Hello. I am a woman of almost 25, and I will touch on a topic that I notice is often mentioned here as a problem by men and women. At the beginning of a relationship, when everything is a euphoria of positive feelings and experiences, of course, almost everything else goes well. Over time, we enter the more serious stages, share our problems, our joys together, begin to take responsibility for the other and begin to fall into our first quarrels, etc. One of the most important steps for me personally was the beginning of cohabitation, but with it all those things from before disappeared. I feel love and concern, there is also tenderness, but the diversity has disappeared, and it is extremely important, and we are just entering the third year together. It is clear that in the beginning of relationships sex is almost everything, too often, in different places, oversaturation and then lull. Some comment in other topics that one gets tired of the other. If you love very much, you would hardly get bored to that extent. your desire for intimacy, but when does it happen too often? It feels awful to fall asleep unwanted. To be a man or a woman in the prime of her life, without being noticed as such. The sexual act itself is not as important as knowing that they want you to be attractive. I try to approach with understanding, if the other is tired, there are worries, but there has been fatigue before, but everything else was ok. There are no third party interventions, we have not reached infidelity, the reasons here are different. I also consider it my mistake, that so far due to lack of experience obviously (since this is my first serious relationship) I have not been the initiator first for intimacy, as if I am more passive. To have a conversation with him on the subject seems pointless to me, to ask for intimacy would be a humiliation when it does not always come freely. My question is to women and men. How do you overcome these disruptions between you? How long can a person last like this? Does the difference in age have such a strong effect over time. (with us for almost 10 years.) Does our daily life consume us too much, why do we become so lazy in our relationships? We seem to love each other, but we take ourselves for granted and do not bother to fight for the other every day. People with long-term relationships, how do you keep the spark from each other? Please for serious comments.
Answers 8
Love is not (self) feeling. Love is action. And when two people (because a relationship needs two!) Are sufficiently aware and open to change, to development and to be happy together - happiness is achievable. Share with your husband what weighs on you. Tell him which of his (non) actions make them angry (harass, hurt) and together draw a plan of action. Let him share if there is anything that prevents him from feeling complete in your relationship. Good, honest communication is the first step to solving problems. Conscious action towards the good of the relationship is the second step. After all, you are equal partners; people who work together and in a team to succeed and enjoy it together as a couple. Be together in trouble. :) Every (longtime) couple suffers from low points. It's up to you how you get through them, whether you gather strength or stay afloat. If there is a desire for "togetherness" and for a successful completion - a way will also be found. There is a lot of literature on the subject on the Internet, and there are also family counselors who, for a small fee, can slap one shoulder and be useful. As I said at the beginning - love is an action. :)
Hi, unfortunately this is not the first, it will not be the last such topic here. I personally wrote about it too. I am irritated by his passivity and the fact that I keep pushing things. But I will give you some practical advice on how I maintain our relationship and I still hope that he will start burning on his own. Intimacy between two people is not just sex, your whole life is like a dance you dance together. These are gentle touches, looks, hints, messages, etc. Provoke him to expect, to think about you and your personal time. For example, I told him that the taste of his semen is great when he ate strawberries and I love after dinner when he is concreting in front of the computer and a boring evening is coming, to bring him a bowl of strawberries, to lick his ear and tell him to eat well while I put the children to sleep. He grins broadly and by the time he returned he had taken a shower. I also know that he loves my taste when I eat mango or pineapple and I like to eat it in front of him slowly without stopping to look at it, wrapping my tongue around the fruit and closing my eyes. He always reacts to that. Do not allow sex to be only in bed with the lamp off in a spoon position. Ask for it elsewhere in the apartment. Hug him, kiss him, whisper to him that you want him, take his hand, show him where and how, he will know how to continue. Tell him you had a dream and tell him something erotic, be a little bolder, this is your husband, there is nothing shameful. I like to run my fingers through his as he grips a gear lever while driving in the car and say that I love these two fingers very much and