Hello, It is very difficult to start, despite the veil of anonymity. I will ask anyone who will "throw the first stone" to stop reading my story now. An almost unfaithful woman is writing to you. I am 30 years old, with a 10 year relationship behind my back and a child I will not go into details about my relationship. There are ups, there are downs. Some time ago I was on the other side - the one they are cheating on. My husband (we are not married) was cheating on me with an 18-year-old girl. They did it in the car while I was at work. And the way I found out is from her. Send me their chats. But we went on, I just forgot as much as I could. Maybe I'm sharing this part to ease my conscience. I'm on the other side now and I can say that I'm in pain now. I cheat emotionally, constantly. In my heart I cheated a million times. Physically not once is He truly a wonderful person, but also in His relationship. Colleagues. Banal. A man who, even when we started communication, said that no innocent person should be harmed. A man who is my copy and I am his. We like everything. We have been communicating for 7 months. We both know and feel how we feel. Sometimes he relaxes and admits something like feelings, with hints and ambiguities, but after such an admission he disappears for days, weeks and begins to behave coolly. And then suddenly he started looking for communication again. He soon admitted to me that he was both sorry that we had started communicating and not. He is sorry because he allowed himself to like something that did not belong to him. He told me how he dreams of going somewhere, of escaping. We have a lot of obscene conversations, shared dreams, fantasies. Even our fears, movies, books, views on life, all coincide. He says he is afraid of this resemblance. It's unreal. He asked what I dreamed. We talked so much and so openly, but after that conversation he avoided me for a week. He doesn't answer when I look for him. However, I feel that maybe this time it is permanent. I asked him if he was starting to keep his distance again. Answer no, not distance reason. But he avoids me. It hurts me badly. It even hurts physically. And every night I sleep next to my husband and cheat on him in my heart. I don't eat, I don't sleep, I get distracted, it affects my work. I do not know what to do. On the one hand, my good man, whom I love and do not want to hurt. On the other hand, my heart and the man who keeps his distance again. Each point of view will help me a lot. but after that conversation he has been avoiding me for a week. He doesn't answer when I look for him. However, I feel that maybe this time it is permanent. I asked him if he was starting to keep his distance again. Answer no, not distance reason. But he avoids me. It hurts me badly. It even hurts physically. And every night I sleep next to my husband and cheat on him in my heart. I don't eat, I don't sleep, I get distracted, it affects my work. I do not know what to do. On the one hand, my good man, whom I love and do not want to hurt. On the other hand, my heart and the man who keeps his distance again. Each point of view will help me a lot. but after that conversation he has been avoiding me for a week. He doesn't answer when I look for him. However, I feel that maybe this time it is permanent. I asked him if he was starting to keep his distance again. Answer no, not distance reason. But he avoids me. It hurts me badly. It even hurts physically. And every night I sleep next to my husband and cheat on him in my heart. I don't eat, I don't sleep, I get distracted, it affects my work. I do not know what to do. On the one hand, my good man, whom I love and do not want to hurt. On the other hand, my heart and the man who keeps his distance again. Each point of view will help me a lot. It even hurts physically. And every night I sleep next to my husband and cheat on him in my heart. I don't eat, I don't sleep, I get distracted, it affects my work. I do not know what to do. On the one hand, my good man, whom I love and do not want to hurt. On the other hand, my heart and the man who keeps his distance again. Each point of view will help me a lot. It even hurts physically. And every night I sleep next to my husband and cheat on him in my heart. I don't eat, I don't sleep, I get distracted, it affects my work. I do not know what to do. On the one hand, my good man, whom I love and do not want to hurt. On the other hand, my heart and the man who keeps his distance again. Each point of view will help me a lot.
Answers 21
Wow, it's like reading my story, but on the man's side! It's almost the same with us, but only I have admitted the feelings, and she has not, but it is felt. How to say it - body language or intuition. But we don't share as much as you do. Sometimes I look for her every other day, then I stop and look for her in a week, two or a month. Most of the time I distance myself, but the last time she did. I had decided that this was the end, but the next moment when we met she was behaving so well that I even had the feeling that she was in love and thinking only of me.
