Hello! I am a man of 37 years. I have been in a relationship with a 25-year-old woman for a year, we lived together very quickly, I adore her. If I have ever had a specific dream of who the perfect woman is, she is her personification. A month ago I proposed marriage to her, she said "yes" (!!!) and a wedding is waiting for us. We are looking for a bigger home because we want to have a child / children. Basically, we've said she's always wanted 2-3, while I'm not quite sure about that, but life is ahead of us. However, the topic of children entered my mind. I already have a 7 year old child from a previous relationship. My son lives with his mother, but he comes to visit us and we go on vacation together. My fiancée gets along very well with him, takes good care of him and I am extremely pleased to watch them together. The problem is, I don't know if I won't be a bad father to him if I have another child.
The difference between them will be staggering - one will be in my house and I will see it grow every day. It is almost certain that I will be present at the first words, steps, addresses; I will take him to the doctors if he has a fever at night; I will monitor my wife's pregnancy with her, etc. All these moments were missing with my son's mother. We broke up with her before she found out she was pregnant; he hid for a very long time; then our relationship was very strained for a long time, etc. I found out that he was walking when I saw him a week and a half later. She never called me to say that the child was not feeling well - even when he was taken to hospital, I found out that he was there because I called to find out what time to go and pick him up and he told me that they were not there. at home ... All our moments together are very nice and inspiring, I love it very much, but it is present in a very small part of my life. It's almost like a friend I see for 30 days a year. Something tells me that I will be one of the parents who share their children. I don't know how to prevent it. Please help in this regard. How can I prevent the division between them? Basically, I was just thinking of buying something from one, buying something similar to the other (or at least something of similar value).
But then I realized that the material is an easy job and we will fix it. The question is purely emotional and in terms of how not to show that I prefer either. How can I prevent the division between them? Basically, I was just thinking of buying something from one, buying something similar to the other (or at least something of similar value). But then I realized that the material is an easy job and we will fix it. The question is purely emotional and in terms of how not to show that I prefer either. How can I prevent the division between them? Basically, I was just thinking of buying something from one, buying something similar to the other (or at least something of similar value). But then I realized that the material is an easy job and we will fix it. The question is purely emotional and in terms of how not to show that I prefer either.
Answers 16
My story is 1: 1 with yours, my child from the first marriage, I did not see him walk, nor the growth of the first tooth, nor the baptism, but it was a horror on their part, some abnormal people and her ex and her parents. Anyway, I I then met the woman of my life, for which I am happy and she is expecting a child, she is 4 months old, but I never thought what bothers you, and you should not. Children are not to blame for the mistakes of their parents , so be a Parent for both your children, God forbid 3-4 :), but never share them. And do not compete with purchases, you will be wrong. Love them equally and one day they will thank you. Success!
I will give my opinion as a victim of such a story. In this case, I'm in the role of the bride. In fact, the circumstances with us were absolutely identical to yours. The only difference is that my husband was divorced and had lived with his child for 3 years, after which the mother decided to separate. So we started our story and similar doubts about the child began to creep into my partner. Now they got stronger, now they got weaker. People around him also helped. It occurred to him that the child would suffer if he had a family and another child. I got pregnant, I was happy, I wanted a child, the fruit of our love. He began to have growing doubts about whether this child should be born. Isn't it too early for us as a child? He didn't tell me to have an abortion, but ... From all the stress or who knows why I had a miscarriage. I experienced it hard. We became alienated. The thought and doubts of whether he should have other children bothered him. years have passed. We were about to separate. Still, we decided to give ourselves a chance. I got pregnant again. But I lost the baby again. Meanwhile, his child grew and realized that he did not want to share his father's attention or money with other children. And he began to manipulate cunningly and skillfully. As a result, my husband made the final choice not to have our child. Naturally, this totally ruined our relationship. I don't stop blaming him for that. And he began to manipulate cunningly and skillfully. As a result, my husband made the final choice not to have our child. Naturally, this totally ruined our relationship. I don't stop blaming him for that. And he began to manipulate cunningly and skillfully. As a result, my husband made the final choice not to have our child. Naturally, this totally ruined our relationship. I don't stop blaming him for that.
There is no way to hide it emotionally or materially, because children feel it. Don't feel obligated to buy something for one, you must take it for the other. Still, I guess you're paying alimony. You already know who will be in the first place for you from now on. Abe, just let everyone look after their family and that's it.
Life is in front of her, not in front of you. ;) And this will have a very bad effect very soon.
"The question is purely emotional and in terms of how not to show that I prefer either." - ahaaa, so it is important for you not to love your two children equally and equally, but just to think of how not to understand that you prefer one more than the other. How low ...
2, This is terrible, I put myself in your place and I sincerely advise you to leave this person, find another one and have a child if you are still of childbearing age. What the man next to you has done to you is a crime.
She is 25, has no children and thinks of living with you. Think quickly if you want a child from her. If you don't want to, split up. Because she will certainly not live forever with a person who does not want a child if she does not.
You write "we want a child", but from the situation you describe you don't really want. I don't think it's fair to waste the time of the woman next to you and not be completely honest with her. Read the post number 2 again carefully - does your girlfriend deserve to be put in such a situation? After the appearance of a second child, the first cannot help but be jealous of him - whether you will be able to balance or the aspirations to compensate will be at the expense of your new family. Your ex-wife and she - no matter how much you can't stand it, are certainly concerned about the interests of your common child. You can't help but worry that you will harm him at the expense of the latter - will he not try to manipulate you through it and undercut it and set it against your wife and your other child, even if it is unconscious? How will you cope? The perfect woman was you say but he didn't seem to want a child from her. And what should she do then - to flutter around you for another 10 years and hope you feel ready? You think quite selfishly.
