Hello, my ex-husband and I are divorced and he has a visitation schedule twice a month. But every time he comes, he takes the child and sets him against me and my relatives, and then the child beats and insults us. She also remembers the things that were said to her for several nights and cries. It takes a lot of effort to calm her down after each visit. The last time he and his mother brought her back into hysteria, she cried for half an hour. I don't know what exactly they told her in private to upset her like that, but while I was there, her father told her that he couldn't stay because they were going to arrest him and she screamed (otherwise no one threatened him with the police like her. brought at all, I have the impression that he enjoys harassing her in this way). What can I do, I talked to him not to upset the child, but of course he does not care and does not stop. If he cared, he wouldn't do it in the first place. What can I do? We are currently suing again because I changed my visitation regime for other reasons and he is now using the fact that he is appearing in this case anyway and has again claimed parental rights. The problem is that after the end of the case, and until then, he will have the right to take the child and will continue to harass her. Is there any way to stop this? I have complaints with the police against this man for harassing me (and there is one), but nothing startles him. He invents all kinds of lies about me and goes and tells them to acquaintances and strangers, as well as posts them on Facebook. I'm worried that the child may hear something from someone and get upset again, they will start making fun of her at school after a year or two, you know what children are like ... She learns the letters and will soon be able to read, he will see what he writes sooner or later .. How can I counteract him to stop harassing the child? The judge told him in the previous case not to set the child up, but that did not stop him from continuing the harassment in public and in front of the child. Now that he takes her again, I'm sure he'll harass her again. He had pulled out a gun in front of her, to have committed suicide "allegedly", but I can't prove it, she still doesn't seem to realize what it means to point a gun at yourself, and it was in two seconds, but he could explain to her, if he decides to repeat it, I don't know anymore ... I'm not sure if he's crazy, if it's sociopathy or personality disorder, no one will make him get treated because there is no cure for character pathologies. The situation is terrible. Any restrictive orders are interim decisions and have a short term, if they are allowed at all. He will then take the child again and harass him. No conversations with him help, his mother and she have problems, actively support him in bullying. What to do?
Answers 16
You did not write how old the child is, once he learns to read he is about 5 years old, the right approach is to talk to her, how much you love her and how he should respect his father and help him, together with her, not to be afraid from arrest that the cops are normal people like you and their job is to arrest the bad guys and dad is not bad right, it is possible that he will ever make a mistake and the cops will take him away, but they will quickly realize that he is not bad and let him go etc. In no case should you ask her for details what she did with her father or grandmother, such questions focus the child's attention on what happened there, if she decides to tell you ok, if not , you just show up to your child as a loving mother. If she decides to tell you and seeks your opinion, do not speak against her father, ask her what she thinks about the incident. The spitting of the father left your lawyer to do it in court, to be a loving mother in front of your daughter, who respects all people, even if they have made a mistake. I tell you from experience I have a son who is 20 years old. My mother-in-law did not want me for the daughter-in-law and wife of her only son and from the age of one she started to set the child against me, made him pray to die, etc., I continued to send him to her when he was almost 3 years old. he told me that they were praying to my grandfather in church that a truck had hit me and that they would take a new mother with his father. Only my love managed to make the child think and judge things realistically, I continued to let him go to her again, I told him to respect his grandmother, whatever, she is his grandmother, my husband was of the opinion to stop all contact with the child. with his grandmother, I flatly refused, and from the behavior of the worst man the child can learn something good, as long as the child's health and life are not endangered personally, and the father and grandmother will not encroach on your daughter's life. Now my son is 20 he continues to hear or see his grandmother once in two months and believe me he is a pretty good young man and I believe that for his growth, for his way of thinking, for his social development it was useful to see with his grandmother, because now I can easily judge people, he has learned not to draw conclusions from words, but from actions, etc. She has not spoken to him for a long time, but he knows that if he says something, he will jump against her to she protects me, but she will set him against herself, and from their long meetings she loves him very much and melts to hear him. We still don't love each other, but our relationship can't break the blood relationship, neither between me and my son, nor his grandmother with her grandson, as people have said. "
You go to the prosecutor's office with two witnesses, you say that he is threatening you and you want a restraining order due to fear for your life and that of the child. Then you repeat everything in front of a judge and he will not be able to approach you. The police do not work in most cases
You are fighting to take parental rights and erase this person from your life. Only this will help.