What are you waiting for to get better? Your husband was unfaithful, so what will you save. And you are obviously in love with this one, there are two options, you break all contact or you experience the quota you can. The choice is yours.
Or you can overestimate your colleague. You didn't have it. You know if you see each other at home.
I can't give advice. I read you the story several times. Order by order. And it coincides completely with what I experienced recently. To the smallest detail. I'm a man, but I was in your place. With us, the story is over. And guess how "interesting" it is to keep working with such a person, albeit in different departments. Guess how to lose 15 kg in 2 months, without sports, without diet. Then all the men and women ask you how you managed to lose so much weight, and you wonder what a stupid explanation to give them. Some think that you play sports, others - that you are sick, others directly tell you that you have a mistress without seeing anything. You want to scream that it's because of the bitch from the other department. But you don't do it because you have feelings for her, you keep the dignity, as she does yours. You try not to meet her, but she jumps out of nowhere without expecting her. You greet her politely or pretend not to see her. She does the same. But internally everything boils over and you come to grab it. Whatever happens between you, don't be angry with him, don't hate him, don't ignore him, don't betray him. Accept his decision and keep his dignity. One day, either everything will explode in full force, or just a beautiful memory will remain. Such stories do not happen every day, nor to every person. As wrong and immoral as they are, these are our true stories. Be strong! Such stories do not happen every day, nor to every person. As wrong and immoral as they are, these are our true stories. Be strong! Such stories do not happen every day, nor to every person. As wrong and immoral as they are, these are our true stories. Be strong!
Well, it all starts somewhere ... cafes, scratching the tongue for hours, pretending to be interesting, at home we can be silent like a lady and grumble, but my colleague and I are sweet-spoken and charming everywhere. Hey, you turned these offices into brothels! Do you go there to earn a living or to mate? Now you have let it go in your thoughts, when you ask, you will let it go between your legs. As your husband and his sword, so are you. Apparently it didn't hurt so much when it was someone else's e-ball, when you're ready to do it to someone else. And you're wrong - it doesn't hurt, it itches! One piece of advice - don't say how much you love your husband when someone else fucks you, whether in the heart or in the heart ..., that's all. This only makes things even more disgusting.
To add - do you expect everyone to admire your banal story? If you don't want criticism and sincere opinions, don't publish it.
If you really care about your family, end the relationship with your colleague. At the moment, things are very romantic, but if you get together - you don't know how he will tolerate you, because you really don't know him well enough.
Is your life so complicated that you can't separate?
Bad situation. I don't know if you are subconsciously getting back, but the end will not be easy. Sooner or later everything will kill. Nothing is hidden forever. Emotional infidelity is no less strong, not to mention more than one hour. After all, life is so short that we drop it between our fingers in fear. I will wish you a happy ending.
I'll tell you something you may not realize and it will hurt you. I apologize in advance in case you feel like I hit you in the face with a wet rag. Your relationship ended the day you found out about your friend's infidelity, it just didn't happen officially. This is your emotional situation. Something else happened to me, I did not experience infidelity, but my friend crossed a very serious border for me and I could not forgive him. We stayed together, I wanted to work on a problem that was global to me and nothing special to him. I wanted to forget and forgive, I wanted to tighten up and overcome what had happened, but internally I couldn't. He didn't regret it, apologized half-heartedly, and told me a few months later that he had done it to make me feel better, not for anything else. I loved him very much, I love him today, but I did not have the strength to continue to be with him and I did not feel it properly. I did not betray him physically or in my heart, but if someone had appeared then, I would have written your lines and I am already aware of it. For me, things were over, for you, too, they were over, but you didn't realize. You did not forgive this infidelity, you did not forget it. You cannot open your heart to your husband, nor can you be happy with the truth your mistress has told you. Internally, somewhere deep inside, you know that your relationship hit exactly the stone that turned your worldview upside down and changed everything in your heart. And after that turning point, you became able to look away. Fortunately or unfortunately, you have found another man with whom you fit together like pieces of a puzzle. It's a thrill, maybe not because he's the only one, but because internally you want to move forward with your life as a single person with a child, instead of continuing the farce of a 10-year relationship and infidelity with an 18-year-old babe. Either to get revenge, or because he really is your man. I do not know and I will not comment on the reason. I will not comment on whether it is bad or good. I will not judge, teach, advise or praise you. I will tell you that I understand you and my comment, even if it is wrong for you, I publish it in order to make you think about something more serious than a love triangle. Think about yourself, your feelings and purely human feelings. How do you want to live? Are you happy in your current relationship? What is best for your child? Do you want to be with the man you are with now or do you prefer to leave him, even if you are alone after that? The question is not who to choose. In my opinion, the question is different:
The author: I thank everyone, even those who spit on me and stigmatize me by default. Until it comes to your head, you don't know what it is! When the feeling is so strong that it obscures everything else around you, when you experience it and manage to leave whole without your soul being torn to pieces, then you can spit. I admire the people who have this power. The power to escape without trembling in you, without breaking your heart. I'm not that kind of person. The story continues. We had an infinitely long and intimate conversation. But I don't know how much longer I can do this ... I'm torn. Especially on number 4 I want to thank from the bottom of my heart, because it is very important to know that somewhere there is someone who understands me and knows what I am experiencing. I'd love to hear more about your story, and I'm sorry it ended that way. Number 1 and thank you!
