After the divorce, I often thought why in the beginning everything is super good and over time it falls apart. Analyzing my 15 years of marriage, I found the following: in the beginning we are full of enthusiasm, we cannot breathe without each other, we do everything together and finally the decision for marriage comes. Before the marriage we lived separately and everyone took care of himself - he honored himself, he washed, he cooked and so on. After marriage for a while things are done together - the debts are distributed and everything is fine. The shoot begins when the child appears. In most cases, the woman stops working and stays at home and starts doing almost everything, and the man works and ... gets used to helping. Over time, the woman gets used to it, and the husband gets used to it. And when it starts and works, the following picture is obtained. For example, they both work 8-10 hours. They come home and the man sits down because he is very tired and waits for something to eat, from time to time he picks up carpets or throws away the rubbish, the chat pat deals with the children and with that the responsibilities in the house are exhausted. The woman takes on the rest of the things and stops paying much attention to herself. Her worries swallow her, and when they go to bed at night, she doesn't even have sex. And so, because his wife no longer attracts him, he starts looking around, going out with friends and having fun, or standing at home in front of the phone and drinking brandy with a neighbor. Gradually, the relationship cools down and quarrels break over for trifles or most often for money. Especially if the husband earns more, he usually says that because he brings the money into the house ... and so the main idea of the marriage is lost, and that is to help each other in everything, to love and respect each other, to be equal and to share everything. Most of the women come to terms with the situation and become working housewives, and the rebels like me start a fight and fail to return to the old situation where everything is done equally and the two divorce. What do you think Do I have the right to demand that everything be done by both?
Answers 25
How I wish we could walk around the house together and chat, but no! I just read the picture at home. But the man can find a free bitch to have fun in the pubs while you cook, wash and look after the children's homework after a hard day's work. To come home tired and slightly drunk, because they had a drink with "colleagues" after the severe accident, which they fixed / for example /. In short, the picture of women's family life can be decorated a lot more. Who can defend her freedom - thank you! I hope one day I succeed too!
It's the same with me, mine justifies that they had a lot of calls and that's why he came home at 11 o'clock. I'm starting to insist on sex, and he says oh, I'm not very tired right now. And so we already do it once every 2-3 months. Every month he brings less and less money, he finds excuses for all sorts of excuses, and if he comes home early he is very hot and can't touch me, that he would get even warmer. After dinner he sits at the computer and does not go to bed until he has distributed the troops. I still don't have the courage to say goodbye to him, maybe because my child is small. I admire those women who stand up for their rights. THANK YOU!
Well, yes, when you start to do everything and it turns out that your partner is something like a roommate - he pays to cook for him, to wash him and occasionally have sex, otherwise he does what he wants - alone. And for 2 - maybe yours has signs of a man with a mistress.
Unfortunately, I experienced something similar and therefore ended our only 2-year marriage. The man very quickly pampers himself and becomes the pet in the family, which should always be indulged in first, and he remembers his marital duties, if eventually his day was not filled with his exceptional problems and tasks !! At one point, the woman wonders why she has to resort to a neurasthenic, selfish and eternally whining creature, and the prospect of this film spinning "until death do us part" is terrifying. In my opinion, it is worse to be alone with the other than with yourself, so to all women who do not accept the role of domestic helpers and psychologists in trouble, courage and success !!
You are absolutely right darling, I think many women will see themselves in what you wrote, I can only add that my husband tells me that this was my duty and when I ask him who prescribed these duties he can not answer me why so? Just burst out laughing. One tip; Women dare and do not think of him and our rights are like men's !!!
Ha ha ha I will die laughing. If you have one child, you can become two !!! Except that the "bigger" brings money to houses that go to the smaller. And this shocks me - until death do us part, it won't be that long.
Ladies, just because your men are like that doesn't mean they all are. Think about it, and do not complain about your fate Married 36 M, with two children
Well done on number 8, I agree.
From the author - Of course, not everyone is like that. I also know those who respect their wives and do what they have to do, they are just quite a few. I have a lot of respect for this type of men who do not shy away from responsibility, and really understand what it means to be married.
