Hi! I'm 33 years old and I've been living on a family basis with my boyfriend, who is 39 years old for six months. We've been together for 10 years, of which 5 I was a student in another city and kept in touch. After I returned to my hometown/small town, I stayed to live with my parents because there was nowhere to live with my friend. I still had no work and no means to support myself. Five years have passed. After a lot of rubbing on my part, he made repairs to the apartment that the parents gave him, and for 6 months we lived together. Our relationship is built on great love, friendship and support. We are always very supportive in everything-education, work, but in terms of joint life-taboo topic. I made repairs to the apartment for 1 year, even I had the feeling that if I hadn't given him a hard-on, he would still be doing it. We talked about marriage and kids, he always said he wanted to. Last night I raised the question of marriage and told him directly that I wanted to marry and expect to propose. I said it directly, because he claimed he wanted it, but always the words were without specifics-"one day", "and this will happen", etc. Last night, when I told him that in 2 weeks I was expecting a ring, he was hysterical, did not sleep all night, did not talk to me since then, even his brandy/he did not drink in general/. What I saw is that he didn't want to do it, and he just hung me. Now I play it "offended" to not endure and say "OK", "I'm quitting". A while ago my mother said that he postponed and wasted my time, but I thought it was not because he was always there for me, he loved me, helped me a lot. Time's up, I'm 33 now, and I really want things to happen. The fact that he postponed constantly, with time began to make me hate him internally. People wonder what's going on, why we're not getting married. I said to him, "either we're getting married, or I'm leaving because time passes," he says, "If you don't like it, go away," I'll give you as much money as you want to get back on your feet. " It is very easy to end and it hurts me very much. He's also not putting an end to our relationship. Now I am facing the following dilemma: To get a lodging, to find and to move to Sofia in order to find a better job/I came back to our little town, but he did not appreciate it/, although it would be very difficult for me to start from scratch or to stay safe-we have a home, a decent job, we know each other and sometime/do not know when, surely when he decides/will happen things with a family and a child. Please give me advice! I accept criticism, I will not offend!
Answers 39
Sometime when he decides.. You know, if he wanted to, for ten, he'd have decided already. He's already old, or he doesn't want to, and he's never going to do it with anyone, or he doesn't want to be with you, but both options don't keep you warm. You have no time to waste another 10 years of thinking about yourself, it's time.
Why do you have to get married? You guys are together. In principle (I am a boy of 16, you can not take my advice seriously), but I would not be married in principle. I think this whole thing is a very stupid ritual and I don't care about it at all (now I think). Maybe your man is. Don't judge him, he seems to love you, but there are people out there who have a little extra. And without being married, you can live together and have kids (for kids if you want, not necessarily), so I don't see where the problem is.
Get away from him. He's wasting your time. You'il Wake up one day at 40. Alone without children, husband and future. What are you going to do then? If you wanted marriage with you and kids, you would have done it by now. 10 g. Are an awful lot of time. You're even too late. Go to Sofia. and fights alone. He's like a stone to your neck. I don't know how to tolerate it. For 10 g nothing has moved. He's been in for years.
Six months is a little time to find out if you're going to fit in as a couple living together. He's obviously more mature because you're like a teenage girl who expects that by living with his friend, he must offer her a marriage, as she thought and drew in her mind. You're a big mistake to go and commit to marriage. Even if he's proposing to you right now, you realize he's not going to be happy, he's not going to be satisfied, will he just do it and be quiet? Why would a ring be important? (21st century we have different thinking and different values) -TIP: Never push things, they either happen or they don't. I'm sorry, you slept up to 25 years, now you're wake on 33 and you want it all now. Since you've been together for 10 years, you should have live to understand your pros and cons many years ago. You can be a working student and a lodge, even more so that 5-10 years ago it was cheaper, who is the culprit that you are now in this position?! If that's what I get, and they put ultimatums on me, I'm not just going to be angry... (G. 20)
The writing shows that you are an intelligent and educated woman. Now it's time for kids. Oddly enough, why are you postponing so long? You're right to put some questions radically, there's no time to lose. If he loves you, he will understand you, and you will change the situation, if he does not take any radical step, he is undecided and wasting your time. But you don't lose it. Pack your bags, however painful, sometimes for your own happiness one must crossed the limit of patience.. Success!
