Hello! I am an 18 year old girl. I'm about to finish school and I really need to start thinking about my future. The problem is that I am tormented by something inside that kills every drop of ambition and motivation in me and makes me want to end my life more and more. Maybe you'll wonder if I'm okay with the title, you'll immediately conclude that I need a psychologist, but ... I have no one to share it with in real life. I don't even know in which category to put this confession. It all started ... ever since I can remember. As a child, I always enjoyed the opportunity to dress like a boy, to hang out with them, to have typically male interests (without sports). But on the other hand, I've never had a problem hanging out with girls, and I've fallen in love with girls' games and things like that. Sometimes I told my childhood friends that I wanted to be a boy. Of course, a lot of weird reactions followed, and I told them I was just kidding. And no - I don't like women. I'm not a lesbian, not in the least. I like boys and I always knew it, I had no doubts. I just want to be a man. To look and sound like that, to be accepted as such. There was a time when I was still a small child and when I heard my name, I felt sick, as well as when they treated me like a girl, which of course was and to this day is inevitable. I've never tried to be super masculine, in part because the fact that I developed much earlier than my other peers physically stopped me, I felt uncomfortable and I didn't want to be seen as a lesbian, because that would probably happen. (I don't mind lesbians or women in general! but I don't want to be like that myself. ) I had boyfriends and they liked me a lot, but I never felt okay in my relationships, I thought that others were to blame, but in fact it was because I hated myself, because I wanted to be liked not as a woman, but as a man, strange as that may sound. It is somewhat unfair to them. They see a girl in front of them, and inside she wants to be just like them ... That's why I stopped going out on dates for now. It's hard for me because I may never have a full relationship. Actually, I don't want to be a straight woman, I want to be a gay man. I know that many people think that gender identity is directly related to sexual orientation, but it is not. You don't have to be a lesbian / gay to be trans, as in my case. But I can't call myself a trance because I don't do anything about it. Just as sad as it is to say it, I don't have many options in Bulgaria. And it takes years of waiting until I'm accepted for hormone therapy or legal sex reassignment, as well as a lot of resources.
Not to mention how my parents would feel, I don't know how friends and acquaintances would react too ... I want to add that I'm not influenced in any way by the new wave of "genders", 70+ genders and things like that - I don't believe in that. Obviously, I support the gay community and trans people, but not those who are 15 genders in one. I was educated on the subject, I know that I was born in the wrong body ... But what can I do about it, as I have no options, at least for now ... I tried to suppress it, to be even more feminine, but the feeling of discomfort and disgust with my own self will just finish me off someday. I really don't know if it will last if I keep doing something, which I am not. I know there will be a lot of conservative people in the comments, I expect it. But I'm not confused and this is not something I make up, it is not something frivolous. I want to be able to be truly HAPPY and lead a normal life. But I can not.
Answers 9
I don't particularly believe in past lives, but some time ago I read about several such cases: https://reincarnationresearch.com/case-categories/?cat=gender-change-and-transsexualism You can realize what in you wants to be a man, even though you were born in a female body.
You say you had boyfriends and they liked you a lot. Well, when you had sex with them, how did you feel, as a girl or as a boy?
Another story that is proof that in Bulgaria people are extremely intolerant of the LGBTQ community, because if they were not, you would not feel uncomfortable with yourself and would proudly declare what you are. My advice to you is not to try to suppress yourself, to do what is done to you. Don't blame yourself for that, because it's not your fault. Do not torture yourself unnecessarily, because our homophobic society will not spare you anything. Also, if you are going to undergo hormone therapy to be absolutely sure that it is what you want, because there is no going back, and the chemicals and hormones that you will take are many and not very useful for the body, I guess. Also, before undergoing such therapy, I think it is good to consult a psychologist who has experience in working with LGBTQ people, to confirm your transsexuality, because it may be for a period of time or you may be gender fluid. Success!
Wait now, you know that if you're a man you have to be attracted to women? But you say that boys attracted you, so what: You want to be a man, but a gay man? What's his logic here?
