Hello, my partner and I have been together for 3 years, we live abroad, we are not married and we do not have children yet. Once a year we return to Bulgaria for a longer time and on our last return I received a remark from him that I called his mother and father by name. I have only seen them a few times during our time together and I always treat them with the necessary respect. I suppose I may have been wrong, and I don't want to be rude or offend them. So please advice how do you think I should call them if necessary? Thank you in advance!
Answers 34
I call them by name, but my friend, even though he is older than me, calls my mother "aunt". But I don't like to cuddle them and things like that, so I call them by name. And we see them once a year, because they are abroad and it is not natural for me to call them in any other way. They don't mind. :) At 22 years old. I am, and my friend is 30 years old. I've noticed that other people around me around the age of 30 turn around the same way - aunt, uncle, but it's very strange to me, I feel uncomfortable and that's why I don't turn around like that. My girlfriends my age have noticed that they are addressed with a affectionate name, Creams, July, etc. to the mothers of their friends.
I have been with my husband for 6-7 years, we have a child, but I never turned my tongue to call them mother and father. And to call them by name does not work, firstly they are over the age of my parents, secondly they are from a small town and would be shocked. So ... It's awkward, but I don't address them at all, I greet them directly and start the conversation. Life and health, to have a daughter-in-law, I will make her call me by name and avoid the inconvenience I experience. As for your friend, ask him if this conversation didn't take place behind your back and if they themselves don't expect you to call them anything else. If they are ok to address them like that, I don't see any problem.
So how else to tell them?! .. God ... Mom and Dad or Your Highness? .. Ganyo still lives in the cave, pulls one for them.
Well, that's their name. How to tell them? Aunt Ginche? Mom? Mrs. Dimitrova? Fucking brawl you have for a man. Brother.
I hardly call them by address, maybe an aunt, whoever you are, she probably wants to tell you not to be directly by name, but before your aunt. I wouldn't say mother-in-law's mother. In other countries, an older person can only by name, in our country they are not used to it. I really hate such remarks.
That's right, call them by name. You have a mother and a father, if that's what the old men expected. In your place, at another remark from this light, your friend, I beat his jester, without explanation. Honey, can you imagine what awaits you from these lunatics ?! Your light should be on now that it's not for marriage, smart girl!
And what do you call them after him? Why didn't you ask him directly? What is this nonsense? If they didn't call you by name, I would be offended ... and you are together, you live together, etc ... well, these bourgeois should not exalt themselves too much and come down to Earth, especially your friend ... You didn't do or say anything bad, your friend should perceive your manners as completely adequate and normal, and not you should change ...
I call them by name. Another would sound strange. How does your husband think you should address them when he doesn't want her by name?
In the first person - "mother" and "father", in the third person - "grandmother" and "grandfather" (of children).
Naturally by name, does he expect you to call their mother and father like in the Middle Ages? These stupid traditions are no longer observed. The patriarchy is over. You are not small children. You did not go to their home to live. They did not take responsibility for you as a daughter. What do they want? You are a young family living alone abroad. Very far from the circumstances once upon a time. Didn't they teach you how to do things abroad?
What will you call them by name? Don't you have a basic upbringing and respect for those older than you? You have to call them "mother" and "father".
Well, he told you by name. You can't treat someone with respect at all. As it is in the world, by name. That's why we have names. It is not necessary to call a foreign woman a mother, aunt, grandmother ... absurd.
In Bulgaria, adults are offended if you address a name, they consider it disrespectful. I think it's stupid and I don't like my mother's language. That is why I have solved the issue radically - I am not addressing anything. Solomon's decision.
I always talk to the parents and relatives of my partner on "You". I have known them for more than 3 years, but for me this is the right thing to do. We even live in the same house, we see each other every day, but I would never allow myself to address his father or mother by name. Not that I'm rude, but it's weird, I just can't let him, even though my friend and his parents keep telling me they want me to talk to you. Everyone is different, maybe your friend is like me. But I don't think you made any fatal mistake ...
I say "mother" and "dad", but I got married 28 years ago - then it was right, but it was not a problem for me, and even then the girl's parents did not think that he was betraying them, showing respect for other people with this address. "Auntie" and "Uncle" are funny to me. Recently, one of my future daughters-in-law asked me what I wanted her to call me. I answered her - as she wants, just not "hey, shhh", "hello" and the like, now she addresses me by a name that completely satisfies me.
