Hello readers! I have a friend for 7 years. We literally grew up together because we are students together and now we are 23-24. We think about marriage and children after a while, BUT there is a very big problem that bothers me very much. The problem is that he works outside the city where we live. He does not go home every night, and if he comes home it is after 10 pm (we go to bed and fall asleep because everyone is tired and has their duties the next day). When I look at other serious couples who are our age how they go out together, they live together properly like normal people and most of the time I'm alone ...
I can't even call it that we live together. We have talked about the question many times and the answer is the same "everything will be fine" every time! He does not want to find a job or do anything else in the city where we live (Varna), there are many opportunities for development here, as long as one wants and wants. I can't move to the city where he works ... for the simple reason that I'm still a student, I want to find a job in my specialty, etc. and there is no such opportunity. I told him that I would not wait for him forever until he decided what he would do with his life ... because honestly, I'm tired of being a lonely bird forever! We don't even hear from each other during the day because of his work. I'm clear he can't stick to me, but I'm really fed up and he knows it. I told him that I was already used to loneliness and without his presence, and I was starting to wonder if he would be home or not! I'm not with him just for one sex night if he comes. I love him very much ...
I know he loves me too, but he is so indecisive that he has nowhere to go !! This is driving me crazy! I haven't even thought about infidelity ... I'd rather sit alone than do something like that to him! We used to fight and then separate because of this problem, which has been going on for years, and every time it gives me empty promises and hopes and my life goes on. Some of our sets and friends are already married with a child ... and we can't live normally yet. To stay with him and wait for "things to get better" or to continue on my own without him and the empty promises! 'I say' empty 'because, as I said, it's been 4 years since I started working there (it's nice and well paid) I'm promised the same thing and finally nothing. I want him to succeed, of course ... I'm not selfish! I told him that just as I want to pursue my goals ... so he must, but this reflects on our relationship. He doesn't want to let me go, and that's it. And I'm tired.
Answers 5
I don't know what to advise you either. But what I notice is that men are afraid of them. They are afraid of serious commitment, of marriage, of children. It's as if they're waiting to turn 30 and then they think about it and that it's time for them. While we do not have that time. My friend is the same. He is afraid of being tied up and is 26 years old. Even from the very thought of leaving clothes in them or a toothbrush and he shivers. I'm also starting to like this indecision and I can see the end of it. I can't spend my whole life with a person who may think tomorrow that he is not ready to have a family, but that he has created one. Run away from such indecisive men, because if for so long he has not realized that he wants you, even after 10 years it will be the same. YOU will push things, and he will just promise nothing.
Keep going
From the author: Thanks for the advice. I still haven't decided due to the fact that I have the feeling that my heart will burst when I think that it could be with someone else to touch it and so on. I have such a mess in my head! To number 1: His things are at home..but up there! We haven't moved from this situation for 7 years. He knows how much I want a family and children..he has seen me look at other people's children as my own. I love him very much ... I have the feeling that I will suffocate only at the thought of separation and I don't think that I will allow someone so deep in my heart. I am afraid of not being left alone in the end! I don't know what to do :( This man is my student love, my biggest probably in life and right now, best friend..of course I haven't had anyone else before him. I need help!
А задавала ли си си въпроса какво следва като продължиш напред? Виждаш ли колко хора не могат да намерят любовта си, женят се за хора, които не обичат или не се разбират, изневеряват си, разделят се, деца растат без нормални семейства.... Сигурна ли си, че ще намериш точно това което търсиш в замяна на това което имаш в момента? Момчето харесва работата си, платена е добре, чувства се добре там, тогава защо ти не направиш компромис и не заживеете в този град? Студентка си, но сигурно си в последен курс, ще завършиш скоро, може да се преместите там и да живеете нормално, след време може пък да се наредят по друг начин нещата и да отидете във Варна, където ти да се реализираш по най-добрия начин за теб. Съвета ми е да не захвърляш на боклука връзка като твоята, за каквато мнозина си мечтаят и не могат да намерят цял живот. Другите неща се нареждат по един или друг начин с времето.
To number 4 From the author: I was thinking of moving there, but the point is that there is no realization for me there except to work as a waitress or saleswoman or to be entirely dependent on him, which can not fit my head. I have enough compromises rules..I even refused to study with a good scholarship abroad because of him and that we are together. I have forgiven a lot of nonsense and lies (we are not talking about infidelity) over the years and in return I receive nothing but promises. I know that I can not to find anyone else or I will find someone who will cheat on me and make a fool of me. I am afraid that I will not even let anyone else into my heart!