Hello friends. This is one of my favorite sites, so I decided to share something here. I am 27 years old. and I have been married for 4 years, and only now my husband and I have taken the step of having a baby. I am currently studying my last year of doctoral studies and we have the opportunity to set a new beginning in this aspect. My wife is 29 years old, also a university graduate, he orientated himself in the work long before me and settled down faster, he wanted us to have a baby a little earlier, but various things stopped us. I am currently pregnant, but the third month has not yet passed and we have not told anyone. This is short for me and my husband. My story revolves around a married couple with whom we go out together, get together, visit, have nothing against them and are tolerant of their differences. Let's call the woman A. and the man H. I'm a good housewife, when we invite them home I always cook something touchy and tasty, I arrange everything with style and finesse, while A. is more into grilling meatballs or bacon and does not pay so much attention to the type and taste of food. The problem is that our meetings lately have been based on praise from them. Something my husband and I can't afford. We've known each other for years, and they don't even care about me. And they don't have to, I ignore that, but I can't ignore A.'s attitude towards me and maybe everything. She is from a village, she is a bit simpler, while Z. is a more intelligent and tolerant, very talkative and punctual man. However, I do not like the fact that A. does not thank for elementary things, she is a bit rude and tactless. They were visiting us soon and I was planning to prepare dinner, the table, everything, but she said on the phone that I would buy ' crumbs' and alcohol. That's what we did. I opened the door and invited them home, they came in first and then my husband and I entered our home. When I woke up and entered the main room, I was stunned. A. had wandered into my kitchen, boldly opening the refrigerator, the drawers, looking for oil and a cutting board in my cupboards, and she didn't even blink that this was my kitchen. I politely asked her to sit down, because I am the hostess, that they are our guests, etc., but she told me "Ah, no problem, sit down, I'll cook." I somehow managed to make her sit like I called everyone for a toast and then we sat down, but at one point she decided to cook and grill and started baking the bacon and meatballs. Then he put them in a small bowl cut in bulk and asked, 'Ah, did I do well?' I don't mind him asking me for help, I will let her if she really wants to, but I didn't like how she literally 'raped' my kitchen without my permission. I understand that when you are close to someone and he comes to visit you, he should feel at home, but that's it ... In the evening they stayed to sleep at home and she got up and decided that she would go digging around. the cupboards in the bedroom to find sheets for the bed on which they will sleep. I have no words. I didn't say anything, but internally I disagreed with myself, because I seemed to have to defend my personal space in some way. Was this some kind of desire to shine, or is it just more simple. What would you do, what would you advise me? but that's it ... In the evening they stayed to sleep at home and she got up and decided that she would go rummage through my closets in the bedroom to find sheets for the bed on which they would sleep. I have no words. I didn't say anything, but internally I disagreed with myself because I seemed to have to defend my personal space in some way.
Was this some kind of desire to shine, or is it just more simple. What would you do, what would you advise me? but that's it ... In the evening they stayed to sleep at home and she got up and decided that she would go rummage through my closets in the bedroom to find sheets for the bed on which they would sleep. I have no words. I didn't say anything, but internally I disagreed with myself because I seemed to have to defend my personal space in some way. Was this some kind of desire to shine, or is it just more simple. What would you do, what would you advise me?
Answers 30
The problem probably starts with the fact that for her you are FRIENDS, and for you they are: "a married couple with whom we go out together, get together, visit, we have nothing against them and we are tolerant of their differences." The problem is that you consider them strangers, and she has you almost as a sister. In any case, you should tell her how you feel, apologizing for not being able to overcome your attitude towards her. Then end your relationship, you find more delicate interlocutors, and she finds friends, because she obviously needs them.
Author: Number 1, she's not my sister. We go out from time to time and she knows nothing more about me than my name. I did not write anywhere that she is close to me.
You answered the question yourself. She just wants to stand out in front of you because you are a good housewife and you are superior to her. If he continues to be impudent and say it tactfully, I would do so. Congratulations to the baby.
Yes quite rude attitude. A friendly couple visits you but she has no right to dispose of this in your home. Put it in place.
