Dear readers, I have the following problem. I am 40 years old. Divorced. I live alone. I have a girlfriend who (just please don't laugh) is 20 years old. We have strong feelings for each other. She is currently a student. For half a year I have been hesitant whether to marry her or to separate as good friends. I love her, she loves me, but I realize she's too young for me. What worries me is that in 10-15 years she will still be young, and I will sink into old age. Sometimes I think I don't pay attention to the difference, but in moments of sobriety I am again overwhelmed by worries about our age difference. Give me advice on how to proceed!
Answers 19
Don't get married, live together, if there are conditions - of course. My husband and I met when I was just 19, and he was almost 39. The man waited for me to finish, to work, and we agreed that I wanted to be at least 28-29 years old before we had a child. . What old age haunts you? You're only 40. Just don't push her to give birth and ruin her future. I think my husband did the right thing - he gave me time to grow a little, to build myself as a person and not to be financially dependent on him. Well, he experienced a lot of things, because I went through all sorts of philosophical phases, political views, opinions, principles and nonsense. We are very happy otherwise, our age difference is not so obvious anymore, and people are used to it. The girl's parents may be a little upset at first, but when they see that you have a good influence on their daughter, will tame. For now, though, don't make her your bride because she might one day accuse you of not being you? left a door out. You know the story of the bird - if you release it and it comes back, then it's yours. PP What 15 years have you been dreaming about? Today life is fast, you don't know if you will stay together for 15 years at all. In addition, a man with a young woman remains somehow young, active and active. No way. Let the girl make her choice, once she has decided to be with you, then she wants you and only you. He will want you in 20 years, you know. I adore my husband, whoever tells me anything. The more they tried to separate us, the more they brought us together! What 15 years have you been dreaming of? Today life is fast, you don't know if you will stay together for 15 years at all. In addition, a man with a young woman remains somehow young, active and active. No way. Let the girl make her choice, once she has decided to be with you, then she wants you and only you. He will want you in 20 years, you know. I adore my husband, whoever tells me anything. The more they tried to separate us, the more they brought us together! What 15 years have you been dreaming of? Today life is fast, you don't know if you will stay together for 15 years at all. In addition, a man with a young woman remains somehow young, active and active. No way. Let the girl make her choice, once she has decided to be with you, then she wants you and only you. He will want you in 20 years, you know. I adore my husband, whoever tells me anything. The more they tried to separate us, the more they brought us together!
Number 1, I don't worry about myself - I worry about her future. How will she feel in time, if we get married, will she be happy with her life, with her family, with me. I am a scientist and my knowledge has helped me to overcome vanity and not think that the world begins and ends with me. And not to be selfish. So my worries are mainly about my girlfriend: whether in time she will not feel unhappy that she married an older man. In this aspect. Otherwise, I do not want marriage at any cost.
Author, there are things a woman has to decide for herself, don't you think? We had this argument with my husband, but very often and I was always annoyed. He can't take my choice. Ok, I took it at 19, but almost 10 years later it hasn't changed. And we are learned people. Yes, we are, because he gave me great strength to study. I didn't feel deprived of anything with him. Except for his stupid and childish jealousy, he left me free to go through all the phases typical of a young man. We have discussed stupid, perhaps for him, topics, but what to do - he chose it himself. I have slightly left-wing understandings, he is purely right-wing - and that's why we fight, I go to various protests, I play electronic games, I have Facebook for 3 years (he protected me from publishing my birth certificate there) ... I have many advantages to be with such a man and I have chosen him myself and I want him, period. And he didn't take me seriously and thought I would find someone at university, he wanted me to live alone during my studies and in general - he was terrible, but in the end I proved to him that I wanted him - only where it complicated me of life. You think a lot, you know, you big men, but sometimes young girls are wiser. Especially when it comes to choosing a man. Whether in time this, that - you do not know whether in time you will be alive, you ask nonsense. After a while and after a while. You carry too much emotional baggage from past relationships, here your girlfriend is unencumbered, as I am. I liked him, I liked him and I decided to be with him. It's so simple. Even if he had dumped me, I wouldn't have been happier, I wouldn't have gone with a colleague, and maybe with the professor. Who knows. I don't like young men and that hasn't changed. And they don't like me because they're too windy and when I tell them something, they take offense. I have always wanted a real man and I am with a real man. In time ... In time he will make me two children, then we will look after them and I am sure that he will be a better father of my children than all the boys I go to protests, gatherings and chat on Skype for various nonsense. Well, because I know that I will stay with him until the end, I also know that even when I am 50, he will be 70. I told him that it is