There is a mess in my head, firstly because of the many situations that have arisen, secondly because of motherhood, which tires me, and it is difficult for me to put them in order. I will try to be shorter and write something that makes sense. My husband and I are 31 years old. We have an 8 month old baby. The baby is wonderful - a very good, smiling, non-whining, wonderful child. The only downside is the fact that I don't sleep well, because since my teeth started to erupt, it can't sleep and wakes up on average every 2 hours at night. Abe, I get up about 3-4 times at least in one night. It's good that it's breast milk, so she sucks and falls asleep. The problem is that my husband is very negative. He sat down with a glass of beer every night, but after the baby was born and it became harder, he drank 2 liters a night, and sometimes mixed with vodka, whiskey. When we went to the supermarket he always took a bottle of vodka and shyly said "it's on promotion, I can't help but take it". It got to the point that he started to rage a little - he was arguing with me, he was ironic, in the evening he was slowing down the baby's bathroom so that he could drink, and he was crying wearily and looking for her. He never hit me, but I could see him clenching his jaw. I could only share with my mother, but she worried about me and my father and I had a conversation and he stopped drinking. He hasn't drunk in a month, but he's been damn depressed. As he drank, he became cheerful. He is constantly gloomy, grumpy. He doesn't want us to take the child out with the stroller, he wants to open the blinds and lie at home. If we go out, he wants to be in a deserted park, where there is a greater chance that we will be robbed than to walk normally. This morning, after no sleep, I got up at 8 o'clock. and I started the usual - to make a mess for the baby, to wash it, to give him the drops, to change his clothes, to cuddle, and he became super sullen and looked bad. I became so dumb that I told him to rest and that we would go out alone. He began to pick on what it was like for me to go out. I explained that the baby wanted and was looking for a walk and he said "me, I want a lot of things too, but no". We went out, but it rained and we went home and he got dressed and went out. Now I put the baby to sleep because it's time, he's always asleep at this hour, so I can take the time to share here. I try very hard, last night I left the baby in the walker, and he just watched him and teased him from time to time, it was super annoying for me to be able to make potato meatballs. In the end, he argued with me about why I cooked the dumb meatballs, I sat on the stove for 2 hours ... so. In the morning if he does not drink coffee he is nervous. It is constantly stuck on the phone.
Even when he holds the child, he lets the child go and reads news and various things about the car. In the evening, when we fall asleep, the baby lies down and stares at the phone until he falls asleep. He refuses food. Yesterday he ate for the last time at 2 p.m. and in the evening not even dinner. My baby and I ate on our own ... He refuses to go anywhere. A vacation at the sea or in the Balkans would be a plague with a child, if on the walk the child grumbles something and starts to get nervous and nagging and scolds me "calm the baby, you are his mother, not me" ... It helps me a lot, I often shop alone , washes dishes often, but everything else is for me - from cooking, vacuum cleaner, wet rag, washing machine, to everything about the baby, sometimes because I'm afraid it will get nervous at the very least, I even grab myself and go to the supermarket with the baby, and as the shopkeeper carried on the stairs and bags and baby, but I'm not saying that. I love my child and I wanted him so much. I haven't given a penny since I was born. Not that I don't need clothes or anything, but I'm looking for it first. Always be fed and clean and dressed. This Sunday we are alone and he is drinking coffee. Last Sunday he was angry again and went out to wash his car and drink coffee, I was walking the baby alone. I felt very bad when I saw mothers and fathers with babies in the park, smiling, not grumbling ... He had a bad mother, at least according to him.
She didn't watch him much, she was always on vacation and even to this day she ironizes and crushes him, she even tried to transfer a loan to us. His relatives had lured him with small loans that he had to repay, lies, fraud ... he did not believe in the family, he even often turned against my relatives. I know it must be hard for him, I try to cheer him up anyway, I ask him how he is, I suggest we do things he loves. It doesn't work. He constantly complains and spits on people when he goes out on the street. One angered him for not giving a turn signal on the road, another for talking loudly on the phone, a third for laughing and having fun, another for being dressed like a peasant ... like that. Someone is always bothering him. In the supermarket that it was crowded, I had to go out with me quickly. And I shop fast in general. I gave birth, they cut me, sewed me, then I couldn't take steps, but I tightened up and didn't say anything, in the meantime I watched a baby and didn't sleep at all and I still find strength, and he complains constantly. He denies that he does not want the baby. But he is very unstable, very non-combatant. I'm different, I won't give blood to pee, but how can I help him to be stronger and not susceptible to irritants? I want us to be a nice family. I suggest we do things we love about him. It doesn't work. He constantly complains and spits on people when he goes out on the street. One angered him for not giving a turn signal on the road, another for talking loudly on the phone, a third for laughing and having fun, another for being dressed like a peasant ... like that. Someone is always bothering him. In the supermarket that it was crowded, I had to go out with me quickly. And I shop fast in general.
