Hello! The title implies that I am interested, and not only me, I guess - how you refuse a man / woman in a way that does not hurt, but is 'crystal clear' that there can be no intimate relationship between you or even just acquaintance. The trick is this - the refusal needs to be sincere, that is - I do not want to lie to the person about the reason why I do not want him / her as a partner or friend. Stumbling, ignoring and rudeness are also not options. I would be interested to give personal examples - how you refuse tactfully (clearly, directly and sincerely) how you feel when you do it, what reactions you provoke, and if it has not happened to you, you can try to imagine such a refusal, to do it play in your mind, to share how you imagine it, as refusing and, accordingly, as someone who has been denied. :)
Answers 42
I have nothing to twist, I tell myself directly that I do not feel attracted. If he is impudent, however, I cut rough. So I am both clear and precise, I do not lie or be rude if they do not insist despite my refusal.
Yes, yes ... and the wolf is full, and the lamb is whole.
It's very simple, when looking for a contact you state some reason why you can't respond. You yourself are not looking for contact. After a few tries, things become clear, while there is no insult and the pain of rejection, there is simply a lack of interest. It does a very good job, I have used it many times when girls and women who do not attract me try to get closer to me.
I've tried all sorts of options, I can't always find the right one, and everyone reacts differently. I will give examples: I do not share your interest. Things will not happen. I am in a relationship. I'm in love with someone else. Surprisingly for me, the last two options also did not always prove to be effective, although they were true. A lot depends on the person you are going to cut, some just don't understand a word. In my opinion, it should be stated categorically - for example, you say, there is no chance that something will happen between us, and if he insists nevertheless, you will stop all communication. Any additional explanations are unnecessary.
It is most tactful to say that you just don't love him, you don't have feelings, and it's stupid to lie to him. Well, I don't know if it's tactful, but at least it's sincere.
I cut the annoying downloaders quite roughly. And if a colleague is hesitant, I tell him face to face that there is no way between us and that I do not want a relationship with a colleague / boss. If they insist and then I ignore them and keep a cool head - when they ask me why I tell them that I told them once human and I will not repeat.
I say directly that I have no interest, I say they don't look for me anymore, and then I block them. You know - you don't do the other person a favor when you are hypocritically kind, you reject him anyway, it will hurt him anyway. It is better to cut it categorically and not so kindly than to be hypocritical. Also, I think we all know that the offer of friendship after any refusal is completely absurd, and to look for the person after you have rejected him "to see how he is" is also not in his favor. F 21
You will forgive me, but your topic is absolute nonsense. The "refusal" in question is the end of a process that is normal to stop in its infancy. You don't write, but it's clear you're a woman. Women love to have some fans to boost their self-esteem, no matter that they don't like them, and the idiotic question of how to refuse "tactfully" follows, and they just shouldn't be given advances and they should think something it can happen, so be honest and it doesn't hurt.
I am the author. You have no idea of the topic at all. Number 1 - I said, without rudeness. Number 3 - I said, without slouching and ignoring. Number 4 - I said, no lies. Number 6 - are you reading me? Number 7 - and you ... Number 8 - with your complexes far away in other topics, your comment is not on the topic. People, the idea of the topic is to think, to think about how to be better, don't you get it? No wonder there are so many injured people, you are all rude, hypocritical and selfish.
I'm number 3 and when I read women's opinions about sharp refusals, I feel sick. Take it easy with the sharp entries, because life loves irony and to put a person who was proud of the host, so that you are not cut so sharply and unceremoniously and then wonder how to collect the pieces of self-confidence.
I would ask the person for a last kiss. A last kiss is the most passionate and in most cases either things go on or you both leave and never look for each other again. But beware people with labile psyche would cry and then commit suicide better if he loves you so much and can not leave you better keep him in this country rarely people fall in love in most cases always looking for money or silicone. I don't know, I wouldn't dump someone just because I don't love him or don't like him, but if he doesn't want to accept that I don't want to be together, I just tell him I'll be with someone else if he suits you, stay with me.
It is good to give thanks for the interest shown by the ego, but to make a clear and unequivocal refusal so that the other party has no doubts about it. The key to tact is to be grateful for the interest. And he refused to indulge in an honest and open way. By the way, there are few people who are reluctant to openly state what they feel and think, that's where the biggest problem comes from.