important for me to have our own house, as well as for me to have a good education. , a good income, and he good savings. I will watch it when it grows old and I will still be happier than any woman in the world. And yes - I hope I outlive him - I want to outlive him - because I don't want him to outlive me, I don't want to do this to him. We women are doomed without surviving our husbands. Grandma married a young man who smoked like a chimney and left her a widow with 2 children at 30 (lung cancer), not to mention all the women who lost their YOUNG men in wars, roads .... The woman is internally prepared for this if you are afraid of it. We have been doing it for centuries, we have always done it. We looked after ourselves and the children. I will look after them myself, if necessary, but they will be from Him - from the man I love. If he was 60, I would still be with him. Even if he wasn't able to give me children, if he was disabled, with cancer, if he had any physical disability, I would be with him. I love his mind, his character, everything. Well, and his body, I will not lie, but it is transient. I know that his beauty is transient today, although for me it is getting better. And come to think of it - I'm not sick. I am with a handsome man in his prime. Why should I regret one day? I prefer 2 years with him from 20 years with another. ... and yes. Maybe the world doesn't start and end with you, but that's not what the girl thinks - the world begins and ends with you. Leave it to her to make her own decision, please don't make life more complicated than it is. Essence - how much choice do you have at all? You know you can't leave her, you hardly have the strength to do that if you're in love (and you are). Then? Let him love you. Sometimes some things are not subject to reason. Thank God for that! (If you thought less, it would be better) And because you will not make a decision anyway, and the young lady - let her take it. I ask you for only one thing - wait with the children. As a man you are capable of this after 5-7 years, and she now needs that time to develop as a person. Besides waiting, the other is her job. Wishing you a lot of happiness! (we are not the only ones, there are many such couples since ancient times ...)
You want to get married, but what does she think about it. And one more thing, at the risk of insulting you, you are still 40, what are your motives for getting married - because that's what everyone does and it should be like that, or because you really see in this girl the person you would like to spend time with. your old age? These are important questions in order to be fair to her life. What about children - do you want to have? Because with such a difference to be alive and healthy, if you have children and they grow up and whether they will not create complexes of the big difference in the age of their parents. People in Bulgaria are not so free-thinking - their classmates will ask, are your mother and grandfather?
1, your child will be born when he is 50 for sure ... poor thing. This is already selfishness .... The man says that in 15 years he will be old, unlike the girl. What does it mean to live for the moment, marry with the thought of not doing it again. The probability of such a big difference being left alone for a very long time after your husband dies is high ... And not only that, but many other things. Author, I do not support links with such a difference. Why not look for women in your category? Leave the nonsense with fertility.
If you love each other, get married! One life is lived!
I do not understand such connections. You know, but think about whether the babe is with you for something else, is there any benefit, even if you want to drive her left - right. Or she is really honest and just loves you sincerely. If it's real, go for it, why not! But think well.
7, what a "benefit" - the man is a scientist! 5, how late? He promised me a baby for his 50th birthday, we even came up with the name. Would I be left alone? Look around her - it's full of single mothers, divorced women, women prisoners, abandoned women, widows of some adventurers, mothers of children with a "father unknown" in the birth certificate ..... Even if I stay alone, what ? I will manage. Of course, I do my homework, so I want to have our own home if something happens. Otherwise, my salary will always be enough, and for 50 years and 10, since we have been together, he has done his homework, saved, has money in a private pension fund, etc. I will not stay on the street with his children , if you hint at this, while it happened to a lot of my friends, even though their men were supposed to be young - dirty idlers and malnourished mothers. Anyone who has been in love knows that you can't choose it. Even if we separate, we will be unhappy, I will collapse mentally and physically. No thanks. In addition, it is not necessary. We're fine, people are used to it, and he looks very young. Everyone makes their choice and bears the consequences. Who, what did not approve of his work - live and let them live!
Leave this sociological research to you, but decide for yourself
Once you live, that's why you don't get married. Anyone who has been married once will never hear again. Stupid signature. All Hollywood celebrities with the strongest marriages and relationships have collapsed. Only Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis and Brangelina are still not ... The marriage is over. Then it becomes a nightmare you can't get out of because of the stupid signature. Not to mention that it is a sin directly before God to break these covenants. divorced
10, we live in 21, if you are afraid of God because you are divorced, you have a serious problem. Otherwise - we are not Hollywood stars. We don't get married for PR, we don't have millions, we are not persecuted by paparazzi. Now let's not start families because someone was divorced ...
