Hello, I decided to share here, about the constant reproach of people to me and my husband about our children, because I notice that there are a lot of interesting and useful opinions and advice. We learned a long time ago that we don't pay attention to what people say about us, but not about our children. I don't know if it's appropriate to use names, as the site is anonymous, so I'll try to avoid them. My eldest son is 27 years old, he lives outside UK with his friend. Yes, my son is gay, but this is him and we love him and are proud of him. The little one is 16, almost 17 years old. They both carry music in their blood and hearts, it has been their way of life since they were little. As they sang at home in front of the mirror, they suddenly began to win competitions, to appear on big stages, though not with their songs. The big one continued to develop his talent in France, and the little one here. A lot of the people here, however, I don't know, out of envy or pure malice, are constantly spitting at them. The main remark is that the little one is a fool. According to them, we pay for every competition in which he participates in order to push him to the top. If it weren't for us and our money, he wouldn't get anywhere. Every time he wins, when he achieves something, it is set. They are convinced that he lacks any talent, although some of the best musicians congratulate him and claim that he has a future on the music scene. Another thing that obviously worries them is that he smokes. They even tried to tell us. We are also against this, but when we caught him with a cigarette, we decided that it was better to decide for himself whether to continue with this vice or not. We explained to him that he was risking his health and his voice, but he is free to decide what he wants. We allowed him to get a tattoo, although we didn't really agree. We told him to think well, because this is an eternal thing, and he thought and decided to do it. From this act, people decided that we had left him to his own devices, that our responsibilities as parents ended with giving him money, buying him clothes and first place in competitions. They say that he does not go to school and that we pay the teachers to write sixes to him, which I find an insult to the teachers, to him and to us, because all we want from him is to study and he complies with this, and the teachers are really honest and good people. We aim to teach our son that not everything is bought with money, and in the meantime (according to them) we are trying to buy the world with our billions. I'm not usually moved by people's talk, but some people, be they children or adults, are trying to ruin my son's self-esteem. When he was young, he would come home crying because some of the older children were making fun of his brother's orientation or because they were stubbornly convincing him that he didn't have a drop of talent. With age, he stopped paying attention, or so it seemed. He stopped answering them and didn't show any concern, but how can I be sure he doesn't actually take it all in?
Answers 12
Take him to a psychotherapist. Most Bulgarians are very vicious and live to criticize.
There is nothing you can do. Your son is no longer small and has to build his own self-confidence. At 16, his mom can't convince him he's great. He is now big enough to face life and learn that not all people are kind, sincere and good to me, that there are people who pretend to be his friends while planning how to stab him in the back, that there are envious people who are willing to slander him, just to stand out, etc. Yes, it hurts when you know how much work you put in to hear that yours have paid to win, but that's part from life and you have to learn your lesson, because your parents will not be with you all your life to soften the blow and protect you from malice and envy. For that, you just have to let your son grow up and learn how to deal with criticism, envy and attacks.
Unfortunately, envy and malice have been built into the mentality of the Bulgarians to such an extent that we do not acknowledge anyone for anything. Everyone is a wooden philosopher and everyone is the first to judge others for everything without looking at themselves. Don't pay attention to the simpletons - they will always express their "competent" opinion, whether it is desired or not. Support your son no matter what!