I wouldn't wait for more than five years. You better leave him, if he wants you to do something, you have nothing to wait for, and I think kids don't want to, cos it's not the first of youth...
I think he's hanging on, and he's never going to get to those insights you've reached. I've been in a relationship like this. Age is not a factor, but a person's mind. I will send you on this occasion an article to read. My personal opinion is that you're fooling yourself that he's the man. He hangs on you, especially his attitude towards you makes it clear he's rude. You'il lose years of waiting to change, like me. And men don't change, they just change the subject of their feelings. Why don't you seek support from a psychotherapist? I don't know what city you're from, but get help. I can give you phones to psychologists from Sofia. I still can't get away from relationships like yours and visit psychologists. And I'm 30 years old. It's never too late to start again. My story is even more terrifying than yours. Greetings and hope you find the right way!
I'm on 29g and I wonder where you find those men who don't give a hard-on for children? And at the same time live with you.. :-) That's what I want. Look, author, if he says he wants a kid, maybe he just worries about how he can handle the money. Other than that, I am a woman (and yes, I say ' although I am a woman ' because there is such a retarded notion that women are always the ones who rush for this and that) I understand them such people, because I too hate to be given the trouble and be constrained for anything.
Your friend just took a look at you. Because he's lazy, he prefers not to give money to other plums, but to Šiba safe. Because of this fact the procrastinating. I don't see any perspective on him except for your vagina and possibly the mouth opening. Anything else--marriage, kids... Will remain in your dreams. The Chikifighter was 39, a woman. If the 39 can't decide if he wants a chaveta or not, when? 50?
Try telling him without setting the terms first. Second, try a child and then a marriage. Maybe you want security, but a signature is not security, believe me. I have been with my wife for 10 years, we have a daughter, very nice and very difficult moments, and at the moment we are also struggling. I think I'm getting married, but no, it's not going to happen, like I don't feel like I want it enough. If one day we feel both ready, I propose and she accepts-okay, but if she comes to me conditions, she's not going to, just her way. A man can love you without wanting to marry you. Look, you're already at 33, tell him you want kids, the years pass by that you love him, but you want kids. I mean, try not to put conditions directly, but to explain that time passes, especially if you want kids. I wanted and even though we were "not ready" (it will never be:)), things have happened.
He doesn't want to marry you. Make your conclusions. Even after the ultimatum, He'il let you go.
It's his job to ask why he doesn't want marriage. You look at yourself, that time flies, and for a woman is very valuable. You're not waiting for him to think about it, and you should be up to 40 and "grab the thumbs." You invented it well. Find a job in Sofia, big city has more opportunities. So I did, I lived in Sofia, we liked a colleague and now we are a family. We have a little girl. I wish you good luck.
Honey, by looking at what "speed" your relationship is developing, I suspect that in about a dozen years, your man will be ready for marriage, and after more so, eventually he can think of a baby... Forgive me the joke, but it's not funny, his attitude is utterly offensive, I wouldn't have lost my time with such selfish. .
In the 21st century, marriage is not obligatory at all! I'm more concerned with the fact that he doesn't want a child because you know how it is... Well, unfortunately with us, women's time to be born is not infinite and if you do not do it until 40 it becomes very difficult. So I don't know what to advise you, but obviously the guy doesn't want to be "official" and the scarier thing is that he doesn't have any serious intentions. If he's so hung up on the repairs, he's got it under duress, which means he's perfectly suited the situation "you're living with yours, I live with my parents, and we only see a few times a week," which he definitely doesn't speak in favor of wanting a family and a child with you. It's 39, he's been on his feet a long time, so I don't know what to tell you, except just to forget about the rings, the dresses and the baby strollers, and if you're okay with that, staying with him, but if you want to see a bride and an even more important mother, then leave him! If the 39 is not ready to take that responsibility, it will never be ready! And it's just perfect for you to live and do. That's why you set a deadline for him, but be firm and if you don't get a ring or at least some meaningful explanation for his behavior, then pack your bags to Sofia. It's just not your guy. I know you've invested a lot of time in your relationship, but you can't wait for another 10 years, possibly mature for the idea of becoming a parent. You're young, you'il meet a man who's on a wave with you and you'il be happy. Don't waste your time with a guy who doesn't have the same priorities in life as you. You just don't have time to wait for him.
