Hello, dear people ... I am writing here because I have no one to share it with and I do not know what to do. My mother completely ignores me! She doesn't talk to me, she doesn't write to me on the Internet, and when we see each other she gets nervous when I say something she doesn't like .. She screams, insults .. I worry about her because she doesn't do anything for her life, she constantly she drives with people and judges them, who was what, how much she did for them ... All the time she is sitting in front of the computer and playing some brainless game called -chicken invaders and cycles on Facebook. She has had an affair with all her friends and does not go out at all, she does not see anyone .. She wants me to go with her to Norway to find her a job because she was ashamed to ask about herself .. And I do not want to leave .. I have my life. I try to have my family, and I've been there with her for 5 years now. And of course I'm angry that I tell her not to be afraid to try on her own, that it's not difficult, she knows a lot of people there, to believe in herself because she's a wonderful person ... But this is obviously an insult to her, I don't know. He does not want to learn Norwegian, but has been working there for more than 5 years, he does not want to strengthen his English so as not to speak like a gypsy. I tell her that she will have learned so much by at least 3 words a day by the end of the year, but she doesn't want to do anything ... I feel guilty that I can't help her, and I'm angry that she doesn't accept. She keeps telling me that she doesn't want to live anymore, nobody cares about her, but how ... how can I make her feel better? I also said that if she didn't want to go to Norway, that I would help her find a job here in Bulgaria, I would even give her my car to be independent, she is angry with me again because I didn't understand that she doesn't want to live !! She doesn't work, she doesn't study, she sits in misery, she doesn't eat, she smokes like a chimney, she spends her money without saving .. I don't know what to do .. I feel terrible ..
Answers 12
Critical? Otherwise, don't bother. For me, these people are a lost generation - 12 years they were broken and trained by the communists at school, and then the system collapsed and they lived for 25 years in weightlessness and in search of someone somewhere upstairs to cope in their lives - they did not they have learned to make decisions and bear the consequences and are always waiting for someone from somewhere. The state? The parents? Now you even leaned against the children. It is extremely strange that she has already relied on you - the child! Take care of your family, your life - you can't fix hers. Whatever job you find for her, the problem will be that she will again find someone responsible for her troubles - YOU, and there will always be some. Even if you go with her to Norway and lose your family and life in our country because of her ability to make a living, she won't appreciate it, on the contrary, he will blame you for the problems there, he will want more and more. Just let her get better and you'll see that she'll get better - where will she go? Will she stay hungry? Don't help her in any way and let her get better. In the interest of truth, these people still manage to recover - and before you existed after all, and also lived in much more difficult times and conditions. She obviously survived, and will survive now. It's time to think about yourself, about your family, about your children, if you have any, to settle down and look after your life at all. Hers is clear ... and look at your life with a clear conscience! However, don't confuse her and don't have to learn languages. In the interest of truth, she is right - when to learn languages? You don't need tongues to clean or pick blueberries, to work in a factory ... Otherwise, it will be easiest to break down and play her whistle again,
Calmly, she manipulates you and achieves her obvious. You do not know whether she lives in misery, because you are not with her. Stop the contact temporarily and soon she will look for you or at least tighten up. Be firm "I have my life and I like it, my goals are different from yours". If she wanted to die by now, she was done with herself, and she wouldn't scream "wow, I'm dying" on the net, that's just a scream for attention. And while it can, it will make you spin like that. I know it's hard to cut like that, but you're going to do her a favor. And how she was ashamed to go looking for a job ... :))). She has all the opportunities to look there or to return to Bulgaria and to help her with her work. But she wants YOU to drop everything, to go to her and to punch her. Stop contact temporarily. Let him see that you are tired of deciding what to do next.
Sounds like a typical depression. Your mother needs a doctor and antidepressants.
I think your mother is depressed. Consult a psychologist / psychiatrist?
№1, I will agree with only one of your comments that most likely the mother is at a critical age. The author does not write about her age, but by the way of logic it is understood that she is exactly in this period. Everything else you write is untrue. He does not think that during the time of totalitarianism people lived under an umbrella and everything was given to them. His life was still miserable. Nobody cared about you, it was the same corruption, the same connection as now. In the past, we called the "successful", ie the rich, communists, now we call them oligarchs, that's the only difference. Everything else was the same as now. Everyone saved themselves, through connections, of course. Something else you did not understand from the topic of the author, she complains about her mother, not because he is looking for her and blackmailing her for something, but on the contrary, she is worried about it, that her mother is closed in on herself and doesn't look for her for anything ("My mother ignores me completely! She doesn't talk to me, she doesn't write to me on the Internet,"). The author even wants to give her a car as a gift, just to help her with something. Read correctly, otherwise you are wasting your time.
Your mother develops a mental disorder.
It looks like a classic depression to me. Isn't there a way to get her to talk to a specialist?
