Hello! I am 25 years old, a woman. So far I have had a long relationship - almost 5 years, when I was 13-19 years old. The boy and I parted several times, but I was not with others in this “free” time. ”What I learned as a lesson after this relationship was not to turn the person next to me into“ everything for me. ”Because after this love I turned out to be a baby in the world, but at the age of 19. I didn't have my friends, I didn't have my hobbies, I didn't have anything of mine, mostly socially. At the age of 20 I started dating men, but dating didn't happened very often, maybe I've been dating 20 people so far.With only one I thought something could happen and we were together for about 2 months.For a while we saw each other only for sex, because otherwise as characters we didn't fit. And I remained a good friend with one, but we didn't get along either. We drank something with the others once or three times and just cut off contact. However, time is running out and I am 25 years old. I have never lived with a partner in a home. I have created my own rhythm of life, which relies entirely on my desires and abilities. I'm used to taking care of myself, I work a lot, I have a little fun, I sleep a lot.
However, it seems to me that while before I had some dose of resourcefulness with the people around me, patience or whatever he is told, now the situation is no longer like that. Obviously I didn't get it with a partner. But my brother was visiting for a few weeks while he was looking for a place to live. Often his friends came to visit him, he often ate something I had planned for the day and confused my macronutrients for the day, if I don't have the opportunity to go to the store. This made me nervous and we fought several times. He was complaining about the hair at home (I have pets) and I wanted to tell him to leave instead of thinking about the option of reducing them, as I would have thought before. I love to travel, but I'm used to traveling alone. I often go somewhere where I can see an acquaintance or friend. But I stay in a separate object. Recently, a friend really wanted to go to one place, looking for the company several times, and in the end, no one wanted to go with her. She was depressed and I decided I could offer my company. It was extremely unpleasant for me. I didn't tell her because a friend in need knew each other and I wanted her to feel better. But I didn't like the fact that it was later than me and I had to keep quiet. I didn't like that, that she did not wash any dishes, because she was used to covering the sink, then to take care of it. I didn't like the fact that I was cooking (simply because I rarely eat in restaurants) and accordingly she never once offered to do anything, but she was happy to eat my food. When friends have been visiting me for a few days, I was annoyed that they talk to me and keep me busy while I work, and I, for example, have set aside some hours for them and then I just have to do some things and expect no one to "touch" me. . And all these things are small, but I generally realize that I'm becoming a well-ossified nut.
I don't want to compromise, I don't want to get out of my routine, I don't want things to happen differently. But I want to have a boyfriend and a family at some point. But the years go by. And I can't imagine spending time meeting anyone. I do not comment at all on the part in which I still have to meet this someone, and with my daily routine, the chance of it happening is minimal. I know that there are people who have been alone for a long time and then found their partner. Some start dating the opposite sex even after graduating from university. So if you have time, people of this type, how did things happen to you? When you found the right person, did you manage to adjust to him?
People, who love solitude at least for a while, how do you ensure it by having a partner with whom you live? I wonder if in the beginning, you forced yourself to accept the changes in your routine and whether at some point you got used to the new daily routine so that at the moment you accept it completely? I'm also interested in people, who steamed from a "suffocating relationship", how did they find the balance between normal and very intimate relationships? Thanks in advance for your time!