God, how right you are. I am currently fighting for the same but without success how I want to be as strong as you.
There are indeed many such men, but that does not mean that they are all the same! My husband and I have been married for 8 years, and before that we lived together for 3 years. from the beginning until now we always help each other in everything. we agreed that whoever comes home from work first, he will cook for dinner. and if he stays at home and I am at work, after he has eaten he will wash his dishes. he never left all the housework to me. we have a 4 year old child. over the weekend we got along, Saturday is a day off for him and Sunday is a day off for me. and if there are girls here, I will advise them before they get married, better live 2, 3 years together without marriage and without children. while building mutual habits. not in vain did they say hortra, car and woman, good luck .. man and dog, as you teach them :)
Of course you are right. And it is not correct to say that he helps you, in a family everything is common, the duties and responsibilities for children and for everything after you are a family are as much yours as it is his! If the child and responsibilities are mostly yours, and he "helps you", it is not normal, it is not right and it is not a family. In such a situation - divorce or separation, you are absolutely right. It's not a matter of getting used to it, it's not even upbringing. It's a matter of consciousness ... The fact that he made more money than you is not an argument. What if you made more than him, what - to sit in front of the TV after work with the brandy and expect him to serve and serve you? !! Not only is it wrong, but it's also ugly ... Why do you ask if you're right, do you doubt? Do not doubt that you are right. And women who agree to serve their husbands,
Hello, I, like all of you, can barely stand it! Every day I pray to God to give me strength to endure today! I have no choice, nowhere to go, No! It's hard for me ... it's very hard for me. I'm tired of coming home from work to look at crooked faces and I'm still guilty, I'm always doing something that starts screaming like crazy! No Good Morning, No Good Day, I never heard Happy Birthday, gifts are dreams. Manners, attitude under any criticism. I have two children, there is no salvation! If he did something .. come and tell you, he makes it .. The last time such a slap hit me, I felt dizzy ... That is, he will be patient .. I thought, I thought to leave him, I left I was coming back ... the children are roaring Daddy ... hunger ... it will be difficult for me to get out of hell ... Well, mine will probably be to the grave ... I'm tired day by day it's getting worse ... I pray every day for God to help me survive today. You know, out of anger I cheated on him ... I'm not sorry about that ... I was even very happy, at least I understood what it was like to be told I love you, Thank you, Good day, etc. A man on the spot but ... I decided not to spoil others families I left this man to look after his family he is lucky and has a wonderful wife and children. My hell continues, God forbid it is long! I'm tired of insulting me, crushing me, humiliating me and our children. Such a person I tell you is rare, unique! Complex. May God punish him for causing us only pain. Not a single sentence is normal for him. Until when ... How long ... I just don't know! I have no choice, nowhere to go, no one to help me ... No! I feel strong hatred, I can barely stand it! Ungrateful, on top of that he barely gives money ... What was my luck, I don't know! Ten years have passed since our marriage .. I didn't see the light of day .. I call him nervous just today, then he just feels bad and so I was mistaken for ten years. No heart, no feelings! Freak .. And when I get home I include the role! What are you doing? How are you? he is silent. I start kissing him, hugging him to pretend to be crazy just so that there are no scandals and fights, the number sometimes passes but rarely! When he has money and has taken his salary, when he bought cigarettes .. sing heart .. The man is fine ... He doesn't need anything! And on top of everything, he chases me - Go tell yourself what you're doing here! Then it dawned on him that I had been a roommate in his house, where his mother-in-law lives there, and he called me to pay half the electricity, the water, the bills. I hope they burst ... When I think about it, I want to kill all the complexes in this house. At least I was relieved to write it
14, I'm glad you're relieved, but what changed with what was written? Tomorrow will be like today and yesterday. First, it is not a matter of luck, but of choice. No one has made you give birth to 2 children to such a person when you have NEVER seen daylight. If she had NEVER given birth to children, what would have bothered you? Otherwise, if you are married - you have the right to live in the family home (EVEN IF IT IS ONLY HIS) until your last child turns 18. Consult a lawyer. Do not hurry from one man to another, because if you, as a mistress, find one golden, it may not be for his wife. If you have a mistress, your husband will hardly behave like that with her, because she will abandon him immediately. . Otherwise, there is always a way out, as long as you want it strongly and work for this way out. It's easiest to murmur, get nervous and experience as victims, but what does that change? Women like you are used to being passive and even after their children grow up, they stay with their husbands. No one can help you if you do not help yourself!
