I was really wondering if I should share my story, I didn't want to, but I wandered around the site and didn't find one, so I decided to write it. And I need competent people. First to say that he and I are between 20 and 25 years old, he is 2 years older than me. We met in the most absurd way about 2 months ago, I will not say where someone does not recognize us - I will just say in a place where I thought that only drunks and women go, not decent people. But it turned out to be just the opposite, by chance we were both in this place. We also exchanged coordinates, we wrote to each other for a while. He turned out to be very busy, trying to grow his own business, and he needed people, kind of to recruit people. At the first meeting he talked about himself, about his business, I was left with the impression that he wanted us to get closer. Then he asked me because he had to meet his friends, whether we should go for a walk together or with them - I replied that I didn't care. They came too. What should I have done? Then we wrote a little more, he called me 2 or 3 times only when we had to meet again - one time we were with people from his field of work, and the other time we were alone, but in the end his friends came again, I had the feeling that combines things. In the last conversation before his friends came, he treated me usually as an acquaintance, and somehow he inserted a conversation topic that he didn't want a boyfriend in general, he would want to go out on him, he wouldn't care, he would want to to go to bed, she would be angry. He had goals and plans, they were his main thing to think about, and so on. I thought something might be suggesting something to me. Then he looks for me again in connection with his work. When I came home in the evening I thought a lot, I had talked to some of my relatives and they said that there was something rotten. I was very angry, I thought he was using me and in a letter I sent him what tormented me and asked him what he wanted our relationship to be - acquaintances, friends or work acquaintances and I wrote him that he thought I was naive and so on. directly. For several days I did not look for him, nor did he look for me, I did not know what he answered me. Then we accidentally met friends with other acquaintances and in the evening when I came home, I read what he answered - he rejected the topic and wrote that he did not think I was naive, that he kept in touch with people either as friends or colleagues (how to understand this ?). Then I wrote to him to see if he was angry with me, and he said no. And it's been nothing since then, I wonder if I have intimidated him with these direct questions of mine, but I have warned him before that I love clarity. He used to mention going out with him and his male friends, in the sense that I could go out with them. I don't know him well yet, but I'm convinced he's sane. I am very tormented, what does he want from me - maybe just friendship, I don't think he uses me ... How can I continue to treat him, write to him or leave things like that? People, I'm very confused. Just to add that I haven't had a serious relationship so far, then maybe I don't want a boyfriend ... But that night when we met everything was so strange, as if something appeared between us, I don't know ... And at first meeting as if he had a special attitude towards me, and now ... Otherwise, as a person I like a lot, I am very nice and calm when I'm with him, he is different from the others ... Please give some assessment of the situation, especially men. Why does he want a girlfriend and a girlfriend, he has a lot of boy friends and why he withdrew like that. Should I get closer to him, what can I expect? Maybe I'll let us become close friends and that's it. Give me advice and I'm just begging you without attacks or insults, I'm sick enough! Thanks in advance! I apologize for the long story!
Answers 12
Talk more and clarify things both. No stranger on the Internet can tell you how to do better, because you yourself understand the situation fully and comprehensively.
It can be the opposite.
Busy, busy, how busy is he? If he falls for you, he will find time ... It is obvious that you do not attract him as a woman, otherwise he has done something about it so far. He only wants you for a girlfriend. This is my opinion.
You know the answers, the boy was quite sincere. He told you that he works a lot, he struggles to emerge and succeed with the job / business that has started, that at the moment with a serious relationship he cannot commit, he has even cut the reasons, he knows that at the moment he cannot give in full, and you confirm his worries. When he is looking for you, it means that you are interested in him, he consults with you about work, he respects your opinion. From everything you have written, I am left with the impression that he is a dream boy. If you want to be present in his life, support him, try to "grow" together in his plans, if you like him too. Show him that you will not be his grumbling weight, but a worthy partner. If not, give coordinates - I want it;))))))
I think he has clearly shown you that you are just friends and that he has no other feelings for you. I'm sorry if I'm going to disappoint you, but from what I've written, at least I think so. I could be wrong. In my opinion, he is now focusing on his career, when he talks mainly about it when you see each other. Go out with him as friends and you will see that something more may appear in time. Good luck.
Two months is too short. In my opinion, there is nothing to clarify at this stage, because your relationship itself has not developed. The biggest mistake is to go to a man with the thought that he will be something special in your life. Things either happen or they don't happen - immediately or at a later stage. Time adjusts everything and shows who wants what and what they do. Because sometimes a person says he wants one thing and does another. Don't look for him. Let him look for you if he wants to. If he doesn't want to - and looking for him, it won't matter - you'll just expose yourself and reduce your chances of being with him, if you have any at all. If he still looks for you, behave naturally - as a free and thinking woman. If he wants help from you - help him. Imagine that he is not a potential partner of yours, including a married one, but just a person with whom you enjoy communicating. It takes time to see what happens to your relationship. For now, however, on your part - a full pass! You have no other useful move, as far as I can judge from my own life experience. And that, with writing different letters, is also pretty dumb. Repeat in your mind what you would say to him, but keep it to yourself. Wait for the right moment to tell him what you think if such a moment occurs. Sometimes the wait is quite long - it can take months. Patience and wisdom! I hope I helped you. Sometimes the wait is quite long - it can take months. Patience and wisdom! I hope I helped you. Sometimes the wait is quite long - it can take months. Patience and wisdom! I hope I helped you.