Answers 14
Do what you will do, but keep the man away from your house and never become a safe strainer for anyone, because only then do you see their real face. -think well what you are going to do
I don't know if you realize it, but you haven't become a petrified nut, and you're going crazy. I was thinking of stopping after a moment of macronutrients and pets. So after we stated the fact, there is no recipe for you. There are others, it is not very difficult for them to find a partner, but there is no recipe for you. Because you are NOT like most people at all. Right now you want to find someone, just because your ego wants someone to follow your ass. And love is just the opposite, to rejoice that someone has not washed their dishes, because you will be able to wash them for him. Rejoice that someone has attacked your refrigerator because you made someone happy with your dish. Wanting to be with someone to give you reasons to be good! This is Love. Girl, you're suffocating yourself and I don't know how you tolerate it. How do you want to not strangle another who has not run away from you. I'm sorry
I think you need love ... passion to be exact. This will get you out of the loop. I was suffocated and I was suffocated. This is normally due to a lack of sufficient accountability on the part of the other party. So we are again leaning towards mutual passion, division. That is why it is rare in life, because it is absorbing, burning :) M37
I, coming out of this type of relationship, will tell you that I understand you very well about the part with the baby. Maybe he is next to a person, for example I love my friends very much, I can't talk to everyone, but if I fit in with someone, I start thinking about him constantly, I want to be together non-stop, etc. You're just I remind you that each person has the right to their personal space, I take one step towards the respective person, maybe 2 and I wait for the next one to do it. So, somehow, I balance in relationships with people. No matter friend or loved one About the changes: if something annoys me a lot I sit down and say. In most cases, we understand each other so that it is good for me and the person opposite. I compromise on things that are not a pain to die for, but people on the other side appreciate that. There are those who do not, but such will always be found: ) You just have to find the golden mean. It's not easy, but with small steps and training yourself, it is achieved. The most important thing is not to compromise with YOUR principles and not to crush yourself. Otherwise, when you like someone and have feelings, but really, you are inclined to even the smallest compromises.
Get a cat. Or you already have one and stay with it for life. You don't need men.
You don't need a man. What do you need it for? Lying in your eyes while you're comfortable? If you have the opportunity and desire, there are ways to have children without a husband. I'm seriously writing this to you. You don't need a man, except for business if he's a millionaire, but you won't find love in men.
Hello! It's like I wrote the story, 100% overlap. I think that most of your problems come from the fact that you meet people very different from you ... who are not taught to respect each other's time, to make some effort for the general conditions in which they find themselves and ... to wash their dishes :) this does not mean that there is no other category of people. You just haven't met them. My advice is to look at the people in your team ... or others who have a similar rhythm of life (for a possible relationship) because they are supposed to have similar thinking and habits like you. For me, the decision was that I married my best friend - we are almost the same in character and desires. Absolute idyll: D "The period of adjustment" always hides moments when you are a little dumb that you are no longer alone, and you have to comply but if you have done well in choosing a partner it is not so difficult. It is very important when going to meetings to pay serious attention to whether you have GENERAL VIEWS about things. This will also give you many topics to talk about. Do you want marriage, children, what is important to him, what is not important to him at all. This will later help you easily impress him by doing the things you asked before and know he adores, and avoiding the ones you know he doesn't like. When men are happy, they do their best for you. It is important to have clear communication served in the right way - instead of "wash the dishes because the sink is already overflowing" "I would be happy to help me with the dishes while I cook". For me personally (and people like us), children would be a bigger challenge ... I'm terrified from now on. : / The other thing I want to tell you is to give it a try. This is important because it is not certain that with the first man things will be successful, but you have to invest time and patience while getting to know him and find out each other if you are right for each other. It may not happen ... but a year has passed and you will be 26-27 years old. You understand me. We would all like to meet the prince immediately, and miss the "mistakes", but unfortunately life does not always go like this ... I'm sure you will succeed, because your post shows the qualities necessary for a successful marriage, just calm down and look around. and if a year has passed and you will be 26-27 years old. You understand me. We would all like to meet the prince immediately, and miss the "mistakes", but unfortunately life does not always go like this ... I'm sure you will succeed, because your post shows the qualities necessary for a successful marriage, just calm down and look around. and if a year has passed and you will be 26-27 years old. You understand me. We would all like to meet the prince immediately, and miss the "mistakes", but unfortunately life does not always go like this ... I'm sure you will succeed, because your post shows the qualities necessary for a successful marriage, just calm down and look around.
