People, help. Give me advice, I don't know what to do. I had a relationship for 10 years with a boy, we live abroad. In the beginning everything was fine, he lived independently in a small village, 50 km away from me. We were madly in love, we got along great. He worked, I studied. During the summer I stayed with him for a whole week, we had no problems. Until his mother realizes she has a relationship with me. She forbade him to see me and he, with all his mind (he was 20 then), dumped me. I cried, I suffered ... he called me a month later to apologize. Good, we drove the hand again. Secretly from his mother. She then understood again, raised a scandal against him (I repeat that he lived independently) and later he dumped me again. I was in pain, I suffered a lot ... after a month and a half he called me again, if we had seen each other. He shouts that he loves me, but he couldn't be with me because of his mother, she did not allow him. I got angry, shouted at him not to look for me anymore and left. He ran after me, cried and told me that he loved me, he did not want to lose me. He agreed not to pay attention to his mother. And so we were 4 years together, peace and understanding. His mother visited him from time to time, but I did not come across her. Then the company in which he worked went bankrupt and he had to come to town and live with his mother until he found another job. At first I was happy, because I thought that we would no longer be 50 km apart, but only 1. How naive I was! The problems started immediately. His mother began to set him against me, and his sister invited her. At first, they were only hints, supposedly well-meaning. Why I dress like that didn't suit me. Why did I cook something the way it was, that wasn't right. And I, stupid and naive, listen to them and try to please them.
We had to marry him in order for him to arrange his documents and the residence and work permit, which had been illegal until then. I have given a minimum of 300-400 euros for lawyers and notaries to prepare and legalize the necessary documents. And while the legalization procedure was going on, his family was extremely kind to me. After he received his document, a real hell began. It was still 2012. Despite the marriage, we did not live together. The mother-in-law began to interfere in absolutely everything. He deliberately missed our meetings. We only saw each other on the weekends, because we were both very busy the rest of the day. His mother was deliberately looking for a job for him so that we could not see each other. He had to paint the table in the kitchen, fix the sink, escort it to the market ... a bunch of things he told him at the last minute. Or she specifically invited her friends to their house and made him attend their meetings. We could never do what we set out to do. If by any chance she hadn't looked for a job, we went out. But it was awful because we didn't have any time for ourselves. He had to come back in an hour because he had to cook, it was his cooking day.
When we returned, he was greeted sullenly. His sister started talking about being a breadwinner, a lazy person, hanging out on the streets instead of helping at home ... If we happened to find a moment of peace in his room, his sister would come there to annoy us. She interfered in our conversations without anyone asking her. He criticized me for wanting and not doing. His mother also interfered in our intimate life! He allowed himself to criticize us for not having enough sex !!! His sister constantly hinted that my work was frivolous (I was a piano teacher), that I was lazy and that I didn't do anything. When we cooked something for us with him, his mother or sister would appear shouting at us that we were cooking badly, that we didn't know anything, that it was tasteless ... They were both constantly blackmailing him and making hysterical scenes for him. They treat him like a servant. His sister drags him to the shops with her on a regular basis. His mother used to play melodramas with tears if he went for a walk with me. That he didn't love her, that he could leave her alone, that she was old (the witch in question was 45 years old).
I learned from friends that these two witches had told lies and filth to me at various gatherings: that I had been a slut, that I had insulted him and kept him under a slipper, that I had not allowed him to go out with friends, that I dressed like a prostitute ... and a bunch of other bastards. I had talked to him many times about it. I told him I didn't want to have any relationship with his family because they hated me. And he always seemed to agree, but then he drove her the old way again. He never once protected me as he should. He was just muttering. And he was trying to make me be friends with his mother. We broke up with them a few times, but he kept coming back with an apology. I got tired and gave him an ultimatum: if he wants to see me, he will be in our house or on the street, but I will not go to his house. He took offense and told me that family came first. And he dumped me. I fell into severe depression, on top of that I had a serious health problem, I almost committed suicide. He had blocked me from everywhere: Facebook, SMS, phone ... I was on antidepressants for almost a year. I almost spent my school year at the conservatory because of him. We were separated for 3 months, I had already written it off and I had resigned myself. But he reappeared! He couldn't do without me, etc. His mother suspected something and sent him to Sweden on purpose to keep him away from me. But he did not find a job there and after half a year he returned and wanted us to resume relations. I was skeptical, but I agreed. We saw each other rarely and secretly from his. After a year and a half of such a state, we decided to separate. Not so much because of his monstrous relatives, but because of serious differences in the way of thinking and plans for the future.