I gave birth, they cut me, sewed me, then I couldn't take steps, but I tightened up and didn't say anything, in the meantime I watched a baby and didn't sleep at all and I still find strength, and he complains constantly. He denies that he does not want the baby. But he is very unstable, very non-combatant. I'm different, I won't give blood to pee, but how can I help him to be stronger and not susceptible to irritants? I want us to be a nice family. I suggest we do things we love about him. It doesn't work. He constantly complains and spits on people when he goes out on the street. One angered him for not giving a turn signal on the road, another for talking loudly on the phone, a third for laughing and having fun, another for being dressed like a peasant ... like that. Someone is always bothering him. In the supermarket that it was crowded, I had to go out with me quickly. And I shop fast in general. I gave birth, they cut me, sewed me, then I couldn't take steps, but I tightened up and didn't say anything, in the meantime I watched a baby and didn't sleep at all and I still find strength, and he complains constantly. He denies that he does not want the baby. But he is very unstable, very non-combatant. I'm different, I won't give blood to pee, but how can I help him to be stronger and not susceptible to irritants? I want us to be a nice family. He constantly complains and spits on people when he goes out on the street. One angered him for not giving a turn signal on the road, another for talking loudly on the phone, a third for laughing and having fun, another for being dressed like a peasant ... like that.
Someone is always bothering him. In the supermarket that it was crowded, I had to go out with me quickly. And I shop fast in general. I gave birth, they cut me, sewed me, then I couldn't take steps, but I tightened up and didn't say anything, in the meantime I watched a baby and didn't sleep at all and I still find strength, and he complains constantly. He denies that he does not want the baby. But he is very unstable, very non-combatant. I'm different, I won't give blood to pee, but how can I help him to be stronger and not susceptible to irritants? I want us to be a nice family. He constantly complains and spits on people when he goes out on the street. One angered him for not giving a turn signal on the road, another for talking loudly on the phone, a third for laughing and having fun, another for being dressed like a peasant ... like that. Someone is always bothering him. In the supermarket that it was crowded, I had to go out with me quickly. And I shop fast in general. I gave birth, they cut me, sewed me, then I couldn't take steps, but I tightened up and didn't say anything, in the meantime I watched a baby and didn't sleep at all and I still find strength, and he complains constantly. He denies that he does not want the baby. But he is very unstable, very non-combatant. I'm different, I won't give blood to pee, but how can I help him to be stronger and not susceptible to irritants? I want us to be a nice family. a third that he laughed and had fun, another that he was dressed like a peasant ... like that. Someone is always bothering him. In the supermarket that it was crowded, I had to go out with me quickly. And I shop fast in general. I gave birth, they cut me, sewed me, then I couldn't take steps, but I tightened up and didn't say anything, in the meantime I watched a baby and didn't sleep at all and I still find strength, and he complains constantly.
He denies that he does not want the baby. But he is very unstable, very non-combatant. I'm different, I won't give blood to pee, but how can I help him to be stronger and not susceptible to irritants? I want us to be a nice family. a third that he laughed and had fun, another that he was dressed like a peasant ... like that. Someone is always bothering him. In the supermarket that it was crowded, I had to go out with me quickly. And I shop fast in general. I gave birth, they cut me, sewed me, then I couldn't take steps, but I tightened up and didn't say anything, in the meantime I watched a baby and didn't sleep at all and I still find strength, and he complains constantly. He denies that he does not want the baby. But he is very unstable, very non-combatant. I am another, I will not give blood to pee, but how can I help him to be stronger and not susceptible to irritants? I want us to be a nice family. but I tightened up and didn't say anything, meanwhile I was looking at a baby and I didn't sleep at all and I still find strength, and he complains constantly. He denies that he does not want the baby. But he is very unstable, very non-combatant. I'm different, I won't give blood to pee, but how can I help him to be stronger and not susceptible to irritants? I want us to be a nice family. but I tightened up and didn't say anything, meanwhile I was looking at a baby and I didn't sleep at all and I still find strength, and he complains constantly. He denies that he does not want the baby. But he is very unstable, very non-combatant. I'm different, I won't give blood to pee, but how can I help him to be stronger and not susceptible to irritants? I want us to be a nice family.
