We met my ex almost four years ago. We were 29, we are already 33, but the story is almost teenage. Then we worked together. I liked her very much, there was chemistry between us. And I tried to win her over in the way we know she rarely works - I was nice to her, I made small gestures to her - croissants, coffee. I sent her flowers once. She liked it, but she pulled away. She chose another man. It so happened that then I left work and we reduced our contacts with her. She spent two years with him. During these two years, they separated and reunited several times. When they had problems he remembered me, we talked, we went out, but we never got to anything beyond beer in the neighborhood. She complained to me about him and caressed her ego with my attention. From what she had told me, their relationship was a nightmare. In the beginning he lived with another woman and she was his mistress. Then they officially met, but he continued to see the other. He drank a lot separately, he touched her. When she dumped him, he began to pursue, obsess, threaten her. Apparently she liked that dynamic. During this time I was convinced that she was the love of my life. To say that he is some kind of alpha macho, but no. A completely normal man of our age, slightly full. He was not rich either. And apparently there were a lot of complexes and problems with drinking. And she is a great babe - beautiful, smart, cheerful. Almost two years after she caught up with him, he beat her quite badly and she ran away. It didn't give him another chance. We got together a few months later. We spent about eight months together. It was good at the beginning, but at one point the problems started. She often had moments when she was cold, sad, carried away.
No matter how hard I tried to make her happy and happy, it didn't work out. Sex was intermittent - sometimes it was OK, other times she pulled for weeks or did it reluctantly. Sometimes he was rude to me and grumbled to me for no reason. Once, while she was in the bathroom, a message appeared on her phone. I saw it was from her ex. I opened it, saw that they had written back, but I could not read more, she returned to the room. I couldn't find a place for two weeks, I didn't know what to do. I didn't know for sure if he was cheating on me, I was wondering how to find out. And at one point I told myself that it wasn't really that important. Whether she cheated on me physically or not, I was obviously a plan B. For her, the person she was with so she wouldn't be alone. Or the last train for a woman passing 30. And then I made a difficult decision. I told her we were breaking up, without other explanations. I gave her the things she had left at home. She was very surprised. Then she called me a few times, but I didn't pick her up. Almost a year has passed since then. We met a few times, when she was warm, but I kept the conversations only within the framework of elementary politeness. On Facebook, she liked my photos sometimes, I deliberately did not open her page. But this year I changed a lot of things in myself - I went to a psychologist, improved my self-esteem, got in shape, started going out and having more fun. I began to attract women's attention. I had a few brief affairs with quite attractive girls. Life without her was not so bad. A month ago, she called to congratulate me on my birthday. Invite me for coffee. We saw each other, talked about each other. We got to the hard part. She urged me to tell her why I broke up with her. I explained to her and asked her to be direct with me. An honest conversation ensued. She said that indeed, while we were together, she was not sure of her feelings, but when I left her, she realized what she was losing. Her ex wrote to her and harassed her. He admitted that they chatted and drank coffee once. She swears they had nothing more and even offered to see her chats. After we broke up, she went out with him to overcome me, but he got drunk and aggressive again. She says she wouldn't date him, even if he were the last living man on earth, and she sounds sincere.
She admitted to me that this year, after our separation, she had a relationship with her colleague for several months, but it didn't work out. A week after coffee, he called me for a beer in the park after work. We talked, laughed, she started hugging me. I admit, I am weak, he knows how to seduce me. He kissed me and until I felt it we pressed on the grass. We ended up in their bed. We have seen each other several times since then and the sex is unique. I can't recognize her. She gives herself to Max, she does things I didn't think she was capable of while we were together. He cooks and massages me separately. He says he still loves me, that he wants us to get together. I explained to her that I could not give her what she wanted. I don't want to be the bad boy who humiliates a woman, cheats on her, beats her. And my good attitude will be boring to her. She claims that it is no longer the case that she has realized her mistake and wants us to be together. She claims that she wants a man who loves and appreciates her. She feels much more attracted to me than she ever was. To be honest, I haven't loved another woman so much. I want to be with her. But there is fear in me - can it be in a normal relationship? Or when we get together, she'll be uninterested again. Or she's with me, because at this age it's time for something serious. And all her behavior is just numbers. Physical infidelity, I guess, really didn't exist on her part. I do not believe he is lying, because sooner or later it will be understood.
