I'm asking for help. I feel harassed. My husband and I had a fight a while ago. Rather, he quarreled with me, I do not raise my voice and do not argue, I just tactfully explained to him that I do not deserve such treatment. This has been the case for years. We are talking, he does not listen to what worries me in his attitude towards me, but when he starts to collect his luggage he softens, and so on until a little time passes and then he becomes bad and aggressive again. Why did we quarrel Well, we were coming home, and when I came in I took the child to wash his hands. Then I hurried to change into my home clothes before going to bed for lunch. He suddenly became angry and started hissing about how I was most important to myself, and instead of putting the child to sleep, I changed, how my first job could always be to change when I got home. Then he said, "Come on, get out of here." I retired to the bedroom to write here ... when he fell asleep, the child came and made me knock on the keyboard and threatened to cut off my internet or cut my computer cable. When my mother writes on the phone in the evening, and I write too, we hardly write to each other, he starts biting "come on, you're texting mom again, do you see" ... and turns to our child and explains how I have my mother and I write to her. And he doesn't communicate with his mother because she hasn't wanted to have him in her life all her life and she feels rejected, so she tries to turn me against my parents. He also often takes my phone so that I don't have access to it, he forbade me to have Facebook, if I do, harassment starts while I delete it and all the internet in the house stops. I have no friends, I contact people only with him, the child, mother, father and work with clients. He constantly presses me, crushes me, when I try to oppose him, he gets angry, clenched his fist, jaw and says that I will do whatever he tells me, that I will cook him pepper and moussaka and I will not open my mouth! A woman had to listen to her husband. He didn't hit me, but several times he allowed himself to hit me against the wall and squeeze my wrist hard or pinch me with malice. I am not happy. I'm always somewhere else, I'm thinking of something else, but the truth is that we manage together and if we move out with the child we won't manage financially. We don't have a car, only he has a car, years ago I wanted to buy one, but he made a whole circus that it was difficult to maintain a car and forbade me. I am also ready for almost anything and for my child not to grow up without a father. I want the best for the child. But I am very sick because of this almost constant harassment. He also lies to people, often if at the checkout in the store the cashier comes in with BGN 15, he is silent and picks them up and does not say, orders goods from the Internet and lies to the seller that it is defective and asks to reduce the price, which is a lie and somehow succeeds. He gets fat with strangers, speaks kindly to them, and at home makes us useless and aggressive. Many years ago, when we met, he was ready to do anything to pay attention to him, and now ... I have no respect. After the child was born, it began to change. Every day he grumbles about how hard it is for him, he wants to rest and drink his whiskey and beer. Every day I carry my child up and down the stairs, I put him in a car seat, he doesn't carry me, my arms are big muscles, my legs too, from the load. He wants to meet his childhood friend and when we go all night I watch the child alone, and he sits at the table and drinks. In the end, he doesn't want to go home, I can barely wind it. Sometimes I want to leave the child for lunch with the grandmother so that we can go somewhere together, he says he doesn't want to, there was nowhere to go and what can we both say ...
Answers 7
It's not just a feeling, you are under severe psychological harassment. The fact that he only occasionally steps to the physical is no excuse. Seek help, and make a plan on how to get out of there as quickly as possible. It is difficult alone, but otherwise not only you will suffer, but also your child.
You are absolutely right, it is harassment. In a family, if there is no dialogue to make things right and one feels understood, it is not normal. Your husband purposefully isolates and controls you. It will not improve in my opinion. It will get worse. If you have the support of your parents, get out of there. You may not have been there before, but you will someday cross the line. Is it possible there is another? When there are emotions with another person, the wife / husband at home becomes bad, they still do something wrong. If he can't please him with anything and only seeks quarrels, his job is not clean.
Leave him. He will hardly let you go, but you do not give up. Better a poor mother than no mother at all.
You will not find decent advice here. If you listen to strangers, you will ruin your life.
Get out of this garbage an hour soon. The more you procrastinate, the worse things will get. The fact that only he had a car, that the child had a father, that he would be alone are unnecessary clichés and worries. When a person is healthy and has the support of his parents, he can cope with all kinds of challenges. In addition to your child, you are also important, your life and your happiness and future, think for yourself how you can improve your life and not be silent and patient. When you are single, you give yourself a chance to meet and meet other men. There are decent ones among them. And when you are well, your child will be well. That's how you both suffer. Get this tyrant to go, damn it.
Hello author, I am a man and I was in a situation similar to yours, of course only verbally. Criticism of everything, shouts of scandals, attempts to distance oneself from relatives and friends. Finally, after much patience, I filed for divorce. Now I am worried about the child's mental state because he misses both parents and this weighs on him. But to attend a child to constant scandals is also unpleasant for his psyche. So, author of experience, I have noticed that if something enters your head, sooner or later it happens. In this case, you are heading for divorce.
"He didn't hit me, but several times he allowed himself to hit me against the wall and squeeze my wrist hard or pinch me with malice." - Is hitting the wall a little violently from a slap? And this strong squeezing of the wrist, tomorrow will apply it to your neck. The vicious pinching is pure violence, as if it wants to tear flesh from your body. You can't live in peace with such idiots, you'd better move in with your parents, it's for your own good, and the child won't see his idiocies. If the child is a boy, copying the father's behavior, do you want him to become a bully?