I don't know how to start. I feel terrible right now. I have a ball in my stomach and my mood is zero. PLEASE READ THE TOPIC AND GIVE ME ADVICE! I'M DESPERATE! A few months ago I found out that my mother was texting a man (I came across it by chance, she had forgotten about Facebook). I saw that he had written all sorts of nonsense to her, and she answered him, given that she was a married woman and had a good relationship with her father. At that moment, I felt unnecessary. I never expected this from my mother. And imagine he is 14 years younger than her. The difference between me and him is less than the difference between her and him. Then I got depressed. I cried all the time. My mother understood what had happened and we both sat down and talked. She also cried and promised me that she would not deal with him again. Over time, things calmed down. A few weeks ago, however, I saw them writing to each other again and I just joked with her without showing my pain, and then she just told me they were kidding. At the moment I came across what they wrote to each other and I am just amazed. They are heard almost every day and want to see each other. They talked about romantic dinners and such nonsense. Now I just don't know what to do if she knows I was nasty then and now it's happening again. I know she's a woman and maybe that's normal, but I'm also a daughter and I can't accept her. Please tell me what to do? Girl on 14 They talked about romantic dinners and such nonsense. Now I just don't know what to do if she knows I was nasty then and now it's happening again. I know she's a woman and maybe that's normal, but I'm also a daughter and I can't accept her. Please tell me what to do? Girl on 14 They talked about romantic dinners and such nonsense. Now I just don't know what to do if she knows I was nasty then and now it's happening again. I know she's a woman and maybe that's normal, but I'm also a daughter and I can't accept her. Please tell me what to do? Girl on 14
Answers 16
Um, of course, yes, I know this, why it's something known in advance. I would advise you to talk to her, but apparently that didn't help. At 14, you're not small anymore. I think you have to accept that your marriage is going through a difficult period. I think some things you don't know are not clear to you and I advise you not to do anything because it will be blind and you can ruin their marriage. Leave her mother free - she is a married woman, but she is a woman. Let him make his choice. Watch your teaching and wait. Only this is in your power. The worst tactic is to tell your father, given that nothing happened and you know nothing. Another wrong tactic is to try your best to save your marriage. It is very possible that they are unhappy together and are together only because of you. This can take years, but sooner or later such a marriage falls apart. Accept it and don't get confused, because you will get caught between the slaps and each of them will start pulling and using you in the conflict, you will feel forced to take sides. You can't know many things about adults, but guilt is seldom in one if there can be guilt in love. Yours used to be loved, created and married, 14 years have passed since then, a lifetime of yours and things have obviously changed. At first glance, they try to maintain a family relationship because of you, but you can't know how things really are. ... and make no mistake - just if at first glance they are in a "good relationship", do not quarrel and do not shout, then the marriage may have died. People who are indifferent do not quarrel, people in love quarrel often. But it can only be a crisis ... wait for yours to get better or split, but stay neutral, if you want to have two parents. If you start interfering now, you will lose one of the two. (your mother) People stay your parents even if they are no longer together. There is nothing you can do if two people do not want to stay together.
And I would advise you to talk to her again. It's not okay to give your mother advice on these things, but just ask her to think carefully before taking any action. To think about the consequences, about you, about your family as a whole. By the way, ask her if your father knows about her correspondence with this man. I hope this startles her. Write what is happening.
Once you have talked to her and this has not changed the situation, then whatever you do will have no effect. But I understand that this is unpleasant for you and you will not feel good if you remain indifferent. You can try to talk to her in a slightly sharper way. If you want to show her the topic here in spodeli. That way he will know that you are feeling really bad.
Dear girl, I fully understand how you feel, but unfortunately I can not give you useful advice. Unfortunately, there is a type of woman (like your mother) who is looking to catch a suitable man and get married quickly, give birth to a child and tie him up, to be able to ensure material, financial and emotional stability, and then they get bored and they start looking for him outside. They usually catch a younger, free and good looking man. Of course, they don't have great feelings and for nothing in the world they don't want to give up what they already have. just use and have fun at someone else's expense. One of them poisoned my life. An unmarried white woman
From the author: (Up to 1) Thank you for the advice, but I'm sure they are not together because of me. By "good relationship," I didn't mean they didn't fight. On the contrary, they quarrel quite often, but only for nonsense. She shared that they love each other, but it's not like before. Nothing in their relationship is lame. I'm not so stupid as not to notice. They argue, argue like any couple, but my mother just changed. The hormones seemed to be "raging". She pretends to be younger than she is and doesn't go for years. Also, I didn't mean to tell Dad at all, because I'm just sure they're going to break up. But by the way of logic, if he wants to separate, then something has gone wrong. And from this whole situation, I take it. Given that she knew what was wrong with me before, she chose to keep the relationship with this man, that even reinforce them and risk my feelings. In principle, I am very sensitive and she knows it, but despite everything she obviously doesn't care!