From the author: Thank you very much for the comments! They definitely made me feel better. To number 1 - Honestly, I have not thought about the theory of past lives, but many times I wanted to be reborn as a man, which I do not think is a surprise given my situation. However, I don't think there's anything definite about me that binds me to the past or anything like that - I just want to change my gender. Number 2 - Well, I didn't think about it during the act because I didn't understand it, so it's hard for me to explain. I just always felt out of place and somehow I couldn't relax, to enjoy everything. I already realize that the blame is on me because I don't feel comfortable in my body, not because I'm worried about it, but because it's not the right thing for me. To number 4, I appreciate the support and advice, really. It motivates me. : D Unfortunately, part of the problem is that I do not find enough information about trans people in Bulgaria. I don't want to go to a psychologist to discourage me from making my choice. I really need to start actively looking for people who have worked with others like me. Ai number 5 ... The fact is that quite, not to say most trans men and women were lesbians and gays before they started living a new life, but in reality gender identity and sexual orientation are not related. You can feel like me and still be heterosexual (and therefore gay after you start identifying as the opposite sex) and vice versa, there are a hell of a lot of such cases, it's not uncommon. :) Well, if they were connected, then all gays and lesbians would be trance. In short, I want to be a man, but that doesn't change the fact that I like other men. part of the problem is that I do not find enough information about trans people in Bulgaria. I don't want to go to a psychologist to discourage me from making my choice. I really need to start actively looking for people who have worked with others like me. Ai number 5 ... The fact is that quite, not to say most trans men and women were lesbians and gays before they started living a new life, but in reality gender identity and sexual orientation are not related. You can feel like me and still be heterosexual (and therefore gay after you start identifying as the opposite sex) and vice versa, there are a hell of a lot of such cases, it's not uncommon. :) Well, if they were connected, then all gays and lesbians would be trance. In short, I want to be a man, but that doesn't change the fact that I like other men. part of the problem is that I do not find enough information about trans people in Bulgaria. I don't want to go to a psychologist to discourage me from making my choice. I really need to start actively looking for people who have worked with others like me. Ai number 5 ... The fact is that quite, not to say most trans men and women were lesbians and gays before they started living a new life, but in reality gender identity and sexual orientation are not related. You can feel like me and still be heterosexual (and therefore gay after you start defining yourself as the opposite sex) and vice versa, there are a hell of a lot of such cases, it's not uncommon. :) Well, if they were connected, then all gays and lesbians would be trance. In short, I want to be a man, but that doesn't change the fact that I like other men. that I do not find enough information about trans people in Bulgaria. I don't want to go to a psychologist to discourage me from making my choice. I really need to start actively looking for people who have worked with others like me. Ai number 5 ... The fact is that quite, not to say most trans men and women were lesbians and gays before they started living a new life, but in reality gender identity and sexual orientation are not related. You can feel like me and still be heterosexual (and therefore gay after you start identifying as the opposite sex) and vice versa, there are a hell of a lot of such cases, it's not uncommon. :) Well, if they were connected, then all gays and lesbians would be trance. In short, I want to be a man, but that doesn't change the fact that I like other men. that I do not find enough information about trans people in Bulgaria. I don't want to go to a psychologist to discourage me from making my choice. I really need to start actively looking for people who have worked with others like me. Ai number 5 ... The fact is that quite, not to say most trans men and women were lesbians and gays before they started living a new life, but in reality gender identity and sexual orientation are not related. You can feel like me and still be heterosexual (and therefore gay after you start identifying as the opposite sex) and vice versa, there are a hell of a lot of such cases, it's not uncommon. :) Well, if they were connected, then all gays and lesbians would be trance. In short, I want to be a man, but that doesn't change the fact that I like other men. I don't want to go to a psychologist to discourage me from making my choice. I really need to start actively looking for people who have worked with others like me. Ai number 5 ... The fact is that quite, not to say most trans men and women were lesbians and gays before they started living a new life, but in reality gender identity and sexual orientation are not related. You can feel like me and still be heterosexual (and therefore gay after you start identifying as the opposite sex) and vice versa, there are a hell of a lot of such cases, it's not uncommon. :) Well, if they were connected, then all gays and lesbians would be trance. In short, I want to be a man, but that doesn't change the fact that I like other men. I don't want to go to a psychologist to discourage me from making my choice. I really need to start actively looking for people who have worked with others like me. Ai number 5 ... The fact is that quite, not to say most trans men and women were lesbians and gays before they started living a new life, but in reality gender identity and sexual orientation are not related. You can feel like me and still be heterosexual (and therefore gay after you start identifying as the opposite sex) and vice versa, there are a hell of a lot of such cases, it's not uncommon. :) Well, if they were connected, then all gays and lesbians would be trance. In short, I want to be a man, but that doesn't change the fact that I like other men. who have worked with others like me. Ai number 5 ... The fact is that quite, not to say most trans men and women were lesbians and gays before they started living a new life, but in reality gender identity and sexual orientation are not related. You can feel like me and still be heterosexual (and therefore gay after you start identifying as the opposite sex) and vice versa, there are a hell of a lot of such cases, it's not uncommon. :) Well, if they were connected, then all gays and lesbians would be trance. In short, I want to be a man, but that doesn't change the fact that I like other men. who have worked with others like me. Ai number 5 ... The fact is that quite, not to say most trans men and women were lesbians and gays before they started living a new life, but in reality gender identity and sexual orientation are not related. You can feel like me and still be heterosexual (and therefore gay after you start identifying as the opposite sex) and vice versa, there are a hell of a lot of such cases, it's not uncommon. :) Well, if they were connected, then all gays and lesbians would be trance. In short, I want to be a man, but that doesn't change the fact that I like other men. You can feel like me and still be heterosexual (and therefore gay after you start identifying as the opposite sex) and vice versa, there are a hell of a lot of such cases, it's not uncommon. :) Well, if they were connected, then all gays and lesbians would be trance. In short, I want to be a man, but that doesn't change the fact that I like other men. You can feel like me and still be heterosexual (and therefore gay after you start identifying as the opposite sex) and vice versa, there are a hell of a lot of such cases, it's not uncommon. :) Well, if they were connected, then all gays and lesbians would be trance. In short, I want to be a man, but that doesn't change the fact that I like other men.
Do not rush to self-determine, let alone take hormones. Seriously. Make a search on the subject, read about it. Being transgender doesn't mean you prefer toys for boys as a child or you prefer pants. Keep in mind that the human body and brain develop up to 25 years. That is, you are still growing. And your psyche is still developing. Between the ages of 18 and 25, I've undergone such a change that it's like looking at different people who have nothing to do with each other. Give yourself time. And don't rush with labels and definitions. At least not in the coming years;) You will find yourself one day. Even if he is a man himself :)
Amy has no drama. You sleep like a gay man with a man, and he de facto sleeps with a woman. Choose a more feminine and passive man. So both will be ok.
Go to a psychologist. It will help you!
It's like I wrote it, hey ...