Hello, I am a 20-year-old girl and my problem is that so far I have experienced only disgust with men. I will try to tell you briefly my story and my experience, as I find many reasons why I have such unpleasant emotions after each meeting. In general, when I was in my teens 14-15, like every young person, I was also interested in "different" people - gays, lesbians, people dealing with illegal or atypical things, online dating platforms and all sorts of things. such things. Well, then I spent 90% of my time looking at profiles of different guys / men on gay sites, and of course there I looked mainly at pornography, and to a high degree, I also loved making new acquaintances on heterosexual dating sites, and I often wrote to many people at the same time. I was interested in psychology, my life was interesting and I looked at each new person as a material for analysis and deep conversations about life, dreams, love. Although I often denied it, I secretly hoped to meet the love of my life by chance and experience a tumultuous teenage love. I also went out on a lot of dates, both with homosexuals and with normal boys. Now is the time to add that I have not gone out to more than 14-15 live meetings with people from the Internet, which may be a lot and which I regret, but then it was interesting and unfortunately, I can not go back in time . I made friends with some of the homosexuals that I keep to this day, but that's not the case with hetero boys. I went out with maybe only 2-3 guys on live dates, but I wrote a lot. With some we stayed in the chat for months before we got into a blockade, and with others our "relationship" could not survive for several hours. I have communicated both with hellishly intelligent people, from whom you can take and learn a lot, and with extremely empty and irritating individuals, who I do not know why I was trying to understand then! However, I had a meeting, which turned out to be detrimental to my psyche! My acquaintance with the man in question was on the site again, we wrote to each other for about a week and I definitely saw a good attitude from the person in question towards me! Then I was about 15-16 years old, and he was 26. We saw each other after a week and a few chats and on the first date I seemed to like it. We talked a hell of a lot about life, about family, about everything!
Topics which then interested me and to which I had devoted myself. In one week we saw the boy in question about 3 times, and with each meeting I remained more and more disgusted with him, for no apparent reason. It seemed to me then that he was not dressed very well, at one of our meetings he came, to put it mildly, like a tramp, after I had been waiting for him in the cold for 3 hours, just to see him after work, and he had not shown and minimal effort to translate into a decent look. At the time, these things didn't matter much to me. I relied on real feelings, the inner beauty of a person and things like that, but I couldn't ignore someone's appearance at least to the point that when I liked that person, I saw some effort to look good. On my third and final meeting with this boy, I returned hellishly exhausted, again for no particular reason. He was kind, funny, he showed me that he liked me and ignored everyone else for me, but after this meeting I realized that something was wrong with me. I honestly told him that I no longer wanted to write or see each other, because I have unresolved problems in myself, I am confused and these meetings and chats do not reflect well on me.
Then he exploded and began to feel sorry for himself. At that moment, for the first time, I was so disgusted by someone who showed such obvious self-pity. For many years after this meeting, I was constantly under pressure not to spot him, every car looked like his and I didn't want to hear about boys, meetings and things like that. I don't know why this man disgusted me so much, as I said, he wasn't some rude and idiot, but he was definitely far from the image of a neat, intelligent young man. He still lived with Mom and Dad, he was constantly looking for pity and approval, and I looked much more mature and earthy than he did at the time. Basically, I have a very low self-esteem, but if you read my story, you might think of me as an arrogant and stupid muffin who doesn't know what he wants. I will agree that I really don't know what I want and how I feel sometimes. Years have passed since this incident, I met a lot of people (outside the Internet), but nothing interesting. At one point, my low self-esteem began to plummet: I don't care, I deserve something better than what I've gotten so far. Many things have happened, I have changed in many aspects, but I dare say that despite my thousands of sick complexes and confused thinking (at times) I still have the ability to analyze myself and I know well what my negatives and positives are, what I need to change and what to develop. I grew up, as I already mentioned, I am now 20 and a different stage in my life has come, but not in the aspect of dating. I recently met a man, I will not say how, but it happened on the street. Then I liked him a lot, we started writing, talking and a week later we saw each other again.
