Every day we have events to choose from, but this time I am at a crossroads. I have been considering the decision for years and I do not want to postpone it anymore. My parents think well of me, but they put a lot of strain on me mentally as they try to control my life and tell me how to live it. And I dare say I'm big now and I don't need guidance at 30. What's more, they find a calf under the ox at every turn, and I'm married. I want to be away from them because they are suffocating me. I achieved it for years when I was studying in another city and I was independent. But when you have a family and with these low salaries, independence slips away like smoke between your fingers. My husband's parents don't want to hear about their son and us at all, they weren't interested at all, but he really wants us to move in with them so they're not alone when they get older. Even if we are in them, they ignore us and from afar it seems that they have other pets. I understand my husband and yet I want to escape to a seaside city like Varna or Burgas and live our lives. We will take out a loan, we will buy a small house and far from everyone we will be able to be a normal young family. I am at a crossroads before living with my parents who help us with the children, living with my husband's parents who don't care, or getting away from everyone and neither they nor we will help them.
Answers 11
At this age you already have a family of your own and it is not at all selfish to want the best for yourself and your husband. Don't make the mistake of living your life for your parents - they will be fine. You can always help them financially if they need to, but don't let them become mentally dependent on them. I'm not even commenting on your husband's parents. If you want to become an elderly caregiver at the age of 30, you can do it in a western country for good money. Don't waste your youth. She will never return.
As I read you, I suspect that you were not very independent as a student. Look for a better paid job. And give yours a dog from the big ones. And number 1 is not quite right - one should ALWAYS want the best for himself. Not only if he is 'that age' or 'that age'. Various people from the older generations, born and raised in a coma, are instilled in them that putting your happiness first is something super bad and base. The word 'egoist' is given a super black meaning, which should not be the case at all, and in principle it is not.
Until comment 1 - well done, since when are our parents "sick old" when they reach old age! What money does he want to look after his parents, what African country, what five levs? !! Do you have morals at all, because everyone has to look after their parents sometimes. They can't watch you all your life and then you kick them. It's as if they dump you while you're still a baby, because you stuff diapers and they go to a disco !!! Unfortunately, most people are like comment 1 - there is no morality, no values, there is nothing human left - that even the mind is given ... Shame :(
"If you want to become an elderly nurse at the age of 30, you can do it in a western country for good money. "- a person does not know what will come to his head, so do not talk like that. It is true that everything is a matter of choice, but it is also good to be able to sleep peacefully after the choice is made. I could not abandon my sick parents / relatives, I know what I am talking about, it is past, and I am already 30 years old, my life is as it is, for my own sake, What about parents who have children with problems? There is such a mother in the neighborhood, for years, she walks her grown-up child with mental problems every day. As for the author - start making more money as soon as they are your obstacle to independence. It is a bit parasitic to live with one or the other parent, even if you resent it. They're people too, they're family, don't you think?
Of course, neither yours nor his. It is not selfish to want the best for yourself and your family. You are not a caregiver on call. You are not children who have to give reports and allow them to interfere and give them unsolicited advice.
Live alone with the children and deal with the difficulties. If they want to help you - ok. But selflessly and without giving you annoying and unwanted advice and expecting you to follow them. You will have fewer occasions for conflict. Don't give up! Success!
Number 3, it's a shame to have children in order to look after you in your old age. There is nothing moral or valuable in such parental selfishness. Your parents did it and they are legally obliged to take responsibility for you until the age of 18, but not to "look after you all your life". You, in turn, are obliged to take care first of the family you have created, and of your own children, and then of everyone else. Don't compare who can leave whom. In the first case, the parents make a choice and bear the consequences. In addition, not all parents need to look after them in their old age. Most get sick and leave in 2-3 days. Of course, there are those who lie down - some because they are sick, and others - to be served. Also, what will happen to you in your old age is your responsibility, not your children's. You can't eat all your life, drinking, breaks and finally let the children pay. I personally work, save, buy real estate so as not to weigh on the children one day. Besides, I wouldn't want to live with them - let them be happy and love each other, I would go home if I had to, but not make them enslave me and change my diapers. Man is born free to be happy. We should not tie our children to ourselves - the world is theirs. The fact that I have chosen to live in Bulgaria does not mean that they cannot live in America, that who will change my diapers ... We should not tie our children to ourselves - the world is theirs. The fact that I have chosen to live in Bulgaria does not mean that they cannot live in America, that who will change my diapers ... We should not tie our children to ourselves - the world is theirs. The fact that I have chosen to live in Bulgaria does not mean that they cannot live in America, that who will change my diapers ...
4 - parents have the obligation to take care of themselves and not to hang in the arms of their children at the age of 60. Of course, I'm not talking about serious and sudden illnesses that are hard to prevent. Elderly Bulgarians expect their children to take care of them as they get older. This is very unfortunate. Fortunately, not only my parents, but even my grandmother, who is 84 years old, takes care of herself and did not ask for a penny. When the woman turned 60, she said, "I'm starting to live a healthy life so you don't have to become a nurse." He stopped meat, alcohol, salt and sugar, drank a lot of water, was constantly on the move, etc. If you follow a healthy lifestyle and are at peace with yourself, diseases will very rarely occur to you. No one owes anyone and the author is too young to enslave herself to serve her husband's parents.
From the author of the topic: the main idea is to separate as a family in a separate home, some bear their parents, but I can not live with many people and with credit we will separate. The question is whether we should be in the city where my parents are, in the city where my husband's parents are, or in a seaside town. If we are in one city, the parents of one of us will be neglected, if we are in a distant city, everyone will be neglected and we will rarely see each other. I don't want to be close to my parents because they are very powerful and want us to live by their standard, commenting on where we go out, why we go out, why we are out for hours, they think we are not doing anything right and want to control us, but I help with the child. And my husband's parents are passive and even if we live in space, they don't want us to be very close, they raised their son and he is completely free and they are grateful to me that he is not with them, they are not interested in the grandson because he did not understand anything yet. I don't want to live in the city where my husband's parents are, and he wants to live next to his parents.
It is not selfish to want the best for yourself and your family. It is selfish to have children in order to tie them to your skirt and to have someone to look after you in your old age. Walk away from the family.
In my opinion, a family should live completely independently. We also moved away from his parents and mine. We deal with the child alone and we have a great time. When there is one of them at home, I am tense, although they are all nice and do not confuse us. I got used to it without help and that's the best way for me. In most cases, while your parents are around you, problems arise over time. They just have a different mindset and small remarks create a lot of tension over time. Move somewhere far away, as you think. Burgas is a nice city, quiet and ideal for a young family :))