Hello. Growing up today without a parent is so common that it's banal. Unfortunately, over the years, I did not pay attention to this topic at all, because I did not want to attach importance to it. I thought that this did not affect me and that I did not suffer for my father, whom I had never seen or known. The man who never wanted me and even advised my mother to have an abortion. From adolescence (I am now 25 years old) there was an aggression towards others and myself (self-harm, self-punishment), depression, involvement in inappropriate companies, painful relationships, situations (several times they would distract me). I tried drugs (thank God I just tried), drank alcohol, smoked cigarettes. Every loss of a friend or boyfriend, every rejection drove me to hate myself. This is still the case today. I fall into self-criticism and accusations, that I am useless, that I have not been wanted in this world since I was born. I immediately start thinking it's best to commit suicide. I experience every failure as if I am useless. I am young and I want to move forward. I'm tired of these states, I'm tired of hating myself, I'm looking for a way to get rid of that feeling of being insignificant. I am already married and these dramas of mine bother me terribly, I want my child to have a healthy and strong mother, not a wreck. I really don't know where to go. I would be happy if someone who has been through something like this and shared their experience gets involved. Or advice on how to overcome this. I'm tired of these states, I'm tired of hating myself, I'm looking for a way to get rid of that feeling of being insignificant. I am already married and these dramas of mine bother me terribly, I want my child to have a healthy and strong mother, not a wreck. I really don't know where to go. I would be happy if someone who has been through something like this and shared their experience gets involved. Or advice on how to overcome this. I'm tired of these states, I'm tired of hating myself, I'm looking for a way to get rid of that feeling of being insignificant. I am already married and these dramas of mine bother me terribly, I want my child to have a healthy and strong mother, not a wreck. I really don't know where to go. I would be happy if someone who has been through something like this and shared their experience gets involved. Or advice on how to overcome this.
Answers 12
I grew up without a father. He left us before I started fifth grade, but I didn't feel close to him before. I'm a little younger than you, I would leave you contacts, but they will hardly publish them here. Ashamed of "his father", for me he is just a name written on a piece of paper. I personally do not fight my permanent depression, I use it to immerse myself in something I like - poetry. I write quite often myself, just like that.
Love. We all long to receive and give love. God is said to be: God is love and love is God. Go to a Protestant church.
Keep in mind that single mothers always strive to blame the missing father for their separation and everything else. In many cases, the mother is the initiator of the separation, but claims the opposite. And in your case, it's no wonder that your father didn't talk about any abortion, but it's still convenient to present it to you like that - to think of your mother as innocence. If you can find him, hear his point of view first hand. And if something he tells you sounds too impossible and incompatible with what you know, think about whether it's not true. In the end, you just realize that your mother has messed up your life.
I didn't go through exactly that, but I had a period when I was and I felt like a wreck. I will not explain the reasons, I can only say that they were very difficult years and it seemed easier for me to hate myself than to look around and continue with new strength. The solution is as simple as it sounds. Let go of the past. Surely you've been told this before, it may even seem trite, but you have no other option. You can easily look back all your life, think about all the missed moments, about the lack of fatherly love, about your stupid decisions, but that would not go far. Get up, go down the hall, look behind you, and walk the entire length to the other side. You will not feel safe, you will not see in front of you, you may stumble or crash into something. Metaphorically, you are doing the same with your life right now. That's why you feel bad, you don't look in front of you, it's dangerous. In order to stop being a wreck, I say from experience, you need to stop destroying yourself. You are married, you are talking about a child. Be the person you want to be your child's support and advisor. He will grow up differently, you can save him your mistakes, teach him to be better than you. Your child will have a father, he will also have a mother, because you are alive, healthy and you have coped with all the difficulties so far. I will not lie to you, it is not easy. Life is a mess, people get confused, we make mistakes and sometimes we sincerely regret it. Everyone needs an incentive. Fortunately, your stimulus can be the present - a man next to you, a roof over your head, a bad past, a child, various skills, knowledge and life lessons learned. You're fine now, it's over. Even if you think you're made of glass, it's not, you have endured in time and changed. You are no longer a confused 14-year-old, you are no longer a frightened 5-year-old, you are not a little girl who needs a father. You're big, you've done without a father, and it could be for the better. Browse different topics in the Teen and Family section. I recently read a few about girls whose fathers were bad with them. Well, you had a mother who was brave for two, gave birth to you and raised you alone. Don't look at everything you miss or have ever missed. You have a family, your husband has parents and other relatives, you also have relatives. You will give birth to a healthy baby, or you have already given birth to it. It will cry, the doctors will give it to you while it is still dirty, you will look at it and life will acquire a new meaning - the future. Remember this moment, it will keep you warm every cold night. Gone are the days when they could have built you, now it's your turn to build. You can stay stuck in missing memories or take a sour lemon and make a sweet lemonade.
Once you have a child, you should not commit suicide at all, because it is much worse for a child to grow up without a mother than without a father.
Sorry, there is no way to compensate. And I'm a child with a missing father and I suffer from what you describe, and I'm 10 years older than you ... So when you have children, choose a little with which man ... For tango, you want two, you know. The father doesn't just pop up, the wife chooses him ...
