Hello. I am a 24 year old woman, married for almost 9 months. My husband and I are from different cities. Before we moved and had a wedding, we were together for about 4 years. I decided to take a more serious step and live together in his parents' house, otherwise sooner or later we would break up, and I didn't want that to happen. His story is that he was adopted. His parents are adults because they have not had children for 20 years. Tell me about it the first time we met. As a matter of fact, the story he told me was the thing that impressed me terribly. When he was 14 years old, he found out from hidden documents in a locker that he was adopted, and his parents found out that he knew about the adoption only when he was 22 years old. To my question, "Why didn't you tell them?" He replied, "Because I wouldn't have a childhood, which I had! ", which left me speechless. That's how our story actually began. We were together, he came to us for a few days, I went to them, but we both worked, I studied at the university and we rarely saw each other because we were 150 km from each other, but there comes a time when you realize that you are standing still and not developing in this relationship, it was difficult for me to leave my parents and my grandmother, who raised me, I lived with her for a long time, because as my parents have been staying for 20 years and left me with my grandmother to have something to eat.
My grandfather died 5 years ago and she was left alone, so I was her support and she me. I will never meet another such person I say this because the decision I made to move in with my husband was the most important and most difficult decision I have ever made. On the topic of my parents-in-law and the problems with them ... Like any young couple who are married, they want to have a child. We started experimenting right after the wedding. Of course, it didn't work out for a few months, and I figured I had a problem. Menstruation sometimes came to me for 2 weeks long, other times it came to me every 2 months. I was examined last month, which revealed that I was fine physically and had no problem getting pregnant. The problem comes from the "rush" to have a child by my mother-in-law. Every month she kept asking me if it had come to me, if we hadn't taken care that we weren't small, that while they were alive I would give birth, etc. Each time I answered her normally and shared that it didn't work out again, at which turned its head and left, as if I were a breeding machine, and only for that he must respect me. My husband worked separately, and I was alone with her all day. We live on the second floor of the house, my parents-in-law are on the first. However, when I was left alone, she would go up and see if I had cleaned, tidied and cooked, and when it came time for my husband to come home, she would leave with the words "I'm leaving not to be seen here and to scold me." He told me where to put it, where to arrange my clothes, how to arrange the rooms and the like. Now you will say that the woman has struggled to make a home, to have a place for their son to live with their daughter-in-law, and I am in charge of all this. First, I have never been forbidden to go upstairs, I have no right, and I would not do so out of respect that they gave my husband a home, food and clothes. For another, however, I can not say.
They haven't taught him to share, understand and support him, and now even I have a hard time changing that. Many times a victim is made and sometimes I have heard him say “Is that why we took you?” I am a very fair and patient person, but at one point I felt more and we quarreled, because for me such an attitude is unacceptable. We are in a Rhodope region where there is no work and I wanted to move, to be alone, to work and to manage as best we can. I am sure that the child will be born when we have peace of mind. However, my husband does not give me a word to say to move, at least while his mother and father are alive. My mother-in-law is a very powerful woman and there is no one who can beat her. She told me to leave many times when I didn't do something the way she wanted. I also found a job 4 months ago and that's the only way I can survive in this house and this area. But the problems do not stop. We haven't talked since I went to work, but every night, when I come home, I see that she has touched something. Either she packs my shoes in boxes, or she rearranges the rooms as she likes, etc. I may be wrong, but I'm annoyed by all this, I want what I leave somewhere, to find it there. In my opinion, I have no right to interfere in my belongings, even if I am in their house.
Another thing that puzzles me is that I came from another city, I didn't know anyone here, I cried for my relatives every day and one day she didn't come to talk to me as a mother and give me advice, to predispose me to I feel at home, and she is offended by not calling her "mother". They live with one-time ideas and that drives me crazy. Even this much more rage at them and everything I've heard about me, but I'm saving myself anger here because I'm sure there will be people who will support her and say "what are you complaining about, They gave you a floor, they probably pay for your electricity and buy you wood to keep you warm. "Yes, that's right, but the diagnosis" mother-in-law "is not curable. They both want their sons to get married and have grandchildren, and they want to continue to dispose of, to cook and wash for them. And I will end with a sentence ... "The good mothers-in-law win a daughter, the bad ones - they lose their son! "I have no questions, I just wanted to share. Have a nice day!