Answers 35
Look, man, you look like a decent boy, but she 's not for you. Don't listen to how she changed, how she loved you, etc. I'm not saying she hasn't changed and she doesn't love you, but the question is how long. I strongly doubt it will last long. You made a big mistake, that you went out with her at all, that you explained who, how, why, and that you got to bed with her is a very, very big mistake. I am convinced that this is done quite deliberately, because such women are wonderfully hired, that once you have sex with a woman you love, then it is difficult to give back. that's why it's all cooking and pampering. You have already entered an area from which it will be difficult to give back, but better now than later, when there will be much more serious consequences. Believe me, you won't be interesting for long, no matter how convinced she is. And then you go back to the starting position. And for what?
Hi, you don't have to worry anymore. She has changed, now everything will be fine, just don't make the mistake of getting so caught up in pleasing her that she doesn't break down again. This became interesting to me: "We've seen each other several times since then and sex is unique. I can't recognize her. She gives herself to Max, she does things to me that I didn't think she was capable of while we were together." - What things? :-)
Both she and you are not capable of a normal relationship. She, looking for the dynamics, the punishments, the rejection (most likely in her family she was treated like that, or in her early years, that's why she is looking for such a relationship), and you - looking for someone like her, with the idea to make her happy, because, most likely, you were in the family where, your mother, did not understand you or was immersed in herself, and you constantly wanted to prove yourself to her, to make her happy, to pay attention to you. To be able to have a normal relationship (a relationship in which both are accepted as they are, love each other, respect each other, and are self-sufficient, learning, and developing together), you will need to 'heal' yourself first. . You can get together, give yourself a lot of patience, love, and understanding, and after a while, be really together.
Everyone deserves a second chance. My advice is to give it to her, but also to keep one thing in mind until you are convinced of her sincerity. Sometimes, though rarely, one really learns a lesson. Other times - no. But you can't understand without trying. Success;) F29
The same will happen, the wolf changes his fur but not his temper. Women are attracted to men who can't have, the more you pull the more he wants you, I didn't believe it but I have personal experience what a woman did for me while trying to win me can't be compared to any love on this earth . But the moment he received me after a while he lost interest.
If you want to be with her - be! You are not small, try again, if it does not work, at least you will know that you are obviously not for each other and YES, it is possible to calm down if he wants a family, I am your age, I have had many men - serious, for once, for several times :) but when I met my husband, since I discovered true love, since I gave birth to my children ... it just doesn't cross my mind for another man!
Many people appreciate what they had only after losing it. She may have really changed and realized that you are the person for her. Smart people know how to change. Everyone has the right to a second chance. If you still love her, give it to her, but if she wastes it, don't waste any more time with her.
Hmm. First let me share from what point of view I give advice. I am a 45-year-old man with two children, with my wife in the beginning it was a great love. feelings and sex were fine for the first 10 years or so. Then my wife decided she wanted to try something different, she tried lovers, sex as much as she had was bad. I suffered because of the children, but in the end I saw that it didn't make sense and I wanted to separate. My wife realized that I was serious and that she would lose everything she had built all her life and decided to stop the nonsense. Now, sex is still poor quality and rare, but at least we understand each other and the children are OK. For you. She's definitely not madly in love with you and she's in love with bad guys. By the way, sex will not stay the same, neither in frequency nor in quality - you can be sure of that. If sex is important to you, you better give up. Whether the feelings will last with time - definitely in time there will be no such passion and desire, will give way to other feelings such as routine, responsibility, respect and trust. Whether it will be true to you, no one can say. In general, you're both old enough for something serious, and you want to be with her, too, so if you don't jump in the cold water, you'll never know. After all, everyone is a blacksmith of his own destiny. Good luck, whatever you decide, but if you decide, you have to turn your back on the past and move forward boldly. After all, everyone is a blacksmith of his own destiny. Good luck, whatever you decide, but if you decide, you have to turn your back on the past and move forward boldly. After all, everyone is a blacksmith of his own destiny. Good luck, whatever you decide, but if you decide, you have to turn your back on the past and move forward boldly.
Several of your "ors" are correct. She has been playing and getting hot, so that a serious and respectful attitude has risen sharply in her hierarchy of criteria. Besides, the clock has started ticking very clearly and you are responding perfectly to her searches. On the other hand, you are obviously objectively a dude and she has seen it. Apparently she wasn't completely in love with you, not in that absolutely harmless and probably purely chemical way, but there are advantages to that. If the sex is ok and the communication goes on, this is made up and compensated.