What you do as a parent is great! The important thing is that as parents you always stay behind your son and encourage and encourage him. What people say seems to me to be a limited environment of individuals who know you and are in your daily life, be it neighbors, classmates or children in your son's environment. Realistically, people are vicious and envious - it's all over the world and just something innate. I think that you as people have had or sometimes have such feelings towards others, not out of bad intention but simply because you feel that way, especially if you think that you try so hard and life gives to other things that you fight so hard for and in the end do not receives in one form or another. It is innate in humans to copy themselves - this is a subconscious phenomenon that comes from information obtained - seen visually or heard. Not everyone has what others have - it's unfair but that's life. And I may want to go to the moon, but this is for people with more intelligence, more biologically healthy, with a career focused on research, etc. People are just different. Some get one thing in life - others get another. If your son has inclinations and interests and you support him - this is important. How successful he is depends on how much of it, how much of luck. Sometimes luck just plays a role in how life goes. When it's good at school, that's great! In fact, I realized that both the education system and the school environment play a role on the person. (I found hot water xa, xa); However, what people are not aware of is that in addition to the information that is provided to the individual and obtained from him, the psychological effect of communication with those who provide it (teachers and classmates), interacts with future impulses that are encoded in the brain system based on 'experience' or 'experience' of time spent with these people and their attitude towards man. Apart from the fact that the education system is lame, in most schools the teachers are not at the highest level either, simply because they themselves are underdeveloped as individuals and they have been affected by their families or the environment, and low pay further contributes to limited enthusiasm. to really 'give' knowledge. Students other than your son who attend school as well as teachers and your son have been or are affected by the people around them, whether in a family environment or outdoors. It's all a circle, in which we all learn from our experience with others and the information we get from them, including how it is provided to us. I wonder how different it is in private schools. Smaller groups are students usually, which allows more focus on children, and programs vary. There are also private schools that teach in a foreign educational system, including the British one (However, this is in Sofia). I am also gay and I am abroad. I want to be straight, to be able to get married and have children of my own and to live this supposedly 'normal' life that others live, knowing that I will not be alone. (What people are most afraid of, whatever their orientation) But no, people don't understand absolutely anything because they don't live the lives of others. From there come their views on whether it is right or not. People only understand that which is from their personal experience - then empathy is already felt for whatever it is. However, we all live in the limitations of our own reality. Even an example of how someone who has never lived in Australia will know how real life is there? The visions will be only from a miracle / seen by people and television, but not from their experience, which will differ in order to really understand what it is. That is where the limitations come from.
First I want to congratulate you on what great and aware parents you are. There are very few such intelligent families in Bulgaria. Now on to the subject, I think the only thing you can do is educate the child not to listen to people's opinions. All my life there is someone to spit on us, when a person in a famous - even more so. Children are the most cruel and unfortunately this cannot be changed. If it is tied or blown, they will make fun of it even more. Let him simply learn not to accept the opinions of unrealized and evil people.
I don't think you should worry about the boy accepting human attacks, but sit down and explain to him that there are all kinds of people in this world and they have the right to like it or not, and his goal should be to work for people who like him, not try to convince everyone, let people who don't like him find their type of music with another artist. And over time, he will realize for himself whether he is a performer or not, depending on the number of followers, not the number of people who do not like his work. If there are enough people to pay to listen to him in time, then he is good, if not, then he should look for another field to earn a living, and music should remain his hobby. I also think you have given him too much freedom to choose whether to smoke and things like that. Children, teenagers have no sense of danger of death or health problems, they are young and for them the very thought of ever becoming 30 or 40 seems so far away that they are of the opinion that even at the age of 40 they will be old, however, when a person turns 40, he does not think at all that he is an old man and over time he starts living at least a little more, at 60 he calls himself at least to live to see the ball or the grandchildren's weddings, at 80 he wants to enjoy a little more. great-grandchildren, etc. That's why it's you, that's why there are parents next to teenagers to keep them healthy until they realize that we don't just call life the teen years. however, when a person turns 40, he does not think at all that he is an old man and over time he starts living at least a little more, at 60 he calls himself at least to live to see the ball or the grandchildren's weddings, at 80 he wants to enjoy a little more. great-grandchildren, etc. That's why it's you, that's why there are parents next to teenagers to keep them healthy until they realize that we don't just call life the teen years. however, when a person turns 40, he does not think at all that he is an old man and over time he starts living at least a little more, at 60 he calls himself at least to live to see the ball or the grandchildren's weddings, at 80 he wants to enjoy a little more. great-grandchildren, etc. That's why it's you, that's why there are parents next to teenagers to keep them healthy until they realize that we don't just call life the teen years.
What do you care?
The ambitious mother with a repulsive spelling: with your husband, with your son, in your empty head still a full member ?!
It is not clear who these bad people are.
This is pure envy! Unfortunately, Bulgarians are like that, when they see someone above them, they start lying and spitting at him. Support your son and do not pay attention to those who spit on him.