Your husband is a total log. Instead of explaining to their parents that this was not an insult to them, which would be human and normal and not concern you at all, they were offended. First, if they are so affected, why don't they tell you that they don't like it, and your husband must be some kind of village secretary to make remarks to you. You don't even see each other often, how to call them mother and father. Aunt and uncle? This is nonsense. If your husband and his parents weren't so petty, everything would be ok. At least it's not a super serious problem, ideally nowhere.
And it's weird for me to call my friend's mother "mom." She is a very good person, but I have a mother and somehow she is not doing well. I'm embarrassed to mention her by name, like she's my age, so I'm just talking to "you." She remarks to me to stop, but until I feel a person closer, it's hard for me to switch to "You." I make an exception for writing on the Internet. Either don't tell them the names, as 13 says, or ask your friend how to address them so that there are no more unnecessary problems. He should know best. The ultimate option is to ask them in person, and they may still find it disrespectful. Black Sabbath
13 That's right, and I do, but my mother-in-law says she wants me to have an address, my husband and he are ashamed of the poor thing that I don't have an address, it was respect.
They are not married, like mother, we are not in Turkey.
I'm a newly hatched mother-in-law. As a daughter-in-law, I used to tell my father-in-law, mother and father, without any problems. I never expected this from my daughter-in-law - times have changed a long time ago, I thought we would turn to names. Yes, but on her own initiative she calls us mom and dad. Honestly, don't think that I'm melting so much from this address, I don't know how there are people who care so much about it. It is more important to have the attitude, the understanding and still have some address, otherwise it is nasty to be talked to without an address.
My husband and I have been together for 9 years, we have children, but we address our parents by name. My grandmother once remarked to my mother-in-law, but the woman herself said, "I don't care at all, call me what you like." To say that we are in a great relationship and we hear each other almost every day. It would be quite strange, because I don't call my mother mother either. As a child, it became interesting to me that Maria is called Miche in Yambol, but I couldn't say it and "Mishe" was coming out. It seemed fun and funny to our people, that's how it stayed. Her children call her Misha, not Grandma.
Hello Author, I tell my parents-in-law father and mother, and I don't see anything wrong with that. After all, they are the parents of my husband and husband. Even if I've had trouble and quarrels with my parents-in-law (and they're not bad people after all), I still turn to them with my father and mother. And when we got married and got married, I accepted my husband's last name. Because I don't want to be separated from him even by last name. And I'm happy to have and carry his nice last name. I didn't want to be with a hyphen, I didn't want to keep my maiden name. And when I adopted my husband's surname, my parents did not rebuke me, but rejoiced, and they told me that it was good to honor my parents-in-law. And my husband also tells my parents mom and dad and also respects and honors them. And one more thing - to say mother and father to the parents-in-law is respect and esteem for them, not complex. And in this there is nothing vulgar and peasant (people from the village or from small towns or from other cities outside Sofia are more respectable, unlike many people who live and were born in the city and who think of themselves as "nobles"). because they are not from a village or a smaller town, but from a big city or they are pretentious Sofians), but in fact they are not) I think it is disrespectful, dishonest and inhuman not to address your friend's parents without address , without mentioning their names and without calling them father and mother. It is right for our child / children to address my and my husband's parents with the addresses grandparents. And this should be not only for us, but in general, because it is important and a matter of upbringing and humanity for children to say dad and mom to their parents, as well as grandparents to their parents, and to pay tribute, respect and kindness to the older generation. Author, there is nothing wrong with addressing your friend's parents with the addresses father and mother. This will make your friend happy too. You will make his parents happy too. After all, they are parents too, and if your friend and you take a more serious step in your relationship, his parents will be glad that they still gave their son to the future daughter-in-law, wife and wife to their son and mother to their grandchildren. . The earlier you start addressing them with father and mother (or maybe you say father with the name of the father-in-law and mother with the name of the mother-in-law), the better. If you love your friend, if you want and have (as well as he to you) more serious intentions and not to be boyfriends, but to be much more important and more - legal men and women, you should respect and love your parents him. Don't you respect them, don't you respect them,
How does he address your parents?