As long as you continue to want to feel constantly wanted, you will be unhappy. It is simply impossible for a person to constantly feel happy and loved, he will always feel angry, nervous and all other emotions. Human life is like the climate has spring and summer and autumn and winter, there are both sunny and windy days and rainy. You are already 25 and married, it is time to realize that the things you think about your creation are illogical and to find the truth about yourself, if necessary, find your father and talk to him. In fact, you are not unwanted, if your mother presents it to you in this way, and if what he said is true, then your father did not want any baby at that time, not exactly you, he did not want a family with your mother. I hope you understand that if things were like that, then your mother just had sex with a man who did not have serious intentions for her but only wanted sex, did not give up on you and did not want a baby from a woman like your mother, you know No baby, his refusal is not aimed at you. The reality is that at the time before you were born, your mother was unwanted, not you. Also, most of the things you have experienced are normal for a teenager raised by a woman with a labile psyche, a mother who does not know how to raise a child and all the time has used the child as a trash can. She was not wanted as a wife and wife, instilling in the child that he was not wanted. Aggression, self-harm, self-punishment, depression, involvement in inappropriate companies, painful relationships, drugs, alcohol, cigarettes all this makes a confused young man looking for himself. Your problem was not that you were raised by a parent, but that you were raised by a parent who trampled on your psyche.
This is a trauma that is never forgotten ... At least try to protect your child from it! Hold on to your husband. Ask him for help if you can't handle your psychological state on your own. Be careful not to show off and move forward together. By the way, a child is not good to grow alone, give birth to a brother or sister.
Your father is not to blame for what you want to do with your life. I lost my father at the age of 15. He is alive and well with another woman and an 18-year-old daughter. I only blamed him for not being by my side in difficult times. I started working when I was 16 years old. While my friends toured bars, pubs, resorts, I worked. Now I am firmly on the ground and I know what to eat when flying. I could study. I would have had a nice car, etc., but that's how the man decided. I have set my own goals and their development. No one is to blame for me being a person. The only goal you could set for yourself was to keep your family whole.
Try to use these feelings as motivation to develop. I have been without a father since I was 3 years old. I have a second father from the age of 8, and I have not heard anything from him other than insults until the age of 20. My father called me from time to time and every time he told me that he was waiting to fail to see that I was not perfect and so on. Etc. I was so angry with both of them that at 16 I had a business plan. At 19 your business. I graduated two degrees. I have been an employer for 15 years, I have a family and 3 children. And my two fathers are worried about who will come to visit me, because now I have their respect and admiration. It's all a matter of character. Show character! With or without a father, your life is yours and control over it is only in your hands! Set goals, write them down, see what steps you need to take to achieve them and act! You have a reason to tighten up and she is your child. Don't care at all about your father and whether he wanted you. He didn't want a child, not you! You are an independent person who can be self-motivated and you do not need someone else's approval or a positive assessment. Tighten up, stop the depressions, be happy with what you have. You have a lot when you have a home, a husband and a child. Many people dream about it. You put a smile on your face and proudly move forward. Be one of those people who make difficulties stronger, not one who is crippled by difficulties! I send you a lot of strength, once you write here, then you are ready to change your life! F34 once you have a home, a husband and a child. Many people dream about it. You put a smile on your face and proudly move forward. Be one of those people who make difficulties stronger, not one who is crippled by difficulties! I send you a lot of strength, once you write here, then you are ready to change your life! F34 once you have a home, a husband and a child. Many people dream about it. You put a smile on your face and proudly move forward. Be one of those people who make difficulties stronger, not one who is crippled by difficulties! I send you a lot of strength, once you write here, then you are ready to change your life! F34
I can't understand why you don't understand that the problem is not in you, but in your parents. The fact that someone did not want to take responsibility for the consequences of sex / your father /, and the other did not think about how to protect himself or hoped to manipulate his partner / your mother /, is not your problem and fault. Come on, be honest with yourself - isn't this a convenient way for you to excuse yourself for not being very active or to justify your more irresponsible behavior? I know people who have had turbulent teen years and emotional instability, but have grown up in a family with two parents. The truth is one - stop counting how much love you have received and from whom and count how much YOU give and how you show it. And don't think that people with two parents are accepted by everyone, you see, and that everyone likes them and that they are not rejected by someone's malicious behavior, or that they are always liked 100 percent. The important thing is whether you love and like yourself, and if not, do so - remove the nasty traits that make you hate yourself, make the necessary changes. Valid for everyone, no matter with 1 or 2 parents. You are a separate soul with a separate path.
Darling, it's not your fault! I also grew up without my father, I never lived with him, so I fully understand you. I've had similar situations in puberty and all sorts of filmmaking and depression ... I really don't know what advice to give you, because I'm also a total wreck in a nasty period of my life, but I don't have children ... I hope your husband is a decent person and to respect and love you. Give love to your child, talk to him / her, share your experience and the bad things in your life, just talk to him / her and be close to him / her. And for people like your father (and my father and many other such "fathers"), they don't even deserve to spit in their face! Poor resemblances to "men"!