Hello! Here is my story (far more boring than others, but nasty enough at times for myself :)) This is the story of a relationship that is about to "swallow itself" and fall apart out of nowhere. Here's how: I'm 24 years old. I currently live in the United States. I came here 2 years ago and also met my friend (32 years old), who has been my husband for about 10 months. At first I can't say that I hated him, but he annoyed me terribly with his arrogant behavior, so I had decided to put him in place, as they say, but later I seemed to find the master or he his - I still can not judge. .. He is terribly liked by women - beautiful, funny, arrogant and terribly cute when he wants to be himself. I am still quite spoiled by male attention and we are the perfect couple according to the others. But for me, the need for side flirtations and constant proof of my feminine charm and ego somehow faded away, while it did not. However, we have experienced many things together during these two years. We also had to be separated for almost half a year, because I am still studying in Bulgaria and I had to take exams. When I returned to the United States, everything was even more awesome than before. I found a person I felt I didn't know before. We were very much in love and decided to get married - just like that, just the two of us. I wasn't quite ready, but he begged me a lot, and I kept refusing and I saw that every time it was harder for him to get out, I couldn't find an excuse ... that's why we did it. I worked a lot then - almost around the clock. He started his own business, but it didn't work out at first, and for a long time I supported both of us. It never bothered me, but I could see that he felt "crushed" and without self-confidence ... the other thing that depressed him was that I was about to have a great profession and he would feel in my shadow in the future. And so, in general, everything went more than well between us, our relationship was filled with passion, happy moments and we felt terribly happy to be together ... During one of our next moves to a new apartment, I found a receipt for a bank transfer of the name. to his ex-girlfriend a few months ago. I knew it was her because he had told me about her in the beginning and how much they loved each other, but they were separated by distances. When I took stock, I remembered that he had asked me for this money, I don't remember under what pretext ... I was very angry, of course - I told him, there was a scandal, then reconciliation ... it turned out that this girl also lives in the United States and had no one to turn to for money ... I didn't like it, but I still couldn't make her forget her past - I'm also friends with some of my ex-friends and I would not refuse them help ... Well, from now on I was more attentive or more suspicious of him and the result was not late. Gradually, in a nutshell, more and more impudent ex-girlfriends began to appear. In general, I have enough self-confidence not to be particularly impressed by such women, if the person next to me does not pay attention to them, but when it started happening too often, I felt more. We quarrel when in my presence he was "drooling" with the so-called "whores who are useless." He didn't want to tell me about his past on any occasion, and I didn't want to rejoice, but I just needed to know what I was dealing with, so as not to be annoyed by things that were past or unnecessary and to spoil our relationship with stupid accusations and doubts ... Then I realized that at the beginning of our relationship he was trying to sleeping with my best friend ... while I was in the next room ... she didn't suspect we were together then (because of the work we kept our relationship a secret at first). 3 months ago I had to return to Bulgaria with the prospect of not seeing each other for about a year at best - I had to finish my last year at Sofia University so as not to lose my rights ... The more time passed it was getting harder as I was about to leave, at least I wasn't experiencing it for the first time. He wouldn't let me show weakness because I depressed him and we had to be strong ... When the evening of the flight came he cried, so did I ... we talked about us and everything and the result was that I refused to board the plane and decided that I could not sacrifice our relationship and would try to combine my two best -important priorities - our marriage and my profession ... I had already left my job and went to work in his business because he needed a person to deal with clients, accounting, to translate from English, etc. Since then, I have the feeling that I live in a little hell. We're together all the time, which I guess kills the thrill between us to some extent. Since we often use the same e-mail and skype, I started to find letters to friends in which he usually tells us about his marriage that he did not know what happened to him when he got married, that he (our marriage) was not valid in BG for happiness, which is absurd !!!, that I'm tired of him already, no matter how attractive I am ... He had started to register in all