If he didn't offer you out in 10 years, my friend suggested that I engaged 2 years after the start of our relationship ☺
He's got everything but love. You are incompatible, but you have lied to endure his unserious attitude to you for many years. There's no dilemma in this case, because what you want from it will never happen. You're not going to change him, and he's not going to change himself. How many chances did you give him for those 10 years and how many of them he used? Do it yourself, especially considering the fact that after the 2nd chance a person will always have the opportunity and do what he wants. That's why you're not getting anything on his side. It's time for you to leave and put your life on your own. I wish you good luck.
You women are always in a hurry, and you're always the last. You're constantly making bills and combinations, and you're always screwed... why didn't you just do the renovation of the apartment for a month, see how it's done, and in the end when you finish, you still have materials to open a hardware store. , because you see the rabbits wear about a month, you why to wait for nine. You're constantly setting conditions, and your favorite verbs are "want" and "must" put it under constant strain and harassment, and I wonder how you've never been scared before, but maybe he did, but you haven't figured it out yet, so don't get your own goal, and don't show a direct red card because the game will end in your favor.
You're blackmailing him to offer you wonder why he doesn't want to get married... I think because of this ultimatum he will no longer look at you the same way. A kind of signature is more important than being with him at all. You've put ultimatum already, and now you must fulfill it. Otherwise, she's going to lose respect for you, and she kind of talks some crap, but she doesn't have the guts to fill them. He'il know he's going to be on his future, because you don't have the balls to show character. You screwed things up pretty bad with this thoughtless act, but it's already a fact. And in principle, you have to predispose the man, he will take the initiative himself for these steps, not to shake him to repair the apartment to hone to him and finally try to make a suggestion.
Up to 17 and 18... What a pinching, the woman waited 10 years for the apartment and for the marriage. Author, this guy doesn't care about these things. He's telling what kind of man he is when he's 40 years old, and you barely made him get out. Run away, you've lost too much time.
Marriage doesn't matter. Children are more important. But you really think about whether you want kids from such a bad guy that you're living together after 10 years. And how you were until now. A tip. Like you've been telling him about marriage now, tell him that you want a kid and see what he does.
He speaks openly with him, what worries him in marriage, when he will be ready. You did well, but explain to him how you feel that marriage is important to you, 10 g you've proven your love, but you can't wait for him anymore. If you have a good job, don't go to Sofia, You'il get a lot of it, but you're judging. Don't forget that every door closed opens a new
I think you should wrap it up for a child. There are people who don't want marriage in general. Ten years are many, during which you have not taken action for a child imfamily. Maybe you'd better go to Sofia and find happiness there. This man, 39 years old, doesn't want a child and a marriage. He's probably never going to ask for it and you're wasting your time.
This marriage is frightening, and superfluous. You'd better talk without ultimatums with him. You want to spend your life with him as I understand it. I have done so I waited two years, promises of marriage, for children, etc. My patience was exhausted, I'm tired and I told him that I could no longer wait to decide. I was on 32, with information about the pregnancy risks after the 30s, I could possibly get the kids very scared. And I felt that as time passed I would not have this energy that a child needs, and now is the time to have a child. Work, problems, frustration and in general this round every day the same and no development and time flies drank me. Although starting the topic of marriage and children was getting into a war and listened to me, he understood me and after a month told what he had decided. I'm not pressuring him because it makes me miserable and unwanted. If he doesn't want a marriage, he won't, but at least a child if he wants to continue life together.
If you use birth control pills, not condoms, tell him you stopped them and you're pregnant. And show him some positive pregnancy test from a friend and see what he does. If he escapes, it's not for you.
On 33, don't look at the "table" giving birth to at least 40, because behind the shiny pictures, with expensive procedures, there is a lot of money or that Gosho's neighbor had no problem. If you want kids wake up you're late. And for your behavior, if I'm a man, I wouldn't feel well with such pressure and "commandments" expecting a ring... These things are not forced, if he does not want, and you want, for common plans are asked for two. So it's good to take your way, let him fathom the situation, then if he really wants to run for you himself, I don't know what you expect when you draw the path and you expect him to perform.
