I've studied a lot, I've thought a lot, I've read a lot of books. I think there is no solution to the problem. The problem is that I have happened to share with someone about this and everyone is unanimous - there is always a solution, it's all up to you. That is why I am asking a public question, please comment on what you would do in my situation. The situation is as follows: We are a very poor family. I have a strict mother, I was brought up in iron discipline. School, then work are not just the most important thing, but the only thing that can exist in human life - that's how I was brought up. I grew up in complete loneliness, without any sense, with the years illusory goals such as achievements in work, science, etc. also can not stand. According to my mother - everything is just right. However, I do not feel well, and antidepressants are not a stable solution. Everyone would say - run, separate to live alone. My mother is very ill. Only I take care of her, even if only for one day if I leave her alone there is a real danger that she will die. What kind of life and psyche would I have after that, to know that my inaction was the cause of tragedy. NO, surely the last condition will be much worse than the first. I have no money for anyone else to take care of. And even if I have - how will you find a trusted person. My mother would not allow such a thing. And is there round-the-clock care. Please do not write such absurd suggestions. One more thing, life is not in front of me. The sunset is already in front of me, in fact. And while I thought the hardest part was fighting the loneliness of a young age, it's not. This gets worse over the years. My question is simple, was there a magic solution ... Or did a way out never exist? Thanks in advance for any comment.
Answers 11
There is always a way out, but it is rarely magical. Another question is whether you will find it. Only you can find it. Nobody can give you a ready-made formula, because there is no universal one.
I will give you an example with myself because I, like you, thought there was no way out. Two years ago, I lost a high-paying antisocial job that was ruining my psyche as I was recovering mentally, financial problems arose from lawyers and the inability to start an employment contract while things were going on in court. divorce and owing 50,000 to a bank. I was totally devastated. I dreamed that I had to work something and the next day I started with more loans, a year and a half later I brought things to owe money only to the bank and now to emerge slightly. Do not give up and follow the signals you receive from the surrounding dreams and your mother
You don't write how old you are, but there is no magic way out, there is a real way out. Do you spend all your time with your mother? I don't understand what you want from life, work, family, you haven't specified what you aspire to. Whatever it is, there is always a way. You are educated, it is obvious from the expression, it should not be difficult for you to find both. Many women are looking for intelligent people, turn to 35 year old and up single ladies and you will find. I wish you success.
There is not always a way out and in most cases things depend on the circumstances, but from this topic it is not possible to understand how bad your situation really is. If there is no way out at all, you have only two options for life: 1 - you enjoy the little things: the morning of good coffee; then at a good lunch; you salt with a little philosophy and thought the time after lunch and in the end you have nothing to lose, you wait and maybe even a brick, as in Tetris to make room for other things. The second option is to live in your head - to dream and imagine, as caffeine definitely increases the impact. It's the cool thing in your brain that you can imagine whatever you want.
I didn't understand exactly what the drama was. Are you under a great mental strain at work and from your mother? If you have not put a stone around your neck to feed a family - just find a more pleasant and satisfying job. Or stop giving yourself so much effort. In most cases, those who do more work are simply given even more work, and there is no end. You just have to find a balance. It is not something impossible and who knows what philosophy ... And about your mother and what she will say, I don't know how old you are, most likely when you have to call yourself a man. You're not talking about a father, probably typically missing ... Find a male model and grow up. Your mother, once she is dependent on you, will learn to respect your opinion, whether she wants to or not. But you have to show her that you are a person of character. And for loneliness, as long as you play your cards right, there is no greater satisfaction for a truly mature person. But one must be strong and combative, not a ruin. But even if you are a ruin, in a relationship you will always be the victim, and it is more evident in the relationship with your mother. I understand she was an alcoholic, insane to be in a tragic situation ... you just don't have a backbone ...