Well, if you don't want anything to do with this person, you refuse directly, in plain text. Any squabbling and "tact" can mislead the other party. At least that's what I think and do - the most important thing for me is an honest relationship.
Say you're late and now is not convenient because you are very worried .. Haha.
The truth is, rejection always hurts, no matter how tactful it is. In my opinion, it is most correct to state categorically in plain text, without leaving any loopholes, that a connection or any kind of contact is impossible. It sucks when the refusal is not categorical and clear, because in the other side there will always be one hope and the person is in almost "waiting" mode. That is why I am of the opinion that, even if it is rude, it is better to give a sharper refusal than a kind one, but one that gives cause for hope. If the person on the other side is in love, he will look for a calf under the ox to find a reason for hope ... So, of course, right if he needs it rudely. I think that's better.
After reading the opinion of the author under number 9 and it became clear to me where the cap tightens. I have nothing to comment on it, because another opinion made a stronger impression on me. "Also, I think we all know that the offer of friendship after any refusal is completely absurd, and to look for the person after you have rejected him "To see how it is" is also not in his favor. " I am amazed that such a young woman has understood such important things, I know those who, even at 40, continue to believe in friendship after refusal and drag on for years after the one who rejected them. Author, I guess, I'm rude, but I don't know why - I'm rude that I've been living with a person I don't love for years, a person I don't want to be with, but at the same time I can't find the strength to tell him that he is no longer wanted . I am rude because I lie to myself, I lie to the other, that one day things may change. I am rude because I postpone physical separation, provided that emotional separation is a fact.
I tell them the truth: "I'm not in love with you, I have no desire for a relationship." I don't know how tactful it is. But you rarely get there - most people feel in the way of communication that you have no interest and do not strain further. I also feel when someone has no interest in me and I have never asked the question directly. In my opinion, it can only get there if you give false hopes to the person or he himself has no experience in communication and considers the display of politeness and friendly conversations as flirtation and desire for something more.
From # 4 Author, if these things are not true for you, do not use them. He wanted to share our experience. The idea of the topic was supposed to be better, but you couldn't wait to insult everyone. You pretend to want to be honest, but you start a topic with some hidden motives. I hope you realize how funny this is. If someone has hurt you with the way they rejected you, you will not cause change. Why not share your own experience?
And, now that I have read the comment to you, author ... Obviously you are ugly and simple, that's why they don't tie you and you want us to be "better" with the impudent ones. You don't think it's good to be honest. Well, I'm a beautiful woman and a lot of annoyances, I have no time, no time and desire, nor am I "in need" of attention. Fix your post in such a case, something like "try to tolerate us a little more, the uglier, the simpler, but for that insolent." Tc, I keep my opinion! H 1
Better unattractive but than soy, not a beautiful muffin that will be with me for the money. All muffins are gold diggers.
If you are going to refuse a man - quite clearly. Usually female chicory is not helpful. I am pleasantly surprised how maturely they think more. And the author's second post - I can't figure it out? !!
Tactical refusals are complete nonsense, it must be said clearly. "I don't love you! Get lost!"; P
I'm 3, to 19 - This is more the opinion of a ruthless and rude simpleton than a "beautiful woman". Beautiful people are beautiful inwardly and not just cheeky individuals smeared with makeup.
I was cut "for my own good." I cried my eyes out. Alpha, w. 29 years old
I am the author. I can't share my experience, because I haven't been in a relationship with a man who is intimate, but I have male friends, at least that's what I thought ... because I don't want to, I don't like men sexually, but I like them as personalities ... ., I like women - sexually, to some extent (I have a visual type, but we have nothing to say that is interesting to me). Well, the situation with me is strange, I have nothing to do with my sexuality, but there are some comments writing about problems, rejection - no, my personality is not so prosaic, don't guess. The topic is not written with hidden motives, read it again, but, look, I'm not surprised that you do not understand, it has long been clear to me how most people think - at the first sign. "I would be interested to give personal examples - how you refuse tactfully (clearly, directly and sincerely) how you feel when you do, what reactions do you provoke, and if it has not happened to you, you can try to imagine such a refusal, to play it in your mind, to share how you imagine it as refusing and, accordingly, as someone who has been denied. ”- this paragraph is omitted by the majority here. The comments are a complete failure, I will not read you more.