I didn't finish reading it, but I'll tell you one thing - two normal people, no matter how different, can't have a "nightmarish relationship"! Even if they can't grind water together, they establish it, and their relationship ends very quickly and without unnecessary drama. These are pure sample freaks. Don't deal with it! Take care of your psyche and health! Just because you like it in appearance doesn't mean it's a commodity. And remember - there is no smoke without fire. Her boyfriend may be crazy, but know that she is not a flower either ...
I am a woman of 40 and I am not interested in the last trains, nor am I influenced by such manipulative approaches in attempts to create female inferiority as you tried to hurt the author Now, however, because you have a bigger problem than women skipped 30 you imagine yourself / I will give you a piece of advice EX / EX are therefore to remain such. I'm not going back and I'm not interested in the tones of greasy and empty promises. Lafa for the second chance is a complete chimera, so if you rely on it you are a capo
She has never loved you, nor will she ever love you. Her attitude towards you is elementary female behavior for safety, for falling softly after the exciting hovering in the clouds of feelings ... You are a backup option for her. Her true passion is "the other", and if he pursues her, then she will give herself to him again, even though she is already married. The more sinful the passion, the more exciting it is! So, decide for yourself, but if you get together, get ready for a beautiful ornament on your head. Maybe you like it, you know.
From the author. Thank you for your feedback. We went out again - to a restaurant, then to a disco and we split up. Today I don't know how I survived the hangover in the office. Abe children's stories ... I don't know, I'm very happy with her. Time will tell. I don't know if she has changed. Rather, I think things are different because I have changed. I already have more self-confidence, I am aware that I can have a quality life without it, as well as female attention. I used to be horrified by the thought that I could be without her, now I know that even if I have a hard time with the next separation, I will manage. 9, it is clear that sex will not be as it is now. But if it stops completely or is bad, it is a sign of serious problems in the relationship. 3 and 11, you are right. Apparently there is something wrong with her to tolerate such an attitude. But he is an old man, it is up to her to decide. I can't do it for her, I can only love her. But come to think of it, are there completely healthy people? 13, sorry if I hurt you. It is not inferior, but we are human beings. We have not found a way to beat time. For example, if I became a father at 55, I would hardly have the strength to look after and study my child. Men may have a few more years to start a family, but we don't live forever. However, I want to congratulate you - better alone than in a bad relationship. It's not scary. I realized it after I broke up with her. So respect your position! 14 - is he likely to fuck my ex? There is. Is he likely to cheat on me with someone else? There is. Is it possible that another woman is cheating on me? There is. Everyone can always be cheated on. That's why I don't want to think about it. If it happens, everyone in their path, I have not tied her. I'll be sorry, but I'm strong enough to go through it. Once I succeeded, I will do it again.
From experience I tell you that with this "time will tell" you are entering dangerous waters. It is a big trap and many have cried from this thinking. It is very likely that she will deceive you that she loves you very much, while she binds you with marriage / child and then when she decides that you are already bound, she will get bored with a good boy again. Now you are interesting because you are not sure. BUT until when? She may be really in love with you right now, but until when? I don't believe that women like her can love and be faithful forever. These are subconscious programs from childhood that are not just eradicated. And when that happens, when things are serious with marriage, children, etc., such behavior becomes ugly. And it usually unleashes just then.
№15, I am 14. Everyone chooses their own path and behavior. She has already underestimated you once, she has chosen another. It has hurt your masculine pride. You waited for her to get hot, now you accept her again because you're cool with her ... Yes, but that's not enough, in my opinion, for a stable relationship, because your behavior with her says that you are soft Mara and that you forgive everything and endure everything. Which will even subconsciously push her to repeat the thrills with the old or someone new. Having turned your back on you, that obviously means you're not a thrill. Normally, a man should be dignified and keep it. these are the ones that make women shiver. She, as you describe her, is not very readable, but you seem to be guided not by your upper head, but by your lower one. Try it, your risk is yours, so is life. But you can lose a lot of time and self-esteem, to wrap a hedgehog in his pants. I'm not saying to stay single, because with this person who has already neglected you, the world does not end. There are many other girls and women you can start with. I am not against love, great love, on the contrary, but I think it is good to be warned. You have no idea how selfish and deceitful such angels can be.
The wolf changes his fur, his temper - never. You are now at the National Theater. She is good, but she plays a play and believes in herself. You applaud. But - get out of the gym! It's just a theater.
I'm number 11. Drop the dude! I have had similar passions, even with a married woman. I tell you from experience - the last flute in her hole will be ...