Your lack of experience prevents you from having an adequate view of things. If you had 1-2 relationships so far, you would know what you want. You want a serious relationship, otherwise you wouldn't be writing here - so don't deviate from your principle. I quote you: "he and I may not want a boyfriend ..." I'm trying to tell you that when we are just entering the world of love, we are ready to give a lot, to make compromises. On top of that, this will be your first serious love affair. Don't risk it if you're not sure about it, because you'll be hurt. As an amorous person, but still with some experience, I will say. Girls, if you have no experience in love, do not go to women and frivolous men in general, because they will break your hearts !!! At the time, I did not soberly assess the situation in my first relationship ... and he was hinting that he could not give me a serious long relationship. And most of all - do not waste time. While you wait for weeks for someone to think of you, you will miss someone who would give you love!
What kind of people did he tell you he was looking for a job? If you are a web designer (s) and a programmer (s), don't deal with him ... I say that because when I was with a big group of girls I once had to put up with one, he handed out business cards to all the girls from company, and men somehow missed. He explained that he was looking for web designers and other things for his company. Naturally, I'm quite flirtatious with girls. I think he was looking for something to bite. I'm not saying this is your case, I'm just sharing my experience. Most likely they have nothing in common, but still to say.
Especially men :) we give an assessment. There may be some old story they're separated from, but things aren't quite over and he wants to see developments before he clings to the other branch (you). But he looks a lot more like an insecure man who is insecure with women, and most likely he has never had a serious relationship. He is afraid of serious commitment and the resulting new (for him) responsibilities. All these things: "he's trying to grow his own business and he needed people" - well, wishes are a good thing, and dreams are free. "but in the end his friends came again, I had the feeling that he combined things" - quite dumb, he both brags about you in front of friends and makes you spin for 2 months. "I read what he answered me - he diverted the topic and wrote me that he did not think I was naive, To let him look for you mainly and if he starts to share some problems with you, always be a good, wise, understanding woman, who, however, remains in his own harmony with himself and some unexpected act would fascinate and excite her. Never react as nervous and insecure. However, you will need a lot of mental strength and flexibility for this. In general, my opinion is that he greatly exaggerates his future business, he thinks it over, he may have thought of working on himself for you at the moment, but his confidence and real results are not on the horizon yet. He introduced himself to you much more than he is. As you decide :), give him a chance, a few months and a half years, if there is no positive development, do not waste your time and let the child just grow up. which, however, remains in its own harmony with itself and some unexpected act would fascinate and excite it. Never react as nervous and insecure. For this you will need a lot of mental strength and flexibility, however. In general, my opinion is that he greatly exaggerates his future business, he makes up his mind, he may have thought of working on himself for you at the moment, but his confidence and real results are not on the horizon yet. He introduced himself to you much more than he is. As you decide :), give him a chance, a few months or half a year, if there is no positive development, do not waste your time and let the child just grow up. which, however, remains in its own harmony with itself and some unexpected act would fascinate and excite it. Never react as nervous and insecure. For this you will need a lot of mental strength and flexibility, however. In general, my opinion is that he greatly exaggerates his future business, he thinks it over, he may have thought of working on himself for you at the moment, but his confidence and real results are not on the horizon yet. He introduced himself to you much more than he is. As you decide :), give him a chance, a few months and a half years, if there is no positive development, do not waste your time and let the child just grow up. In general, my opinion is that he greatly exaggerates his future business, he thinks it over, he may have thought of working on himself for you at the moment, but his confidence and real results are not on the horizon yet. He introduced himself to you much more than he is. As you decide :), give him a chance, a few months and a half years, if there is no positive development, do not waste your time and let the child just grow up. In general, my opinion is that he greatly exaggerates his future business, he thinks it over, he may have thought of working on himself for you at the moment, but his confidence and real results are not on the horizon yet. He introduced himself to you much more than he is. As you decide :), give him a chance, a few months and a half years, if there is no positive development, do not waste your time and let the child just grow up.
N10 thank you very much for the look from a male point of view. Just to say that he had several serious relationships, the last one about a year ago, I don't know what exactly happened, but since then he decided to become a different person and started with the goals. Otherwise, I would say that he is very busy, he does more than one thing. What about inviting me to go out with him and his boyfriend friends? Maybe there are other girlfriend girls I don't know about ... I will be grateful for more opinions on the issue, thank you all for what has been written, for the different points of view! I will keep you in touch! From the author
He himself told you that he did not want to have a girlfriend, if he wanted you he would certainly show it to you clearly from the very beginning. Why he wants you to see each other, he doesn't want something more serious, we can't understand, and you shouldn't care, but he definitely doesn't like you. Leave him, do not go out with him, because you like him and so you will only struggle. He walked away and forgot about him, he was obviously not so conscious, you were just a little sunken. My comment may seem nasty to you, but it is objective. Don't deal with him, find a good boy for whom you will be important, not for filling time, for sex or raising self-confidence.
I just want to clarify that I did not say that I have sunk - to like him and I am fine with him, I care about him, but I myself do not know if it is love. At this point, I will pretend that he is just a friend of mine and I will wait to meet you. To No. 12 - at first there was interest, but then he withdrew and finally with these outbursts of mine I completely scared him. I also mentioned that he invited me to go out with him and his friends, but then he didn't mention anything else ... I will write again in the future. Thanks anyway! From the author