My friend, with whom we have been together for 2 years, considers the ceremony itself (the wedding) for something superfluous. We've been talking about this being pointless money spent in the wind. I quote, "at the wedding, it's like saying to the ones we've collected." Behold, look at me, I am with her! Let me buy you a drink. " Given that we are in touch and everyone sees that we are together, there is no need to have a wedding, in his words. For me, however, things are different-I want to give my family the opportunity to see me a bride, while grandparents have not died. I wish I could also see myself in a white dress and have a wonderful memory for a lifetime from that moment. I wish I was a "wife", not just a "girlfriend", a "fiancee", etc. I want to wear his last name proudly! Besides, I don't want a lavish wedding with 300 guests, a church marriage, and "3 days of eating, drinking and having fun." A modest wedding with 50-60 people, which only 10 of them are on my side is enough for me. A civil ritual, a treat at a restaurant tonight, and that's it. That's what I've told him, and to my delight, he's getting into my situation. She says, "If you want a wedding, you will." I love you and I want you to be happy. You'il See yourself in a white dress soon. " He told me he was going to propose next year:) and I trust him. The wedding for me personally is another moment in which to gather your really close people and share a wonderful emotion! G, 25
I am a man and also do not want neither marriage nor children the problem is that the author is very hasty, although it is 33 for a child there is a time but I meant cancer, nowadays we men do not believe in marriage, as the people said-"Why should I get married to get divorced," I think it sounds familiar, and so in most is true
Number four is right, if you're forced to do something, will you? In share, there are married people who want to divorce because of the fact that they are already bored, do not like, routine, lovers, etc. If he doesn't want to get married, don't force him by not showing that he loves you, but just go away, you're not tied up. Everyone has different priorities in life, but to fulfill your partner's ill ambitions, since you yourself don't want it to be a suicide.
If you didn't want a marriage, I'd understand, but I get the impression that I didn't want you to have a life together in an apartment. My friend and I we moved in together a year and a half after the start of our relationship, we moved to a lodge, he raised the subject himself. We've been living together for six months, it's not enough time to know if you can live like this, there are still habits I'm just noticing. I love this guy and I want to be with him, but if tomorrow comes with a ring and tells me that in two weeks we should be engaged and to be signed up to a year, perhaps I will panic too. It is not something that is served in a very ordinary evening and with a short period of time. It's one thing to comment that he wants us to get married, another to push me for marriage. When a person feels tied up in a room that gradually shrinks, the natural is to ask to escape. Apologize to him for pushing him, tell him he's important to you, and you want your relationship to go to another level and ask him if he wants it, or he just doesn't have that kind of desire, so you can move on with your life normally. I think for 10 years he was going to take some steps. You don't have to press him to propose, you only need to know if he wants you to be a family. It only strives to get an answer to that question.
I think your author Bourne Ultimatum is acquitted. He hangs you for a long time, and if you put the question in front of him without ultimatum (as I imagine you have done many times so far) it will just keep you hanging and giving you evasive answers and hopes. Then You'il get sick and beat him up, and He'il fall in love and marry the next six months later. However, this can happen after 10 years, and with your patience by then it may be too late for a family.
It's a 40 year old man, author--It's not like he's unorientated or he doesn't know what he wants. Your mother may be right to hang you. His reaction when you told him that you didn't want to wait any longer is very eloquent. You've made a lot of sacrifices for your relationship--you say you've changed the city, but he seems to take you for granted, and he plays you the way he wants. He told you in a straight text that he was ready to part with you rather than get married-your plans for the future seem to be disagree. In my opinion, after what happened, there is nothing more to do there-his answer, what you can expect from him is quite unambiguous.
Why would he want a marriage?
Author, here's a useful tip: Read the chapter "How to reach the ring" from Steve Harvey's book "Act Like a woman, think like a man". It's online. It reads for 20-30 minutes. (head). It will be a very useful read for you in the future, believe me! There's also a movie of the same title as the book. G, 30
Author, multiples: You are younger, as a woman, it will be easier for you to find and cut a MAN, leaving 40 years of puberty to develop as you can. It's not your job anymore what he's going to do with his life, but yours is the only one who can change it to good or before you.