Author, I also fully understand you and it is quite clear to me why you got to fall in love with your colleague. It often happens at work, starting as a friendship, sharing and finally falling in love. I'm not speaking from personal experience, but that doesn't stop me from understanding what's going on in your soul. The easiest, simplest and most superficial advice that can be given to you is, come on, your husband has cheated on you, give it back to him. But for me it is absolute nonsense to get involved in such a thing in the workplace. These things are felt very quickly by the people you work with, and that's not good. And from what I read, it seems to me that my colleague is not quite aware of what he wants. You don't write whether he is married or single. Personally, my opinion is that without engaging anyone with him, if a man is in love, he will find a way to tell you. His behavior is very, very strange to me. I will not give you advice, you know best, I will only warn you that such relationships in the workplace always end, and usually in a very ugly way. If you stick to your job and don't give up, think about it.
Author: Number 10 thank you! You are very right about many things. And it's very sobering for me. At the moment, fear, guilt, pain and love are fighting in me! I know I want the other one, I know and I'm sure. But I know it doesn't bother me that it's wrong. And my other fear is that I invest more. There are several ways out: 1. I physically cheat once and I can't overcome it. 2. I start a secret relationship and sink deep 3. I break up with my husband and stay alone 4. I end everything and never forget it, and what could have happened In all scenarios, the end is not happy for me. Even 1% do not believe that this story has a happy ending. And yet I can't give up. But I can't be in uncertainty in the middle for a long time.
№ 13 - You are aware of the development of history, then. In point three you write that you are left alone, why? You are very depressed, and the colleague "dreams of going somewhere, to escape. We have quite obscene conversations, shared dreams, fantasies ..." Why don't you see a future with him? Married, did I guess? Of those who ahaaa get divorced and something always stops them - and so after 10 years they hear two women, maybe more. That you will go to bed with this one is clear, I hope at least the fun is worth the trouble. The child is not seen in the story, but who thinks of children "when the feeling is so strong that it obscures everything else ..." I quote you. In almost every such story, many are here, water is carried from 10 ravines and fateful, fatal feelings are described, unbearable sacrifices are made in the name of love with a main l, endless explanations, in order to justify a decision already made and for someone to justify himself / herself mostly in front of his / her guilty conscience, not in front of us. But there is no way to be to the end, but the soul in heaven.
From number 4: I don't want to tell my story because I will relive it. But the common things are many. Starting with age, we go through my 10 years of marriage ... A betrayal that I have forgiven, although it is not infidelity. That she and I are colleagues and everything developed in the workplace, during working hours and shortly after. The feeling that She is my other half. The same way of thinking and perception of the world. Showing feelings with hints and ambiguities. Personal and candid conversations about things I just can't tell my wife. In the evening I go to bed, sleep with my wife, have sex, but I still think about her. It's really unreal. I agree that until something like this happens to you, you can't understand it. I will tell you that your heart currently has two halves. Whichever you cut, it will hurt you and you will suffer a lot. I didn't want to ruin my family and leave my child. But I didn't want my story with Her to end. She was stronger and ended. I don't blame her, I'm not angry with her and I don't hate her. It just still hurts.