I support number 1. It is true that everyone has a personal space, but she probably just wanted to help you with cooking out of good feelings, and you take it very personally. From what I read, I understand that for you cooking, serving, taste and appearance are of great importance and are somehow your territory in which you are better. For me, when gathering with people, the important thing is to talk and spend time together, and who has spent how much time cooking or not, it's not so important - I even think it's good for everyone to help, not one to cook, and the others ready. After all, you are going to talk, not just eat. My opinion may be greatly influenced by the fact that I have lived in a dormitory for a long time. Before living with my parents, it would have seemed absurd for someone to rummage through my personal belongings or my kitchen. But in the dormitory I somehow learned that when someone is a very close friend of yours, he will go and get his own sugar for tea or coffee, or that when we prepare dinner for everyone, I will peel the potatoes, someone else will fry them. A kind of sense of team and team. I'm not saying that one is right and the other is wrong, but you just obviously have very different understandings, so it's really good for me to end this friendship. I don't think you will be able to bridge the differences with conversations. For her you are a person to talk to, for you she is a simpler woman who came from a village with whom you can talk, but you will never accept as an equal, you may make compromises in your understanding, but she finds these things are normal. There can be no friendship as long as one is considered better than the other. This may be true in your case - you are more educated, more intelligent and therefore we have to gather with people with common interests, with common goals and to be on the same intellectual level. And if you have a conversation about me, you will be angry at her words, she will be angry at yours, and obviously it just can't happen. Ana
Oh, my God, the big problem! You are very funny, people have so much more serious problems, and you write about some stupid incident in the kitchen. You're not small - when you see her do that, you go and say, sorry, I want to cook, I've arranged my things in my kitchen and I don't like to have them messed up. Or you just say you're uncomfortable, period. As she interprets this simple woman, why a "great intellectual" like you with twisted and twisted culinary skills, the next doctoral student who writes "entered" instead of entered, as is right, deals with such people below her level. The problem was not the kitchen, but the fact that you have for much more than these people, you're just a snob. And the reason for communicating with them is to stand out against their background, how very refined and sublime you are, and they are the simpletons of the village. As someone is unpleasant to you, you do not communicate with him, you do not invite him to dinners and you do not let him sleep with you. If something irritates you in him, you tell him. Ask yourself what is the reason for communicating with this woman and what are your hidden needs that this communication satisfies.
When I read, I immediately sensed the note of "snob", I smell you from afar. Now essentially. I have lived in both circles. Only in Sofia, where I was born and lived for 15 years, I had such a mentality, but not "snomchb". I can't stand such people. So I was taught not to touch someone else's place in someone else's home, no matter how close we are, or to touch it at home. Everything was OK until I got married and had to move a lot further west. And here came the problem from the other mentality. When we went naked I was impressed that the women guests help the hostess and more interestingly, if you do not do it especially if there are more people they make almost lazy. And then they look askance. Especially if we gather more often in the same home. And while he got used to it, although even now I am uncomfortable being in someone else's kitchen, some "persons" looked at me askance. But at home I don't let anyone touch my lockers. So my thought was, in big cities the hostess is a housewife. In small towns and villages, once you have a housewife, you are otherwise lazy, and no one wants to be given such nicknames. On the other hand, people feel closer. That's why I like them, unlike the "snobs" in the big cities! Well, you draw your own conclusions That's why I like them, unlike the "snobs" in the big cities! Well, you draw your own conclusions That's why I like them, unlike the "snobs" in the big cities! Well, you draw your own conclusions
Request for deletion. Dear moderators, sorry for the inconvenience, please delete my story. I'm sorry once again. The author
Please delete the topic.
Wow, the author is offended by the comments and wants to erase the story! Yes, but it doesn't happen that way!