So guess what happened? !! Same story as years ago. Again, I was disgusted by the man in question and by myself for allowing myself to date such a person. Don't get me wrong, these men are not total sediments, but my mind accepts them in some other way and makes me remain terribly negative, both to them and to myself. I don't know if it is, because over time, thanks to my thinking, the influence of social media and things like that, I built an image of what the perfect man should look like. Rich, very rich, with a nice luxury car, with an exceptional profession, a beautifully tight and muscular body, and the woman next to him to be ... Barbie. I know that thanks to these images in my head I am complex, because I neither look like that, nor do I think that there is a way to be liked by such a man. Aggression kills me because the thought "Why do you compromise with your criteria for a man just because someone smiled at you or paid little attention to you" reappears and finally, in the last 5 years, all my meetings with men (which were no more than 5-6 meetings) ended either with a complete mockery of me, my time and feelings or with aversion to the man against me!
I have no explanation for where this disgust comes from, but it definitely feels awful. It's a feeling which strikes and hurts only myself, because I am disgusted by myself that I have almost allowed myself to go out with someone who was once again not what I want to be. At first, everyone seems nice and kind to me, but after the first meeting, the only thing I feel is what I've talked about so far. I don't know why this happens, but I know that these are feelings and emotions that have been raging in me sometimes for years and I can't control them. After every meeting I am disgusted, disgusted, angry with myself, just terrified for no particular reason. I already think that I can be a lesbian or something like that ... Give me advice, what is the reason for me to always get such emotions? !! So far no one was attracted to me, or at least not after the first meeting, as I said at the beginning, I always say to myself, “Oh, what a handsome man ”and in the next moment it is no longer of any interest to me, or worse ... Am I a lesbian - I don't know, but I'm 200% convinced that I'm asexual, because against the background of all this, a word about sex, kisses and things like that can't happen at all. I'm disgusted by a hug and any such touch, and what's left for sex and kisses. I'm so damn confused, my story has become terribly chaotic and I can't find a place. I don't know what the problem is and where? !! You will say that I remove these images of the perfect man and the perfect woman from my head, but it is not so easy, because for me these things are like a goal.
The goal is for me to look like that in time and to have such a person next to me. I know I shouldn't, but I can't control these thoughts, so I'm looking for help here ... Am I a lesbian - I don't know, but I'm 200% convinced that I'm asexual, because against the background of all this, a word about sex, kisses and things like that can't happen at all. I'm disgusted by a hug and any such touch, and what's left for sex and kisses. I'm so damn confused, my story has become terribly chaotic and I can't find a place. I don't know what the problem is and where? !! You will say that I remove these images of the perfect man and the perfect woman from my head, but it is not so easy, because for me these things are like a goal. The goal is for me to look like that in time and to have such a person next to me. I know I shouldn't, but I can't control these thoughts, so I'm looking for help here ... Am I a lesbian - I do not know, but I am 200% convinced that I am asexual, because against the background of all this, a word about sex, kissing and such things can not happen at all. I'm disgusted by a hug and any such touch, and what's left for sex and kisses. I'm so damn confused, my story has become terribly chaotic and I can't find a place. I don't know what the problem is and where? !!
You will say that I remove these images of the perfect man and the perfect woman from my head, but it is not so easy, because for me these things are like a goal. The goal is for me to look like that in time and to have such a person next to me. I know I shouldn't, but I can't control these thoughts, so I'm looking for help here ... I'm disgusted by a hug and any such touch, and what's left for sex and kisses. I'm so damn confused, my story has become terribly chaotic and I can't find a place. I don't know what the problem is and where? !! You will say that I remove these images of the perfect man and the perfect woman from my head, but it is not so easy, because for me these things are like a goal. The goal is for me to look like that in time and to have such a person next to me. I know I shouldn't, but I can't control these thoughts, so I'm looking for help here ... I'm disgusted by a hug and any such touch, and what's left for sex and kisses. I'm so damn confused, my story has become terribly chaotic and I can't find a place. I don't know what the problem is and where? !!
