My girlfriend and I have been dating for 3 years, I will drive briefly ... The whole family during this time, tried in every way to separate us, constant intrigue, false rumors, obstruction, false rumors, brainwashing and so on. They managed to separate us because she allowed them, because she has no character and cannot resist a position, and she is a slave to their opinion and she is almost 20 years old. Constant reports, constant phone calls, where you are, who you are with, what you are there for, when you will pick yourself up and so on. When we lived together we were very close but they took her home because she listens to them about everything even if she knows it's not right. They use her as a doormat, to do everything for them, to be with them everywhere, whatever they order her to do. And now he's even lying to them that he's with the one where he left when we broke up to see each other ... They're super ungrateful bastards, and they only hurt and she knows it but she doesn't want to oppose them and she allows them to crush her and they make her decisions. And we are constantly fighting over them, as before all our scandals were from them. She doesn't want to impose boundaries on them and withdraw once and for all, I make her separate completely to live together again and she is afraid of what they will think, what they will say, what they will do ... And she can't understand that no matter what they do and no matter what she says, if she doesn't let them, nothing can happen and they can't separate us. She does not dare to tell them that we are together, she would lie to them until she considers that the time has come, and this is a stalemate and there will be no change, I do not know why these vain hopes. I have a job, she is now starting university, I have an apartment, a house ... Please help me, I have tried everything for years and I can't tighten it ..
Answers 7
Mine was the same. Only it's already 30. Run. You will not change it.
What reasons do her relatives point out against you? Have you contributed anything to the current situation? I see you call them "bastards." Do you insult them in front of her? Is there something you're not telling us? There must be a specific reason why they don't like you. Try to address it and correct it if possible. It is also a good idea to try to talk to them and possibly apologize to them in case you have offended them. It is extremely unfair to try to separate your girlfriend from her family, it is not healthy for her. If you think that the blame is entirely on them and they are not inclined to dialogue, it is wiser to find a girl who respects you more.
The reasons were completely irrelevant and unrealistic, rather in order to confuse her and make her think so. They kept saying that she was obsessed with me, that she only saw me, that she shouldn't be with me all the time, we would get bored, and this was not the case at all, we never got bored even if we were together for 3 years. . We have always done all things and it works together with fun and love. They started fooling her that I was pulling her down, that she wouldn't be able to study with me, and on the contrary, I always made her concentrate only on that while I was doing everything else and her housework and I wasn't bothering her. no way, I sat with her to study where I was not like that in a teacher, but I worked all the time. When I took her to work with me in one of the hardest things I talk about agriculture, I taught her many things that very few people already know, because it is a shame for them not to get dirty and not to break their manicures ... He took his money with sweat on her forehead and I was proud of her, that she is not like all the other muffins, and they started to make fun of her that she fell low, it would be a shame if she could become a peasant ... And they don't even think that if it weren't for the peasants who most of them work from morning till night they will have nothing to put on the table. And when we always brought them kilograms of vegetables and fruits, they cracked. And I didn't insult them in any way, I even bought them food for home, drinks, expensive gifts, I brought them all kinds of eggs without taking a penny from them. Not to mention how much work I did for them in the apartments and in the cars and in their village how much wood I chopped for them ... and then I was like a drop only good things were said .. In the beginning only nonsense then when I started with these things I became very good and then when they caught my eye because it was obvious for miles that only intrigues revolve and they try to scold us, I cut them off and they started even more. While she is with them and the commander, nothing good is waiting for us, and I want to separate so that we can deal with everything on our own and not for her to be dependent on them and for them to control her and make her decisions and use her for we have less and less time left and we were used to living together and arranging and buying everything from dishes to repairs to do together and see in the future what and how to do.
Well, is she financially or otherwise dependent on her parents? When you share such problems with a mature person, he waves his hand and says that no one can tilt his hat, but when you tell a young man who still feels stupid, dependent and incompetent, things are different. You shared that your girlfriend is almost 20 years old and I will tell you that at her age and I found it difficult to oppose my parents. It's not very smart, but then I was still a child, I didn't know where half of the institutions were, and I watched like a calf on a train when I had to go to a bank and do something. At the time, the thought of being addicted to them seemed more appropriate than being addicted to a man, and I thought I would sink like the Titanic on my own. I was not okay, I was young and green. I trusted my parents more, than to myself. I don't like to admit these things, but when you work part-time or don't work at all and someone else pays you for the semesters, your confidence just hits rock bottom. No one is to blame for these things, nor is anyone to blame for your girlfriend, I'm just explaining the point of view of fear. I shook myself quickly, other people can't learn all their lives that they are independent individuals and everything depends only on them. In order to make her think and eventually become more independent in her decisions, you must first understand what provokes her attachment, what worries her and in general, what are the reasons for her behavior. Ask her who she lives for. Ask her what she wants from her life and what she would do if no one gave her ideas. Ask her if she really wants you to hide, or if she prefers things to be normal between you. Ask her if she's worth it for fear of missing out on living the way she wants to. Her answers will either show you that she is not your man, or they will make her realize and take control of her life.
Brother, tear like a sticky wound. There are no fixes. As number 1 told you ... there are no years and no maturity to change it. I had exactly the same story as in Limbo. In old age you will hide like a 12 year old, the phone will ring and she will run away, and you will just wonder what is happening. And when he starts not wanting to see you, for some reason, he will point out the problems with his parents again. One hundred percent when you are together he is inspired to make changes and make definite decisions, and when he comes home he softens for a second and says "Yes, mom, yes dad" .. these are uncharacteristic people ... there are no fixes there. Brother.
Maybe it mostly comes from the fact that her father is a lowly Arab and harassed her too much, beat her, locked her in, tried to stab her, made fun of her and she constantly lies to him about everything. He didn't even know that 1 year. she lives with me because he is separated from her mother, countless loans and debts. And whatever he says he does, he can't refuse for anything, as he calls and jumps and stiffens and lifts and explains himself. He is right at 2 cents, and she closes her eyes. If you are where you are in 2 minutes, you will do that ... I have been talking for a long time and she speaks one thing and does something completely different. Just to fix everything we have to move to live independently together and she is still waiting for approval and to please someone that will never happen, and does not realize that she has years to do what she wants, even the law allows it.
One day, when / if you become more mature and sensible, you will realize how valuable the time you lost in a hopeless relationship is and you will regret, not for this girl, but for your own youth. The most valuable thing we have is time. And it's up to us to waste it on people who don't deserve it.