From 1 to 6 - on the contrary, I understood what the Author wanted to say and that she was worried, so I advised her not to bother. If it is critical, it will heal on its own and nothing can be done, and if it is depression, the already depressed person MUST seek treatment and there is no way to cure a mentally ill person if he himself has no desire to do so. In my opinion, however, it is mostly about character, upbringing, that the mother is like that. I don't believe she was ever different, but just so far other people have played her bagpipes, including the Author herself had no other commitments (family !!!) and paid attention to her, she lived according to her whims, but now obviously the Author has other people and responsibilities, there is clearly no husband or parents to care for the woman and she has blossomed and tied up. The bad thing is that once you squat on such a person end. My personal opinion is that this condition is quite common in people brought up before the 89th year of the then system, but I'm not saying I'm right. It is easiest to solve the problems of such people, but in the end you risk everything you have achieved. For example, imagine the author "squatting" and going abroad - will her husband be waiting for her? What about children? She was there for 5 years, she decided to go home and build her life here, who is her mother to ruin her way just because she can't do well in life on her own? And I'm 80% sure that the mother has been like that all her life, but so far there have been others to take on the greater weight around her. Now, the critical one may be overwhelmed, but even women in critical work have whole weeks and months in which things return to normal. But we're just guessing here. There is too little information.
Author of - What's going on with my mother? Thanks for your attention and advice my name is Christina! My mother has been in this condition for almost 10 years now! I tried to get her to seek help from a psychiatrist, but without success! She was born in 1969 and has had two marriages since then and until recently lived for almost 10 years with another person without marriage, but it was a fixed idea for them to get married and have a child, and she can't have children, even me she begged me to give of her eggs so that she could conceive, but I refused .. Simply because it sounded kind of perverse to me to have something to do with her friend .. It may be wrong, but it terrified me! They fought constantly, they fought, of course my mother beat him and attacked me. They parted, then reunited, he even cheated in front of my eyes while he was gone, some horror! After he broke up with her, she became even worse. Filled with malice and envy! He started communicating with an ex-prisoner and made him threaten his ex and his new girlfriend, but I was very much against this relationship, the funny thing was that they were really very similar as if she had fallen in love with herself, but a male .. Anyway, fortunately this relationship is over, but her condition is critical! I understand that I should not interfere in her life. This is what my uncle and grandmother advise me .. I try, but it's really hard to be calm .. I don't care what she thinks! I'm afraid of getting hurt or worse! I love her, even if she is not like the other mothers, not a day goes by that I have not prayed to God for her .. But I am already 27 years old and I really want a little peace and independence! I hope you come out right and she will be able to fight the evil in herself and take her life in her hands!
№1, the lost generations are those born after 1991-2 until now. It's downright tragic! To the author - your mother has symptoms of depression and needs treatment.
Ot 1/9, OMG, Author, you put me in absolute touch. Even my wildest fantasies do not reach reality for this woman! HORROR. I even wonder how you are such a normal, earthly person with such a parent. Otherwise, you have made the right decision not to donate eggs - firstly, this is forbidden in our country, secondly - imagine your own child actually growing up with such a parent, the even crazier father! As for the rest - your mother is a very young person, she will be fine in life. You look after your own happiness, life, because if you are not careful, this woman will attract you, confuse your life and cut off your chances for success and normal life. People have been revolving around it all their lives. There are people who know her better than you - her parents, your uncle - listen to them and don't bother. Love your mother but you don't have to ruin your life because of her inability to lead her own. As far away from her as possible, and it's great that she decided to manipulate you by ignoring you - call on holidays and that's it. H.12 - the new generations are not lost - they grow and are brought up in today's system and are doing great. I have a nephew, born in 1999 and a wonderful child - he will soon graduate and plans to go to work and travel in Australia for 1 year to learn the language and new customs, culture. These young people are active, have an idea of what they want and know that it can only be done on their own initiative. The generation of our parents have been deceived and trained for me by a system that simply destroyed itself and left behind millions of broken people who do not know what to do with their lives and how to deal with them. At that time, someone else was just plotting your path ... and now it's all up to you. This is the chance, but it is also the difficult and many people break down in front of this responsibility.
Author, I'm 3, but she seems to be obsessed with you ... she even wants your eggs for God, from her daughter. After your comment, not only about the eggs, but everything ... well, she is obviously a tyrant. She wants to rule, to have servants, slaves to fulfill her whims and, but even so, to humiliate them, cat. I'm sorry, I understand that you still love her, but even for that, cut her off. Only in this way, only she has lost the last chance for someone to serve her life ready, she will tighten her ass at least in order to survive. Otherwise, if you give in, it will crush you, it will turn you into what it is. You are with your mind, look at your life and distance yourself as much as possible. From now on, I'm betting on you that the moment you get home and give signals for a happy life, it will have landed on your head to destroy it. Be careful!