1) Honestly, I didn't understand when you were alone at all ... From 13 to 19 with someone, after 20 you went out again ... Women don't really know what loneliness is due to simple biological factors ... For you 3 days without a man is loneliness ... 2) Being with someone does not mean that you cannot have your own time, your own friends, your own hobbies. On the contrary, it is typical for women to make excuses with someone else, and how you "gave" and you have no time for anything else ... Leave this "love song" ... You were just a child, you filmed, and you abandoned real life ... It was your personal fault. 3) In my opinion, typical for most women today, there is a lack of ability to compromise, ability to dialogue. On the contrary - the experience of sacrifice, and how the other always used you, whoever he was. If you make these thin calculations for your brother, compared to your girlfriends, I don't see you enduring with a man for more than a month. That's why you experience yourself "alone" in May. Start a dialogue with the other about what he or she contributes or may contribute to a relationship. People are selfish is a fact, but so are you. And you probably don't notice what these people do for you, just as they don't notice what you do for them. Nowadays, it is really difficult to strike a balance because people are very selfish. In principle, there must be good will on both sides, awareness, without pettiness. But there must be reciprocity, ie you must also choose the people from whom you seek intimacy as CHARACTER, QUALITIES. Not in appearance, not how nice they are in a cup ... In my opinion, this goes against the "modern" culture and a lot of problems come from there. The image that people are building on Facebook today, public spaces is completely fake, just to like them, and when it comes to personal relationships, they are a total tragedy. This childish relationship, don't scare you, but it may remain the best you've achieved, because at least you were more naive, more open. The fake after that is HUGE ...
You already have pets, which will be useful to you in years to come, and loneliness really comes to you. What you have developed is the most unhealthy thing possible for a relationship, and it will be the collapse of every one you start, if the person on the other side is not madly in love with you, to endure the scandals with which you will blame him for everything. The other option is for you to fall in love enough to change your intolerance ... it's harder now. Brother.
1 2 = 3 Simply put, but this is not a clear explanation at all. You have a routine (1), your friend will have his routine (2), when you get together () and live together, you will create (=) your common routine (3). This is more or less how things happen, this is brief and without going into details. Your relationship will change your life before it even becomes serious. Why? Because suddenly you will take some time to see your friend and do something together that you probably would not do alone. Let's say that on Wednesday afternoon you will go out to see each other and sit down to drink coffee somewhere in the center. If you don't know this person and you're single, you probably won't be drinking coffee downtown on Wednesday afternoon, but doing something else. For example, you will prepare your dinner or take a long bath, or you can watch a movie. The connection is not to alternate your routine with his, but to create your own. Let's say you're going to have coffee at the center every Wednesday afternoon, and before you left every Wednesday afternoon you were watching a movie and he was solving crossword puzzles. This is it. Once you live together, your overall routine will change a bit, and 1 and 2 will have more weight in the whole equation. You wash the dishes at the moment, he may want to accumulate them 10. Therefore, you will quarrel over the dishes 2-3 times until you find a compromise or reconcile. In living together there are fits and compromises, especially for such household chores (washing, washing dishes, cooking, habits, who will take a bath first, why he forgot the light on). The less you judge, the better you will live. These things are talked about. Everyone will have time for themselves, as long as you discuss this and find an option. At home, we set a time when everyone does what they want and we don't hang out at all. It's just easier. In general, all these things happen very gradually and you have time to get used to the other. First you just see each other, then you start walking and spend more time with each other. Then you live together and go through one or two crises until you get used to living together (it's not scary or nasty at all). One day you wake up and realize that you only vaguely remember what your life was like without this person with whom you fall asleep and wake up. And you are satisfied, happy, calm, although you haven't read a book in complete silence for a long time and it hasn't happened for a long time that the sink has been empty for 2-3 days. You get used to other people's noise, other people's clothes and things. They become part of your daily life, you stop feeling them alien and they don't intrude on you. At first I hated the glasses my friend brought me. It's a trifle, but things like that impress you. All my glasses were the same size and suddenly his glasses appeared. They are huge, non-functional, a gift from his former boss with the company logo. Then I pushed them to the back of the shelf