18, is to tell your mother-in-law what address she wants then - not to complain and make hints. Does your mother want you to call her or what? At least she didn't tell your husband what she wanted to hear? I like my mother-in-law and we understand each other, but neither can I turn my tongue to call her "mom" - it's unnatural, nor do I think she will be fascinated to hear something like that (just like the mother-in-law commented under number 20 is not). We are called by name. My husband also calls my mother by name - I think it would be quite strange if they called her something else. If one day, when I become a mother-in-law, my son's future wife turns to me with "mother" or "mom", I will definitely feel awkward.
What is this nonsense? We do not address the other's parents at all, and I do not care how my husband addresses my parents, nor do they care. What about shredding? The most important thing is the young family and the relationship between you, not how to show as much respect as possible to your parents. Patriarchy is long over and they are not the center of the universe. It is much more important for my parents to see me happy with the man next to me than how they should be shown respect. We love them both, we like to spend time with them and we visit them several times a year. This makes them happy too, not paying homage out of obligation, because you see they are very important. Of course, it's rural to expect someone to call you mother like you used to be in a village. Everyone has a mother and she is one.
A very rigid understanding of respect. Respect is manifested in many ways and it is not OK to require you to call them mother and father as one time, especially since you have parents and live very far from them, you are not in the same house, etc. These are simultaneous notions of how we "should" behave. Times change and with them the standards of behavior. Also, the most important thing for a parent should be to see their child happily, not to gossip about some nonsense, to be at the center of the universe and to create unnecessary tension in the young family. My mother-in-law wanted me by name, my grandmother called me to call her mother. Well, it can't happen. People have names. I have a mother. No one can force me to call him in any way. I don't care if he takes it as disrespect.
I to the wedding of you, then of you and the little name. But we saw each other once a year, if you're closer, it's a little strange to you.
I do not use any address or use a name. No one can make me call them mother and father and I don't care if they take offense, if they think it's disrespectful, etc. For me, these are outdated and misunderstood norms of respect. They are free to believe in them, I am free not to follow them. The important thing is that my husband and I love and understand each other, not to kiss the hand of the old people and at least "accept me" (as if someone would ask for their approval or permission). In your place, I would just tell him that I would address them by name and this is not subject to comment. My husband never demanded it of me.
I'm 18, he says I decide how. My husband told me a lot about how I was rude to them, apparently they tell him that they don't like me, that I don't have an address.
Mr. Dimitrov and Mrs. Dimitrova. They are neither my friends to address them by their first name, nor my parents to call them father and mother. But as older than me, I respect them because that's my upbringing.
29, I would ask the mother-in-law directly (because I guess she's making the problem) how exactly she wants me to address her. From what you write, I understand that you are a meek woman, obviously you are not looking for conflict and you want to please, but you just do not know how. In that case, I would call my mother-in-law immediately, in front of my husband, and I would tell her that I understood that they were uncomfortable, that I did not use an address, but I did not actually use one because I was uncomfortable, worried about them and not I know what they will accept, so it's best for him to tell me how nice it will be for me to address them. So you pass the ball back to her and cut off her ability to conspire behind your back and set your husband against you. You can also tell her that you got sick, that she didn't tell you directly that there was a problem so that you could understand each other right now.
So, author, what did you decide? Would you share with us how you will address your friend's parents?
Hello! There is a huge difference between whether you are married (and especially married - if you are an Orthodox Christian), and when you are just friends (boyfriends). When you are married, your marriage is blessed by God, and then you are already one, one flesh, one family. And it is quite natural and correct to call his parents father and mother, because they are already your parents. The same goes for him. And when you are not a family with your friend, but you are just friends (boyfriends), it is not right and correct to call his parents father and mother, because you are not related to them yet. In your case (if I were you) I would ask them how they prefer to address them and I would comply with their wishes. I wish you all the best!
You say she's your partner, but you didn't get married - why? If the reason is in him, he has no right to ask you to address "mother" and "father" - this is a psychological commitment that you should not make until he makes a commitment to you through marriage. If the reason is in you and you are not sure about this relationship, rather the question of his parents is: Are you the woman for him? So things are a little deeper than they seem. I have been telling my mother-in-law "mother" and "father" since we got married, and that doesn't bother me, because it's different from addressing my own parents, and over time I've really started to feel close and supportive - they are the man's parents. me - my closest person in the world.