Answers 16
Opinion of Dirty Daddy, specialist: I read your post carefully - I think you have the following situation: The appearance of a child can completely change a relationship - before the child your daily life was determined by other factors, now the whole world revolves around the child. Not all men like such a change, obviously your husband has something like that. An example of a holiday - well, going somewhere with a small child is definitely not a pleasure for a man. He wants to have fun, to do something interesting for him, he wants sex, he wants a lot of things. The small child with you certainly does not allow such freedom of choice of activities and places many restrictions. This is true, of course, in everyday life, not just on vacation. This is one side ... there is another: Your husband is slowly but surely beginning to realize what happened: while until yesterday you were there for him, now you are there for the child. You devote all your attention and time to the child ... the man remains in the background. He gradually realized what Freud had long written: The goal of every woman is pregnancy, the man is only the means to it. Put yourself in the place of the man now in a similar situation - until yesterday, for example, you both worked, there was no child to distract the woman, what they both want - they do. And suddenly everything changes - the woman stops working, begins to devote 95% of time and energy to the baby, the man stays aside and feels that the entire financial burden of the family weighs on his shoulders for many years to come. Some people can consider all these consequences in advance and decide for themselves whether they want to cause this and whether they will cope with the situation. Most, unfortunately, don't think about it until it happens to them - but then it's too late. I have personally decided that I do not want such a thing and I have not had children. But to each his own .... Unfortunately I can not give you universally working advice ... maybe if from time to time you organize something just for the two of you, and leave the child with a grandmother ... Think about your own words "I love I wanted my child so much ... "- in fact it is always like that, the woman wants a child ... you got what you wanted ... and he?
He is not happy with his life. I don't see what you can do, even in the future it could be worse. Family life is difficult, most men do not care about their children.
I did not understand is he unemployed?
You will never be happy with this person if you are not treated. And he will not be treated. You are wasting your life and it will not get better, it will get worse. In the end, in addition to being unhappy, your child will accuse you of staying and living in such a bad and negative environment. Now is the time to leave and start building your life without looking back. You are human, you are not a robot! And if you take down the mountains, he will still be dissatisfied! And he will want more and more! And will give less and less. Just because it passes. Choose the path - to suffer now, but to know that you and your child will have a life without mental harassment to stay and fuck your head all your life ...
My husband is almost the same. Pessimistic, sullen, always angry about something and grumbling. How many times have I been on the verge of leaving. It is not good, but it suffers from a herniated disc and when it is in crisis it sobers up. Then they apologize, he becomes kind, kind, appreciates and speaks some emotional stories. He promises everything, he gets into your situation, but he's in bed, in a crisis, and then he's different. At such a moment, I asked him why he was behaving in such a nasty way, and the answer was that he was worried about everything, whether he would be able to deal with everything related to family and parenthood. Apparently, men are also very stressed, everything that happens, and since they are people with their own, albeit hidden emotions and fears, do not talk about what worries them and become gloomy, grumbling and eternally dissatisfied. That is, they make it to their loved ones. Stress kills somewhere. We are a little better now, because after his last crisis in January, he had gone to his mother and when I came back I told him that I did not miss him at all and I was very cold with him. Well, he is still grumbling, dissatisfied, grumpy and nervous, but to a lesser extent. I don't know where we're going to take him, but you need to talk to him and let him know he's hurting you. As I read various posts, I wonder if men do not suffer from postpartum depression all their lives? !! I feel for you! Don't men suffer from postpartum depression all their lives? !! I feel for you! do men not suffer from postpartum depression all their lives? !! I feel for you!
You have chosen such a man, you will live with such a man. The only way to change his attitude is if he wants to.
I have a feeling you're avoiding a serious conversation about your relationship. You are patient now, but if he continues in the same way for another 1-2-3 years, I am sure that love and patience will disappear and will pull you away from you. Talk, discuss, something is definitely bothering him, something is missing, I'm not saying that the reason is in you. If necessary, seek help so as not to deepen. Maybe it's some sadness that he didn't receive such maternal care. Sometimes the reasons are stupid or strange, but they eventually bring down the avalanche. You are strong, but how long will you tolerate a proud attitude, without even the reason being clear. Remember that the child grows and this behavior will affect him.