The author, here everyone gives you different and opposite advice, who has a reason, who does not, but if you start listening to people you will not go far. On the subject of whether he loves you - I think so. The fact is, she's tried so hard to win you over again, so it's hardly just some unspecified feelings. As you have already been told, sometimes you need to lose something in order to appreciate it properly. Whether he will cheat on you, whether your relationship will continue and you will love each other for life - I don't know, no one knows, but the same goes for every other woman, you have come to this conclusion yourself. If you reunite, which I see is already a fact, the relationship between the two of you will have gone through all these difficulties over time and will probably be much stronger than before. You used to act very masculine and very correctly after you dumped her this way, without unnecessary dramas and explanations. I have given such advice to other people in a similar situation. In fact, the biggest mistake when you see that you are losing the person you love is to cling to him like a straw drowning man. The result is guaranteed in such a case and is not good at all. Keep up the good work, don't make the mistake of putting her on a pedestal and neglecting yourself for her sake. She should also strive for love and maintain your relationship. Good luck.
I read your story carefully. I am a woman, experienced enough and all female numbers are extremely clear to me. But when you look at yourself, you answered the question - this woman has never loved you, rest assured, she's just really trying to catch the last train. She scolded her and she realized that because of the wild she had missed the tame, so it is no longer her first youth - let's get her tame back. That's why it's too much sex and others and numbers - do not bond. You write yourself that there is life without her, find a girl who will love you unconditionally. I have a son - almost your age, I took your story to heart. I hate women who don't let go of the branch until they catch the new one. Be smart and wish you happiness ...
"You're interesting now because you're not sure." Absolutely! The moment she realizes that things are serious and she has tied you up, the same thing will happen again. In my opinion, the only way is to pull on it and play hot / cold.
From number 3 Author, I suddenly remembered a saying, seeing the title of your topic. "Where there is doubt, there is no love" - think whether you love her or something else :) As I said, you can be the type of people who want to satisfy your partner, proving himself, protecting him. Your ego is caressed by the fact that it has returned and by the things it tells you, and by sex ... This game of dissatisfied and proving - it can't be eternal, you will get tired of it, or of it, because such people, without knowing her, but I think that for her 'calm' is boring and she will look for 'emotions', someone to harass her. You can enter into this role of 'emotional abuser' if you can to diversify it, but you are doomed - all your life you will be in the service of her desires and unstable emotionality. And about the emotional burden and your question, is there a complete ' healthy 'people - no, no, but there are people who do something about it (think, analyze, share, look for reasons, including at home), but there are also those who do nothing about it' to be cured ', they are always to blame for each other, all the circumstances, they want someone else to solve their problems, and they create dramas for (most often) their loved ones. Think about what type of woman your wife is.
You're obviously listening more to your lower head. Now sex, mex, time would tell, ala-bala. Yes, but the more time you spend with her, the more sex you have with her, the more you engage and the harder it becomes for you to get rid of her. She knows perfectly well that it is easy to manipulate a man through sex and takes advantage. This is what a 20-year-old girl told me personally, she concludes for herself if she doesn't know it and how women like her think. And she just suffered from a simpleton and now she is looking for comfort in a good boy to pump up his self-confidence, to catch the last train so that he has a safe family and children, and then you will get bored again, when you become sure. With the lower head it is so - now it is "time will tell", then it will be "abe I think things will work out, I'm happy with it", then "it's hard for me to give it up", then "abe is not a commodity,
Author, I read your story twice. I don't think she likes bullies and bad boys, otherwise she would have found one again or stayed with her ex. It's just that she had a long 2-year relationship, very soon after the end, and she started a relationship with you without experiencing and clarifying the separation from her ex. Separately, there are men who are crazy and harassing, texting, calling at night, etc. She was cold because she was not ready for a new relationship, not because she has a mania for bullies. You dumped her without explanation - it sucks. You didn't love another like her, now you can build a stable relationship, but if you go back in time and punish her or remind her what she did, it won't work. Why not have feelings for you, someone else can also cheat on you, play and have past relationships. Be together, love each other and don't think much, time will tell. Write what is happening
The next placements of patterns, furs, manners and what not. What happened to the author and his beloved can only be reported as a mistake of that naive youth. The important thing is that they have both learned over time which mechanism really works for them. The boy has gained more self-confidence, knowledge, experience; the girl, for her part, has stopped behaving like a high school musical student. I think you love each other a lot, and most importantly each other, since you have never forgotten. No one owes anyone love. Of course you can live separately, but in those pleasant moments you think of each other and have fun as children ... The two together .... and this is the thing that makes sense in this little world. My partner and I were separated for a long time for similar reasons. Fortunately, this long break ended with marriage and a relationship of a much better quality. And if we had not separated at that moment, then at the moment we could be self-disappointed enemies instead of Husband and Wife. :)
Author: We saw her again. We talked and decided to give ourselves another chance. I told her again my worries that she fell in love with bad boys. According to her, the relationship with her ex was a mistake. She told me about her previous boyfriends and described them as decent boys with whom she had a normal relationship. There was no other such toxic relationship. Maybe she was just wrong there. In fact, if she wanted to be with her ex, she would return to him after our separation. Instead, she had an affair with her colleague - a very good boy by the way. However, I set her several conditions: - I do not intend to stay in a relationship without love. If things happen as before, there is no point in continuing. If the bad guys are very attracted to her, she has the blessing that she leaves at any time. But not to sit with me by force. - We stop indulging. I will comply with her, but she will comply with me. But he must respect my position even when we think differently. - I want time for myself - hobbies, friends, books, sports. Of course, she too. We'll see what happens, but I don't think I'll put her on a pedestal anymore. Time will tell whether we will fit or not.