Your mother really treats you very badly. My only advice is not to pay attention, you will just get sick. : (((Deni, 13 years old
How can you not do anything? As you are an important part of your family, this concerns you directly. It concerns you and your father. You can tell her very firmly that you are closing your eyes for the last time, and you will tell your father next time. Even solemnly promise her that if she continues - she will be exposed. It's about your family! If things are serious with her, she won't give up, but I don't think so. They are still in the flirting stage and don't mean much to each other. Therefore, it is much more likely to start and stop - do not forget that all hobbies thrive only in the presence of comfort, and when it gets hot, everyone is saved and false feelings evaporate! I'm pretty sure she'll still try to go on hiding, but then the truth will shine even uglier again. Should know, that you're not kidding and if you catch her, you'll even tell your father the details. And before I am attacked by some women who tolerate infidelity in marriage "when there are reasons" and think that she has a right to be happy - I want to say that I also speak from the position of a mother. I, too, had allowed myself to be enchanted by an Internet flatterer at the time, at that time I did not feel loved by my husband and fell in love, but I stopped in time because the thought of children and how they would experience it broke my heart. It turned out that my feelings for him were not as strong as I had imagined. They can't match my love for children and my desire to be well. And another iron argument - a man who starts courting a married woman with a clear idea of what might happen is rubbish, it's not worth it, so tell your mother.
why don't you write to this guy and tell him to leave your mother alone because he has a 14-year-old child and it's not serious to deal with people his age ?? And one more thing, the most important: your mother gave birth to you - SHE IS DUTY, HAS NO RIGHT TO CHOOSE - she has to look after you at least until you turn 18 - then she can do as she pleases. But until then, it shouldn't cause you that! I think so. Success!
Ha, number 9 - a very good idea, I had not thought. The man will just be tested to see if he had serious intentions. Otherwise, I do not agree that our parents owe us. I would not want my parents to be together by obligation. A person can be a good parent both when he is divorced and a bad parent when he is married. One has nothing to do with the other, and if the author wants to force the two to stay together for her sake, she will simply watch two unhappy adults in the coming years.
Stop digging into your mother's things, it's not pleasant at all and it's quite moral. Imagine mothers starting to confuse you with things with boys, looking at your chronologies and nonsense, how you will react. Very ugly act, come on 1 time it happens by accident and you looked out of curiosity, but obviously you do it all the time. M20
Sweet girl! Sometimes mothers need someone to court them and tell them that they are still beautiful and not old. Maybe that's what your mother is looking for, and maybe your father forgot those things. Remember that she is also a woman and needs it. Not that I justify it, but when a man, much younger, tells you that you are beautiful, it makes you feel special. I'm a woman too, and maybe around her age, and maybe I'd fall in love too, but don't think she doesn't love you. Believe me, you come first for her. She's just flirting. And those things she wrote to herself, she's sure they're joking, at least on her part. Trust her.
From the author: Thanks for the advice! To number 11: Yes, she's digging into my stuff and I don't mind. He sees what I've written to the boys and I don't think it's wrong. We have always shared everything with her and we have never lied. And now at some point I feel betrayed. Up to 12: Nonsense. If one woman is happy with her marriage, she will not need others. If she's not happy, she thought before she got married and didn't have children. She is to blame, so she will answer. And I know I'm pretty bad, but I'm on that principle. And I'm not so angry that he's texting another man, but that he's lying to me and not keeping his promises. But today I talked to her and told her. that if she can lie to me, so can I, and that I will not keep my promises either. I may be in a hurry, but at the moment I don't feel close to her at all. And for this man, she is not the only family he has dealt with, he obviously likes to ruin the families of people older than him !!! But think, I'm in puberty, and although I'm aware of everything, I'm going to do the wrong thing to show her what an example she's giving me. And after a while, when I become a young lady, I will try not to make my mistake, even if only because of my child, because in no case would I want to hurt him. And by the way, she told herself for the first time that her act was very stupid and that she had retreated a lot and that she had just been wrong. This mistake cannot be made a second time, not because of anything else, but because it will be just a choice. to show her what an example she gives me. And after a while, when I become a young lady, I will try not to make my mistake, even if only for the sake of my child, because in no case would I want to hurt him. And by the way, she told herself for the first time that her act was very stupid and that she had retreated a lot and that she had just been wrong. This mistake cannot be made a second time, not because of anything else, but because it will be just a choice. to show her what an example she gives me. And in time, when I become a young lady, I will try not to make my mistake, even if only for the sake of my child, because in no case would I want to hurt him. By the way, she told herself for the first time that her act was very stupid and that she had retreated a lot and that she had just been wrong. This mistake cannot be made a second time, not because of anything else, but because it will be just a choice.
Do you think your mother is doing it on purpose? Are you and your father sick of it? Know that something is picking at her from the inside, and she doesn't consciously want that thing, but it's there and it's picking at her. Know also that when you get to her age such things will sting you from within and you will wonder what to do with them. The world is not black and white and things are not clear. You don't understand your mother's motives and you can't be her judge. You will understand her only when you find yourself in her situation. And the more misunderstanding you show now - the more certain this will happen to you one day.
Listen to №12, don't dismiss everything lightly. You are still young and do not understand many things.
Very naughty, well, he threatened her that if she didn't stop writing to her, you would tell your father, for example ... she was angry that she would take you seriously ... that sucks ...
I was in the same situation ... It's not pleasant at all, but after a while ours broke up. I respected my mother's decision. She has been dating this man for three years. I met him and understood why she started writing to him in the first place. Indeed, every woman needs a man to support her, to tell her that she is beautiful, and so on. I know you're sick, but try to understand your mother. I respected mine and we have a perfect relationship. :) Girl 13 years old.