To number 15! That's right ... You wrote the choice correctly .... I'm getting better. Choice, but Wrong! What you do to yourself and your worst enemy cannot do! I tried to do everything just to make him feel good and for a long time I accused myself that I am the one who can't fix the problems in this family! I blamed myself for a long time ... My children? To be alive and healthy, they are my consolation ... I do not regret and I will never regret the children! The greatest happiness in the world! I gave birth to them because I thought that one day the situation would improve and we would be the happy big family! Nice day!
I totally agree with you!
14, you know who wants, finds a way. Who does not - finds an excuse. Read comment 15 carefully. You obviously don't want to leave the freak, otherwise you would have done it a long time ago. Children suffer a lot in such an environment, in the midst of violence and hatred - read their stories here ... honestly, I am angry at such cowardly women as you ... you are ready to live a lifetime of grief, suffering and humiliation, and your children to you leave in the middle of it ... even when they call you "go away" you still sit, you don't go away ... I have no words how unfortunate this is.
Hello friends! I had been married for 18 years and I have been divorced for 4 years ... I do not regret it. if I have to choose between the two options, it is better to be alone than with someone who is not suitable for me! For those years, I was constantly told that nothing was happening to me - I'm good by nature, I don't smoke and I don't drink alcohol), but I took the money home. For the "husband" it was of paramount importance to have 2 packs of cigarettes every day ... no interest in me even the child ... The child is no longer a child and says that he has a father only on DNA ... I'm sorry that we divorced earlier ... I suffered a lot of neglect, all my desires were suppressed .... now I'm calm ... certainly after the divorce the irritant disappears, but it seems that women are the stronger sex
How much there is in common between so many women and those who do not know each other - it is unbelievable ... I say that everything is luck in this life. And I'm on the verge of divorce after 22 years of marriage - you say where, but life is one and you have to live fully. It is bad when men earn money and we are dependent on them ... once they give the money we are like servants. I have no money and no job, but I do not close my mouth and this drives him crazy, but on the other hand it affects the child even though he is 18 years old. And for 6 years now I can't muster the courage to leave him because of the empty money .... fear of starting from scratch - what have I endured him for 22 years, that one day another to eat his money and live his life in the apartment that I managed ....
I'm sorry, but most women in a difficult family situation are to blame for this. I have observed the paradigm of thinking of such women. When they are young, they are self-confident, and the fact that men pay attention to them gives them self-confidence, thinking that they have been like that all their lives. In the years when they have to study, develop, and build a career, they go to discos and parties for the sole purpose of finding a man to fix their lives and, like in fairy tales, to live happily. At the beginning of the marriage, the first few years things are rosy - young, in love, everything that flies is eaten, then the children are born, and the idea is that everything will continue like this until the end. Hence the reassurance that they have already achieved the most essential things, they have calmed down that things will always be so, and they give themselves completely under the dependence of the man. But the years go by, the optimism of youth fades with each passing day, the children grow older, and the worries around them become even greater. At one point, gray everyday life kills everything and everything is just worries, bills, problems, boredom and boredom. The husbands are fed up, they know their canines, no one offers anything new and interesting, and from there a slight rupture begins. For the woman, the pink tale is long over, as for the man. He perceives it as an annoying burden that he endures, instead of spending money on treats with friends - that is, instead of gaining the variety that he so lacks. The woman is annoyed with her husband for cooking, cleaning and looking after children, but he does not appreciate it. They both start blaming each other for having to bear all this burden. But they both see no way out and therefore tolerate each other because they are so dependent on each other, that life is unthinkable without the other. It follows that separation is the best solution, but when you are financially dependent it is not possible, so you tolerate the annoying man so as not to die of hunger. And the man whose wife is completely dependent on him does not appreciate her, because he knows that she has nowhere to go and what to do without him. He has already taken it for granted and