11, when you get divorced, write here again. Precisely because we live in the 21st century, marriage is not what it used to be. The words in the church "What God has gathered, no man can divide" and "Until death do us part" do not tell you anything - childish work. You don't even know what they mean, and you're going to get married.
8, for great characters do you have a father of 50 years? If it was a woman, even though it didn't seem to happen, what would you say? And for men, the quality of the material also deteriorates, not to mention that your husband will be some kind of grandfather. It is selfishness, but it already crosses all boundaries. A grandfather of 50 will make a child. Both my mother and father gave birth to me late, but simply because it happened. Many times I have defended elderly parents, but intentionally having a child at 50, not 40, because you want to wave a trophy to a girl who may be your daughter, is awful. A person of 60 has much less energy and opportunities to deal with a child, then grandchildren have to look after, almost ... It's good that I will not be in the place of the poor child and now I tremble for my parents. And for the fact that you will be left alone, while in other relationships it is not certain, it is with you. And it will be in the worst way - with death, not separation. Guess which is better tolerated.
I haven't read the other comments, but when I saw your post I decided to write. I'm 23 and this summer I married the most wonderful person I've ever met. He is 42. I did not believe that there could be such harmony in the relationship between two people with such a difference. I am happy with him. I asked myself, “What will happen in time?” He looks like a great, energetic, athletic, mature man in his prime. I just pray that he will be with me for a very long time, that he will be alive and healthy and that we will always love each other as before. You have nothing to think about if you love each other and you both want to get married ... do it.
№14, и пак изборът опира до това - голямо щастие за кратко време, и по-малко щастие, но за доста по-дълго време. Ти сега си на върха, и изобщо не мислиш за другите аспекти на нещата. Те обаче неминуемо ще дойдат и в един момент ще започнат да доминират. Тогава вече ще си си променила мисленето, но може да е станало прекалено късно. Но... давай! Както казват някои: "Веднъж се живее! " (в което изобщо не вярвам - би било прекалено безсмислено, ако беше така... ).
Not true, number 15! This may be the choice of an unloved person, but the lover can NEVER experience a little happiness with another, except with the beloved. We are not in the Women's Market to measure and cut per kilogram. What other aspects of things? My relationship outlived the marriage of my cousin, my best friend, my cousin's love drama with a passionate Turk, and became an example to the people around me. Time passes, we are still together while others separate, reunite, marry and divorce. 10 years have passed and we are now confident in our feelings, our relationship is stable, we have a home, a stable daily life and income and it is time for us to have children - there can hardly be a more normal development. At first everyone was trying to separate us, especially my mother, no matter what nonsense she told me, now she is looking forward to her grandson. When you fall in love, you will understand that love has no limits and does not obey social laws, malice and gossip. Only death can separate lovers. And yes - I prefer to be separated by natural death, rather than quarrels, scandals, hatred ... After 10 years we are sure that we can offer a peaceful, calm and good home, full of love for our children. I prefer them to grow 10 years in such a home than 20 years in a home full of strife, a home without love, assembled according to the laws of society and reason.
15 I was with a man my age and what, I waited at least once for someone else to take the initiative this time, I waited, waited, waited, waited a long time until the moment came when I got tired and I was still this. I don't fly in the clouds, I know that the probability of being alone first is higher, but who knows, something could happen to me "tomorrow". I strongly believe that a person lives one life, but even if I am wrong, it is unlikely that this will happen again, so I want to live it lovingly and loved. Even for a while ...
I think it is important to maintain reciprocity for as long as possible. Marriage is not the best in this direction. Kids ... I don't think you should rush them in your case. Live and time will tell if age differences speak for themselves. If you are still a whole, throw yourself boldly into the deep !!!!
I wonder how these uncles think, where they take such young cakes. I am 36 years old. and I would never catch a girl of 19-20 years old, let alone anything more serious! True, the Bulgarian is not a collective player, he does not think about others and considers only himself, but does it not cross their minds so much that by taking such a young creature they deprive a boy of the right age of the opportunity to fall in love? and started a nice family with this young girl. But what am I explaining, now the modern babes living in the 21st century will jump on me, for whom God, morality, until death do us part and the like do not cost a penny!