"It helps me a lot, I often shop alone, I wash the dishes often" - grumbling, and the stars from the sky to take off, will still grumble that they are not bigger !? A woman can't be pleased! The foreign man is always seen more capable than his own. And if this man leaves, will the author's life become easier. He stopped drinking and helped her a lot, what else does he want from the man? Does she want to turn him into a maid? Does he not have the right to privacy? Why should the two of them walk the child, can't they take turns? While one is with the child, the other can relax in personal activities.
There was a confession here, I forgot her name, but I remember the contents. It was a question of how the unmarried almost became useless, and those who did, already had families. There may be something true, but not quite. As a single person, I can tell you the following - I am happy every day of my life that I do not have a man like yours. And my smile never leaves my face. Not every woman wants to be a slave, that's what I remember. Take your child and leave, things will not get better If you don't, you will live the way you have lived so far
Just stop doing everything. It's so simple. Don't shop alone, don't throw away garbage, don't lift heavy. If you stop, your husband will start. Tried and tested. You've taken on men's responsibilities, and he ... of course, once there's someone to do everything, he may not move. Leave him room for expression. I don't understand a bit whether you're pretending to be a victim or a hero. Great pride, not to spend for yourself, not to say. Thanks, great food processor. If you wait, well done, you won't get it. If you think you're doing some miracles of courage ... no, you're just showing your husband that you don't need him, that he's useless. If you just stop pretending to be a machine and decide to pretend to be a woman, you will see how good family life can be. You will see that your husband can manage to look after the child 2, 3 hours to go to the hairdresser and coffee. They will sit at home first, then it will feel easier outside and they will start going out. The next day you will go out to run or to the gym and again you will give them 1 hour together. Then you will see how they become attached to each other, how your husband begins to appreciate your work, seeing that it is not very easy to take care of a child alone. If you take care of yourself and the people around you start taking care of yourself. If you demonstrate that you are a machine without needs and needs, others will treat you the same way. PS If you decide to start leaving them alone, keep the remarks to a minimum. No problem if the diaper is on the back, if he forgot the cream, if there are no socks. Try to create in your husband the feeling that he is doing well, because otherwise he will not be able to look at him a second time. And to know that it's weird how proud you are to advertise that you don't care about yourself, your health and your appearance, it's like waiting for applause. I hope you don't do it in front of your husband either
Your husband is one of those people who does not realize that they are not for parents, but have become. You should have judged that he is not a man who becomes a parent. And to give birth to someone who wants to be a father.
Well, in 8 months, doesn't this person understand that he has a child who makes him happy, do you have a boy or a girl?
I don't know where you are digging up these individuals ... I will almost turn on his heel, I will enslave him, I won't even say ... Isn't it God? A man to be annoyed by his own child, part of himself ... this should only be a guide to what kind of person you are dealing with. You are afraid of him, you run to please him so as not to give him a reason to be rude to you. Let me know that he will start hitting you soon, but for now, hold back ... don't be a victim.
Your husband is an alcoholic. There is a lot, but a lot to pull a girl. Both you and your child. Leave it while it's time, no matter how hard it is. It will get worse every day.
You make him feel like a bad person and no wonder he doesn't sit next to you. You don't realize what it's like to struggle with addiction. And that these people are one day well, one day they are in a hole. And they only need love to get out, not reproach and guilt about how bad their parents are, or how unstable people they are. Or as you can see, you are 10 times bigger. I think he's brutally humiliated by this with your parents. This was your family conversation, and you organized a family flogging. Does he have a man by his side or a judge? And there is no doubt that you have become a "mom". Buy a nice dress, leave the child to the grandmother and organize a weekend at the sea together. Your husband feels abandoned and jealous. He didn't have the maternal care you give the child, and it probably seems too much. And now he doesn't have his wife's care.
Dirty Daddy, I don't know what kind of specialist you are with your Freudian inventions. To put herself in his place and who will put herself in her place? Having become a father to bear his responsibilities, not to behave like a big baby. The woman will get tired of yes. looking after two babies. The man is asked for support, and ours. wondering what vodka to buy. I'm sorry darling but your husband is a real mold.