Answers 11
Horror. I also live with my parents-in-law, it also irritates me sometimes, how to look after the child, what was dirty to clean, what to tidy up. For now, we will live the same way, and as a year passes, we may think of living alone. Once they have secured the floor, they should not be confused about whether it is clean, and the pigsty should be aware that they now live on their floor. When they come to visit, they don't say what is dirty to clean. Your husband will want to be with theirs. The child will come when he decides what their dawn is .... You are still quite young, live, I guess, and the child will be very confused about how ... You can talk to the man and tell them in some way about the floor not to they are confused ... Parenting is not easy, you will always be at home, the mother-in-law too ....
I'm with a bad mother-in-law. At first I loved and accepted her as my mother, I moved into their house and invited her home, I wanted her opinion on everything until it started - coming home at any time as if entering the living room, stirring in my underwear, stirring in the closets , stirring in the fridge, manipulating me and my husband, intrigues to quarrel, etc. I realized that he was a bad person, I was very sad, but I told my husband that I could not tolerate such behavior anymore. He loves me and supports me - we lock up every day so they don't come in and we slowly reject all occasions for family parties (where you remember what subtle hints and nonsense are poured on me and his address). That was not enough for them to leave us alone and we moved out. We are very happy now. Post your husband a few articles on emotional addiction and toxic families.
First, you don't have to put up with them because they have provided you with a home. They gave the floor to their son, not to you, and they gave it to him so that they could control it and interfere with you, as they do now. If a parent gives something to their child, he gives it unselfishly, not in exchange for interference and harassment of the partner. Secondly, they buy you wood because mom tied the son-in-law to his skirt and thus cuts his chances of finding a good job, becoming financially independent and "God forbid" finally realizing that he can do without their help. . It is not normal for him to want to live with his parents until they die. Moving out of the house is the most normal thing and your parents should be happy, not experience it as a huge mourning. Third, your mother-in-law is bad, yes. If he wanted a normal family for his son, he would let you build your own home, because that's how the connection between you suffers. In this situation, she does not leave you to be a wife and housewife in your home. Lock up and lock up when you're gone. If she has a key, get it for her. There is no right for an uninvited person to come to you and touch your things. Fourth, from where to where does it take into account whether you are pregnant? You are not a breeding cow. Even more so exactly the one she doesn't have. I would say in plain text "When I get pregnant is our job, not yours, especially if you were not pregnant." He will hurt her, he will grumble to his son, but he will stop harassing you. Sometimes an attack is the best defense. Talk to your husband. If he doesn't support you, pack up and go back to your relatives until you're pregnant. If he does not intervene and set boundaries, you will be constantly harassed and when you have a child it will get worse. Either you go out or bye. As mom and dad are his priority, to live with them. In the end, it will be like one of the topics here - his mother had a stroke, she was his whole world, now what would he do without her. Good luck :).
The next time she comes to ask you "did you come this month" ask her "And why didn't you give birth and you adopted". Then he explained that he was overdoing it.
Why do you tolerate this harassment? Talk to your husband to lock yourself up and have his parents come to you only by invitation (yes, to you, because this is your home once they have given it to him for use). If he doesn't love you enough to stand up to his mother and protect you as a family, what's the point? If he does not want to move out, to be alone with his parents. Pack your bags and go back to your grandmother. If you are not a priority for him now, you will never be. You will always be harassed by an old mother-in-law. I can't imagine what it would be like if you had a child ... I won't comment on the fact that she complains to you, even though she herself is childless. She's a big witch. Run before you're tied up with a child. You will never be a truly happy mother, housewife and wife as long as mommy comes first for him.