I want them wet and warm just for me. He smiles contentedly and licks. Or jokingly, with a slight sigh and an undisguised pretense as I load the sink (when the children are already asleep), I say that I have bent over this sink so many times, and there is no one to come and grab me by the waist and put me on the counter. died ... then I take off my underwear under my skirt, throw it in the washing machine and ask if there are any suggestions for me or if he will wait for me to take a shower. I almost always get it on the kitchen counter, and after a shower I can have a second round. Touches are very important. They are our men and we must take care of them. It is good to massage him at least once a week, preferably twice. Of course, there are books on Thai or tantric massages, which one hundred percent guarantee you sex after you mistreat his naked body. He even downloaded a recipe from the net for an aphrodisiac massage oil. Massages in the area of the coccyx to the buttocks are especially exciting. It's great if you're naked while doing it and while gently touching his back, pressing your clit around his waist ... so you can end up like the start of the evening, and he will certainly want to turn his back after that. Most of the massage oils are a great lubricant and can be even more naughty in the evening. From a sex shop, get a massage oil candle with hot wax dripping directly from it on the skin, it's great. Diversify the poses, a little more intense as a feeling for you. For example, one leg on his shoulder and the other stretched between his, so it is very intense. If you train a little to be able to stand on a bridge, you will be very fascinated by their penetrations and intensity. Be sensual, tender, show that you like him, that you need him, writhe under his arms, let him have fun, that it works for you. If you want him to be rude to you, and you're ashamed to say to yourself, say it in other words, moan while he's inside you, that you want him madly, that you want him insistent, ruthless, possessing you, all just for him - will freak out I assure you! Try with your hands tied, folded over your head and have full access to your body. And don't forget that you have to demonstrate what he's doing to you, otherwise he won't know he's on the right track. Kiss more, irritate him. Hang out with him, tell him that you've been thinking about him all day, that your whole vagina is numb with tension and you're terribly distracted and you need him to possess you now and immediately. Oh, I can write all day, but I'd better stop, it'll be boring to read. Aaaaa and don't forget - buy a vaginal trainer, by training a little, you will become much more sensitive, you will like it more, and on him. I stop. Let me know if my tips help you.
Not being active sometimes leads to the situation you are in at the moment. And everyone shouts: well, our sex is ok ... yes, but many times he just thinks so. Exactly the reasons are in this delusion and maybe your passivity. In the beginning, when you were more in love, it wasn't that important, not so much about its frequency, but exactly what and how you do it. Just then you enjoyed even the touch between you. However, now that the original feelings are gone and sex is not as it should be, the man begins to like it and when this or that does not happen, he starts wanting you less and less. In general, he says to himself: eee, such sex again. Now, the problem may not be this, I'm telling you how I felt and why I wanted the woman next to me less and less. Have you ever been active. Just like your husband is lying down, start stroking him, to give him a nice blowjob - whore, passionate, dirty. I'M SPEAKING SERIOUSLY. Men love this, in fact most of the blowjob and similar activity in women is half their sex. The other thing is, we men like to fuck the way you watch it in porn movies. How it starts, what after what, how it ends, where it ends and so on. I do not mean, for example, anal sex. And let's say you start with a nice blowjob, while caressing, then he gives you a strong tongue, then you fuck in whatever poses you like and finally you finish it again with a blowjob. When a man has a higher libido and is more temperamental, if things are not as I describe them, the result is quite often as you indicated. I do not want to be vulgar, but I am convinced that women do not know men's desires and live in the delusion that sex is ok. Not ok. If things happen the way I described and he still doesn't want to have sex with you, then the problem is different. However, if you don't do what I say, try it. You will be his princess the next morning. Trust me!
Put on sexy lingerie and walk in front of it, involuntarily. Go home with short skirts and deep necklines. Go on vacation at the weekend, to the spa, etc. In general, make an effort if you want to feel wanted. Do not walk uncombed in front of him, unwashed or in a tracksuit. But sooner or later the relationship settles down. Moreover, it is bigger. Rather, think about what future you want to have with this person. And there is always a risk when you live with someone without starting a family. He has you without effort, and without making any commitment to you. Think about this.