"I said to him," either we're getting married, or I'm leaving because time passes, "he says," If you don't like it, go home, "I'll give you as much money as you want to get back on your Feet" "It's not love, it's commercial transactions. Children can be made without marriage! If the author wanted it, he could have had a child, obviously something else was going on!?
You squeeze him, he's defensive. Nothing interesting
I don't understand why the author wants to marry just the person who doesn't want to be married to her. Well they just have different expectations of life and none of them is to blame. For example, I would never get involved with a person whose favorite pastime is to jump with a parachute and many insist that we do it together. And to tell you the truth, author, as a woman who's been through this, she doesn't think that the ring on her finger gives you who knows what security. It's the opposite, because when you lead your single, you manage your own property and finances. You don't know when the marriage is going to collapse, then it's a costly divorce, then it turns out your husband privatised your general finances, and you're penniless, then you have to look for accommodation, then you're looking for a second job to pay your bills, and you're finally getting a pee-wee that you ever said "Yes" in a white dress. Live with each other without any formality. Personally, I'm the second time someone invade Me "legal" life, I won't let it happen.
What happened, did you split up, or did he reconsider and finally propose? I'd be interested to know after so much time! My opinion is either love or not.. No middle ground! If you're not together now.. He didn't really love you.
Ten years!!! It's very sweet. I'm a man. I married a young 23 without three months. It was my great love that I started a relationship with at 18. At 24 I became the father of a little girl. Everything was fine, but... It's been a few more years and things have stalled. We were young and eventually our marriage fell through. After 10 years with her at 29, I was already divorced. The reason was trivial tragic, I caught her cheating, as a few months I suspected her. In that case, it's over. I gave the best of myself, my best years, when my friends and peers lived carefree, I first and I was faithful, then I pushed a stroller. I don't regret anything, but after the big disappointment, I decided I'd never get married again. The next 3 years I lived stag life with all its specificities (alcohol, pubs, bars, discos and young chicks). One weekend I took the kid, and the other hit him drunk and debauchery. My friends called my apartment The Anvil, because for about 3 years I've shagged about 20 chicks, and sometimes I had connections with 2-3 at the same time. But the women came and went and although in the beginning this way of life I liked, at some point I felt the deep emptiness of it all. Most of these young girls were around 25-26 years old, although there were from 19 to to 30, and several older. All of them, however, were missing the thinking, at one point when I was desperate for women definitively, even though I had already had a serious relationship. And that is when SHE appeared-my second wife and the woman of my life, with whom I created a family and already wait for her first child (it is a first child). My wife has a similar story to you. She's lost eight years waiting for an indecisive man to offer her marriage. Eight years he's been jerking her around for eight years in illusions. The best and the years of youth-the 20s. When we met her, they were in a breakup, gentleman moved her bags, even for that, one month. At the farewell, she was friendly and advised him with the next woman to act and not to hang out. Now the man has a wife and a child. The truth is that the optimal term for the development of a relationship is about 3 years. Of course, it depends on the age of the two partners. If you are young, it is better not to hurry (hahaha, who says it), if you are over 30 should not hang around (3 years can be very sometimes), especially for women is important. Men are quite desirable and on 40, but in women there is a biological clock that is ticking. Author, you're 33. Ten years you've been hanging out, even though you're too late, it's good you put the cards on the table. If he wants to be with you, to be a family, you would be. Now he told you to leave... You're on the move...... You still have a chance to make a personal plan. Somewhere God has prepared you a great man to be your loving husband and caring father of your children. Women really amaze me sometimes. You are so fixed in something that it should happen that you forget to open your eyes and see that it will not happen, as much as you deceive yourself. I told you my story, because a parting separation would be excruciating for you. Maybe you can get lonely and sad. I barely went out for a few months, only drinking, I had no desire even for sex. You mustn't fall into an emotional hole and feel sorry for yourself! You will overcome this ordeal. And one more thing. Don't get married just because you have to do it! It is very likely that a man will appear to ask for marriage, but it is important and what it is, whether it is in your heart and whether it is a good person with whom you can be a family. I wish you to find the real man for you, the one who will not hesitate, will love you and will ask you hard, forever as his wife (wife, mother of his children, friend, mistress, man)!!!