I am a woman with a "bad mother-in-law" and an adult son of 20 years, so I am in the period between the "daughter-in-law with a bad mother-in-law" and a future mother-in-law. Unlike the author of our parents-in-law, they didn't help us with 100, we didn't have a wedding / we only got married with a signature on our own / they didn't help with housing / we were at the apartment then we paid off the mortgage / and instead of waiting with hope to enjoy grandchildren, when they heard that I was six months pregnant they asked "did you prepare money for the abortion" and I heard the words "I'm still young for a grandmother" that now they give my son advice not to get married early like his father at 23 So I understand that it is not pleasant for a young woman to have a bad mother-in-law, but based on her life experience I do not understand what the author is angry about. If they have a home, most likely furnished, they pay for their electricity and firewood, they must have paid for the wedding as well, and most importantly, the author and her husband have accepted and continue to accept the "gifts." In life, things are like this, once you accept gifts, you have to put up with the giver. If an unpleasant person gives you something for your birthday and you accept the gift, you have to put up with the unpleasant person at your birthday party or at least endure it at a coffee and drink it. For example, I accepted my mother-in-law's only son, and although they gave us nothing material, emotional, or physical help, I still have to put up with her all my life to welcome her to listen to her, no matter how hard it costs me. My husband would always support me to cut off all contact with his parents, but I know that once I have adopted their son, I will have to put up with them when they come, that I should encourage him not to quarrel with them and if he is angry with them, the mother-in-law should blame me. The author's parents-in-law know that their son has been with her for 4 years and she has not become pregnant, now 9 months have passed since the wedding, ie almost 5 years. They are quite old because they adopted the author's husband after they were not 20 years old. children, so they are over 60-65 years old. I think that just the author's mother-in-law has complexes, all her life more or less, secretly or openly they told her that she is barren and wants to save her daughter-in-law and son from this fate, gives them all the conditions, home, electricity, heating and who she knows what else to do in order to be calm about having a child, both for people not to harass her daughter-in-law, as they have harassed her, and for her to enjoy a baby in her home. She often goes up to her daughter-in-law to meet her as a person, to make sure it is clean and tidy so that they do not quarrel when her son comes home, but to make babies. As we understood at the very beginning, the author's parents have nothing to help her with, not only are they still in apartments, probably because her mother's mother-in-law was "very good" but they could not provide food for their daughter, so they based on what the author went through, I don't see where her self-confidence comes from that she can go out with her husband to work and get better, or she thinks her parents are incapable so they couldn't get better, to buy a home and raise their daughter on their own or not at all aware of how difficult it is to start from scratch and be able to achieve what her parents-in-law are currently giving her. Let me ask my mother why they didn't buy a house and how to look after a child in rooms with Bulgarian income. Yes, I succeeded, there are many others who have managed to cope, but the author does not know what kind of deprivation it is and how 20 years ago I thought it would be cheaper to go 4 hours to sleep in the cafe with a stroller. a coffee or a visit, even if I'm not very happy not to spend electricity on heating with a baby blower in the apartment, knowing that if I spend electricity we will not be able to pay for it and then my baby will die of cold. Even once 20 years ago the electricity was cut off in the apartment because we couldn't pay and I kept the baby under my blouse all day long, and when I took it out to change his diaper he was crying from the cold, It's not like your mother-in-law pays for your electricity, is it? How my son was given a chocolate egg when he was 3 years old and he refused with the words "I'm not hungry", he knew what hunger was and associated the chocolate egg not with pleasure but with eating. Well, today he is 20 years old, he has everything, we bought him his own car, we have our own home, we have our own car, we also have a good amount of money saved, but only we know how to achieve this. I am a future mother-in-law and I do not mind accepting my daughter-in-law in my home, but the rules in my home are mine, she has a choice either to follow my rules or to go home and start from scratch, I do not intend to give financial and material gifts to a young a family that does not want to tolerate and respect me. Whether I'm good or bad, I don't care at all, if they want to help and accept my help, they will have to put up with me. we bought him his own car, we have our own home, we have our own car, we have a good amount of money saved, but only we know how to achieve this. I am a future mother-in-law and I do not mind accepting my daughter-in-law in my home, but the rules in my home are mine, she has a choice either to follow my rules or to go home and start from scratch, I do not intend to give financial and material gifts to a young a family that does not want to tolerate and respect me. Whether I'm good or bad, I don't care at all, if they want to help and accept my help, they will have to put up with me. we bought him his own car, we have our own home, we have our own car, we have a good amount of money saved, but only we know how to achieve this. I am a future mother-in-law and I do not mind accepting my daughter-in-law in my home, but the rules in my home are mine, she has a choice either to follow my rules or to go home and start from scratch, I do not intend to give financial and material gifts to a young a family that does not want to tolerate and respect me. Whether I'm good or bad, I don't care at all, if they want to help and accept my help, they will have to put up with me. she has a choice either to follow my rules or to go to a flat and start from scratch, I have no intention of giving financial and material gifts to a young family who does not want to tolerate and respect me. Whether I'm good or bad, I don't care at all, if they want to help and accept my help, they will have to put up with me. she has a choice either to follow my rules or to go to a flat and start from scratch, I have no intention of giving financial and material gifts to a young family who does not want to tolerate and respect me. Whether I'm good or bad, I don't care at all, if they want to help and accept my help, they will have to put up with me.