possible dating sites, which is not a big deal for me if I have to be honest and yet ... At first I didn't give him much impression because we were together all day and I knew he wasn't doing anything behind my back, I thought he was just pretending to be interesting, trying to maintain his old image of a playboy or something ... For a few weeks now he has been avoiding me , to get nervous easily, I got very sick, because we always had a good time when we pay attention. I found out that he started to keep in touch again (mostly on the internet) with his ex-girlfriend (the one with the money). I decided to wait to see how things would turn out, I didn't like to raise unnecessary scandals, and I didn't want to be annoyed that I was reading his correspondence, after all, it's not something I'm proud of ... In general, she sought his attention, upset by others, said she was sorry they had separated and gave him hope, and his words in the last letter about me were: "I'm not hiding her, I just have nothing to tell you about her. I was wrong, I'm tired, I was best with you ...!" I didn't sleep that night and I was trying to realize what had happened. At the same time, his demeanor was in line with his words. The next day I couldn't stand it and asked him for an account ... first I stood as if blown up - he wasn't prepared, and the explanation was that they were so hooked and annoyed, etc. Abe turned things around - that I had no right to interfere in his personal affairs, that I was not jealous, but sick, that I suffocated him, that I myself made him do things to me (well, I personally do obvious things in vain, and not those that are supposed to be confidential and personal ...) that it would continue as long as I don't want to. Honestly, people, I don't repeat all the "shit" (sorry for the expression!) I've heard, the more I knew a lot more than I showed. I went home and I packed my bags. He came back after me. He tried to continue the scandal, but I didn't speak, and when he saw the suitcase he went crazy and started crying, he wouldn't let me out, we talked, he prayed that we were a family, as we dreamed I was the best thing he could. it happened that it was not true, etc. I still didn't sleep at home. I know - it sounds a bit banal, but for a man like mine to cry is ... shocking! The next day we talked again and decided to make mutual compromises - I should not interfere in his personal affairs anymore, and he should stop with the "nonsense". and be more careful with me. It's been a week ... I don't say a word about what happened and I haven't rushed to his personal space, he is also fulfilling his part of the arrangement, I'm sure. But he is already on another wave - to take revenge on me. He flirts with the girls around me, he always annoys me, he hasn't hugged me for centuries, lately we have sex, which is still great, except that the last time he is still drunk ... when we are at work together still not we talk especially, abe life dream we live! The bad thing is that I'm tired already! I'm tired of being "tied in a towel" (because without deception I know that he accepts me as just that, thanks to the sacrifices I made for him, not that it's not my fault to some extent for this in particular)! I'm tired of being tormented by his apathy towards me while the others drink me with their eyes. I'm tired of playing roles - yelling at him and insulting him so that I don't look weaker, and then wanting to cut my tongue; not to talk to him and to behave arrogantly so that he understands that he has affected me and I don't care, to try to keep his interest at a certain distance ... all female numbers! I'm tired of constantly impressing him and always inventing new things so that we are interesting and have fun and enjoy each other. For me, the feelings are not dead - on the contrary, I feel that it is the same for him, but it seems to me that things are starting to go little by little on the inclined plane ... and it hurts me, because with this person I do not it was wanted to be so. And isn't it because of the marriage ?? Ugh, it didn't turn out exactly the way I think and feel this story, but it's more or less the same! I hope I'm not bored ... I don't want you to get the wrong impression - I'm not in the least a "desperate wife", a broken woman looking for a way out and advice or something. It's just that this is my experience in marriage so far and I wanted to share it with you. Here (in the United States) it is very difficult to find an environment, not to mention real friends. I don't have a "soulmate" either - I'm still among the boys, most of whom are friends of my husband, the others are not interested in such things, and the rest ... you can imagine what they want from me ... so there is no whom to share such things. I hope my story will be useful to you, and if anyone has an opinion on the matter, I would be happy to hear it! and one more thing: Hey, boys, get down to Earth and look around who's standing next to you! well this is from me! a broken woman looking for a way out and advice or something. It's just that this is my experience