Whatever you do, your child from your first marriage will be deprived of many things that you cannot replace with anything. In order for a child to be happy, it is necessary to live with two understanding parents who express love for each other. Such will be your child from the second marriage. Whatever you do, you can't change the situation. But in order to reduce the trauma for your child from the first marriage, keep in constant contact with him, especially when the second child is born, this is of paramount importance. The effects of divorce on children are seen at a later age. When they themselves are in a personal conscious relationship with the opposite sex. Then some of these children do not want to start their own children and family, while others have several relationships with children from different partners. It is rare for a child of divorced parents not to be traumatized, to have created " . It's just that in Bulgaria we don't work with psychologists to cure the child's soul. After the divorce, the child feels abandoned, and when the second child is born, he will start asking himself the question "What am I worse than my brother / sister, why don't I have what he has - Daddy?". I am writing to you the position of "child from the first marriage of divorced parents". Success! . It's just that in Bulgaria we don't work with psychologists to cure the child's soul. After the divorce, the child feels abandoned, and when the second child is born, he will start asking himself the question "What am I worse than my brother / sister, why don't I have what he has - Daddy?". I am writing to you the position of "child from the first marriage of divorced parents". Success!
The author Thank you all! Comment number 9 will probably be most useful to me. "Don't ask an old man, ask a patillo." Number 1, the problem is not that I don't want to love my children equally, but I guess there will be a difference. Judging by his relationships with other people in the family. My brother, with whom we live on two floors at the moment, feels like best friends, while my brother, who lives in another city, we are talking about. Not that I don't want to be close, but I don't feel close. You can't force yourself to feel "right." Number 2, sorry for what happened! I will do what is necessary so that the woman does not go to me through such hell. Number 3, my son should eventually be part of my current family. Number 4, we have a difference in age, but even if life is only in front of her ... Number 5, not that I don't want to love them equally - as I explained. I just guess it won't happen and I should think about how not to suffer from it. Number 7, I want to have a child together. I'm not sure if I want and we will have the opportunity for more than one, in which we disagree with her, but at least the first will be highly desired by both of us. Number 8, not to repeat myself about my desire for a common child. I don't know if I will be able to balance, I will try, I don't know and if I fail at whose expense it will be - on the back of the "new family", or on my son. I think the second option is more possible, because as I wrote I adore my fiancée, I see no way not to adore our future child, respectively I will be with them every day and I consider it normal to pay more attention to them and be attached. more to them. Of course, I also allow the option to kill my limbs and, in an effort to compensate my son for not being in my house, to lead to too much tolerance for him. But if I've been with my second child and fiancée for 5 days all day and I have two days with my first son, shouldn't I pay more attention to him in those two days? Maybe we'll just go out for an hour or two, maybe give him more time to play. On the one hand, it is possible for my second child to think that I love his uncle more, but on the other hand, my uncle and I have limited days together, which are from 2 to 4 months. shouldn't I pay more attention to him in these two days? Maybe we'll just go out somewhere for an hour or two, maybe give him more time to play. On the one hand, it is possible for my second child to think that I love his uncle more, but on the other hand, my uncle and I have limited days together, which are from 2 to 4 months. shouldn't I pay more attention to him in these two days? Maybe we'll just go out somewhere for an hour or two, maybe give him more time to play. On the one hand, it is possible for my second child to think that I love his uncle more, but on the other hand, my uncle and I have limited days together, which are from 2 to 4 months.
When you love, such accounts are not made and such questions do not arise. At the risk of offending someone's ego, I don't think the author likes enough, say, this woman. This is basically a poorly realized process, dislike, because other factors are perceived (wrongly and again almost subconsciously) for love, comfort, beauty, etc ..
The only advice I can give you is to decide exactly what you want. And not to have decided, and then to constantly doubt, hesitate or even worse not to be able to decide for a long time. Because if you allow it, in the end you will get the situation at number 2, which would be very unfortunate for everyone. Otherwise, you are the child from the first marriage, you want it, you don't want it, you will deprive it emotionally, no matter if you get married, if you have other children, etc., it just can't be otherwise, whether you like it or not. no. Try to at least partially compensate with more time spent with him. And she must explain to him that he is no less loved or guilty of anything, because such children often think that they are to blame for the situation or that they do not deserve a normal family. Even take him to a good child psychologist, if you wish.
Do you work, author? How much free time do you have? During the weekend, your wife will rely on you to look after the child so that he can clean and do some work. How do you see yourself leaving her so that you can see the little one, so that he doesn't feel wronged? For a second marriage to be happy, one must detach oneself from the first. You have no choice. If you feel so guilty, don't have a second child and let your wife be happy with another.
Easy work! You give birth to at least three kids and your uncle will be lucky!
The author does not seem to understand that going home from Monday to Friday after work with your wife is not equivalent and cannot replace your free time together on the weekend. It's completely different.
It is right to think about your partner and your future! You already have a child and he has not been a baby for a long time. In any case, your child is a fact and will continue to grow, his life will always be a part of yours, but to doom a woman who openly declares to you that she wants children of a childless life, because ... is absurd and extremely selfish! Either you tell her to end while it's time, or you stop thinking about how and who to share! You feel sorry for the child, which is already a fact, but you do not feel sorry for your beloved, to whom you can waste her life ?! Above there is a girl who shares her story, when you love someone you do not ruin his life just because you are you think you are something, it would ever happen !!!!