Number 6, I will not comment on your writings, I will only say that you could have addressed me personally, and not as if you were talking to another person. And it is hypocrisy to tolerate intolerant people just because they give you presents and pay you for electricity. As for my parents, they have given me much more - no, it is not home and money, whether they have time and attention. And I can only feel sorry for your future daughter-in-law and I hope your son is smarter to take his own path without the intervention of mom! The author
Honey! I sympathize with you very much! For a moment I can't imagine going to live with my father-in-law and mother-in-law! We are young, we are independent, we live our lives the way we want and let someone follow me and tell me how to arrange my rooms and what to cook ... no, thank you! And imagine if you get pregnant what a miracle will happen! He will hang out with you for 24 hours to teach you how to look after a baby. It will be unsolicited advice, it will be a hint that she once did I don't know what, why don't you do that and only she knows how to look after children ... about that, gather strength and just tell the man its that it does not happen and you have to move out. Let him not be bad, let him visit them and love them, they are his parents, but your place is simply not with them.
Author, if you do not want to be hypocritical, do not accept gifts, but pay for accommodation, electricity and heating. It was hypocritical to live under someone else's roof and want you to command the owner when to stay on your own second floor is not hypocritical, not to pay for electricity, and to turn on electrical appliances is not hypocritical, not to buy or build a house and to command how it should be arranged and where to put it. My son is free to go to the apartment when he sees fit, I, as I said above, do not mind. And if your author's husband is unreasonable and does not take the path in his life alone, your problem is not your mother-in-law but your own choice.
I am addressing you, author! N6 is right, and you may not be hypocritical, but you are ungrateful. Being so capricious, go out to see exactly how the wood and electricity are paid.
Number 6, big nonsense scratched. You should not tolerate your parents-in-law - it is your personal choice to lie to them and flatter them hypocritically. The floor of the house is not a gift from the daughter-in-law, but from the parents of their son. This is, in fact, his legal legacy. You even contradict yourself because you don't pay for gifts. I see you're saying you're an old mother-in-law and you're very mean. I sincerely wish your son to realize what you are and to draw you one. I will not comment on the nonsense of the mother-in-law harassing the daughter-in-law for good. Every old mother-in-law pretends to want to help and is mortally offended if she is forbidden to interfere. Author, mine was the same - she orders her mother-in-law and sets everyone against her, but then she sees her, goes to anoint her and calls her mother and boils in her house. He was also looking forward to her becoming a mother-in-law and harassing her daughter-in-law. I have a feeling, that she had written down what irritated her in order to apply it to me. And she was much worse than her mother-in-law. Yes but no. Now her son does not want to see her and does not communicate with her. On the rare occasions she sees me, she walks like shit, and at one time she lined me up and grinned greasy in my face, demonstrating that her son was letting her do it. I achieved this by talking to him about why it is not normal, how I feel and how I will not tolerate this behavior anymore. I really would have left if he hadn't protected our family. 9 out of 10 daughters-in-law are harassed, but how many of them do something to stop the harassment? Do not tolerate such a thing! If the man loves you, he will not allow anyone to harass you. On the rare occasions she sees me, she walks like shit, and at one time she lined me up and grinned greasy in my face, demonstrating that her son was letting her do it. I achieved this by talking to him about why it is not normal, how I feel and how I will not tolerate this behavior anymore. I really would have left if he hadn't protected our family. 9 out of 10 daughters-in-law are harassed, but how many of them do something to stop the harassment? Do not tolerate such a thing! If the man loves you, he will not allow anyone to harass you. On the rare occasions she sees me, she walks like shit, and at one time she lined me up and grinned greasy in my face, demonstrating that her son was letting her do it. I achieved this by talking to him about why it is not normal, how I feel and how I will not tolerate this behavior anymore. I really would have left if he hadn't protected our family. 9 out of 10 daughters-in-law are harassed, but how many of them do something to stop the harassment? Do not tolerate such a thing! If the man loves you, he will not allow anyone to harass you. 9 out of 10 daughters-in-law are harassed, but how many of them do something to stop the harassment? Do not tolerate such a thing! If the man loves you, he will not allow anyone to harass you. 9 out of 10 daughters-in-law are harassed, but how many of them do something to stop the harassment? Do not tolerate such a thing! If the man loves you, he will not allow anyone to harass you.