As you describe them, things are going to bed. The huge problem is that you work together. These things are always felt by others, no matter how careful you are. And the worst thing is when it's all over, because that's exactly what happens in 99% of cases. You know the saying about bread and that job. Well, it's true. Your other big problem is that you're living with someone you're not at all sure how long you're going to last. The latter you need to clarify for yourself - the sooner the better. I wouldn't actually give up either, but I wouldn't stay and work there.
The author is not married, has no children. He has a girlfriend. They do not live together. And I say I don't see a future because such stories never have one.
From number 4: Do you need a future with this person? The future in a few years will be like your present today. Only that the broken heart of your husband, the broken childhood of your child and the disappointment of relatives will weigh on your conscience. In fact, I never imagined any future with Her. I didn't lie to her, I didn't make any promises, nor did she make promises to me. For me it was something like an escape from reality, a breath of fresh air. It made me feel younger and wanted. I liked that. I didn't want anything more. As for the workplace ... There are always people there who create intrigue. Such a closer relationship between a man and a woman is welcome. Even if there is nothing, they still gossip and make up stories. And they talked about us. The hard part comes when things are over. Then it will be naughty for both of you, because you will have to find each other constantly. At least I try to think of history as a good thing that happened to me. I have no intention of revenge or seeking revenge. A matter of perception of things. If such a story happened to me again, I would repeat it without thinking. M36
My opinion. You are an emotional whore. Infidelity, whether physical or emotional, is still the same. Don't lie to your husband after you have forgiven him for his infidelity and moved on together. Be honest, either you are with your husband and you break the emotional connection with the other, or you leave your husband and dive with the other into the unknown. But not in two chairs, no one deserves it, including you.
I was in the same situation, with the difference that I was single and he was married. I don't know what advice to give. If you go with the flow, things will get to bed. Matter of time. And from there it is clear - you will fall in love even more and there will be no going back. Now you suffer because you want it, then you will suffer because you cannot have it (fully). I would tell you to look after your family and not worry, but I know it's easy in words. I'll tell you what helped me protect myself from transgression. I imagined the best possible realistic outcome of the situation. In my case, it was for him to divorce and be together. When I thought about it, however, I realized how much pain it would cause his wife and children, how much insecurity I would experience, and how I would always feel as if I had taken it from another, which is the case. I judged that in these circumstances even the best outcome is not worth the effort, tears and drama. Whatever you do, don't put yourself in a situation that could lead to sex at any cost. Any forgetfulness only the two of them forgot. If you don't sleep with him, there's a chance things will go wrong. You will experience the pain ... good luck!
Congratulations on your interest in opinions and advice on the subject. It's good to set your watch. There is something true about emotional and physical infidelity, but only what has led to sex is considered infidelity. For the vast majority of women, sex is on a secondary level, as a continuation of emotional intimacy, so infidelity is considered to be something that has jumped over restraints and become physical intimacy. My advice is not to cut so much for emotional staggering. You can put them in the personal space column. Everyone can get carried away or stagger, but without forgetting where he is and who he is with. This excessive equality is not good, because he gets bored and you will soon get bored. On the contrary - opposites are attracted - as strong and weak, powerful and submissive, rich and poor, etc. The big question you have to decide for yourself, is whether you still want to continue with your husband (your main partner). If it doesn't make you happy, if it doesn't make you feel good, on the contrary - it oppresses you, you suffer with it, you don't have any adjustment - it's time to end the relationship. If you still have a common future together, if you have a good fit, it is much wiser to focus on the main partner and refresh the relationship with him. And to leave the colleague aside or move away from him / leave ... I hope this is useful. Congratulations and good luck! it is much wiser to focus on the main partner and refresh the relationship with him. And to leave the colleague aside or move away from him / leave ... I hope this is useful. Congratulations and good luck! it is much wiser to focus on the main partner and refresh the relationship with him. And to leave the colleague aside or move away from him / leave ... I hope this is useful. Congratulations and good luck!