What more tactful and sure refusal than to say you're gay? Didn't you write that you didn't want to tell yourself? I don't see what confuses you to tell them (to those who take you down): "I don't like men". Otherwise, I support the advice and considerations of those who wrote above - often men do not accept the first (and many others) refusals as final. This is in our nature ... we have to fight for the heart of a lady. Even there, a gross categorical refusal is often not enough. Well, it's normal for you not to understand that. I do not reproach you, I do not mock you, I do not judge you! The easiest and most reliable solution for you is what I told you. However, you have to overcome your shame of having a different sexuality. Not just because of a specific "meraklia". Success!
Up to 16 Tell me more? !! How do you manage to live with someone without love? !! When you have no feelings ... why do you stay and not leave? !! Is it a habit? Reconciliation? Fear that you will not find better? Are you looking at all? Why do you treat an unloved person like a straw drowning man? !! How do you live like that? !! Don't you eat yourself every minute? !! I wonder what makes a man live unhappy for years? !! Share!
The author. You are displacing the idea of my topic, namely - “how do you refuse tactfully (clearly, directly and sincerely), how do you feel when you do it, what reactions do you provoke, and if it has not happened to you, you can try to imagine such a refusal, yes play it in your mind, share how you imagine it, as refusing and, accordingly, as someone who has been denied. And yet, at 27 - I am not ashamed of my sexuality, which is almost non-existent, sex does not excite me, but love. Anyway. Another issue is that most men, when they realize they can't be with me, disappear, they're no friends.
The author. I see that there are more posts in this topic than in another, my topic that has a similarity to this one - http://spodeli.net/3/story-132313.html See, all my topics are for the purpose of thinking , are not intended to stand out, argue, ridicule, etc. And in my latest topic, you can write :) http://spodeli.net/4/story-134991.html
My experience shows that honestly and tactfully they are often mutually exclusive, so ... A difficult task! This post reminds me in a strange way of the unsurpassed Radoi Ralin: "How this tragic question bothers me every day - both to be honest and to be nice." :))
To number 28 by the author. Number 16 to make a topic and there share, I do not want to read such terrible things.
Let me tell you, I anticipate when the person I am committed to begins to distance himself and feel withdrawn from the common. When this happens, I am ambitious and concentrate my forces only on the most important thing - I end the relationship first. Do not overtake the other side, because if things fall to that point. I will be ruined that I missed the moment.
Author, I find almost nothing in common between your topics. You mix things up. If a person has to be discreet (ie not to tell the whole truth in his eyes), then he cannot be sincere. For fear of sincerity - yes, here - you are afraid to tell yourself that you do not like men. For each case, one decides what is more important (according to him). Finally, "the excessive saint is not dear to God." About the lie - there is also a "noble lie". A man can only be friends with a woman only if he himself is not interested in the woman as a woman. T. is to be homo. And if you openly declare that you are, it is very likely that you will find men just for friendship. I think so. And I share it because you asked. I don't really care what you think. It does not prevent us from arguing, but exclude from your thought that someone will accept exactly your views.
Author, Number 16 will neither answer my questions nor launch a new topic ...! He himself does not know why he has been in a relationship without love for years ... If he had been aware of himself, he would have left a long time ago ... There are people who just love to suffer! Otherwise, on your topic - tactical and refusal are mutually exclusive concepts! From n 28
The author to 34 - you write without knowing, you are really unable to understand me. You do not understand what I am writing, you do not know many things about me, your guesses and ideas do not relate to me, but to an image you have of me, built by your inability to understand me and your ignorance of me. You are not useful to me with your opinion, so do not waste your time with me.
Directly and directly. There is no anger here. It would be nice if you didn't play with people. Many times you say that you have been polite and cheerful and have been misunderstood. You know you're lying. You send confusing signals, then you wonder how to get out of a situation. Just don't create situations. It's simple. But if you've already mixed up the mess - say it directly and directly. I wouldn't like a woman who teases me and plays me. There's a good chance I'm disgusted that he's wasting my time with whore behavior. If you are bored, joke with your girlfriends or a gay man at a nearby hair salon. I don't listen to your ex or current boyfriends who were bad, etc, etc ... When you're bored, knit sweaters or bake sweets, not to mess with a man. Was I useful to you? :)
You will make me laugh. What is this nonsense about being in love with another. After all, half the men take you down mainly for sex, not because they want you for a relationship. Just make it clearer that there is no interest even in sex.