knows that there is no need to try, because it has no choice and in principle it is no longer a challenge for him, because it is clear to him as daylight. The bottom line is - women, never become completely dependent on a man, because you do not know what life will bring you tomorrow. Even if it is your greatest love, it can die and you are left alone again, what will you do then? And another very important thing - when a person knows that he can lose you at any moment, that you can do without him, he takes much more care of you and does everything possible to keep you. Think about it - there are probably people around you who you take for granted and who you think will always be by your side, how do you perceive them? Maybe like the vase in the living room that you know is there and has nowhere to run, and you don't even bother to see if it's there. Think about money - why do you value it so much? Because they crawl very easily and are always likely to disappear. Sorry for the funny comparison, but I hope you understand what I mean. So don't let anyone think you're 100% attached to them. Think about money - why do you value it so much? Because they crawl very easily and are always likely to disappear. Sorry for the funny comparison, but I hope you understand what I mean. So don't let anyone think you're 100% attached to them. Think about money - why do you value it so much? Because they crawl very easily and are always likely to disappear. Sorry for the funny comparison, but I hope you understand what I mean. So don't let anyone think you're 100% attached to them.
I read your comments and I think why do only women think so? Most of the men are of a different opinion, they think that the woman is obliged to do all the housework and look after the children, and the man to bring "money" (although women do it too, but obviously this is not respected).
Well, darling, you stand up for your rights and that's it. And mine tried to come up with the trick that housekeeping was a woman's job, but I made it clear to him that if I could work 9-10 hours in the office, then he could help. to see now how she learned to cook and wash and help with cleaning, and I as a princess in the evening in front of the TV. So, his working hours are such that he comes home 3 hours before me, it's true that he goes to work very early, so instead of staying hungry and waiting for me to go home and cook for him, he catches up and makes his own dinner and when I get home he even asks me if I want a salad or whatever he did there. Otherwise, it's not just one thing to do everything at home. I really feel sorry for the women who work and look after and serve their children, that in the end they suffer insults, that the pot was not like my mother's. Well, dear girls, you have allowed yourself to be treated like this, you will carry your cross. I did not allow. We don't have children for now, but when I give birth I won't let him get away from me at all. And for the child it will help. So, being a father means taking care of your children, not just getting their mother pregnant. My grandmother, after nearly 50 years of marriage, told me that. “Respect everyone, but most of all respect yourself!” Never let yourself be trampled. And the fact is, she was married to my grandfather for almost 50 years, I never saw my grandfather afford to treat her like a maid. The woman had a profession, she raised two children and she knows the price. By the way, it is still the case today. At almost 80, however, she does not allow anyone to confuse her. She lives her life, spends her pension with gusto and that's it (luckily for her, the pension is not small). And honestly, I admire the spirit he has. but when I give birth, I will not allow him to escape me at all. And for the child it will help. So, being a father means taking care of your children, not just getting their mother pregnant. My grandmother, after nearly 50 years of marriage, told me that. “Respect everyone, but most of all respect yourself!” Never let yourself be trampled. And the fact is, she was married to my grandfather for almost 50 years, I never saw my grandfather afford to treat her like a maid. The woman had a profession, she raised two children and she knows the price. By the way, it is still the case today. At almost 80, however, she does not allow anyone to confuse her. She lives her life, spends her pension with gusto and that's it (luckily for her, the pension is not small). And honestly, I admire the spirit he has. but when I give birth I will not allow him to escape me at all. And for the child it will help. So, being a father means taking care of your children, not just getting their mother pregnant. My grandmother, after nearly 50 years of marriage, told me that. “Respect everyone, but most of all respect yourself!” Never let yourself be trampled. And the fact is, she was married to my grandfather for almost 50 years, I never saw my grandfather afford to treat her like a maid. The woman had a profession, she raised two children and she knows the price. By the way, this is still the case today. At almost 