Hello, The question has been bothering me for some time, but lately it has become quite relevant given some cataclysms in my life. I am 29 years old, a man and I am not what I want to be. I had a very troubled childhood, terrible parents. As a child, I was quite closed and congested. I try to work on myself, lately after a personal cataclysm, quite hard. I absorb books and seminars for positive thinking, I try to become more confident in my relationships with women, to put my financial situation in order, to play sports actively, to go out and socialize. Where successful, where not, but my current life is, to put it mildly, unsatisfactory and at least I should try to change it. And here comes the influence of the environment. As much as we deny it, it is huge. My friends (five in all) are good people, I could always count on them. But they have, to a greater or lesser extent, those shortcomings that I don't like at home - they are lazy and inert, they are satisfied with little, they think they know everything, they have low self-esteem and some of them are terribly suspicious and negative. Not all of them have all these traits, some have more, others less, but this is the general picture.
My friends are not people I have much to learn from. I don't have anything to teach them either, they don't want to, and I won't force my worldview on them. But the next question comes - these people, despite their shortcomings, have proven over time that they are loyal and I can count on them. I really only have them. Without them, I have to stand alone. It is difficult to make friends after school or at most student years. Especially for men. There are already contacts and acquaintances. I've been close to people in different places, on which I worked, but everything cooled down after someone left work. I want to have positive and confident people around me from whom to learn. But I don't know how to attract such people. I myself am not like that and it is normal for such people to avoid me. Here comes the moral aspect - it's stupid to dump people who have always been by my side.
Although lately, I've started to avoid a close friend of mine - it's just terribly negative and burdens me a lot. He has the same problems as me, and when we see each other, they seem to get worse, instead of helping each other. I see my other friends, who are not so burdensome, but less often, and I try not to let them influence me. But I still feel that this environment is pulling me down. I think I'll stay at their disposal if anyone needs me, but just spend less time with them. To do more with studying, books, sports, attending seminars. Has anyone been in a similar situation and how did you cope? How did you find new people to help you develop? For women, it seems easier - a charming smile and you get used to it. While men guard our territory and find it harder to let people in.
Answers 6
You are 29 years old! Friends that they are important - they are important, but it's time for you to think about a career, a serious relationship, greater success, and such people only stop you! You can't dump them all at once, but gradually move away, avoid them, focus on something you love to do, and start changing for the better. Change your attitude towards the world, think positively and optimistically, you will see how the cheerful character affects the people around you and how you will start to attract them. And if you find a decent and good friend, her friends can become yours, in general you can find completely new people who will make you feel good. Friendship is not a pact of allegiance, there are other feelings involved, friends should encourage you and help you progress in life. And these people don't! As for motivation, take a look at the movie "The Secret", which tells about the Law of Attraction and how it will help you in life, it helped me personally in many ways. There are a variety of listening videos on YouTube, which are subconscious messages to charge with positive energy, higher self-confidence, sociability, success. It sounds crazy, but they help and I say it from personal experience.
I completely understand you. I have experienced this too. On the one hand, you are right that after school and student years it is difficult to find friends, and if it is important for you to have such, I do not know if it will be easy for you to find new ones. On the other hand, negative people really pull you down a lot. Like you, I had 4-5 girlfriends closer to school and university. At first they were very cool people, but gradually, I don't know if life, stress began to sink a lot. It and I sank. But the bad thing was that when we got together we just complained to each other and almost stopped having good moments together. We were 22-3 years old, and we saw each other with some coffee and complained to each other like retired women who had suffered all their lives. I didn't like this environment either and it was very depressing for me. But like you, I held on to our friendship to the last and did not give it up. At one point, however, I had a lot of problems and when I saw them, they burdened me even more. Then I tried to talk to my closest friend about the problem that we need not only to work hard, but also to do some positive things together. Accordingly, the answer was that the friends were in favor of being together even in difficult moments. Yes, that's right, but if they are only difficult, negativity and complaints come a little more. And I stopped contacting her abruptly and saw that there would be no change. I told another directly that he was burdening me, because he kept making some ironic and sarcastic remarks, and with the others I withdrew slightly and things fell apart on their own. We were one company and in general after each joint meeting some gossipy discussions started with each other which also came to me more. I won't lie to you, they were alone for a long time after that, there was no one to drink coffee with. I made 2-3 new friendships but with positive people with whom I feel good, this after a period of about 2-3 years of loneliness. But let me tell you, I'm not sorry, now my life is much better, a lot of things have changed in a positive way, I'm much calmer. quite negative, my life has improved and I am much happier now. I'm not saying that removing negative people will work like a magic wand, but this is a part that has an impact. Strive for the best and the positive and you will not regret, even if it means parting with old memories that only bring you negativity. The choice is yours. Success!
oftopic: very well written, thank you
To me, Satan by himself. And I'm your age. Out of 20 friends, only the 5 best and most creative remained. I was surrounded by future criminals. The environment is extremely important! It's a long story. I don't have time to tell it. With health
Dude, the problem isn't with the friends. You say that they have proved their loyalty, so why do you want to remove them from your life? !! Being content with a little is their choice and has nothing to do with your friendship. For example, I have a friend with whom I have known since childhood and to this day we are together almost every day. He understands some things in one way, I in another, but there is nothing wrong with that. We have always pursued different goals with him and we are still friends. In life, you must trust God first and then yourself. Go ahead and don't care too much.
I had a problem similar to yours, I had a few friends, but there was something like pulling back and now I'm in a difficult period .. I owe it to other things, but anyway, you better not cut the few contacts you have and keep them. Just limit going out with them and spend more time with yourself.