in marriage so far and I wanted to share it with you. Here (in the United States) it's very difficult to find an environment, let alone real friends. I don't have a "soulmate" either - I'm still among the boys, most of whom are friends of my husband, the others are not interested in such things, and the rest ... you can imagine what they want from me ... so there is no whom to share such things. I hope my story will be useful to you, and if anyone has an opinion on the matter, I would be happy to hear it! and one more thing: Hey, boys, get down to Earth and look around who's standing next to you! well this is from me! a broken woman seeking a way out and advice or something. It's just that this is my experience in marriage so far and I wanted to share it with you. Here (in the United States) it is very difficult to find an environment, not to mention real friends. I don't have a "soulmate" either - I'm still among the boys, most of whom are friends of my husband, the others are not interested in such things, and the rest ... you can imagine what they want from me ... so there is no whom to share such things. I hope my story will be useful to you, and if anyone has an opinion on the matter, I would be happy to hear it! and one more thing: Hey, boys, get down to Earth and look around who's standing next to you! well this is from me! not to mention true friends. I don't have a "soulmate" either - I'm still among the boys, most of whom are friends of my husband, the others are not interested in such things, and the rest ... you can imagine what they want from me ... so there is no whom to share such things. I hope my story will be useful to you, and if anyone has an opinion on the matter, I would be happy to hear it! and one more thing: Hey, boys, get down to Earth and look around who's standing next to you! well this is from me! not to mention true friends. I don't have a "soulmate" either - I'm still among the boys, most of whom are friends of my husband, the others are not interested in such things, and the rest ... you can imagine what they want from me ... so there is no whom to share such things. I hope my story will be useful to you, and if anyone has an opinion on the matter, I would be happy to hear it! and one more thing: Hey, boys, get down to Earth and look around who's standing next to you! well this is from me! I would love to hear it! and one more thing: Hey, boys, get down to Earth and look around who's standing next to you! well this is from me! I would love to hear it! and one more thing: Hey, boys, get down to Earth and look around who's standing next to you! well this is from me!
Answers 20
You look like an intelligent woman. I'm sure you're a nice and "feathered" babe. And you don't need advice. Just do what you have to do until he crushes you. I have no doubt that you will cope with your different life after HIM.
I fully support number 1, again, as soon as things get into a habit, too early, sooner or later ...
I read with interest what you wrote, I thought about the comments as well, of course, that you can do without it. The question is, do you want to do without it, and do you believe it will be as it used to be? In my opinion, no, even if things do not turn in this direction in the "marriage" at some point things go with the flow and the passionate moments are less and less, respect remains, and who is missing ... is not good ... If you listen to your heart there you will find the answer to your questions, BUT you have to exclude all your thoughts ... :) Be still radiant (I have such a feeling and I don't think I'm mistaken) good luck !!!
I do not want to be pessimistic, but it seems to me that as they have gone, things will continue and so on, even if there are some lulls. Your husband, in the way you described him, I think is a man who will always seek the attention of other women and will not appreciate what is next to him. maybe he suffers from some complexes or I don't know what you are, but he looks a lot like my man I'm dating. Is yours a Scorpio zodiac sign?
Hello, I read your story, I know it painfully, I'm talking about the type of man, and I think the key to success is just to leave him, things will not work out until he loses you, only then he will realize about you. I'm sure that being beautiful, smart, combative and in fact everything more than he could have wanted creates complexes for him. I wish you success.
Your words describe a very strong woman who has faced a lot of difficulties ... your story is inspiring I would even say ... you are a male girl and whichever way you choose you will do great .. and I agree with number 3 ..luck !!!
Hello lovely girl! You seem to be an intelligent lady, judging by what you write to us and the way you speak ... I like your thinking, but I don't understand why you keep standing with this person and waiting for those moments you really were back to come back. happy ... yes but I think it's PAST and it's time to put a big feature on your relationship, it's time to look around, you're so young, life goes on and I hope you meet someone who really deserves you .. . Good luck!