80, however, she does not allow anyone to confuse her. She lives her life, spends her pension with gusto and that's it (luckily for her, the pension is not small). And honestly, I admire the spirit he has. to be a father means to take care of your children, not just to get their mother pregnant. My grandmother, after nearly 50 years of marriage, told me that. “Respect everyone, but most of all respect yourself!” Never let yourself be trampled. And the fact is, she was married to my grandfather for almost 50 years, I never saw my grandfather afford to treat her like a maid. The woman had a profession, she raised two children and she knows the price. By the way, this is still the case today. At almost 80, however, she does not allow anyone to confuse her. She lives her life, spends her pension with gusto and that's it (luckily for her, the pension is not small). And honestly, I admire the spirit he has. to be a father means to take care of your children, not just to get their mother pregnant. My grandmother, after nearly 50 years of marriage, told me that. “Respect everyone, but most of all respect yourself!” Never let yourself be trampled. And the fact is, she was married to my grandfather for almost 50 years, I never saw my grandfather afford to treat her like a maid. The woman had a profession, she raised two children and she knows the price. By the way, it is still the case today. At almost 80, however, she does not allow anyone to confuse her. She lives her life, spends her pension with gusto and that's it (luckily for her, the pension is not small). And honestly, I admire the spirit he has. she was married to my grandfather for almost 50 years, I never saw my grandfather allow himself to treat her like a maid. The woman had a profession, she raised two children and she knows the price. By the way, this is still the case today. At almost 80, however, she does not allow anyone to confuse her. She lives her life, spends her pension with gusto and that's it (luckily for her, the pension is not small). And honestly, I admire the spirit he has. she was married to my grandfather for almost 50 years, I never saw my grandfather allow himself to treat her like a maid. The woman had a profession, she raised two children and she knows the price. By the way, it is still the case today. At almost 80, however, she does not allow anyone to confuse her. She lives her life, spends her pension with gusto and that's it (luckily for her, the pension is not small). And honestly, I admire the spirit he has.
Haha, I'm joining № 24. If you start treating yourself like a maid, don't wait for your husband to see you as a princess. No transmission. Even if there is a woman with children, she must always keep her dignity. Number 14 too. As the husband allows himself to hit her - a complaint. It strikes again - new. With no other choice, so ... When the children grow up, you disappear with dirty gas. Honestly, although I am tall and always weighing less than 55 kg, ie. quite fine, I would always strike back and it - viciously. When you kick the prince in the right way, he will feel it. However, I do not think that children should witness such scenes, it is better to be hungry. Go to relatives, parents. It will be difficult for you for a while and you will finally get back on your feet. You're a woman, you can handle it. If you wrote that he also bullies children ... I don't think so. I wouldn't dare go there anymore. He is harassing them, and they want it and look for it - doesn't that tell you anything anymore? Haven't you already made them think that it's normal for them to be hit and crushed, and for them to fall silent - what do you think? Your wife and mother, you have to teach them to be worthy and full-fledged people - by personal example.
I very much agree with 22 - the comment is just right! the conclusion is that everyone should strive for a certain independence, ie to be able to provide for themselves at least a living wage - work, roof, some income. otherwise it is much easier to rely on someone else to support you, but like anything, a medal has a downside. 24 She is also right - as you lie down, so you will lie down. I will only add, however, that if one works and the other does not, it is right for the one at home to take over most of the household. if they both work, her model is in place. F42
So, years ago, I told my husband that if I didn't have support and help, this marriage didn't make sense. I make my own money, I have an apartment, I didn't rely on anything material at that time. The child was small, I told him - really, but we can really separate, if this is your vision for marriage. By the way, I didn't bluff. It went into his head, he knew I would do it without drama. And now, 16 years later, I would do it again if it turns out that only one consumes and the other gives. Of course, there may not be a perfect balance, but over the years he has done many things. There must be partnership and understanding. Nothing else makes sense. But it can not always help as cooking and cleaning. Think if it doesn't help you in another way ...