We stayed as friends. It's been 9 months since then. I got on with my life, met other people, found a boy we liked ... My ex and I text each other from time to time to ask ourselves how things are going. And we met by chance, we are neighbours. So today we had agreed to go out to eat something like friends. It turns out that he wants to re-establish the relationship. I was the wife of his life, he didn't want another, he loved me, he would no longer allow anyone to interfere in our relationship, he would rent an apartment for both of us ... The problem is that I don't love him before. he is not indifferent to me, I do not want him to suffer, I want him to be happy ... And I am not sure that it is a good idea to come back with him. I'm sure the evil witches will start harassing me again. They just hate me. I do not want them to be part of my family and to have a kinship with my children. I can't stand them. I was afraid that if they dared to tell me something one more time, I would lose my temper and slap them. I don't know what to do. On the one hand, I am not indifferent to the former and he is not a bad person. He is hardworking, he is honest ... only he is a mother's son. On the other side is the boy I met and we have had a non-committal relationship for three months (I told my ex about it, I don't want to lie to him). Oh, on the third side, there are these two monsters that I'm afraid won't smell until they make me tired. What should I do ?? !!
Answers 15
you have to delete this person from your life as soon as possible!
The problem is not with his mother and sister, but with him. Because he chooses how he wants to live and if he really loves you, he will have the courage to face his mother and say - "This is my choice and it is final. By behaving badly with her, you hurt me. If you do not stop once and for all, you will never see me again! ”He once told you that his family was more important. It should be you, his family. But it's not like that. Don't believe him, people don't change. Still, the choice is yours.
I think there is a problem in you too - you speak quite rudely about his relatives, just because they didn't like you. Apparently there is a reason to give him such advice ... It is not correct to have an affair while you are with him. That's all I'm going to tell you.
Don't deal with your ex
I see no other way unless he kicks them and they have to. I really hate big men, letting their mothers lead them. And I don't understand such mothers, for me this is vulgar behavior. But in general, if he does not oppose and stop this attitude, there is no one else to do it.
If in 10 years you have not understood that the boy wants a relationship with mom and not with you, then we can not help you. Years ago he had to move out, work, pay his rent and live in peace. When you are alone, you have to cook every night, wash the dishes and have to run a washing machine, throw garbage, whatever you can think of, but no one cares. The family comes first, but at one point the bird flies away from the nest and shrinks on its own. He will have to put his children and wife in front of mom and poop, at least if he wants his own family to be healthy and together. If it ever occurs to you to reunite with him, then at least wait for him to become independent. Not to promise you that he will rent accommodation for you, but to actually rent accommodation, to move out and only then to talk to you about change and a relationship.
They didn't break anything for you. You're just stuck with a mold, and you're asking her questions here about what to do. Well it is a clear answer.
Drop it and that's it! You need a real man, not a mother's son who can't defend his opinion! If he had at least a little masculinity in him, he would have protected you and separated from them 100 times by now.
For nothing in the world do not return to him !!! Even if there is a change in the beginning, don't be fooled girl !!! The moment your child is born, that's when you'll know what bullying is. Witches will become even more vicious, and your husband will not stand up for you! You will be bound forever and no matter what happens they will have access to your child and will fill his head with nonsense about how his mother is a prostitute and how bad she is! Close the page and find a normal man! MAN! A real MAN, not a mold that you will be ashamed of all your life!