Author, I'm not saying this badly, but you're a big fool, the second time you let yourself on the rink. I don't see the point in explaining it to you, but the day will come when you will understand what I am saying. At least she doesn't make children, then your life will be very sad. I am convinced that this is one of her goals. Looking at you, it's only a matter of time before they manipulate you. Then you are already inside with both feet and you can never get out of this relationship again without serious consequences for life.
From your last post, I see that you are self-winding ... you have set conditions ... she made you dizzy from sex and now you are looking for motives from us to give her a chance. But remember - one love is not enough for two. She has proven to you many times that she does not deserve your trust. Is your hoe stepping on you again? People do not change their behavior. This with the colleague, who was a good boy, made me laugh a lot. If he was a bad boy, what? And these are just the men you know about ... This woman is an awl in a bag. He will have sex with you and then he will sing the old song again. But your life is yours. From us the opinions - from you the actions. Guarantee that in 6 months you will still be playing the big-horned shovel.
A chance is given once. Not 252 times like you. Think about it.
Author, just as you have changed as a person, so she has changed. Just start over without thinking about how it was before. If you start keeping cool with her to give it back to her, your job is ruined, if she wants to be a virgin too. According to you, there is no reason to doubt it, but beware of getting pregnant. Write what is happening, I hope there is a happy ending!
Somewhere I read the following: Never fuck your old mistakes! And the author above repeats several times that he already had the self-confidence of an independent man, held on to his dignity and could do without this woman, and with his actions he shows the exact opposite. The important thing is not to have eb @, because upstairs there is no substance left to think soberly.
Oh, man, didn't you realize that in those many years they used a spare tire in the trunk? So in chronological order: you like yourself at first, chemistry, sparks / maybe only on your part / and she chooses another. First red light. Then, she is in a relationship with this man who has another woman, drinks and beats. Super. Second red light / she doesn't know what she wants /. You get together when she stays out but keeps texting him. You leave her, again with him, then with another ... I have a headache. And a hundred red lights came on. You continue with the chances, if you underestimate yourself so much that there is no other woman on the planet to like you !!!
Condolences, boy! You must be aware ...
As I listen to her explanations, I wonder if I'm laughing or crying. Look at me, bray - only one of her MANY GIRLS was bad ... So what is she for, who had a whole carriage with lovers, while a priori she refused you and was a jerk ??? And suddenly, look at a miracle now - he will love you truly and sincerely. I do not know, I hope I'm wrong, but the probability of this development seems to me 0, 00001%. In the end, do whatever YOU decide, but when you ask for advice, I think it's fair to give our opinion. This woman is not for a serious and stable relationship, and you are entering a humiliating role. You mentioned that you have already broken, poisoned and are already successful among women around you. Think about this option, because maybe you're missing out on the real chance in life by tying yourself to this fox.
And the colleague from the service, with whom she was trying to replace the one, the beater, and you, was very decent, kind, but it didn't work out. Doesn't it snap at you that that's why it didn't work out, because he was conscious, and when you broke up with her, she immediately seeks solace from the nasty "boy", "to overcome you", and now she swears to you that will she be left alone, but she won't think about him anymore ?? And on what grounds do you believe? She keeps coming back to her beater, chatting with him ... If she had been so sincere, she wouldn't have exchanged another word with him. And apart from the fact that the bastard may have his reasons to beat her.
Author, I am very interested in how things developed? Thanks in advance for the reply!