You will say that I remove these images of the perfect man and the perfect woman from my head, but it is not so easy, because for me these things are like a goal. The goal is for me to look like that in time and to have such a person next to me. I know I shouldn't, but I can't control these thoughts, so I'm looking for help here ... because for me these things are like a goal. The goal is for me to look like that in time and to have such a person next to me. I know I shouldn't, but I can't control these thoughts, so I'm looking for help here ... because for me these things are like a goal. The goal is for me to look like that in time and to have such a person next to me. I know I shouldn't, but I can't control these thoughts, so I'm looking for help here ...
Answers 9
You don't have to be with everyone you date, even someone you like as a first impression. It even seems more normal to me to choose more than to toss at everyone you meet. In my opinion, the problem is that you are rewound, that it just has to happen. Calm down, you will grow up, you will begin to feel the real things in life over time and escape from children's notions of the perfect. Perfect is an illusion, but true happiness is entirely possible. When you truly fall in love, you will simply feel that the person is for you. Live calmly, go out, communicate with many people and do not set a goal in advance "this will be the man", just be friendly. You are filming because of the excessive analysis you are doing to yourself and others, just relax and don't work so hard :)
You are a super confused being, go to a psychologist, and until then do not bother people with yourself
Yes - I think you have a problem. I say this from the point of view of a person who has had OCD (Google if you are interested). and up and down I know about mental problems. Much of this change in your psyche is exactly what you chose to do as a child - namely, to be interested in gays, lesbians. Now I will admit, as a man and I have watched porn of both sexes ... and it did not affect me well, but not at all. Both me and you. So now you're wondering if you're a lesbian. For this boy who was a tramp - you were forgiven for his appearance, I think a lot of people will be disgusted. Now, for your image of a perfect man - rich, handsome with an expensive car = there are others, but imagine that they are more looking for exactly 10/10 girls to give to the max. I don't know if you're looking for this yourself, it was not understood from what was written, but if so ... you know what they want and what you offer them! It is not impossible to meet such a person, but the refusal of sex will immediately prompt him to look for another. As a man, I certainly fall into your bad criteria - poor, average beauty, if not less, short (1.65 cm), yellow teeth (because as a child I did not realize this), bacon, which I want to tighten with fitness . Tin - right? And I'm very sorry for myself that I'm like that, because like you, I want a tight and beautiful girl, despite what I offer (which is nothing). yellow teeth (because as a child I did not realize this), bacon, which I want to tighten with fitness. Tin - right? And I'm very sorry for myself that I'm like that, because like you, I want a tight and beautiful girl, despite what I offer (which is nothing). yellow teeth (because as a child I did not realize this), bacon, which I want to tighten with fitness. Tin - right? And I'm very sorry for myself that I'm like that, because like you, I want a tight and beautiful girl, despite what I offer (which is nothing).
You suffer from "princess" syndrome, which means that you consider yourself special and deserve only the best. Besides, I think you've suffered from interacting with perverts at this fragile age. My advice is to take seriously the Christian virtue of humility or to start gathering cats for company, because with such a character and worldview it will be very difficult to become something positive in a romantic way.
Just stop dating guys. They did nothing wrong to hurt you with their disgust. Yes, "hurt" is the right word, because any negative emotion sent to a person who did not deserve it hurts badly. Nobody owes you anything. Realize an hour sooner because real life is a big joke and what you sow now, you will reap in time in huge quantities.
There is nothing to look for help here, especially for your emotional world, because it is full of various geeks who would just like to step on you completely. And they are most likely recognized in the men you mention to us. Raise your level. Start exercising, eating healthy. Change your environment - enroll in a specialty at a university. Read books, be interested in different things. Aspire to improve yourself as much as possible and you will see how cooler men will start paying attention to you, generally speaking. Another thing - 20 plus year olds who deal with teenage girls always have some serious abandonment on an emotional level, and often in life. And because their peers quickly sense how bad they are, they turn to younger girls who are easier to impress and manipulate. (The same movie is for 40-year-olds who deal with girls aged 20-20 and a few. Not to mention the ones above ..) I've written this at least a few times. And probably at least another 50 people here have also bothered to explain it, even in great detail.
