Hello! I finally understood what it was like to truly love someone, but unfortunately - unhappily. I've had a lot of connections, many of them superficial, and I've always looked for the person with a capital "H". Well, I finally found her, but it seemed a little late. Below I will mention her as "Her" and "She". The incident is as follows. I am 35 years old. I met her in 2002, along with my work. I felt that there was something between us, there was a thrill, and what a thrill! She somehow showed it, there was something like a friendship between us. Maybe we were both too busy, our daily lives were quite busy. Then I heard from here - from there that she liked me. Before I decided to take any step towards her, she went with another, also an acquaintance, and after a while they broke up, apparently deciding that they were not for each other. This thing somehow made me pull away. In the meantime, I met another girl, whom I have been married to for 5 years, but things did not go well with her. Just a dissimilarity of characters. I waited five years, but eventually I realized that there was nothing between us, we were just used to living together, something like roommates. There is no love, there is only a gray everyday life. I don't have children from my partner. In 2005, we had a business party over the Christmas holidays, and she was there. I remember it was Friday, my week was very hard, and I had had a drink in the evening. All of a sudden, she sat down next to me, and we must have talked for two or three hours. He asked me why I was in such a hurry to get married, and told me that I was sorry I got married. We talked about many things, we honestly said that we have a thrill for each other, we even held hands. In the evening I drove her to them, and before she left, we kissed quite passionately. When I called her the next day, she explained that if I was ever free, I would call her, but at this stage we were not allowed to see each other because I was married, that family was something valuable to her, and the like. I tried to talk to her several times, but to no avail. We drove it the old-fashioned way, we saw each other at work once or twice a month, but the thrill didn't go away. Always seeing her, I was looking for a way to talk to her, to call her, to meet her gaze. About two months ago I met Her again, and something in me shuddered. The same thrill, the same good feeling. He was smiling as usual, radiating radiance. We greeted each other. I was so pleased to see her. We exchanged a few text messages in which I insisted on seeing each other, and she initially told me, that it didn't make sense that I was married. But in the end he agreed. We went out a few times. These were unforgettable meetings for me. We liked each other so much as characters, we had such a good time together that in the end I had the feeling that She was the person I had been waiting for all my life. We made a few trips out of town over the weekend, I took her to wonderfully beautiful places. Such incredible romance, such real words, such passionate kisses, as if we lived our last days, as if we loved for the first time! I will never forget these meetings! All the time I had the feeling that I had lived with Her, that we had known each other for a long time, that I could share everything with her without worrying. I fell head over heels in love! In the meantime, I was looking for an occasion to break up with my partner, to put things on her side, and the fact that I wanted a divorce, without, of course, talking about her. And she said that it was not good for both of us, we are known in the city, to see us together, both her and my reputation would suffer. I didn't really care about that - sooner or later someone would still notice us, the city is small, it would be heard immediately. Anyway, no matter how much we hid, when I sent it to myself after the last meeting, our mutual acquaintance really saw us. This worried her a lot. She told me that we really should stop seeing each other, which I didn't agree with, but she had already decided. Two days later I sent her a bouquet of 11 roses, with a card attached in which I wrote that I loved her. And suddenly - a new surprise! About a week ago, my wife said she was pregnant by me! We tried to conceive for five years, but to no avail, and here it is. Just when I was already looking for a way and I was determined to separate. Now I do not know how to feel - on the one hand I will have a child, which makes me very happy. On the other hand, it will be another obstacle to be with Her. Of course, I told the news to her too. At first she didn't know how to react, but after a few days she texted me, telling me that I should be smiling and happy because I would become a father, she wished me a high fighting spirit, and to look only ahead. Accordingly, I replied that I miss her a lot and I will miss her, and she can always, on any occasion and at any time, count on my friendship. But I know I will never forget her! At the moment my soul hurts, I want to do something about it to be with her, but I don't know what. Myra does not give me the thought of parting with the man I have been looking for so long. Please give me advice! On the other hand, it will be another obstacle