Hello! Most of you will probably tell me that I am looking for a calf under the ox, but only I know how heavy my heart is. I `m 29 years old. I've had three pretty long relationships and three or four short ones. Everyone, going back in time, was just so I wasn't alone. I was not looking for a suitable one, but I was catching whoever paid attention to me. I have a huge fear of being alone. I don't have any friends because I've always looked for communication (if there was one at all) in my relationship. Accordingly, I have been with quite different men from me, with whom the dialogue has almost never worked for me, and I am a bit special - insecure, cowardly, doubtful, analyzing, I always see some signals that something is not going well and I feel like turn all fears of abandonment, and from there everything loops. I've been with the right person for a year or so. I love him so much, that I will go crazy. He responds with the same, but I, out of my madness at him, quite often annoy him with various statements like "don't leave me", "you will catch another", "we are no longer as in love and devoted as before", or something similar. I do it with the full awareness that this is very annoying, but I can't stop. I believe in myself so little that I can hold it, that my heart is forever bent on a ball and I can't even sleep. Especially when we're at work, I keep thinking about when he'll call me, if he hasn't met anyone, etc. I'm just crazy and I don't know how to help myself :( I know I'll lose him if I continue like this, but the fear that I've already shown him that face and no longer looks at me like the girl he fell in love with numbs me to death. I want to take things back, even though there's no time machine. I want to be free, to be winged again, to smile, to make him happy, to be happy with me. But I keep underestimating myself and I'm numb that I'm already tired of him and he's standing with me, just because he doesn't want to hurt me, because he sees how fragile I am .... What would you tell me? Please...
Answers 5
You have to understand that even if you tell him these things and don't tell him, he will do what he wants. You better not tell him. The same goes for men who are very jealous of their girlfriends. And yes, the constant repetition of "please don't leave me my love, I will die without you and I am miserable" is a sign of insecurity. And uncertainty is not an attractive quality. Just stop, act like you didn't say anything, and move on. If he doesn't call you at work, don't rush to call him right away, if necessary wait a little (but not too long). 25m
Some women go through such periods. Once you realize that it is annoying, it will soon pass and you will look at it with different eyes. You will understand that he appreciates you and is loyal to you. Well, don't be late with the insight that it may be too late, and in this case the "better late than never" principle will not apply.
The author: Maybe I should add that I am afraid that I have never had a pattern of behavior. I don't have girlfriends, as I said, and my family is more than strange - my mother and father have no connection with each other and although they are not separated by documents, I remember them as a child sleeping in separate apartments and just getting together to eat together. evening and everyone goes back to his apartment. Supposedly so that they don't rob us ... Yes, but I haven't seen a woman behave with her husband in a normal relationship. That's why in every one of my relationships I'm afraid I'm not doing things right. My sister has the same problems as me, although we have rarely shared this. The man I'm with right now is gold. I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. I want to fix myself! I want my heart not to ache for fear that I am not like normal women. I don't want to suffocate for fear that I don't know how to communicate, so I would lose it. I will be faithful to him as long as the world exists, I will take care of him, I will love him with all my soul, but because I have lived in a small town (I have been in the capital for two years) and he is very intellectually developed, I visit with my family exhibitions regularly, classical concerts, etc. And I, because of my environment during these long years, have no such experience. I can say that I am a reserved and intelligent woman, we have similar interests in photography, etc., but I feel a different class. I keep thinking that there are thousands and thousands of girls here who would put me in their little pocket and with whom he would lead a completely different existence. This is what bothers me - I'm not sure and I always compare myself with others. I know that everyone has a choice and if he is with me, then he is fine, but that is not the problem. I want to overcome the fear that numbs me and I can't even be myself. I keep asking him if he's bored, what he wants us to do to make him more diverse, and he's still "nothing, I'm so fine." But I know that because of me he has changed his life completely - he no longer goes to galleries and concerts, he just comes home to me. He says he just wants us to rest together. Yes, but I know that this has exhausted our communication. Because we just lie down and cuddle, we don't do anything, we don't even find topics to talk about anymore. And I'm a talkative one ... That's why I'm so worried. I know it's crazy, I know it's too much, I know it's not normal, but it's a fact that the moment I write my heart is in a ball and I just look at the clock and the number of hours until we see each other. and when we see each other I want to tell him how I feel, but I stop and just keep quiet ... Sometimes I cry ... Who would want a roar, cowardly like a rabbit ??? Women my age are already looking after children and are serious, and I still whine that I don't want to be alone ... when I'm not.
And telling him such things and not telling them, if he decides to leave you, he will do it. See a girl in love there is no guarantee, there never was. I understand you to the point of pain, because I also had such a period of my life, which I regret, but I will live with this loss, there is no way. Experience the moments with your love while you think only such nonsense, the time when you are still in love will have passed and crushed you. You will remember, but then you will not be able to do anything about it, except to learn to live with the pain and the wonderful but priceless moments of your life. It's a pity that we humans remember that, but it's getting late and then we're beating our heads in the wall. Don't make this mistake, the good thing is that now you realize it, just try to apply it in your real life and everything will be fine. Philip 32
Philip, thank you from the bottom of my heart. Give me a lot of courage !! Thank you! Be happy!