Serious business! I don't know if it's legal and radical, but can't you go abroad?
He visits criminals in prison. What you have is a personal relationship regime. If you want your ex to not see the child, you can file a lawsuit for deprivation of parental rights. However, it will be difficult to prove these circumstances, which you state here.
Save them with a device they won't find. That way you will have evidence, although it is not good as an act.
Send her 1-2 times with some of her handbag with women's things. The third time he put a dictaphone inside - the child may not know he has it, the important thing is not to dig. Having a full record of the next meeting, the court can assess the situation. There are dictaphones hidden in various camouflage things, but I don't know how good quality they will produce.
Tell the lawyer what you write here, contact the social and psychologist about the child. You can put a recording device in the bag by sending the baby to him, but it usually doesn't last in the court. Otherwise, just talk a lot with the child and explain to him not to worry. The other, like your husband fighting for parental rights, can do these things on purpose to get on your nerves and act in a way that takes his parental rights in court.
Dear child, how long has she survived, but why does your husband - the ex, when he takes her, upset her? You say that the child learns the letters and will be able to read. You did not mention the age of the child - if he learns the letters and can read, it means that he is about 4-5 years old.
Author: Thank you all for the comments. Number 1, a really very wise look at things. I will try to explain the time in which it takes her and influences her in this way. I don't question her, she always tells me and amazes me. Absolutely every time she comes back it takes me a long time to convince her not to beat and insult me, I'm worried she won't develop behavioral and mental problems anymore, she's so small ... If that doesn't stop I'll take extreme measures, so far I tried to talk to him, but it didn't work. Otherwise, I want her to have a good relationship with her father, but he flatly refuses to go to a specialist, and it is clear that it is not good. At home, he allowed her to walk on the ledge on the inside of the window, from where she could open it with one movement and fall into the street. And there are many other such cases, in which his extremely poor assessment of the situations is evident. I don't think he would have done anything wrong to her at this point, at least, but it's enough that he doesn't know what he's doing. Number 8 doesn't scream to provoke me to lose my temper in court, it may motivate him in part, but it's just not good and can't be controlled. And before I left, there were outbursts. He tried to get my attention with the insults on Facebook because he was not feeling well and wanted to talk in private because he had dreamed of me every night. At the same time, he continues with the brutal mental harassment. I don't know how to explain to him that I don't want to have anything to do with him, so I don't dare tell him so rudely, because he will go even further. I told him several times that I did not want to see each other in private, but only to maintain a good tone for the sake of the child. If they don't stop harassing the child with his mother, will consider going abroad, yes. There are court orders that can be settled. But I don't want the child to grow up so far away from all her relatives and friends because of her father's problems.
Ask him to meet only the two of them. Sit down and say that the child is the most important and you should spare him mentally to grow in love by both. Being displaced does not mean dividing the child. Talk human, find videos on the net on the subject. In one such video, after the same stories, the grown-up child watches his ruined sick parents from unnecessary annoyances. If I am in your place, you both unite around the idea that the child grows happily and in love, and not only he, but you also realize that he may be the worst for you, but he is the father of this child and the most right. option is to watch it in free mode, to take it when he wants and not under an hour only market and the happiness of the child. Talk to him, identifying your needs and selfishness and thinking about your child's psyche. Etre it will continue the cycle of bad family and teddy relationships. Even if he is the greatest simpleton, he will think about it. I could just tell the boy what he gained from all this tuning. Simplicity, low intellect and passions. Do not pass this on to your child. From such a story my friend was left alone, because in her eyes all men for the worst. A child needs both, don't share it. It is not a thing.