He said nothing about his father. Have you ever had one? It seems that only a woman raised and educated you.
"Rich, very rich, with a nice luxury car, with an exceptional profession, beautifully tight and muscular body, and the woman next to him to be ... Barbie" You allowed yourself to become a victim of the time you live in, you allowed yourself to accept stereotypes, which are imposed, and the times in which we live, everything that is imposed en masse - is harmful. ”“ Why do you compromise with your criteria for a man, just because someone smiled at you or paid little attention to you? ”“ You ask yourself, I didn't see you answer. There are two options. One option is to be very kind and see the good in people, at least in the beginning, because you approach with a positive attitude and hope. The other option is to be very desperate for attention, I'm not saying love, because it's something else (although, the need for love is key and it is everyone's motivation for every action). Attention and emotions, which subconsciously - you do not care from whom you will receive, but you look for them, and whoever offers them - you take. I think it's a bit of both. ”. I already think I could be a lesbian or something ... ”There are no homosexual beings, in my opinion we are pansexual, some would say bisexual, but there are a lot more interpretations of gender nowadays, so pansexual fits better. So far no one has attracted me fiercely or at least not after the first meeting, as I said at the beginning I always say to myself "Oh, what a handsome man" and in the next moment it is no longer of any interest to me, and worse ... It may not be asexuality because it implies no interest in sex, and I don't know if there is such a living person, because every physical body is energy, sexual energy is nothing but our own energy. which transforms into sexual. Creators, for example, or yogis, are able to transform their energy to themselves / to their works, to their spiritual growth. It's a matter of targeting, it's no coincidence that the more primal a person is, the sexier he is, simply because he does nothing constructive in his life except eat, drink, have fun, and the excess energy is transformed. in sexual because there is nothing else. "I hate a hug and any such touch, and what's left for sex and kisses. "It's very similar to demisexuality (you have no desire for sex or intimacy with someone you have no feelings for). That's okay, for me. "Give me advice, what is the reason I always get such emotions? ! ” Don't do that ... ”“ Why do you compromise with your criteria for a man, just because someone smiled at you or paid little attention to you ”” and don’t look for that ... ”Rich, very rich, with a nice luxury car, with an exceptional profession, a beautifully tight and muscular body, and the woman next to him. .. Barbie "and you will not be ..." ... I remain disgusted by myself ... "About things like" I think that ... "- some things are not thought, they are known and feel, and excessive reading of terminology, and re-analysis, lead to self-imputation of things. You reanalyze, you're stuck in the negative, and that's why you go in circles, and things are simple. I put aside your teen years, everyone, almost all of us have been drinking, rather, your problems are due to things from childhood. Lack of love? It's a cliché, but that's the basis. A demanding and nervous mother is the cause of girls' problems, most often with their own vision and with men. What is your father like? When you start building yourself as a person (you still don't show an identity) that you like, then you will get real, not virtual images of who is the perfect person for you, what is the perfect vision for you (I hope, that you will focus on a different vision from Barbie). Keep in mind that if it doesn't happen, you will realize that you will have a lot of wrong ideals about life in general, now you are 20 years old and you will face things from the reality in which we live and react adequately to them, otherwise you will you bring, at least neuroticism, due to the discrepancy of your reality / desires, with the reality outside, I think you feel it at the moment with your own vision, she said herself that you are not Barbie, but you want to. Don't inculcate your thoughts, don't let your thoughts infiltrate you. Pull the cable on the Internet or stop social networks, walk in nature,
Find and do something more constructive and meaningful than chatting on the net, making acquaintances with this and that, and then digging into your own mental waste. Will you play sports, will you do art, gardening, Bulgarian grammar, or something else, you choose. Take an animal if you want and take care of it. And remember - there are no perfect people in life. What you have set as your goal is a utopia - get down on the ground and lower the bar, because you will always be HELL disappointed. You will not meet a man like your ideal anywhere, at least in the chat. Seek psychological help while it's time. If you continue on this path, it will not bring you to a good end.