I am the author. To 37 - I do not give signals, I am friendly! However, I want to be friends with specific men, without sex, but alas, after I told them, they told me that they wanted more ... Isn't the friendship small? With only one, we manage to communicate, but he still jokes that 'hope dies last' ... And I'm not talking about exes at all, and they are women too, it's hardly annoying, and I hear about exes, you have no idea how nice it is to talk to me, everyone says it - I listen, support, initiate when needed, I have a broad general culture and I have in-depth knowledge on several topics, I don't think it's boring with me, I have hobbies, and sometimes, you just need to be in good company without philosophizing. To 38 - Well, yes, and even today, even if you are bound, it does not mean that it will stop the raids, or that you yourself will be faithful,
Author, if you are ugly, will the same men want to be your "friends"? "Towards 38 - Well, yes, and even today, even if you're tied up, it doesn't mean it will stop the raids, or that you'll be faithful yourself, unfortunately." A-a-a ?! Even you do not believe in such a friendship. You want to have "crawled dogs" around you and in case you decide then!
I am 38. When you are a desired woman, but cool and smart, every man next to you wants and is ready to be more than a friend. Whether just for sex or something more, you are always wanted. Of course, even if you cut them, you won't ruin your friendship with many of them. But they are ready ;-) There are those who will totally withdraw and it is normal because they do not need girlfriends. There is no point in wasting time and energy with a woman who will not be with him and heading elsewhere. Not because you're not a cool person, but because men want sex, a relationship, etc., and they're where they get it. I say this so that there is no wonder why someone is cut off for sex and no one is left anymore. It's not because you're angry, as I mentioned. A 45-year-old man
I'm 37 ... again. Author, 39, I don't find it interesting ...;) There is no such movie "friends" ... Ok? You talk about exes, who was what cattle ... etc etc etc ... I told you, men don't like to be pushed into "friend zones" or into a standby fund 24/7 ... Your ex-wives? !! Sorry, are you on the other shore? Fuck ... even worse ... :)))) So, you find girlfriends-friends, etc ... or the gentle boy from the neighborhood hair salon, and make friends as much as your soul wants. And yes, you give signals. You confuse men. By behavior, not by words. Then the children's stories begin, but I "didn't say anything" ... Or you start with a thousand conditions, then, but I said "in the beginning" ... But this, but that, but still yours :)) ) You confuse men. I do not know. Maybe you instinctively accumulate a "stock" of potential "acquaintances-friends" (?!), which are at hand for a "possible" other "development" ... when or if you ever feel like it and so on and so forth ... It is natural that you will never, but never admit it, if you will they shoot you ... :) Such are your women. Most. Not all. You want men to be like high-tech and multifunctional devices, but the most important thing is that the power button is always in your hand and you "turn off the power" when you want, then turn it on again when you like ... :)) )) It does not happen. We are also human. We have feelings, we fall in love, we like, we want development and clarity in the relationship ... We don't like it when we are confused and confused ... It just doesn't work. It's good that you're a funny person :) Find friends and you can philosophize and whine at will like a woman. With the opposite sex, things are different. You want to, Ok, but the man on the other side can fall in love, like you, to wish you ... You can't push his button, or wonder if he wants something too ... Was I useful to you? :)
I am the author. And what comes out? Men can't be real friends with women, right? Not fair! I don't want to be friends with women, I don't feel that way, and I can only communicate with beautiful women, others are unpleasant in character. 42, enough, understand, I'm not like the women you write about, I'm just not. Here is a hypothetical situation - we write to you, talk on Skype or phone (I will put a situation with such an acquaintance, provoked by a current topic about the different motives for men and women to accept a meeting / invite to a meeting), then we decide that we will see each other. I want to see you because I like you as a person and I think we can be friends, and you - what is your attitude with me? See you, like each other and? If we don't have sex, what? Are you leaving me Even though you like me? I expect to be friends (and no, because I don't like you as a man, on the contrary, in fact, I probably like you as a man, I just don't have sex), we liked communication, sex - what does it have to do with our communication? I do not understand. It takes time and energy, well - normal, but in no case would I interfere with your personal life. Useful-useless ... I'm disappointed.