Tomorrow you burn your flip-flops and go to the police and child protection files complaints where you remember that this lunatic is harassing her. Order a camera, they are small and cannot be seen, hand this over to the police for proof. You will hurt the child, he was crazy people ... do you know what mental traumas such nonsense leaves your litter ... it will instead of thinking about dolls and toys, he will think about how not to arrest his father! Crazy job! Take measures that this child will be completely nerdy by the time he enters 1st grade and it is more likely that he is being ridiculed than for the things that his father said. Outsiders are very difficult to accept at school, and he goes there. My mother was because they broke up with my father, he told me that he would find another family, he would abandon us, he would no longer love us for complete nonsense. To this day, my father helps me and my mother, even though I am married, my father sells his life for me and he has no wife and 15 years have passed, but the mental trauma remains, I am subconsciously afraid of loneliness and abandonment. At the age of 22 only I know what a roar I roared that my husband is at night or he is late for work and he didn't tell me especially in the beginning. And so far I'm having a hard time sitting alone, I'm used to it, but don't ask me what happens to me when my father goes on a business trip - I start to suffocate, I get panic attacks, I cancel all my commitments to spend time with them because I'm afraid of losing love. them. So burn your mind and act until you have lost the child, then you need Ada to think about children's things, not about the problems of adults, there is a time when she will think these nonsense my father is selling his life for me and he has no wife and 15 years have passed, but the mental trauma remains, I am subconsciously afraid of loneliness and abandonment. At the age of 22 only I know what a roar I roared that my husband is at night or he is late for work and he didn't tell me especially in the beginning. I'm still having a hard time sitting alone, but I'm not used to it, but don't ask me what happens to me when my father goes on a business trip - I start to suffocate, I get panic attacks, I cancel all my commitments to spend time with them because I'm afraid of losing love. them. So burn your mind and act until you have lost the child, then you need Ada to think about children's things, not about the problems of adults, there is a time when she will think these nonsense my father is selling his life for me and he has no wife and 15 years have passed, but the mental trauma remains, I am subconsciously afraid of loneliness and abandonment. At the age of 22 only I know what a roar I roared that my husband is at night or he is late for work and he didn't tell me especially in the beginning. I'm still having a hard time sitting alone, but I'm not used to it, but don't ask me what happens to me when my father goes on a business trip - I start to suffocate, I get panic attacks, I cancel all my commitments to spend time with them because I'm afraid of losing love. them. So burn your mind and act until you have lost the child, then Ada should think about children's things, not about the problems of adults, there is a time when she will think these nonsense At the age of 22 only I know what a roar I roared that my husband is at night or he is late for work and he didn't tell me especially in the beginning. And so far I'm having a hard time sitting alone, I'm used to it, but don't ask me what happens to me when my father goes on a business trip - I start to suffocate, I get panic attacks, I cancel all my commitments to spend time with them because I'm afraid of losing love. them. So burn your mind and act until you have lost the child, then you need Ada to think about children's things, not about the problems of adults, there is a time when she will think these nonsense At the age of 22 only I know what a roar I roared that my husband is at night or he is late for work and he didn't tell me especially in the beginning. And so far I'm having a hard time sitting alone, I'm used to it, but don't ask me what happens to me when my father goes on a business trip - I start to suffocate, I get panic attacks, I cancel all my commitments to spend time with them because I'm afraid of losing love. them. So burn your mind and act until you have lost the child, then Ada should think about children's things, not about the problems of adults, there is a time when she will think these nonsense I cancel all my commitments to spend time with them because I'm afraid of losing their love. So burn your mind and act until you have lost the child, then you need Ada to think about children's things, not about the problems of adults, there is a time when she will think these nonsense I cancel all my commitments to spend time with them because I'm afraid of losing their love. So burn your mind and act until you have lost the child, then you need Ada to think about children's things, not about the problems of adults, there is a time when she will think these nonsense
Apparently your ex is mentally ill. It will be a good idea to alert the police to your ex's psychiatric care the next time he or she screams when the child is handed over. They arrive with a psychiatrist and will officially register the insane behavior. In this case, you have reason to request a restriction of meetings and the same to take place in your presence.
to number 2 - Incitement to crime is also a crime. False testimony is a crime ... you incite her to lie in court. To fight with legal means, and without that the law is entirely in favor of women ...
I don't need to testify falsely, he dies regularly anyway. He has already exploded several times on Facebook and in messages. Otherwise, I know that perjury is a crime, he is now suing me for parental rights and has testified in several places in the documents, which is good because I have evidence that he is lying. I just don't know what his punishment will be. I think I will fight for a restraining order for a few months. Now I am waiting for them to possibly approve a psychiatric examination of the parental rights case, I hope they approve it, that he is not tolerated.
I personally know many cases in which mothers set and alienate children against their fathers, but obviously in this case the opposite is true. My advice is to talk to the father that it is not good for him or you to adjust the child, because you are his parents and no one can replace you or his father.