But I wonder about you too, honestly. In general, how could you tolerate such an attitude for so long. And don't you dare think about resuming any relationship with this person, unless you are a pure masochist and want to end up in a madhouse. Once you are on your feet, move on and that's it! And your ex, as long as he allows his mother and sister to control him, will be like that - he will never be happy, nor will anyone tolerate him!
Some people cannot understand how far a woman can go in her love. I understand you! And as a friend, I will tell you: find the strength, darling, to end this relationship. I have a second marriage. My husband went through nine mountains in the tenth out of love for me, divorced, rarely saw his child, did not accept the opinion of his family, changed his place of residence, changed his job, changed his friends. I, on the other hand, divorced a very rich man, lived like a dog in quarters, found a second job, a third, a fourth ... And we are happy because we fought together. To date, we are independent, well-off people and the families on both sides who have poisoned our lives are pushing to visit us, I am his mother's "favorite daughter-in-law" and he is "his favorite son-in-law". mine. We are tolerant, we forgive them everything, which they caused us. But we were firm and very consistent! We played as a team and won the match. You don't have a teammate, I came to this conclusion after reading your story. You have no one to pass the ball to you. Therefore, no matter how hard it is for you, please end this tormented relationship. This boy doesn't deserve you because he doesn't fight for you. The real man has hit the table ten times so far, so that his mother's wig flies, he rents an apartment, grabs your hand and takes you out of this nightmare.
Hello, everyone! It's obviously full of such "men." I was also in such a situation, but with one child. Such mother's sons NEVER change. Even at the age of 50. Don't make that fatal mistake of going back to him! You will suffer as I have suffered and continue to suffer ... Such men prefer their mothers and sisters, but not their children and wives.
Girl, you will do what you decide. But if you do not move away from them physically, if you do not see each other, there will be no peace. I will tell you the story of an acquaintance of mine, as she says, is an unwanted daughter-in-law because she is older than her husband. But they have been together for 25 years because they literally fled to another city. Now they had to return to their hometown and hell began again. Gossip, nonsense, gossip, the woman at every turn must justify that what is being said is not true. And they have two older daughters who also got them involved. The son did not give money, he was greedy, he tired his father because he had not experienced that his daughter-in-law was older, full of idiocy. And their end is not in sight. And my acquaintance says, we are leaving, our family will be broken in old age, she tells me that at home they start to get annoyed because of the mother-in-law and the uncle, there is no peace, who said what, not to mention various girlfriends who call the man after midnight and are silent! Run, run, if he loves you, he will come with you, but you better run! Find a boy who is good for you in bed, when a child is born you will forget him first and you will wonder how you were subjected to humiliation. And you were born of a mother and no one has the right to harass you. If you have to go and make a scandal of them, you bastards, because with simpletons in a vulgar way, they don't know another language. In front of him and tell him, either with you or to stand with these two hens! Roughly, to get out of the pain and break the way back! You will not regret, in order to move forward, you have to cut the way back! Good luck! when a child is born you will forget it first and you will wonder how you were subjected to humiliation. And you were born of a mother and no one has the right to harass you. If you have to go and make a scandal of them, vulgar, because with simpletons of vulgarity, they do not know another language. In front of him and tell him, either with you or to stand with these two hens! Roughly, to get out of the pain and break the way back! You will not regret, in order to move forward, you have to cut the way back! Good luck! when a child is born you will forget it first and you will wonder how you were subjected to humiliation. And you were born of a mother and no one has the right to harass you. If you have to go and make a scandal of them, vulgar, because with simpletons of vulgarity, they do not know another language. In front of him and tell him, either with you or to stand with these two hens! Roughly, to get out of the pain and break the way back! You will not regret, in order to move forward, you have to cut the way back! Good luck!
Well done on number 13! The only way! With simpletons you have to be a simpleton! It is! Let the author write what she has decided
He is not your man.