It's best to ask him, we can't tell you. At his age, children are very sensitive and try to find an environment in which they will fit and be accepted by others. You have to have a very strong character in order not to be influenced by other people's opinion, but most of all to be self-confident. It is normal for people to envy the wealthier and more successful. Children can be very cruel to those who are poorer or richer. Depending on the majority, the various suffer, albeit without guilt. Usually children smoke, get tattoos and so on, as an expression of rebellion and to fit in with the rest. I do not think it is right to encourage such behavior, I know you are your child, but these are decisions that affect his whole future. If, now he feels good with his tattoo or cigarette, who knows what the future will bring him tomorrow ... My friend had a tattoo, which he did in high school is not just one, but it is on hand and is quite inappropriate as a message, given that he is currently working in a senior position in an IT company, so he had to go through a very painful procedure to cover and with more -beautiful image. I'm not against tattoos, but it's no coincidence that there is an age limit and what is Fr. k when you are 16 is not the same when you are 30. I do not regret that I waited until I was 18 and thanks to my parents, now I have no meaningless things of which to be ashamed of.
No child will suffer from a little healthy parental control. Support is not just about saying yes, yes! You are the best and the greatest, do what you want! "Ah, to be firm even if it is difficult. If the child does not get used to criticism now, he will suffer for the rest of his life. but it's on hand and is quite inappropriate as a message, given that he is currently working in a senior position at an IT company, so he had to go through a very painful cover-up procedure with a nicer image. I'm not against tattoos, but it's no coincidence that there is an age limit and what is Fr. k when you are 16 is not the same when you are 30. I do not regret that I waited until I was 18 and thanks to my parents, now I have no meaningless things of which to be ashamed of. No child will suffer from a little healthy parental control. Support is not just about saying yes, yes! You are the best and the greatest, do what you want! "Ah, to be firm even if it is difficult. If the child does not get used to criticism now, he will suffer for the rest of his life. but it's on hand and is quite inappropriate as a message, given that he is currently working in a senior position at an IT company, so he had to go through a very painful cover-up procedure with a nicer image. I'm not against tattoos, but it's no coincidence that there is an age limit and what is Fr. k when you are 16 is not the same when you are 30. I do not regret that I waited until I was 18 and thanks to my parents, now I have no meaningless things of which to be ashamed of. No child will suffer from a little healthy parental control. Support is not just about saying yes, yes! You are the best and the greatest, do what you want! "Ah, to be firm even if it is difficult. If the child does not get used to criticism now, he will suffer for the rest of his life. so he had to go through a very painful covering procedure and with a nicer image. I'm not against tattoos, but it's no coincidence that there is an age limit and what is Fr. k when you are 16 is not the same when you are 30.
I do not regret that I waited until I was 18 and thanks to my parents, now I have no meaningless things of which to be ashamed of. No child will suffer from a little healthy parental control. Support is not just about saying yes, yes! You are the best and the greatest, do what you want! "Ah, to be firm even if it is difficult. If the child does not get used to criticism now, he will suffer for the rest of his life. so he had to go through a very painful covering procedure and with a nicer image. I'm not against tattoos, but it's no coincidence that there is an age limit and what is Fr. k when you are 16 is not the same when you are 30. I do not regret that I waited until I was 18 and thanks to my parents, now I have no meaningless things of which to be ashamed of. No child will suffer from a little healthy parental control. Support is not just about saying yes, yes! You are the best and the greatest, do what you want! "Ah, to be firm even if it is difficult. If the child does not get used to criticism now, he will suffer for the rest of his life. when you are 30. I do not regret that I waited until I was 18 and thanks to my parents, now I have no meaningless things of which to be ashamed of. No child will suffer from a little healthy parental control. Support is not just about saying yes, yes! You are the best and the greatest, do what you want! "Ah, to be firm even if it is difficult. If the child does not get used to criticism now, he will suffer for the rest of his life. when you are 30. I do not regret that I waited until I was 18 and thanks to my parents, now I have no meaningless things of which to be ashamed of.
No child will suffer from a little healthy parental control. Support is not just about saying yes, yes! You are the best and the greatest, do what you want! "Ah, to be firm even if it is difficult. If the child does not get used to criticism now, he will suffer for the rest of his life.
Sad native picture, there is no salvation his poisonous mentality. I advise you to go to the eldest son in civilized France and leave the territory of Bulgaria to be taken over by the hermits and herbivores.