My parents have been together for 20 years, I am 19, a successful graduate, an accepted student, but unhappy ... My parents are about to divorce ... My mother went to my grandmother's house for a few days, and it's been a month. I know that she has thought about this decision for a long time and she is somewhat right to make it, because both she and my father made a lot of mistakes and often quarreled and argued and she could not stand it anymore ... So during these 20 days my father and he went crazy, he doesn't know how to fix things he constantly asks me what to do, what to change .. hangs and changes because his life without her had no meaning ... And I .. I'm in the middle, as selfish as it sounds, I think that I suffer the most in this whole situation, I go to one and tell me how bad it is, the other constantly asks what your mother told you, you are the only person who can help us.
Answers 5
I think it's better to separate. Yes, it's awful and it sucks, I've been through it with my parents. But it's better for both of them and for you, it's better to be separated and talk, to be well, than to live together and listen to them all day arguing and screaming, it's more traumatic . Be strong and upside down, most such relationships after divorce become much more stable and become a real friendship :)
First, you are not a victim. Divorce is something that happens and sometimes it's better that way. You have a family, the fact that yours are separated does not mean that you do not have a mother and father. Accept things and think more broadly. Your mother was obviously patient. Try to look at your life, they have to decide what to do.
The bad thing is that parents put them in the middle, and they shouldn't. They are great people, to take care of themselves, not to confuse you. If they have to (and want to), they can go to a marriage counselor, family therapist or ask a psychologist to mediate (as an impartial witness) and not to confuse the child. Offer it to them. If they agree better. If you don't-do it yourself, they're great! It is not your job to fix their relationship, because then you will be guilty of "winding up" and influencing either your mother or your father. You love both of them, they will always be your parents, but if they are happier separated, so be it. If for your father "his life without her had no meaning", to deal with her, and in the end he had 20 years to change (if it was necessary at all, because some people just don't fit in as characters. No one is to blame for that, they are just different. ) So, you offer them to go to family therapy if they want, you tell them that you will not in any way participate in their conflict and interfere in their relationship. If they don't agree and continue to use you as a buffer, you just don't go home (I hope you're studying in another city).
What's wrong with that ? Ours divorced 4 months ago but I experienced it normally. You are now 19 and an independent life awaits you.
From the author: For me it will not be such a big problem if they are both happy, but my father is ruined .. I am afraid that he may do something stupid, because he constantly repeats that it is his life and without it nothing makes sense. .