I understand that like any woman, you want to feel like a housewife, your skills to be appreciated and praised, your husband to be proud of you. I think you should stop meeting these people because you are too different with the woman. there is nothing wrong with her being from the village and not trying so hard to prepare dinners, maybe she felt uncomfortable that you put in so much effort and wanted to help, to be useful. you are just different and you better find a more delicate girlfriend, more intelligent. but in general I do not approve of her act. I also had a similar case once - a friend (but not so close) decided to sweep the leaves on the balcony, and I had made a cake, I had prepared the table and waited to sit at the table with our husbands. but I immediately told her that there was no need to do that because it was my duty. stop these meetings or go out, but you don't have to force yourself, really. just find other family friends. and just because you're studying for a doctorate doesn't mean you're smarter than other people.
why would you rub it? this is a lesson for many women who, in their quest to be good and to do fairs, allow various peasant women to get on their heads. When you go to visit then to make it bacon has its own label. Apparently you let her rummage in the kitchen so you have to tell her you don't like it, everything is served and there's no need for her to introduce herself.
The problem can be easily synthesized to "we are graduates, and she is from a village." God forbid a blind to see again. Grandpa Torbalan
There are people like that ... She won't change, she is like that. Whether you talk or not, all this ... And I think it's best that if it irritates you, it doesn't come to you the house. Either go out or stop dating. This is the way! I understand very well how you feel, because my mother-in-law is the same! Thank God, my husband and I live separately, but she didn't pass and crashed into our house, messed up my kitchen (which makes me crazy), prepared her meatballs, did my son eat? place that my pots were minced and only I liked them, he in solidarity with me washed 2 plates :) By the way, I also care a lot about the aesthetics of serving and cooking interesting and delicious dishes ... Quite a lot holidays ruined me like that. I make some plans, but the typhoon strikes us and it's over ... Tales don't help. We both talk to my husband - me softer, he - harder ... nothing comes out ... Well, my conclusion is, there are no problems with such people! Unlike me, however, you can get rid of it :)
PS Don't be angry with the writers with a sharper tone ... They are annoyed by the words "village" and "doctoral studies", but you don't care at all. World wide, people of all kinds! You choose who to let into your home and how! Success! BM
I stand behind the author. Friends, friends, what is this, so she will interfere in the kitchen and even in the cupboards and search? Egati rabid villagers.
Author: I was not offended by the comments, I have an opinion. I just decided that I would get almost no advice after 90% of the commenters try to spit on me for no reason. I do not believe that this topic is useful even to anyone else, given that only 1 or two people wrote properly in the comments. :) Good luck to all. Moderator: We do not delete topics, keep this in mind when writing your stories. :)
Author: One more thing - I did not give an insulting qualification to the girl. I respect her, I accept her, I just wanted to get advice on the specific situation. Most of the commenters were the ones who put offensive qualifications like 'peasant, college girl, etc.' that I didn't use. Don't put words in my mouth. Still, I'm glad there are good people commenting here. I understand, no problem if you don't delete topics anymore. :) You just rubbed me another time and that's why I was confused. Good luck :)
Oh yes, you are only interested in the specific situation, so it was this long history of what doctoral studies you do, what skills you have in the kitchen and what a graduate your husband is. You could start on the topic and miss the minute for advertising. I have a feeling that the main thing in this story is to brag about how wonderful you are, and that's why as an addition you inserted the stupid incident, where even a small child will know how to react, but you don't know. I can't stand such pretentious hypocrites like you. And adjust your watch a little, because getting a college degree is no longer the tip of the ice cream, as it used to be. And the fact that you did not insult the woman by mentioning that she is a simpleton and from a village, isn't that an insult? At least read your story before you write nonsense, and deny that you said things that are written in black and white above. And that there was some praise on their part that you can't afford. And isn't the first paragraph of your story exactly praise. In general, I see complete snobbery, hypocrisy and adjustment according to the situation on your part. I prefer to associate with simpler and more real people than pretentious hypocrites like you.
Number 20, stop behaving in this rude way, I didn't provoke him with anything :)
In my opinion, number 20 is the one who insults and not the author. Quite an ugly demeanor.
I don't see anything wrong with the fact that the author has inserted a bit of background and what exactly irritated you, number 20 in all this? Immediately people like you want to spit on the good and make it bad. Safe from villains.
"Moderator: We don't delete topics, keep that in mind when writing your stories. :)" Ha-ha-ha-ha- DID YOU TELL YOU !? To think BEFORE you let her go!
