" in front of which your current situation fades. Trust me!!! Such "psychics" .... are the most dangerous, stressed wife ... shared problems, deeply emotional responses veiled by emotional predisposition and the lamb falling into a trap ... they can wait for long-awaited sex for a very long time. And then ... not to tell you. Ask yourself why this man why this man has such an emotional relationship with you TWO years without sex, without any idea of ... future !!! You have two children, you have the emotion of the platonic relationship, but in addition to this emotion you need a PLAN, how your life will develop and YOUR CHILDREN after the divorce ... and if I have to paraphrase the famous saying "Fuck a lot, husbands a little" ... "Emotionally confused people a lot, husbands a little" I deeply hope you choose my wife's option! Believe me it's worth it .... Ask yourself why this man why this man has such an emotional relationship with you TWO years without sex, without any idea of ... future !!! You have two children, you have the emotion of the platonic relationship, but in addition to this emotion you need a PLAN, how your life will develop and YOUR CHILDREN after the divorce ... and if I have to paraphrase the famous saying "Fuck a lot, husbands a little" ... "Emotionally confused people a lot, husbands a little" I deeply hope you choose my wife's option! Believe me it's worth it .... Ask yourself why this man why this man has such an emotional relationship with you TWO years without sex, without any idea of ... future !!! You have two children, you have the emotion of the platonic relationship, but in addition to this emotion you need a PLAN, how your life will develop and YOUR CHILDREN after the divorce ... and if I have to paraphrase the famous saying "Fuck a lot, husbands a little" ... "Emotionally confused people a lot, husbands a little" I deeply hope you choose my wife's option! Believe me it's worth it ....
Number 14, I'm not the author, but I'm curious, theoretically it's all. Would you give me any advice (in theory) on how to "roll" such a man to engage in home and family responsibilities? Is it enough just to take time for the two of us? Given, for example, that the children are small, this time would also be limited if there is no one to look after them (grandmothers, for example). A babysitter can be hired, but how many times a week do you think she can come home (if the family can afford her at all)? Are the options for a family counselor or psychologist suitable and what to do if the man does not want such meetings because "this is nonsense"?