to be with Her. Of course, I told the news to her too. At first she didn't know how to react, but after a few days she texted me, telling me that I should be smiling and happy because I would become a father, she wished me a high fighting spirit, and to look only ahead. Accordingly, I replied that I miss her a lot and I will miss her, and she can always, on any occasion and at any time, count on my friendship. But I know I will never forget her! At the moment my soul hurts, I want to do something about it to be with her, but I don't know what. Myra does not give me the thought of parting with the man I have been looking for so long. Please give me advice! On the other hand, it will be another obstacle to be with Her. Of course, I told the news to her too. At first she didn't know how to react, but after a few days she texted me, telling me that I should be smiling and happy because I would become a father, she wished me a high fighting spirit, and to look only ahead. Accordingly, I replied that I miss her a lot and I will miss her, and she can always, on any occasion and at any time, count on my friendship. But I know I will never forget her! At the moment my soul hurts, I want to do something about it to be with her, but I don't know what. Myra does not give me the thought of parting with the man I have been looking for so long. Please give me advice! that I should be smiling and happy, because I will become a father, he wished me a high fighting spirit, and to look only forward. Accordingly, I replied that I miss her a lot and I will miss her, and she can always, on any occasion and at any time, count on my friendship. But I know I will never forget her! At the moment my soul hurts, I want to do something about it to be with her, but I don't know what. Myra does not give me the thought of parting with the man I have been looking for so long. Please give me advice! that I should be smiling and happy, because I will become a father, he wished me a high fighting spirit, and to look only forward. Accordingly, I replied that I miss her a lot and I will miss her, and she can always, on any occasion and at any time, count on my friendship. But I know I will never forget her! At the moment my soul hurts, I want to do something about it to be with her, but I don't know what. Myra does not give me the thought of parting with the man I have been looking for so long. Please give me advice! Myra does not give me the thought of parting with the man I have been looking for so long. Please give me advice! Myra does not give me the thought of parting with the man I have been looking for so long. Please give me advice!
Answers 24
The only good thing I see is the little angel that will be born. Everything else for me is a long and very complicated story in which there is nothing real ... delusion after delusion, lie after lie, and where is the end of this ?! The end is death!
I have no right to give advice. But I have an opinion - the appearance of the child is a clear sign that you need to keep your family. It may be a big ordeal, but you still had the opportunity to be with this woman. Keep good memories and friendship. Maybe if you're together - it won't be long. Maybe it's no coincidence that something happens at the last minute and you break up. You are strong characters, and as the saying goes, "two sharp stones don't grind flour" I had some acquaintances who broke up because of that - their relationship turned from love to mutual destruction. They had families, they got their freedom to be together, and they failed again. All that remained was remorse, mutual reproaches such as who was guilty and who was the victim. There are reproaches, resentment and loneliness. Where love went - no one knows.
I forgot to mention that She is alone. She lives with her mother, has two dogs, but is still quite lonely. With her last text message she told me that if one sunny day I was divorced, whether with or without a child, to call her that only then it made sense. I don't know what to do, I'm split, I'm terribly in love, and it's not recent. I have a feeling that just before my wife got pregnant, we had the opportunity to meet her for two months, and I really liked what I saw. I don't think it's just a hobby. It's just that things between us happened in stages, in parts, and yet we are not indifferent, there is a thrill.
A really terribly complicated story. But why does it seem to me that She is jealous of you and by the lines she tells you urges you to break up ... is that right ??? However, do not destroy your family, because you will lose the trust of your wife, and this child means a lot to you, I'm sure, and She does not care only wants you. And you did something very, very immature. To let your wife live in lies and you to hang out with Her, I don't know how you don't feel any biting. In a few words, you are nothing lost in nothingness.
Please, no offense! I share my story as it is and expect some useful advice. If you don't have one, just don't write! As for the remorse - yes, I have it, but I just can't imagine living my life with my wife and not with her. I wouldn't say that it encourages me to divorce, it even acts very nobly, leaving things as they are. The only thing stopping me is my unborn child.
