I am very dependent on "what people will say", most likely because of my low self-esteem. I am constantly comparing myself to others - this one is better, this one will not like me, these will make fun of me and so on, the list is endless. Before I go out, I always look in the mirror - whether people will like my clothes, whether to remove my beard because they will say "what kind of beard he is", whether if I remove it they will not say "what kind of child's face he has", whether to cut my hair short or long - how would they like me more? If I'm wearing an anzung, will they think I'm a peasant? If I walk arrogantly - will they think "is this the big deal done"? If I walk more modestly - will they think "this is a fucking bastard"? I walk - they probably say to themselves "this poor man doesn't have a car". I often buy the same food - "does he just eat that"? Now as I write this comment, have I made a spelling mistake somewhere? You will say to yourself - "this one can't write". When I'm abroad and I speak English - "this one has a fucking funny accent". I'm currently studying programming, people will probably say to themselves - "it stays on the computer all day". Well, yes, but if I'm not on the computer, other programmers will say - "you don't understand anything about programming". Now that I read it it looks a little funny, but it's true! I am totally dependent on people's opinions and most of the things I do are influenced by people's opinions and I do them to be liked and approved. That's why I want to ask you - what are you doing so that you don't care about people's opinion? I can't relax, I can't be myself - I keep thinking "
Answers 15
Personally, I was also very dependent on what others would say about me. Gradually I realized that somewhere, someone will not like me. And I started doing everything for myself. I dress the way I like, I eat what I like, etc. I think you need to relax, be yourself and you will understand how many people actually like you the way you are! Good luck :)
In order not to think about people's opinion, I mostly have fun. When a person is feeling well, he does not look for a window to look around because he may be disheveled or his blouse may be wrinkled. I have some days when I always feel inadequate - insufficiently combed, beautiful, smart, etc., but these days I try to abstract from it or work on it. I get up, get better and go out, like every other day. Everything that spins in your head remains only in it. Some people prefer shaved men, others bearded, and still others do not sleep at all. The last type of people are my favorites. My thought is that you can't please everyone and you will still walk along an alley where a company gathered to comment on passers-by. I've heard a bad comment behind me, I've heard a good comment behind me, friends have insulted me, friends have praised me, this is happening to you too. Even if someone thinks something bad, how exactly will it change you, how will it affect your life? Not at all. Accept that there will always be dissatisfied with you, if you try to be perfect and everyone likes you, you will probably start living for people, not for yourself, and you will never enjoy anything you do. You've always had a friend, a boyfriend, or a person you care about a lot. If this person is sick, comes out in home clothes just to see you for an hour because you feel bad, will you care what people think of him and that you are with him? If you are in love with a woman who wears sneakers and tracksuits, without make-up and hair, but the sun seems to appear with her while you kiss her, will it matter that she is not wearing a dress and lipstick? Everyone first notices the superficial,
You have a very strong ego that wants to be on top in every way. Another point is that this is instilled in your early childhood, mostly by your parents, constantly comparing you with other "exemplary" children. I also have a similar implant and I still struggle, before I was like you, and now I feel much freer. He seeks freedom because he is currently a prisoner of his own ego. Also read about the shadow inside us.
Puff out your breasts and don't worry too much. They will talk behind your back, they will look at you askance, but only You can allow them to influence you. I also have a problem with self-esteem, but I decided to look for MY comfort which he doesn't like .... baira. If you don't like and respect yourself, don't wait for others to do it.
Watch the video for the song Black Is Black by Belle Epoque where the singer who is not very beautiful in the face, but looks like a doll from a booth for panties and has a crazy hairstyle jumps as abnormal as a kind of dancing. If she can have fun and be liked and shown in front of an audience, why can't you? Evalta of such people as this singer. And those who think they are criticizing must have such moments. Look at it realistically - someone thinks they may be making fun of you, when in fact they are not. Besides, he can be fat and like it. Like yourself. I know it's hard and sometimes I'm like you, but I struggle with it. I think you can try antidepressants.
First of all - why do you think someone is so interested? If I see you on foot and with antsuNG - I will not think anything. I just don't care if you have or don't have a car, if you go to work or come back from the gym.
Well done on the topic. I am a woman, but my psyche is also affected by such people. I hope they write some useful comments here. I'll follow.
You have no control over the thoughts and feelings of others, only over your own.
Remember only one thing that is visible and in what you have written, people will always say, whatever and how you do it, whether it is good or not. Reconcile with this fact and do things the way you like, just be happy regardless of others, one day you will die anyway and no one will care what your hairstyle and how you are dressed.