so I wouldn't look at them. At the moment I make tea only in these cups. There are such strange changes and you feel petty at times, but everything happens gradually. First he used the glasses when he personally prepared something to drink for the two of us, then they appeared in front of the shelf because they were already in use, after a while I started using the glasses. More or less our whole coexistence went through exactly the same period of adaptation as with the glasses. It's a trifle, but things like that impress you. All my glasses were the same size and suddenly his glasses appeared. They are huge, non-functional, a gift from his former boss with the company logo. Then I pushed them to the back of the shelf so I wouldn't look at them. At the moment I make tea only in these cups. There are such strange changes and you feel petty at times, but everything happens gradually. First he used the glasses when he personally prepared something to drink for the two of us, then they appeared in front of the shelf because they were already in use, after a while I started using the glasses. More or less our whole coexistence went through exactly the same period of adaptation as with the glasses. It's a trifle, but things like that impress you. All my glasses were the same size and suddenly his glasses appeared. They are huge, non-functional, a gift from his former boss with the company logo. Then I pushed them to the back of the shelf so I wouldn't look at them. At the moment I make tea only in these cups. There are such strange changes and you feel petty at times, but everything happens gradually. First he used the glasses when he personally prepared something to drink for the two of us, then they appeared in front of the shelf because they were already in use, after a while I started using the glasses. More or less our whole coexistence went through exactly the same period of adaptation as with the glasses. a gift from his former boss with the company logo. Then I pushed them to the back of the shelf so I wouldn't look at them. At the moment I make tea only in these cups. There are such strange changes and you feel petty at times, but everything happens gradually. First he used the glasses when he personally prepared something to drink for the two of us, then they appeared in front of the shelf because they were already in use, after a while I started using the glasses. More or less our whole coexistence went through exactly the same period of adaptation as with the glasses. a gift from his former boss with the company logo. Then I pushed them to the back of the shelf so I wouldn't look at them. At the moment I make tea only in these cups. There are such strange changes and you feel petty at times, but everything happens gradually. First he used the glasses when he personally prepared something to drink for the two of us, then they appeared in front of the shelf because they were already in use, after a while I started using the glasses. More or less our whole coexistence went through exactly the same period of adaptation as with the glasses. then they appeared at the front of the shelf because they were already in use, after a while I started using the cups. More or less our whole coexistence went through exactly the same period of adaptation as with the glasses. then they appeared at the front of the shelf because they were already in use, after a while I started using the cups. More or less our whole coexistence went through exactly the same period of adaptation as with the glasses.
Yes, I'm the same, but I'm a man of 30. I have a girlfriend, but that's why I don't live with her, even though I have an apartment and she puts a lot of pressure on me to live together, but I don't want to - I'm used to it very well alone. I like to be clean and I go very crazy when someone doesn't keep clean, my girlfriend is an "art" person and calls him creative chaos, and for me it's a complete mess .. I also enjoy traveling alone so I don't have to to comply with someone else's schedule, etc. I've always missed individual sports, and I hated team sports like football and basketball at school.
I think start going out more and give them a chance to get to know each other as people. Some will turn out much worse than you expected, but there will also be people who will pleasantly surprise you. I'm not just talking about men, I'm talking about friends.
I'm the same as you, only I'm 16. On the one hand, it irritates me in the least and I don't want anyone to disturb my peace. In principle, I cook my own food and I get very irritated when someone starts eating from it, because everything is weighed to the gram. I'm not used to walking with someone, I do absolutely everything for myself, but not for others. I want to travel alone, to have my own house in the future and I just CAN'T imagine having children one day and I'm so disgusted with intercourse. I don't think I'm asexual because I like guys, but that's it. I never admit my feelings unless the person says they like me. The boys are very annoying and impudent to me. So, you are not alone. In my opinion, stay as you are now :): *
Author, I read until it became clear that your brother had spoiled your macronutrients for the day. Unless you are diabetic, such whining is a pure test of saliva. I hope it doesn't upset your chakras if you leave the toilet bowl open. Stay isolated with a cat, because such behavior is more than repulsive. If you do this with your family, I imagine the melodrama for the partner.