Hello! Follow your heart! That's what a mature enough woman tells you. Life is reduced to responsibilities, commitments and delusions, thousands of delusions. Our very stay on this earth is a delusion. The only reality was love. However, this does not remove the responsibility to the children we create. But are we useful enough to them when the soul is curled up in a ball, when we are gloomy, dissatisfied with life, with broken hearts that we hide behind everyday problems? Do we understand them enough, do we give them enough when our emotional world is ruined because we have killed love. Of course, we are in step with the status quo, we have a normal family, home, children, work, as required by the superimposed model or morality. Think about these aspects of life, reconsider your inner criteria for good and evil, and remember that true love is unconditional, does not know fear, does not limit - does not take away someone's freedom, but at the same time it is responsibility, devotion and requires compromises. I do not agree that they are jealous or that they want separation from you. Rather, they have given you the opportunity to find your happiness in what you have already created. The answer is always inside us and you will find yours, I am convinced.
Thank you for the encouraging answer! I want to do that. I hope I have the courage to do it.
The child is late, the mandala has slammed ... You have no right to deprive the child of having a father !!! With such a thrill, why did you sleep with your wife? You have already made your choice. Imagine parting with your wife now and one sunny day She asked you the above question. What will you answer her? A dark cloud will obscure the sun and lightning will strike your head. So look after your little one, love him and take care of him. And if you don't like it, there is no bigger garbage than you.
From №4 To the author: Sorry if I offended you, but while reading your story I was left with the impression I already read ... And yet my comment remains the same ...!
Number 6, I wish I had a friend like you! The comments of others, however ... I read them and feel the bile of such unhappy women in love! Sincere apologies to them, but ENOUGH EVIL! Why can't you bear the thought of a woman being loved so much without being oppressed? I am a woman, but I have always been loved. That's why I can't put all men "in one bowl" :) In my opinion, their feelings are in many cases even more real and strong than those of women! I want all of you to believe in this love, that the author has felt it with his whole being and wants to give it a chance! If She is the Man, if she fills all the "gaps" in his life, if she feels like her other half ...? Why not understand the answers to these questions, which are typical only for a man in love? True, he may be lying, may live in a pink delusion, but so what? He has the right to take the risk! To know for sure whether he has discovered happiness or learned a hard-to-swallow life lesson ... Each of you has envied that such a visibly intelligent and decent man is "burning" because of this woman! At least admit it to yourself! We are forgiven, we are women! It is in our blood! :))) I advise you to be happy that such feelings exist, to believe that you will experience them too! I wish you with all my heart to be loved as much as you deserve! So there will be no one to be angry with, except yourself! :))) because of this woman! At least admit it to yourself! We are forgiven, we are women! It is in our blood! :))) I advise you to be happy that such feelings exist, to believe that you will experience them too! I wish you with all my heart to be loved as much as you deserve! So there will be no one to be angry with, except yourself! :))) because of this woman! At least admit it to yourself! We are forgiven, we are women! It is in our blood! :))) I advise you to be happy that such feelings exist, to believe that you will experience them too! I wish you with all my heart to be loved as much as you deserve! So there will be no one to be angry with, except yourself! :)))
I try to look at things through the eyes of the author. I think I understand that. What would I do with my female logic? I would try to gain more patience and be fairer to the child, to the woman who carries him in her womb. I would keep my composure. I would wait for the baby to be born. I would be a dedicated parent. If I do not love my husband, I would focus my love entirely on the child and I would try to treat my husband as an equal partner and friend - with honesty, without lies and selfishness. When the child is no longer so defenseless, when the wife no longer needs my presence so much, I would make my choice. If this was the love of my life, then that love must stand the test. If we are really made for each other - there is no way we can not be together. Maybe this is not the right way. It's easier to be on the sidelines. In real life, theoretical solutions are not always feasible.
The situation you are in is quite difficult. Even though I'm a woman, in this case I definitely wouldn't say stay with your wife just because she's pregnant. Many people here will say I'm wrong. However, in my opinion, if you stay with your current wife, you will be unhappy for life. Ok. You will now have a child. But that's the only thing that connects you. Do you think that the child will grow up and will be very naughty when he sees how his parents do not love and do not understand each other. Mine were like that and I can honestly tell you I was damn happy when they got divorced. My advice is to separate from your wife, but your child should not miss anything. You can be a father without being with your mother. It will be hard for her, but isn't it better to be separated than unhappy together. But think very carefully if you really feel the love you are talking about. Are you sure, that you know "Her" so well? Do not regret it later, because there is no going back. Good luck from me!