It's still me who thinks what about me. Not all people can like me. Nor do I like all people. I am only interested in the opinion of my closest ones. I know that their criticisms are well-intentioned and I try to comply with them. But I don't even accept them if I think they are wrong.
Author, I used to be like you, especially as a child. Gradually, however, I began to reject these dependencies. Basically, I've always felt a little different and I wanted to have my own idea of things. I finally stopped caring about people's opinions after I proved mostly to myself that I was able to do well with life. In addition, my worldview has changed a lot since I was 29 (now I'm almost 35). At the moment, I don't care at all what people think and let me tell you, I feel great.
In my opinion, number 3 is right, because I have been in the same condition for many years. I was the "chosen one" of my parents, especially my mother. My sister didn't like her for some reason, and they gave me all the responsibilities - to be the most powerful, the most knowledgeable, the smartest, to look good and the like, unsuitable for a 6-7 year old child. At the same time, when I'm doing well with something, there were praises "bravo, you're very smart, bravo!", Or "look how good you look with this shirt, bravo!", "and so on. The result? Self-love, narcissism, excessive dependence on other people's opinion (in the subconscious, other people's praise is the praise I am used to receiving from my parents when I was very young). I have / had a particularly strong dependence on the opinion of the women around me about myself. In the subconscious, this is the approval of the mother that I expect to receive by doing something she likes. It was only in recent years that I began to realize these things, with the help of a lot of literature and, more importantly, outside help. The rebellion against dependence on foreign opinion is the rebellion against the parents removing the child's identity. For example, the child wants to do something specific for himself, but knows that he will receive praise and tsunka from mom (or dad, but more often from mom, especially for boys) if he does something else that she likes. . The child does it and receives a tsunka, but at the same time his own wish remains unfulfilled. From this conflict "my desires" against "parental desires" follows this whole drama,
Your problem is that your center is your ego, not your soul. Solving your problem is a deep understanding of what an ego is. You are not born with it. It is a reflection of what others think of you, and the more people you encounter, the more complex it becomes. If a child grows up completely isolated, he will not have an ego, but this will not help him find his true center, because he will be like an animal. You have to know the false to know the real. The ego is necessary! A child goes home after school - if he has earned a grade of six, the whole family is happy. They hug him, kiss him and tell him "What a wonderful child, you are our pride!". Thus they feed his ego. And if it goes home unsuccessfully - no one appreciates it and the child will try harder the next time, because the ego is shaken. The ego is always looking for attention, that's why you always wonder what people will say about you. This is how you get the idea of yourself from others. This is not your idea of you. Others shape your center and this center is false, because you are born with your true center, it is not the work of others! I'm tired of translating, I hope the moderators share the link, you know English and understand that you are to blame for all your misfortunes and never were other people! http://www.jacobsm.com/deoxy/deoxy.org/egofalse.htm that you are to blame for all your misfortunes and have never been other people! http://www.jacobsm.com/deoxy/deoxy.org/egofalse.htm that you are to blame for all your misfortunes and have never been other people! http://www.jacobsm.com/deoxy/deoxy.org/egofalse.htm
Hello! Yes, I went through this stage, it was when I lived with my parents, because they, and in particular my mother, constantly hung on my head, constantly giving me unsolicited advice! I got married, my husband "God forgive him", he told me that they made me an amazing complex in the family - Be what you are! Years have passed, my parents have died and at the moment, I don't care about people, that sometimes I just have fun scandalizing them! But I felt this 200 percent liberation only after the death of my parents and I realized how much I was damaged! Raise your head and look for the root of evil! That way you will get rid of it! Good luck!
In the pursuit of pleasing someone, you make many more mistakes than if you behave naturally. And do you know what people like? Casual behavior. Think about it - you walk down the street and stumble. There are a lot of people around you. You are dying of shame. You keep thinking about how you've been exposed all day. And everyone who saw you forgot it the moment he looked away. That is, no one will think about you for more than a few minutes. Someone will see you, he will tell himself how he is dressed and the next moment he will think about his things again. That is, people will never spend an hour thinking about how you can wear this blouse with these jeans. Think about who you are looking for approval from - family, friends? Or from all over the world. When you realize that you can't get everyone's approval or like them, you will live your life much calmer. For me, for example, what I think is most important - after all, your problem comes from uncertainty and complexes. That's why I try to please myself - not the neighbor or the cashier in the store. And I don't care what others think because they are them, they have the right to think what they want. Me for them too. Understand that when you receive your own approval, you will not care what others think of you. The most important thing is to know who you are without others determining you.