Hello, my story is again about the mother-in-law-daughter-in-law relationship, but I think my husband also has a major role here. His father went abroad and abandoned them as children, he grew up with his mother and brother. That's probably why he's so attached to her, unlike his brother, who looks after his family and doesn't care much about them. I also had a difficult childhood - with a sick mother and a drunken father. That's why I have known how to work and manage on my own since I was a child. Instead of helping my parents, I only got problems. I finished my education, got a book, found a good job in my specialty, and when I met him, everything seemed to work out. From the very beginning, however, I was impressed that his mother is one of those frivolous people who are always waiting for someone else to fix their troubles, he doesn't think ahead, he drives her day after day at all. To some extent, he has caught a lot of her habits. And here, we have been married for two years, still with children. We live in Sofia, in his apartment, and I return to my hometown only on holidays - there is no one to go to anymore. And here's the problem - for these two years, his mother repeatedly made him take out loans of about 10-15 thousand, because she had no money. Let me clarify that she works for a four-figure sum and lives alone in their other apartment.
I tried to tell him it wasn't right, but he wouldn't listen. The icing on the cake happened a month ago when they took out a mortgage. Naturally, he will not see any money from it, although at the moment we are repairing the apartment we live in because it has leaked. While we wonder how to find money, he takes out a loan for her. I got angry and couldn't stand it, I made a scandal. However, he he somehow found me guilty and told me that he had no choice because otherwise his mother would hang herself, she urgently needed the money. And I thought. I wondered if I wanted children from this man. I love him endlessly and we get along great, but if at any of her suicide threats he does something stupid, how far will we get? On the other hand, I'm not small anymore, I'm approaching 30 and I can't just throw everything away.
Answers 9
You can do more, run while it's time. It's awful not to respect you and blindly follow your mother's whims. This will not change, and when you have children, it will be even harder for you.
Remove it. You love, you don't love - remove it. You cannot sacrifice your future and that of your children for one naked love.
You are not small, but you are not old. I would not stay with a person who makes such a decision without discussing it with me. You are married, and he takes out loans behind your back. Do you realize how far this "little" transgression can go? In effect, he pays off the loan to his mother with money that is for your household. And what will happen if he becomes insolvent? The bank will still have to get its money back somehow. Is there a risk of taking your apartment? Who is his guarantor for the loans? How well aware are you of the situation? Taking out a loan is a big deal, it is seriously considered and commented on in the family. He took out a loan, made the decision alone and only informed you. Does it seem normal to you? He completely ignored you for something important. Why? Because his mother earns a high salary, but she doesn't have enough money.
Honey, get out of there with 200! And rejoice that you have no children from this man! You will still have to suffer from your mother-in-law. Imagine what a miracle will happen when mom grows old. It will be blackmail and extortion that her son does not love her, it will be a miracle! Now she works and takes care of herself, but when she retires? There will be no money for you and your eventual child, but for her I will run with occasion and without occasion, because "poor she" is sick, old and lonely! You are 30, you still have a chance to start fresh, with a new person, to have a child, but don't wait because just as you are 30 today, you will be 40 tomorrow and it will be too late for you. Get away from this man! Yes, I know, you love him and he must love you, but he loves her more! And there is the problem! No matter what kind of woman he has, for him mom will always be the most important and for that he will never be able to make his wife happy. Nor will he be a good parent. Because mom this, mom that ... always mom and her needs will come first!
Author, you have mistaken the direction of the negative energy, the duel / misunderstanding / is not with your mother-in-law, but with your husband. In reality, your mother-in-law doesn't do anything to your wife, your husband is the one who makes you angry, just as your mother-in-law manipulates him with the same success, it is possible that he is manipulated by his uncle or his brother and his wife. Your husband is soft, and if you admit the truth to yourself, that's exactly why you chose him, because you can easily persuade him to fulfill many of your desires. Life is like this, if you choose a man who can be easily manipulated, not only you but his whole family and most of his friends, if you choose a man who is difficult to manipulate and you will not be able to manipulate yourself.
Yes, the situation is clear. You "love" him, but you feel greedy for his resources and you want them to be only for you, you want all the goods that can be taken from him not to go in other directions even for his mother but to remain only for you. Great "love". There is a love that loves in spite of everything and there is one that loves as long as there is a benefit, yours is obviously one of the latter.
I will write to you mainly in connection with your last sentence: It seems that the village sticks and sticks have brainwashed you quite successfully - you couldn't just throw everything away ... because you were approaching 30 .. blah-blah-blah. RUN AND DON'T LOOK BACK - under the influence of emotional terrorists you do not live normally. Even if you were 40 years old, even older, if you want to be happy, TO KEEP YOUR PSYCHOLOGY (which is the most valuable, but a lot of people realize it quite late) - just go and don't look back! It's never too late to start fresh, no matter how old you are. Don't let all the crazy people with nasty lives give you complexes about how you have to put up with various crazy aunts, uncles, etc., some other emotional terrorists only, because you are 'already' how old you are! Know that the people who preach this do not think well of you, they don't want you to be happy, they just want you to live a nasty and nasty life like them, and if possible worse than theirs. So far they have written you good comments 1-4, only number 5 seems to me too extreme in her last sentence, but maybe that's just her experience.
I am very interested to know in what marital situation are those who give advice - RUN !? For any misunderstanding, if you start running, does it make sense to make connections at all? Why not just look for inseminators for a few days and then run away? It is noteworthy that such advice is given by losers who, in order to help their ego, want others to reach their failures. Instead of writing to forums, the author should talk to her husband calmly, show him what is in her soul, and then draw conclusions! If he can't handle his son, he will always look to his mother for reasons.
Up to 8 out of №5 in answer to your question, I am married to a soft-spoken man who has a habit of always helping for free and people pushing him with money, but over the years I have found a way to cope so that I am happy too. The family's money is in me, the family property documents are in me and I taught him to sign anything only with my permission. Yes, years ago I was harassed when he bought a TV set for his mother-in-law for BGN 600, which we paid and she pledged and sold in a pawnshop, I was harassed when he signed a contract with M tel for two cards and gave them to his acquaintance and acquaintance. accumulated 320 BGN bills and disappeared abroad, etc., etc. a lot of incidents, but for 12 years I keep it short and I have no problem.