I will be painfully cruel and frank. You have a poisoned parent. There is a way out and he will come with her death. Take care of her no matter how hard and desperate you are. So that it does not weigh on your conscience and because it is your duty. But if you never hear, never give up during that time. Just find small joys. You eat chocolate. Play a movie when she sleeps. Listen to music. Maybe the movie is porn. They can be horrors. If you're going to watch ballet ... it doesn't matter. It is important for your brain to disconnect from reality for a while and to rest. Work is very important, that's right. It drains your money without which you can't live. But there are many other important things in this life. Who are they? You will decide. The most important are the ones that are important to you. There is a way out. And to love her and suffer death will be a liberation for you. It is important to endure, do not give up on yourself ... ⭐ " When you can go fast, go fast. They will look at you from behind. They will say something like "lucky". But only those who do not know how many breaks you had. And how many lessons. And how long you practiced so you could walk fast. The others will go to you. Or they will support you. When you can't go fast, go slow. So slow that you can see what will help you go faster. It doesn't matter what they say. If they say something, it will be only those who do not walk at all. Those who walk fast are busy with themselves or with those who walk even faster. When you can't walk, don't walk. Lay. Gather strength. Does not make unnecessary movements. If you are destined to go, God will give you strength. When you fall - do not get up suddenly. Lie down. Think about why you fell. Those who are in a hurry are always late. When you don't know why you have to go, don't go. Lay. Think. Watch. When you understand why - you will start walking fast. If you follow someone - admit it. Ask permission to study. If you go first - do not talk. Let them tell you about it. If you go with someone - go at the same pace. Or change roles. If you go with a man - go behind the man. If you do not want to follow the man - he is not your man. If you go with a woman - go in front of her. If you can't - this is not your wife ... ... and at the same time you have to go together. This is the secret. If you are leading someone - answer the question "why?". If these are your children (under 21), you are doing your duty. If they are your old parents - a sacred commitment. If they asked you and you are open, you are a teacher. If you're hauling a load, you're a fool. If they lead you - thank you. It is, to make it possible for you to lead others tomorrow. If you follow someone, you are a student. Admit it and give thanks. But don't get attached to your teacher - tomorrow you will go alone. If you are a teacher, do not expect gratitude. You will receive gratitude from the universe. Tomorrow, your student may be ahead or behind - your concern is to teach, but not to pull. If on the way you are satisfied and calm - you are wise. If this is not the case, it is not your way. If the path repeats itself, you do not walk. "⭐ If on the way you are satisfied and calm - you are wise. If this is not the case, it is not your way. If the path repeats itself, you do not walk. "⭐ If on the way you are satisfied and calm - you are wise. If this is not the case, it is not your way. If the path repeats itself, you do not walk. "⭐
You're starting to get depressed! He didn't say how old you were to get an idea, and he didn't say what exactly was bothering you. But still, author, you do all this yourself. You have studied, you have built a career - now you are building a relationship, a family, children in the meantime take care of your mother - it is normal for a mother to weigh you down and, if you want, to be around her. Don't even think about having money for babysitters for the simple reason that it may be the last days and it will hurt you. Think about how to treat her if she is ill, or if there is a way to fix her condition! If not - fate, but there is always hope. As they say, hope dies last. The events come to you more, and all this kills. Don't look so much in black and white at life, to have unpleasant events, but there are also pleasant ones. Now look ahead, you have secured a stable life, for a wife and children, and even, for yourself! Thank you, which your mother must be proud of! And really well done! Most people rely on alcohol and drugs - they do not build a career and at 40 their life is really meaningless, and even toxic and, for her family and others! You are a successful, constructive person and your mother taught you that, which is great. Now you lack love, your problems weigh on you - and that makes you feel that way. Calm down, tighten, there are no magic wands, but life is in your hands and it is good! You didn't waste it in the pubs, you built it. It is good to look after your mother, if you do not have the opportunity, ask someone close to help you if there is a way. If you don't tighten up, find a partner - modest, meek. It will both help you and support you, make sense and support you in life. You just get depressed if you have friends - go out, share, don't crash like that! No reason, you're serious, responsible person, and such are rare nowadays! A gem in the sea, for someone a meaningful woman :) You get depressed, if you have to go to a psychologist - talk, you need a little motivation in life, the gray everyday life ruins you, and you and your life are visually good. A little while learning, you lack the basics, but it happens no one is perfect at spelling - including me! But, tighten up!
The way you put things, there is no way out. It is not absurd to put your mother in a hospice or hire a woman. When you have no money, find a higher paying job. You realize that when she dies you will be left alone as a dog and when you go back you will be only a caregiver - without friends, without family, without your own children - the greatest happiness in this life. According to your mother, things are OK because she is so comfortable. If you find a wife, you will move out and she will not be a priority for you 247. She thinks selfishly, it's time for you to think for yourself.
You ask well if there is a way out, but you do not give enough information about the situation you are in and the goal you want to achieve! From all your text it is clear only that your mother is strict and sick, and you consider yourself educated and hardworking, but you have no money to pay someone to help your mother. It is good to say only if you both live, do you have a father, brother or sister? What is your mother sick of? What profession do you have and how old are you?
You say the sunset is already in front of you. If you are 50 years old - NO, you have no chance for a normal family with children, etc. And mostly because you are old and emotionally damaged. But you have a chance to connect with a woman, a good partner, a good friend. However, for this you have to get out of your shell and open yourself to the world. However ... even if you have the opportunity, not created children, you do not have the emotional strength, maturity and self-confidence to raise a full-fledged person. You will probably do to him what your mother did to you!
You young people obviously don't read. The man writes clearly - "One more thing, life is not in front of me. The sunset is already in front of me". He is at least 40, if not 50 years old. Author, run and save yourself. The same dilemma was sitting in front of me about 10 years ago. I was patient, patient, it didn't last. My parent died half a year later. Today my children are big. They have already gone their separate ways, we see each other regularly, we hear each other and help each other. Soon my grandmother will get up :) I tell you - leave money to your mother and leave. You will suffer a lot if you stay and you will you grow old alone like a dog. I am also alone, but my children call, we talk and I know that I have them by my side as support and back. I have not tied them to my skirt and I want them to be separate to look after their families , not me.