MMM quite a familiar story, this is obviously a syndrome and it always happens to such women! This type of "men" I don't know if they have a fix and I have one and I'm sure the problem is in me because I can't give it up! And he doesn't even deserve to look at it! The same story he felt sorry for his ex-girlfriend, he pretended to be interesting in front of his friends, financial problems, I crushed his self-confidence because I was smarter and alas orange! we part for a while and again he starts looking for me and again he can't do without me and I soften to the point of disgrace again and week two maximum was 2 months everything is fine and until then, then the old song in a new voice! But once you lose trust in someone and you always doubt with a reason and without a reason, once you insult you and then you still do not get the necessary attention and a problem always comes up! And I sit and shake my head and the only one who is harmed is me because it's getting harder and harder for me to concentrate and the more I want to get away from him the harder it gets and I don't know where his end will be! And I keep telling myself he will change and he keeps saying it, but that's not the idea! I don't know if you've noticed, but mostly women are trying to change men! They accept us as we are, and we, no matter how perfect, grab their smallest flaw and start digging to dig and from there climb another 1005 flaws and ... I will not continue with everyone is different! And now I have left myself in the current and we rarely see each other and I have told him that everything already depends on him, that I will live my life and if someone is welcome and that with this behavior there is not a single tiny particle in him to hold me! I will no longer say what I want, we have chewed all the problems enough if he wants to be with me and if he knows me he will know how to behave and weave! We have been seeing each other for 2 months now and more and more rarely and I still have a sick topic and I still live like a horse with caps, but I don't see how I can cope in this situation! and so .... I have never felt so humiliated alone and without will, I have the feeling that the man I was with his help has evaporated! I don't fit into the topic very much, but whatever advice I give you, I know that only you can help yourself! And I can only guess how hard it is for you to break away from it and how with each insult instead of cooling down more and more money, etc. I can go on indefinitely, there is so much more on this topic that I don't think so !!!
It sounds hellish to me too. I think just like 8. I have the feeling that such men just need a woman for a screen to feel strong and brave and if she is not there they always cry. Do you want to be a screen?
from №8: I don't know if the right word is a screen, at the risk of sounding a little exaggerated, I just think he has nowhere to get such attention, respect, good attitude, love, etc., and he realizes it and he is good at weaving, but it is also good for him to do whatever he likes and because, as the author of the topic says, he feels "tied in a towel" and his numbers pass! I know that only I am a victim, I realize an awful lot of things, but as if in spite of everything I can't give up so easily! On the contrary, I do not lack male attention, but for now I have not felt such attraction to another man! It is very specific, I do not have a boyfriend or girlfriend who does not wonder in my mind and I myself wonder and look for a way to end everything, but at the same time my hope to be together does not die. I hope it comes to his mind, that the attitude will change, that I will be more tolerant (though I don't know how much more) and weave in a continuous cycle. . . I would be happy to talk to everyone on this topic and others of course :) [email protected]
You really are a smart chick .... What can I tell you, your story is long but there is a short answer ... You grew up after meeting him, and he is not. Keep going. Men grow harder. If you love him, you can make him "come down to earth" if he doesn't look for some other completely different type of character, sometimes opposites attract.
From the author: Dear girls and boys, many times I was going to write again on the topic, but I still buried my head in the sand and gave up ... After a few years ... and here's what happens to me: My husband and I are still still together, at least formally. In recent years we have gone through a lot of non-work, layoffs, change of accommodation, travel to and from abroad, short sections, 2 of my abortions, in general vicissitudes of all kinds ... And all my experience so far screams louder and louder. that I had to make the "fatal decision" for us a long time ago that we have no future together! In short - we have been in Bulgaria for several months - I am finishing my education, because I had been interrupted for a while, he is being treated, that's why we went home - to study, to be "repaired" ... How can I describe to you how do i feel-well bad !!! Only now, in his native land, I feel how much we disagree, how much "we are not for each other"; how much my criteria have risen; how many things I want to get out of life; how much I want to get rid of the "shutters" that I had put on myself in recent years ... My delusion dissipated, as always - with a bang and I saw, again as always - suddenly! There is no mention of my torments over his arrogant and windy behavior, because I believed in myself and he is no longer the person worth all my sacrifices ... I began to respect myself, to see my "neighbor" without the roses. glasses, to realize what I'm involved in and who exactly "stands against me", to hate him slowly, every day more and more. I realized that while we were in the United States, I had lowered my criteria to 100%, that he is terribly indecisive and complex (against