Hello again! I am the author. Thank you for the thoughtful answers! I also appreciate that they are written by women, and at the moment I seem to need the women's council the most. I will certainly not abandon my child, and in the event of a divorce, I am sure that it will be given to the mother to raise him. From now on, I can judge the reaction and attitude of both her and my parents, that I will be the blackest is quite clear. Another issue is that my conscience will eat me. It must be part of the test. I wonder why at the last moment, before it was too late, we had the opportunity to get to know her better, and why did my wife get pregnant just then ?! And if this is not some karma))). Anyway, I will fight for Her. And what fire burns my soul, if you know ........
I support №12 there comes a time when children grow up and take their own path and you will remain unhappy for the rest of your life if you do not love your wife. Life is given once live it humanly with a lot of love with the beloved woman. a man he doesn't love, all because of the children, but they grew up at one point and said, "Well, don't put up with him for so many years."
Every decision suffers. You will also suffer yours, whatever it is. A woman who is in a position similar to your friend's writes to you. I met Him years ago. We were both just friends, we missed each other. We had as many points of contact as they are described in the novels, as kindred spirits say; he finished my sentences, I finished his. I got married, then he did. I divorced my husband. I knew about Him only from our mutual friends - that he and his wife have no points of contact, that He is depressed, unhappy. At the same time, he was quite successful, financially secure, with a prestigious profession. Me too. After 13 years he looked for me. Even more depressed, unhappy, on the verge of physical destruction. We are lovers now. He has no strength to divorce. Everyone suffers for their choice, and there is no solution that is equally good for everyone. I love him and I want to give him that, which I can and which makes him at least a little happy. He is the same person I have always loved, my better me, my partner. Better a poor horse than no horse at all. For myself, I want nothing more than what he can give me. He has two children, one of whom is a 1.6-year-old baby. My advice is to fight for your love. It is true that there is a risk, but when does one not take a risk? The important thing is to make a decision and stand up for it. You are still too young to live in the agony of an unhappy husband who sacrificed himself for his family. Do you think that your child will be happier with unhappy parents? My advice is to fight for your love. It is true that there is a risk, but when does one not take a risk? The important thing is to make a decision and stand up for it. You are still too young to live in the agony of an unhappy husband who sacrificed himself for his family. Do you think that your child will be happier with unhappy parents? My advice is to fight for your love. It is true that there is a risk, but when does one not take risks? The important thing is to make a decision and stand up for it. You are still too young to live in the agony of an unhappy husband who sacrificed himself for his family. Do you think that your child will be happier with unhappy parents?
It will be very difficult for you, but do what your heart desires, not what you need. We have to fight for what we love. At the time I made a mistake to do what I had to do, now it's too late because I have two children and so do he. Things are irreversible now. People will be nasty to you but time will pass and you will understand that it was worth it.
If it is not possible to imagine life with your wife and child, the solution is easy. I have a feeling that you and your wife get along. In this position, I do not see how you would decide to lose your child forever. Make no mistake - whatever you give will not recognize you as a father. He left it for himself.
Number 17 you give professional advice. And in your other comments I like you. WHO ARE YOU? aren't you a lawyer? GS1
Hello, I think you have the answer in you. Living all our lives in the name of children, we miss where we are. I only ask you to listen to your heart - your mind will always stop you. The child will always be yours, that's a fact. But the love you carry is like a train that at some point will not find its station, because it simply will not have it ...
Do you drink? Sober, who do you love more - your mistress or your family?
Ha ha. Well, just to drink ... I drink with colleagues or friends, but it's two - three times a month, and I can not say that it is my "hobby")))))). I love Her both sober and drunk. That's it. It's been exactly a month since we've seen her, but we hear each other every day, and I still can't get used to the fact that she's not with me. After all, I'm a 35-year-old man, I'm not a kid, and I realize the feelings I'm feeling. I can definitely say it's not a hobby!
In which head do you have more brains? Think with her!
There is a problem that my feelings are from the same head)))))
Author, you can hardly follow the topic after so many years, but I would like to know the development ...