Hello! I have been in a relationship with a boy for 5 months now. If you think that age matters - he is 23, I am 20. Even when we were barely engaged, I noticed in him a distance and secrecy, meaning does not like to share and trust easily. I fully understand him, because they hurt him, and I myself find it very difficult to let anyone near me. But with time and the right person, little by little things change, you trust, you love the person next to you and you break these "walls" between you. We start with the fact that he himself claims that he has suffocated from too many and frequent visions - well. We don't see each other every day in general, because we both study, travel, different universities and cities, we have personal space and time for everything. So far in these five months, I've had to travel 3 or 4 times for a long time, as a week and above. And the moment I go home for 4, 5 days in the same city where he is, claiming that I miss him very much, then from those days he finds time for one or two meetings. I might expect so many "absences" to want to see each other all possible days ... and apparently for that reason I'm disappointed. Also, when we talk to each other many times, he talks about the future and makes common plans for us, and when I do and offers to go somewhere together in the future, he literally cuts me off like: "You don't make such common plans that in the end something goes wrong. , better not talk about it as it came. "and the like. I really don't understand him, I accept him as if he is not yet calm, convinced of our relationship and feelings and is afraid or just really does not want to make common plans.
But why does he do it? Or there is a case in which we spent two, three days in a row together and then disappears as if from the world. When I write to him, he behaves withdrawn, or if I ask him to see me again in the coming days, his commitments pop up. I talked to him about it because it's very noticeable that he does, and he denies it, saying it's not like that, not that he doesn't want to see me, but he really had to do something. And the first weeks of our relationship were full of laughter. I didn't know it was like that then and I'm used to the boys running after me, annoying me to go out, suffocating me, and he barely made me go out: D It was very difficult for him to relax, to tell stories, to dare to drool. Then he said "I'll fix it with time" he fixed it, but then we go out and a word can't peel off or a lot of general and superficial topics developed. Somehow it happened that we got together in meetings, parties on drunken heads and relaxed a lot, well it was these events that I really do not know how things would have turned out. I really don't understand your masculine point of view, just when we had a great day and got closer and then the distance. This is exactly what I like about him, he is not an easy character, I do not understand him, but I want him to do things that I do not explain to myself or when I expect him to do something - he does something completely different. When I expect to spend two days at home alone, because he has men's dinners with friends, he blooms at the door with food and cigarettes. In general, what do you think still holds on to the distances and does not allow me to get to know him completely or I am filming and these are normal things like for such a relationship, I mean 5 months are not many and are not enough. I don't know, we love each other and we're both wrong in our own way. What do you think?
Answers 8
Hello, author! You don't say what you want my boyfriend to share! Maybe there are top secret things you shouldn't know! After all, everyone has secrets! What exactly are you interested in? Maybe he thinks he can bark at dogs! That's why he prefers to be silent! And what is the guarantee that once you separate, one day you will keep his secrets? Probably none! Walking here and there is good! But he always has one thing in mind! So understand it!
I wouldn't deal with him. He was sensitive ... The man (and the women) must be sensitive, but showing his love, your husband lacks love. Maybe it's because you're young and unconscious, I don't know ... I don't think you have a good relationship. He doesn't have to follow you, but his disinterest and indifference to you and your relationship is his. Imagine living together - what do you think will be, how will you understand each other?
I don't know if my comment (I'm a man) will be appreciated, but here it is. The thing about relationships is that more or less, frequent meetings and very open conversations on personal topics exhaust the charge of the relationship itself. Imagine what would happen if he looked for you often and shared more and more time with you. The result will be, he will be on your list as "the next one running after you" (she said that otherwise you are used to being chased by men for meetings) and you will stop looking for him. As a result, you will accept him as "desperate to be with you" and his price will fall in your eyes. All women who ask this question write the answer themselves with the description and do not even realize it. A woman is attracted to this man who has a life of his own (to value himself, his work, his development, not to serve anyone, including being independent of itself). Women like independent men, secretive, with untapped potential, protected inner world, strong and unpredictable. He does very well if he doesn't do what you want him to do. The problem is that the way men and women view a relationship is radically different. Women are mostly influenced by emotion, they want to experience feelings (even contradictory feelings), and in order to achieve this, there must be an irritant (its secrets, for example) and there must be sexual tension, as well as a lack of physical intimacy in order to be attracted. . For men, logic works more for us - a relationship can be useful for us as a motivator for even more development in everything we do. We want to show that we can, that we are strong, that we can handle life and that we are independent. It is no coincidence that so many men go abroad to work to support their families in Bulgaria - the fact that they have a family motivates them to do so. Their wives complain that they rarely come and that "they could find work here as well." But if they do, the opposite effect will happen - the woman will get tired of the monotony, living together they will get bored quite quickly, everything will become predictable and uninteresting in everyday life. Then it starts with infidelity, disgusting quarrels and the complete breakup of the family. Your friend is doing everything right, I think. Less frequent meetings, but with more quality emotional charge. It develops, it works (it seems to say that it studies), it doesn't make the mistake of following you constantly. He has obviously learned the lessons of past relationships. There is a saying - "women want the opposite of what they say they want".
what is unclear? The boy likes you, but not to the point of being in love. If you haven't seen each other in a while, it's normal to catch up while you're in town, if he really misses you. It's obviously not like that with him, maybe with you, but maybe without you. If he really missed you and was in love, he would break his legs to run to you and the problem is not in the 5 months. Why is he with you? Well, for various reasons - there is nothing more appropriate on the horizon, he still wants someone to revolve around him, he is happy to look for him, scratching his ego ... or something else. Will it change? No one can say, but it is unlikely to change his attitude over time. Most likely something will always arise and will prevent you from seeing each other often. You will decide how much time you will invest in this relationship.
This person has no experience with relationships (count for a relationship, anything over 1 year old at least) and just doesn't know how to behave. On top of that, he is a big coward, he is afraid that you will get bored or disappointed in him. He may be lazy or not have enough money - it takes energy and finances to keep in touch anyway. Be more active and warmer to make him forget his fears.
If you think that at 20 you are so insightful that in 5 months you have met someone - you are wrong. In my opinion, you have filmed a lot yourself. The person has his own life and is not fascinated or obsessed with you to the extent of playing your whistle forever and making your dreams and desires come true. Which makes him interesting to you, otherwise he would be in the group of your other suitors. And don't wait long for this connection. If it doesn't satisfy you - cut it off and that's it. Put more reason, not just feelings. It is also possible that he has an interest in another (s). But even if he doesn't, he took you for something temporary, he doesn't think of something more serious, as he told you. She draws her own conclusions.
From the author: Thank you very much for the comments, it's nice to see a different point of view and someone else's opinion on the matter, even more anonymous without an opinion and sympathy based on our personalities with my friend. You helped me a lot to see things differently!
Isn't he a calf? :)