One more thing - I did not give an insulting qualification to the girl. Hmmm, let's see her again: She's from the village, she's a little simpler,……. how they literally 'raped' my kitchen without my permission. …. … When you are close to someone and he comes to visit you, he should feel at home, but that's it ...… I have no words…. Was this some kind of desire to shine, or is it just more simple. Mmmm, "simpleton" but NOTHING is an insult, is it? !!
Oh, what did you all jump on the author, I can't understand? True, she emphasized slightly that she was from a village ala bala, but still this was her home and her kitchen. I also wouldn't let someone not very close to me scatter and search left and right at home, and if I decided to make a good dinner, they would come to cut my bacon, grills and nonsense. The only option is either to see yourself at a restaurant or knowing that they will come to visit you not to overdo it with cooking, but to do something simpler, because they are not impressed anyway. It's just that in the villages people are, so to speak, more relaxed and etiquette, there aren't many such things. This is how they are used to in some places. Before someone jumps on me, I mean I don't mind or I'm up for something more, I also lived in a village and I have many relatives there and some people find this normal. You just have to explain to her that when they are your guests you want to be the hostess and she can help you when you need something, but not for her to enter your role. And if not, I mentioned above what to do.
Oh people, why don't you leave the woman alone? Did you order it for nagging and over? Isn't it a sharing site, not an attack site? If you can't or don't want to advise her, if you had kept quiet ... Would it be nice for you to have someone in charge of you, as if it were his father's? Be objective a little!
Why are you attacking the author like that? She asked, "What would you do, what would you advise me?" Why don't you answer what you would do, but make psycho portraits of the author without knowing her. The background is written for more clarity to give more adequate advice. You attack her for bragging. So, is it bad? Is it bad if you are a great housewife and you say it openly? Let us be silent with our positives so that no one thinks we are bragging. Super pettiness. Number 7 found something to hold on to, I'm shocked - "entered". Ehh, let's just say she's a PhD, and she's anointed and sinless, isn't she? Let's not mince words that I was immediately impressed by your expression ".. YOU STAND OUT". Instead of supporting and helping each other here, we confuse each other. I understand that the author insults someone or provokes someone, but she doesn't. Some people are happy that the topic has not been deleted. Let's have Seir, let's enjoy how the forum hens attack her. Author, do not bother to answer complex people who, hearing the word village and start developing theories. Listen to Anna's advice, the most useful comment here. Bad
The peasant is actually you, and the poor woman has you as a friend ^^
I don't have time to read the comments, I'll just write what I think about the topic. In my opinion, the author, despite her 20 higher and doctoral degrees, is not prepared for life. If not ? was the guest nice? to use the kitchen? Why do you invite her to your home at all? If you secretly hate someone because they were simple, why bother with them at all? You don't seem to have many friends with your husband, and you are terribly jealous because another woman has dared to receive congratulations for her skills in the kitchen. I think the woman's intentions were well-intentioned, didn't she just feel comfortable? you serve, and even after so many visits, she felt obligated to do something. Her behavior, although a simple woman, is accepted in the West, for example. There, not only does the hostess not serve her guests, but all the guests help with the preparation of the food and the washing of the dishes, because they have long since shaken off the old position of women as housewives and servants, which you have failed in spite of your education. Not bad, cook for yourself, but then do not invite guests home. Being a good hostess is much more than cooking and feeding your guests, being a good hostess means above all welcoming and sending off your guests with a smile, creating a pleasant atmosphere and activity for them. You should have invited your guest to cook in the kitchen, for example. ... and one more piece of advice from me - if you don't respect someone, don't invite them as guests! to be a good hostess means above all to welcome and send off your guests with a smile, to create a pleasant atmosphere and activity for them. You should have invited your guest to cook in the kitchen, for example. ... and one more piece of advice from me - if you don't respect someone, don't invite them as guests! to be a good hostess means above all to welcome and send off your guests with a smile, to create a pleasant atmosphere and activity for them. You should have invited your guest to cook in the kitchen, for example. ... and one more piece of advice from me - if you don't respect someone, don't invite them as guests!
.. to the author, you don't have to communicate with people you don't like to say that you are '' 'gathering with friends'' ... if you feel uncomfortable, then there's something to it ... the girl is really simple. , but it is noticed only by different people .... there should be a point of intersection in communication and this should not be the "crumb" ... greetings ....