I am 40, we have sex 3-4 times a week, of course there have been cases of 4-5 days not to do or 3 consecutive days every day. It is still relative. But I see my friends, the main mistake for years sleeping is the child, in the living room in front of the TV .... and so things pile up. The child usually, like less cuddling, reading a book but then in the other room, the child needs his own space, as I do. We may not have sex, but cuddling, stroking him, kissing him. We are constantly challenged. I can't understand how you live with one person and there is no physical connection, this is one of the most important things in a family. It is clear that we all have problems, but sex will only help you relax and reduce stress. Age, unless it is very advanced, is not an obstacle for tenderness and showing love, but at 25-35 you should be in a whirlwind.
Number 4, with this sexy lingerie you're killing me straight. Seeing advice on sexy lingerie makes me laugh. How do you think you're going to affect someone you're staring at with it, as if they don't know what's underneath. Author, that's right. It is impossible for two people to remain equally sexual over the years and to desire each other equally. It's not your fault, no one is to blame. This is life, either you reconcile or you look for another person. It all depends on what is more important to you - sex or the person next to you. For example, I'm much sexier than my wife, I've wanted it all the time for 15 years, and at one point I was dumbfounded for humiliating myself until I realized she wasn't doing it on purpose, she just didn't need that much sex. But she always gives it to me because she loves me and knows that this is important to me, and if she doesn't give it to me, someone else will give it to me. And in the beginning it was like you say she wanted it, as much as I do. When two people value each other, there is always a way. Another question is if he doesn't respect you and doesn't give you when you want. Then there is no salvation.
Author, a little self-initiative will take you to some wonderful places. Your problem is contained in this quote - I was not the first to initiate intimacy, as if I was more passive. To have a conversation with him on the subject seems pointless to me, to ask for intimacy would be a humiliation when it does not always come freely -. First, having a conversation is extremely important, not only for bed gymnastics, but also for the development of your relationship. This begging for intimacy threw me straight into the orchestra, and about the humiliation, I don't know how you can think that. Number 2, she gave you guidelines, read her post several times, it will be useful to you, do not copy her methods, adjust the meaning to your reality. You have to break your thinking, in a relationship, for things to work, you have to make an effort on both sides. You may not like this, but .... Quote "Why do we become so lazy in our relationships. We seem to love each other, but we take ourselves for granted and do not bother to fight for the other every day. Quote 2" I was not the first to initiate intimacy, as if I were the more passive "Do you see any contradictions between your desires and reality. It is not right to demand something from your partner without wanting to respond with the same. Ask yourself if your man thought that every time he caressed you, he asked for intimacy, every time he wanted you, he was humiliated, how things would turn out. Quote 3 "Being a man or a woman in her prime and not being noticed as such. The sexual act itself is not as important as knowing that they want you to be attractive" I tell you from personal experience, about I don't have such a deadly experience, from
Author: Thank you for taking the time to comment, what I read will be useful to me. As I mentioned, I lack experience, I miss being more relaxed, I haven't been with other men, and there's some "barrier" in me that still doesn't allow me to relax completely, to be a leader, and there's one slight worry - how will you look in the eyes of the other. (Yes, he is my husband, but still ..) On the other hand, as you know, two are needed for a problem. No matter how enterprising you are, when the other person doesn't really care, you start to withdraw, you lose the desire to do the things from the above tips. We have no problems with hygiene, etc., and I often don't think it's a good idea to walk around in sexy lingerie. Even if the man has seen everything about me, I think to make it more interesting to him, not everything should be on display always, the clothes can be something sexy, but not necessarily lingerie, these men have already seen naked buttocks and breasts everywhere. So I will try to correct my behavior. I look forward to other comments about your links and how you handled the issue from my topic.