I appeal to you. I am a 22-year-old girl and last year at that time I broke up with my ex-boyfriend. This happened on his initiative. We were together for a year and 7 months. Our relationship was from a distance, but we never quarreled seriously, we always helped each other, we supported each other in everything and we held on to each other. We loved each other. We were both tormented by the distance, but he was the first to give up our relationship because he was just that type of person and it was difficult for him to be fully committed to the relationship. He was as devoted as possible, but I was the only one who saw him, and he felt depressed. We studied in different cities and had a plan for me to go to him when we graduated. When we parted, he told me that he did not want to stop my development and did not want to go to the city where he studies, just because of him. I stopped existing for him. Now, a year after the separation, he already has another girl by his side. They've been together recently, but I don't think he's happy. From common acquaintances I hear that things between them are not flourishing and he constantly wanted to show himself in front of people, to talk about her, wherever and whatever he does, to be with him, to constantly upload photos in social networks .. I'm starting to wonder if there are any real feelings for her at all. I tried to make contact with other guys, but things are not the same, and when I start writing or dating someone else, I feel disgusted. I gasp and think constantly about my ex. And now that he's with another, I feel even worse. I no longer know what to do with my life, whether to fight for this relationship, whether to go to his city, as we had agreed (this will not hinder my realization in any way and he knows it), whether to force myself to be with another, or to stand alone. Please advice. I still have feelings for this person and I don't know what to do. I also ask people who will only want me not to write comments. I will be grateful if I receive adequate opinions and advice.
Answers 4
You haven't really had a relationship, you're old and mature enough to take a step forward - to see each other live and live together. When you saw that he was not ok with the distance connection, then what did YOU do? It's both your fault - neither he nor you made the "sacrifice" to be together. Apparently it wasn't real love, you lived in self-delusion ... the insidious trap of internet connections. It's not always the way we think, the boy has a real boyfriend - he does things the normal way. She uploads photos with her boyfriend because you didn't have that. He wants everyone to know about his boyfriend because he has faced criticism about "your relationship." He doesn't show off, he just enjoys a real and physical connection. You have not quarreled and confronted, because only the same things happen in long-distance relationships - chatting and talking. He doesn't need you after not looking for you for a year. Forget it and move on!
I think your ex is trying to get on with his life. My main advice to you is for you to do the same. Relationships that have ended have usually done so for serious reasons. No one has broken up with someone they have been extremely in love with or with whom they have not had any problems. In my miniature experience, you loved him too much, but he couldn't reciprocate. At the moment, you have fallen into self-pity and sweetening the moments of your former common past. In the present, any hopelessly ended relationship in which a person has invested a lot of himself, looks wonderful. Think about it - haven't you quarreled, haven't there been moments when you wanted to end this relationship? Long-distance relationships are complex and definitely not for everyone. I don't think he did very well and it's better not to try to see each other, to talk. I think now you seem to be trying to believe and instill in yourself that he uses all the ostentation of social networks, for example, to influence you in some form. Yes, he may not really be happy; yes, there may be problems with your current girlfriend, but that doesn't mean you're specifically involved there. After all, it is clear that nowadays people really use Facebook and Instagram to brag to feel better. But do not think and do not delude yourself that after so much time (namely about 1 year, if I understood correctly) a grown man, not a 16-year-old boy, will do it for a specific purpose related to you. Go out, work on yourself and your development; don't stop from new contacts. Maybe something good will come out and someone will pleasantly surprise you. Don't think about going back to your ex, it will be a huge mistake and you will regret it ... mainly because it is very likely that he does not want what you want and you will be completely disappointed. Try to stop thinking whether he is happy or not, this is already his job. It's over, move on! :)
A man, if he betrayed you once, will do it again. What is such a partner for you ?!
The biggest mistake is not to move forward, believe me, it is completely unnecessary, impractical and stupid to deprive ourselves of the opportunity to meet someone special for us with whom things will work out. The past is past, just a cliché at first glance, but really a simple truth that if we know we will not lose and waste time from our lives.