Hello. :) I'm a 23 year old girl. I have a friend for 6 months. He is a dream boy. It makes me happy, it loves me, it tries to always feel good, but ... oh, there is always a "but". : D Before him I had a relationship with my first and biggest love, which left me a big wound ... We were together for 2 and a half years. We went through a lot with him, but in the end we always found our way to each other. One day he went to a disco with company, got drunk and under the influence of alcohol and his friends who incited him to cheat on me. It was nothing more than a kiss, but for me it was infidelity, it could still be more than a kiss. Eventually, time passed and I managed to hide my feelings for him somewhere deep inside and experience the pain. When my new friend and I left, everything was flowers and roses, as they say. I didn't have any negative thoughts, we were constantly together, laughing, having fun and what not. :) But one day I just met some acquaintances who have close contact with my ex and told me that he still can't survive me. He kept asking how I was, I didn't get out of his mouth, he kept mentioning me. They told me all sorts of things ... something has changed since then. Basically, I think about him quite often, even when I'm with my current boyfriend, but my thoughts were nothing more than "How is he, what is he doing?" ”Without any feelings and emotions, but when I realized that I still could not experience all these feelings, which I had immersed very deep in myself, surfaced again. I started to think about him even more often ..
A few days ago, even for the first time in 5 months, he called me .... I don't know why, and I didn't pick him up. I didn't pick it up because I knew I would be wrong. I know I can repel anything and everyone, but not him, because he is my weakness. I have never experienced with anyone and I have not had what happened to him. A few days ago it happened that we came across a company and when I saw it I started to feel my fast pulse all over my body, I shivered, I couldn't say a word like people, and only when I did I started to stutter. : D I know that it's not fair to the current person next to me, I know that it's not fair to me, but ... Even now my friend and I started not to understand each other, I don't know if it's because of what's happening with me or because in principle we are VERY different characters ... Please give me advice. Have your say. I'm thinking of giving myself and my boyfriend a little more time to see if things get better, if we can still be, as before and of course to be able to deepen those feelings again, and in the best case - to erase them completely. I want to keep the person next to me at the moment and for the future, because I know it's the best ... Thank you for taking the time to read.
Answers 11
To love means to be able to forgive! Relationships are built on compromises, not egos! And the butterflies in the stomach are called LOVE! Don't waste any more time with this boy, but return to your love!
The former is the former, history. You've been together for a long time and it can't go away right away. It may still be close to your heart, but once you break up, things still don't work out. He must have been looking for you because he's alone right now, or out of jealousy that you have someone. If he wanted you, he wouldn't have waited 5 months, and he would have called the first one. He may have been with someone, and it didn't work out. Or he may be jealous that you are with someone else. He may be sorry that you broke up, but once it took him 5 months to realize it, there was obviously another. An ex called like that, after a period of at least 3-4 months, during which no one was looking for the other. You had a girlfriend, but things didn't go well, you fought all the time. Exes always remember when you are not with someone else, not because they love you, but because you are the reserve. Otherwise, the first month would have broken your phone from ringing. If there is an interval of months without contact, then this one had another one who lost him. If someone cared about you, they would look for you for 1-2 months. Don't confuse physical attraction with loving someone. Look at things realistically. Is it worth this ex, your past, to fuck your current relationship? What can it give you differently from your first relationship, has it changed? Don't confuse wanting to kiss someone and other intimate things with what they can really offer you again. has it changed? Don't confuse wanting to kiss someone and other intimate things with what they can really offer you again. has it changed? Don't confuse wanting to kiss someone and other intimate things with what they can really offer you again.
DEFINITELY the problems you have are because of the conflict within you. You are divided and always felt. you may not know what it is, but you feel it is there and it is different and it hurts. You write that you plan to give some time to your relationship ... as if something will change by itself or as if it is up to time or as if nothing changes your friend has to pay the price for the situation. In my opinion, do not wait for time, but find a way to resolve your feelings, either internally or through communication in your current relationship. This problem exists because of the feelings you have. I'm not saying you're guilty, but it's your responsibility to resolve it so that your perfect relationship can move forward and upward, not to stand and give time that won't change anything. Act if you care about the person next to you. Clarify your feelings and what you want for yourself,
Don't go back to the past. Once you're separated, there's a reason. You found this dream boy, why do you want to abandon / throw him away for something that I'm not sure will happen? Watch your guidance, make sure that things with the current one happen ... there is NO such thing "under the influence of alcohol". This is a pure excuse, let's get out of the situation ... he cheated on you and that's a fact ... don't feel sorry for him and justify him. Think about the present and do not go back to the past.
Don't think about the old man, don't go back there. Look at the present.
don't give in to emotions. You say yourself that you want to keep the person next to you. The past is like last year's snow. Upgrade your relationship and don't look back. Everything is now and forward.
You have already decided to break up with your ex, yes it is stupid and hasty only because of a drunken kiss, but the separation is already a fact. So take it on. If you go back, you will applaud everything again.
To number 2, from the author. When we parted, he came in front of us all the time, begged me to forgive him, even cried (he is an extremely cold person and I wonder how he cried at all), he called me ... A few days ago we went out as friends, but he admitted to me, that he could not and would never be able to overcome me and cried and then I cried and left. I don't know how to treat people, I love him, but I'm afraid to go back to him and sit safely. I don't know if I will be able to overcome it, but I will do my best ...
These feelings, which are hidden and deeply suppressed, are a time bomb. It is only a matter of time before the stopper keeps them from exploding, and then stop and watch. You broke up with your ex because he kissed another. And just notice how you justify it yourself: 'under the influence of alcohol and his friends'. So he doesn't have a head on his shoulders that someone else is to blame. But that's not the point. Comments like 'he's been 5 months late'. Abe people, do you know what 'guilt' means? One by hand. Sometimes we don't look for people, not by ego, but because we think they don't want to hear us. We project on them, We are afraid of the opposite reaction. In fact, in my opinion, it takes a lot of balls to ring after 5 months, not to write to you, because the vulnerability is greater on the phone. Don't think that he just solved it and called you. NO! He must have thought about it for a long time, how to connect, what could happen, how he could be rejected, until his cork exploded and he just looked for you. My advice is to gather your thoughts. There will certainly be one injured, but if I'm in the place of your current friend, I won't like the person next to me thinking about exes. And even though you don't take action, you still think in a very special way.
The person may have called after 5 months of boredom, drunk because another does not bind him, or try his luck. He may have had something to do with another, but it didn't work out, and now he doesn't want to be alone. I had such an ex. His current relationship is falling apart, and he is looking for a place to go; that is, with me. He hadn't looked for me for months, just because there was another, but he remembered when they started arguing. There is no gathering of courage, just an instinct not to be alone. Author, you should not sit in safety for fear. There is disrespect for the person next to you. Your ex is gone, it makes no sense to feel sorry for you in months. And they told me how they would not forget me, but these are just words. There will always be others after you. Don't be fooled into believing.
Your ex is just manipulating you. I'm sorry, but it's not. Women think that when he looks for us he is out of great love, and he realized what he had. But it's just that another one doesn't bind him, or someone has lost him again. For the man, the ex is only for sex, for love he has already decided that it is not. All kind words are meant to just go to bed with him. He tried others after you, but he didn't tell you. It tells you what you want to hear. He knows you and tells you what you want. How are you love and there are no others. Pure manipulation to tie him up again. It will confuse your life and disappear.