the background of the self-confident and ambitious macho, for whom he successfully presented himself for a long time), that he is used to doing everything for him (simply because I did not trust him to do well enough) ... I go into details, but at the moment we have to live in our country and the situation is more than heated - he does not communicate with ours (he is always hiding in my room), and when he tries to "tie" two stories it is a complete tragedy - he always screams some nonsense and then I have to blush and try to get out of the situation. In a word, I'm pretending to be a jester ... But now he's sick - there's no one to take care of him but me, because his "mom" doesn't have to know that her child is bad - something was going to happen to her, to her hurt, to hurt the poor ... Yes, yes, but does anyone ask me how to run to the hospital for a visit (I don't deserve a car), how to arrange doctors, examinations, etc., how to maintain a household (because everyone works in our country), how to go to lectures , how to take exams at once ... How can I be competent in all health issues? How can I break up at 10 and still be happy and pleasant? ... How can I change bandages, bathe, wipe my ass, cut my nails and want to have sex? How to meet expectations, how to feel better, how to keep my psyche? We talk about our plans several times - he still doesn't know, he had to recover and then he would decide, there was time ... To study or something like that he doesn't want to hear, he still didn't know about the work ... they don't want to see it ... I feel like my parents are distancing themselves from me and from everything - they are always looking for reasons not to be at home; I meet more and more sharp reactions from relatives and friends; it is more and more difficult for me to walk with my head held high ... I still do not have the courage to introduce my so-called husband to my little remaining environment for these years abroad, I am somewhat ashamed - I admit ... For holidays , going out, rags, etc. I don't even think anymore, I'm completely focused on taking my life in my hands and although I still think I have a chance to emerge, I am increasingly aware of what I have lost and what awaits me from now on ... I haven't gone to bed to die, as they say, but obviously the consequences will be quite serious and I wasn't quite prepared for them ... It's very hard for me !!! And I know I'm a capable and intelligent person, that's why sometimes I wish to be stupid and naive and not to realize what is happening around me, to live day by day, to have no dreams, which, although achievable, slip away a little with each passing day ... And despite everything for me my husband is not a bad person - he is hardworking, he is not mean, he loves me (haha at least in the last years since I "showed my character"), he helps me as much as he can, etc., but this indecision, the lack of any ambition and inability to weigh in on the place in combination with everything I have described to you just disgusts me ... Do you understand that there is nothing to talk about even ...? !! And in fact, why don't I admit it - I don't want this person next to me anymore !!! And maybe I don't want to be myself, at least not the way I know myself ... What kind of thoughts go through my head - from that, Even if no one reads this after so long, I really thank everyone who wrote to me !!! :))))))) Even if no one reads this after so long, I really thank everyone who wrote to me !!! :)))))))
Again from the author: Number 11 your "answer" is much more accurate than I could define it myself! It just took me a while to realize it! :) Greetings!
it will never change, get it out of your head and that's it. if I'm with you, I'm going to go buy a plane ticket. run to heal him for you who will run. my lover of women I cut it off and after 4 months I was pregnant and I do not regret after 10 years I met the right person and packed the luggage of the child on the plane and I do not care about the family and who wanted what. I may have been in a better position because my father had such stories and I know what's next
Oooh God, you better cut to the bone. And it will be better for him. He will find, or rather he will return to his environment and be himself. And you - you can, and you have to take so much of life! Shake yourself, raise your head high and move on!
AND CAN I JUST ASK WHY YOU GOT MARRIED SO QUICKLY? YOU DON'T KNOW YOURSELF ESPECIALLY ACCORDING TO ME ... A PERSON IS VISIBLE AFTER 5TH TO 6TH YEARS ..
I feel this way and I am in a similar situation. Unfortunately, this is the case with attractive men, they are used to attention and look for it themselves at certain times. And I don't know if there is a way out. I don't think such a person can change. He will always love himself more than you ...
I feel something similar on my back. We're at home like in the movie, "The War of the Rose Family" My husband is trying to make me angry in every way, he's drooling like a kid and he's 46. And he thinks I have no way out and can do it whatever he wants, but my nerves can't take it anymore.
Author, I will allow myself to express my opinion. I have said more than once that a relationship between two people is like a revolution. The most important thing is not to take power, but to keep it. The first requires a short effort, the second - a long one. If both do not make such an effort, the relationship is doomed. It is clear from your history that this is done on one side only. The conclusion is self-evident. Even if you don't like it, there is only one. And what would happen to him, to his mother, etc ..., are complete nonsense. How many lives do you think you will live to dedicate to each other? Answer this question and I think it will become clear to you what you have to do. Success! wanderer
DUMP THIS FOOL !!! YOU CAN DO WITHOUT IT!